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Author Topic: The smartest stupid dwarf  (Read 3183 times)

CaptainLambcake

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The smartest stupid dwarf
« on: August 16, 2012, 08:04:11 pm »

The fortress was called Woundglaciers.  The Captain of the Guard, who was the ex-sherrif, sat in his office.  Word came that the 3rd goblin siege had come.  Another 100 goblins came over the horizon.  No dwarves were outside to see it though.  They had been inside.  We raised the draw bridge, using the moat as protection.  The goblins swarmed the cage traps, many getting caught.  Once they left, we went and collected the cages.  Stripping them naked, we would line them up and have them executed by the Captain of the Guard using a dagger.  Suddenly, he was our hero.  Or so we thought.  Statues were made for him, and he was more revered than the mayor.  I ignore mandates made by the nobles, it's just stupid.  But when I noticed a murder, I looked into it.  It showed me that the man that was murdered had ignored the mayor's mandate.  I found this quite odd.  When a second man who ignored the mandate turned up, I convicted the mayor of both murders.  He was later found murdered.  Boom, tantrum-spiral.  I abandon the fortress and look into legends.  Valery, the Captain of the Guard.  The most revered and loved man in the fortress.  He, had murdered them, using their ignorance of the mandate as cover.  He was smart.  But in the end, he was stupid.  We lost the fortress.
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You wake up in (suddenly) your room not somewhere Armok knows where. Travels in deserts and goblin forests turned up to be a dreams borned by procreation of your autistic imagination.

weenog

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Re: The smartest stupid dwarf
« Reply #1 on: August 17, 2012, 12:34:18 am »

So your justice system administered justice (after a fashion), your overall fortress morale wasn't high enough to withstand it, and that's the fault of the hero who just happened to also be the chief of police?
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Trickman

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Re: The smartest stupid dwarf
« Reply #2 on: August 17, 2012, 06:06:27 am »

Holy shit. The IA here is getting damn scary.

First they learn not to put two socks on the same foot and now this.
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oven_baked

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Re: The smartest stupid dwarf
« Reply #3 on: August 17, 2012, 09:02:42 am »

And this is why you don't ignore mandates.
If it's trivial it's easy to do, if it's non-trivial then the noble can have a nice HOT bath to calm down in.
But If you ignore it your best mason may get his face imploded.
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arzzult

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Re: The smartest stupid dwarf
« Reply #4 on: August 17, 2012, 09:57:31 am »

Or at the very least have a jail cell set up so the local law enforcement doesn't have to beat the "criminal" with what ever weapon they are currently holding. Alternatively you can give them an candy hammer so said beating won't so much as bruise them.
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vjek

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Re: The smartest stupid dwarf
« Reply #5 on: August 17, 2012, 11:32:31 am »

If you really want to ignore mandates and demands, take them out of entity_default.txt for dwarves.

Never have to kill or worry about another noble again. :)

Tirion

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Re: The smartest stupid dwarf
« Reply #6 on: August 17, 2012, 12:04:26 pm »

CoTG is beating them because he can't throw them in prison. Make dozens of prison "cells" in a statue garden with masterfully dyed masterwork ropes, masterwork beds, thrones and tables, and prepared food (roast) and booze stockpiles occupying the 3x3 centered on the rope. Decoration of all furniture with ivory, bone, horn, shell, metal and gems is optional. They won't starve and their happy thoughts will outweight the bad ones by far. And the civilians will mill around there too, admiring the same furniture.
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GreatWyrmGold

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Re: The smartest stupid dwarf
« Reply #7 on: August 17, 2012, 01:26:05 pm »

If you really want to ignore mandates and demands, take them out of entity_default.txt for dwarves.

Never have to kill or worry about another noble again. :)
Demands are fine. If a noble demands something I can't get, he deserves to get an unhappy thought!
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CaptainLambcake

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Re: The smartest stupid