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Author Topic: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell - Please do not feed the nobles  (Read 329844 times)

StLeibowitz

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Re: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell (BATTLEFAILED 4) - Beware the Aussie
« Reply #795 on: October 05, 2012, 08:52:55 pm »

Ah, good to know there are traditions to keep up. And here I was, hoping when I inherited this place it would make some modicum of sense...I guess this is why dwarves need booze to get through the working day.
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Generally, when one is conducting an experiment, it is worth noting that the observers went insane, killed each other, and then rose from the dead.
It's like DF inhaled a peanut.

CatalystParadox

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Re: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell (BATTLEFAILED 4) - Beware the Aussie
« Reply #796 on: October 06, 2012, 04:15:55 am »

Quote from: CatalystParadox
(...)
Volfgarix, brewer, socially awkward but tireless.
Well...:
My dwarf is socially awkward, so no friends to tantrum about.
Tireless, so he work nearly non-stop.
And he is the Brewer!
Aye! I have the most useful dwarf in the fortress! *start dancing*
In most forts the useless dwarf dies first. In this kind of fort, the useless dwarf dies last, usually when he becomes the most important because everyone else is dead.

Well... I change my think, miners may be more useful...

If it is any comfort, during my turn the bastard kept just STOPPING his brewing for no good reason.

I'd have to disagree with both of you, sadly. She-dwarf archers are most crucial, as they can protect the fort AND create new peasants to consume indoctrinate into farmers. Plus, none of your sorry rears would be worth jack if you got stuck outside  :P

Honestly, I think you may be right.  Saint gets my vote for "most useful dorf" at least for my turn.  And normally I hate hunters.
« Last Edit: October 06, 2012, 04:17:52 am by CatalystParadox »
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My proud turn in Failcannon | Uzolnom - "Oiledgod"

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I opened up the Unread Replies page and saw that you were the last poster. I got scared. Something about you posting scares me, ever since Failcannon.

Spish

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Re: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell (BATTLEFAILED 4) - Beware the Aussie
« Reply #797 on: October 06, 2012, 05:25:02 am »

Since it's probably going to be a while before I get out any sort of written update, here's a list of the newly dorfed to tide you over.
Ooh, migrants?  If any make it to safety, I'd quite like to be re-dorfed.  Do we have a CMD?  If not, I'll take the job.  Medical skills optional.  Profession name of "Rawmancer", as per usual.
Well what a crazy coincidence. You were the first to respond, and also the first to be dwarfed...
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
...as a blind, paralyzed, disease-ridden zombie victim with little-to-no medical experience. Just the kind of CMD this fort needs!
And you have a strange fangirl obsession with Kar Puwuncobii for some reason. I didn't even know it was possible for other dwarves to appear in "likes."

Eric, epic mason and aspiring overseer.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Phlum McOnBreak. Master engraver, competent axedwarf, adept liar, and adequate dyer.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

GoombaGeek. Our only decent appraiser, therefore broker by default.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Nexusv, our new bookkeeper/cook, who happens to be the former leader of some insane cult.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
And the god she worships...
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Yeah, she's... kind of a creep. Doesn't help that she's older than dirt. Clean-shaven... does that mean she's basically bald?

Thaddeus, a terrible excuse for a hammerdwarf who makes up for it by being ridiculously buff. Also a Great Comedian.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Dark_T_Zeratul, Great Butcher who will be drafted as an axedwarf. Also quite buff.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

EmeraldWind. Great Marksdwarf, Great Dodger, Great Animal Trainer, Great Animal Dissector, Great Persuader... just all around Great.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
R.I.P. Mr Frog. :'(

Megaman3321, Great Tracker, Great Dodger, High Master Marksdorf. An unstoppable killing machine.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Dorfitron. Fish Cleaner, and spouse of aforementioned killing machine.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

SignHere. Great Weaponsmith, Great Armorsmith, Great Metalsmith. Say hello to our new blacksmith.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Andreus the First (I think?)! Competent Macedwarf and Master Potter. Will be drafted immediately.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The rather inappropriately named rridgway. Skilled axedorf and woodcrafter.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Pyro, dabbling siegemeister.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
The name is "Blowsabre" and she's a professional pump operator, yeah.

Tasrak, eccentric wizard. Great clothing designer, great bone carver, great potter, great judge of intent, great consoler. Likes cows for their haunting moos. Also pretty great.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
He certainly fits the wizard stereotype.

Triaxx. Great strand extractor and dabbling miner.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Ashsaber. A redshirt in every sense of the word.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Silverlock, local innocent bystander. Adequate lyemaker and dabbling brewer.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Last but certainly not least, our glorious overseer...
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Let us take a moment to remember those that fell bravely trying to get inside. Like... Mr frog... who somehow got himself eaten by zombies after everyone was already safely inside the fortress.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
And the five or so nameless migrants who all died horrible, gruesome deaths.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have put this much effort into the dorfings. They'll all be dead within a few years. :P
« Last Edit: October 07, 2012, 09:13:17 pm by Spish »
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Ah, yes, I thought something was amiss. Now I see. There's not enough terrible things in the lakes.

CatalystParadox

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Re: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell (BATTLEFAILED 4) - Beware the Aussie
« Reply #798 on: October 06, 2012, 05:51:39 am »

Whoah. 

Dude,  I think Nexusv just MIGHT be a vampire. 

Maybe.

Perhaps.

All I'm saying is, you might want to lock wall her into a room for a couple of years, just to be sure.
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My proud turn in Failcannon | Uzolnom - "Oiledgod"

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I opened up the Unread Replies page and saw that you were the last poster. I got scared. Something about you posting scares me, ever since Failcannon.

Dinjoralo

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Re: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell (BATTLEFAILED 4) - Beware the Aussie
« Reply #799 on: October 06, 2012, 08:30:57 am »

Dinoralo's Posthumous Notes
  • I am currently incredibly annoyed and irritated. Lack of entertaining pain and misery from the living might be to blame.
  • Villein decided to let me ask him questions, and claimed to know what I was going to ask anyway. Need to test theory on if spirits can feel pain, and how.
  • The villein claims to know "everything I need to know" about what is to come. I would like to believe this, but he will need to be more cooperative for that.
  • Apparently, the plane we're on is empty because it's not the Plane of Wandering Spirits, but instead another plane that normally should not exist. Villien refused to elaborate further.
  • Recently newborn dwarf in the living world, named "Lor", stole my name, giving him/herself the title "Cerulean Caretaker".
  • Can't get close enough to strangle Lor. It's like I'm stuck at a birds-eye view of the fort, but I can see every layer above and below it.
  • Need to test if trees have spirits, like elves say. If so, also need to test if they can be chopped down into Ghost Wood to make a Ghost Bitch-Slap Any Living Being Who Pisses Me Off machine.
  • Another dwarf disguising as an infant appears to be spying on Lor. Need a more scholarly term for "Cut his fucking head off".
  • I remembered the quantum superimposed nature of the paper I am writing this on. Need to see if this will throw that villien for a loop.
End of Notes
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ThatAussieGuy

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Re: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell (BATTLEFAILED 4) - Beware the Aussie
« Reply #800 on: October 06, 2012, 09:10:35 am »

Is there a TAD in the fortress at the moment?  I recall him dying a while ago, but I don't know if he was redwarfed

Dinjoralo

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Re: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell (BATTLEFAILED 4) - Beware the Aussie
« Reply #801 on: October 06, 2012, 09:13:05 am »

Is there a TAD in the fortress at the moment?  I recall him dying a while ago, but I don't know if he was redwarfed
Aaaaand another.



I'll make this one Aussie, since we lack an Aussie right now despite the thread's title.  Plus I find the idea of Aussie disguising himself as an infant amusing.
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Spish

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Re: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell (BATTLEFAILED 4) - Beware the Aussie
« Reply #802 on: October 06, 2012, 09:28:14 am »

If you want, I can redorf you as an adult so you don't have to stay disguised as a baby forever :P
Means I'll have to kill ThatAussieBaby though. :(
Whoah. 

Dude,  I think Nexusv just MIGHT be a vampire. 

Maybe.

Perhaps.

All I'm saying is, you might want to lock wall her into a room for a couple of years, just to be sure.
Somehow, this never dawned on me until now. Which is pretty silly of me, especially considering the fact she looks like the dude from Nosferatu (she's even got the baldness part down). But I'll continue to play dumb and see what happens. She could've just as easily been raised by goblins you know.
« Last Edit: October 06, 2012, 03:37:09 pm by Spish »
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Eric Blank

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Re: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell (BATTLEFAILED 4) - Beware the Aussie
« Reply #803 on: October 06, 2012, 11:03:18 am »

Gizogin likes kar puwuncobii because I added historical figures to a shapes definition. She likes him as a shape in the ancient legends of yore.
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Mr Space Cat

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Re: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell (BATTLEFAILED 4) - Beware the Aussie
« Reply #804 on: October 06, 2012, 11:10:35 am »

Thaddeus, a pretty terrible excuse for a hammerdwarf who makes up for it by being ridiculously buff. Also a Great Comedian.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I can imagine Thaddeus as an overly buff wall of muscles in armor, swinging his hammer around like he has no clue how to use it, all the while cracking funny jokes and one-liners to make even the zombies laugh before they're clumsily smashed into goop.

And the five or so nameless migrants who all died horrible, gruesome deaths.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

One of those migrants could've been me!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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EmeraldWind

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Re: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell (BATTLEFAILED 4) - Beware the Aussie
« Reply #805 on: October 06, 2012, 11:35:11 am »

EmeraldWind. Great Marksdwarf, Great Dodger, Great Animal Trainer, Great Animal Dissector, Great Persuader... just all around Great.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
R.I.P. Mr Frog. :'(

Tall? Bulging eyes, high voice, up-turned nose... bald... I think my dwarf is half-goblin...
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ThatAussieGuy

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Re: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell (BATTLEFAILED 4) - Beware the Aussie
« Reply #806 on: October 06, 2012, 11:36:25 am »

If you want, I can redorf you as an adult so you don't have to stay disguised as a baby forever :P
Means I'll have to kill ThatAussieBaby though. :(
Whoah. 

Dude,  I think Nexusv just MIGHT be a vampire. 

Maybe.

Perhaps.

All I'm saying is, you might want to lock wall her into a room for a couple of years, just to be sure.
Somehow, this did not dawn on me until now. Which is especially weird because judging from her description she looks like the dude from Nosferatu (she's even got the baldness part down). But I'll continue to play dumb and see what happens. She could've just as easily been raised by goblins you know.


A torn page from a lost journal

I found a baby bonnet and bottle in my Junior Dwarf Disguise Kit Deluxe.  There's no way I'll get away with this, surely.  The dwarves of this fort can't be THAT easily fooled...

Dinjoralo

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Re: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell (BATTLEFAILED 4) - Beware the Aussie
« Reply #807 on: October 06, 2012, 11:40:33 am »

The dwarves of this fort can't be THAT easily fooled...
Yes. They are, and will be. You, of all people, should know the extent of dwarven stupidity.
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StLeibowitz

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Re: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell (BATTLEFAILED 4) - Beware the Aussie
« Reply #808 on: October 06, 2012, 02:53:31 pm »

A torn page from a lost journal

I found a baby bonnet and bottle in my Junior Dwarf Disguise Kit Deluxe.  There's no way I'll get away with this, surely.  The dwarves of this fort can't be THAT easily fooled...

Journal of Saint, entry 1

I feel very fortunate to have given birth to such a large, well-muscled and fully bearded son, despite the vast numbers of undead I had to slay to get inside meaning I probably should have miscarried. Intelligent, too - he's only a few days old and can already speak! I don't know where his clothes came from, but that's a skirt less I have to nick from the stockpile of bloody rags we have, so I'm not liable to complain.

In other news, the fort today got another wave of loonies from the hinterlands of civilization. Some highly suspicious characters, including (what I can only assume to be) an escaped circus freak, a living slab of muscle, and a sketchy dwarf with long teeth who is apparently a former cult leader (our third). If judgement day ever finds us out here in Horrorfailed, I think we have all our bases covered, afterlife-wise. With what I've seen so far, we're going to need that.
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Generally, when one is conducting an experiment, it is worth noting that the observers went insane, killed each other, and then rose from the dead.
It's like DF inhaled a peanut.

Teneb

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Re: Horrorfailed the Battle-Cannon of Hell (BATTLEFAILED 4) - Beware the Aussie
« Reply #809 on: October 06, 2012, 03:16:05 pm »

Deathsword's Log

He is here! The one whose actions led to my exile! Andreus. I shall have my revenge on the bastard, no matter what... even if I have to work with that other guy to do so.

End of Log
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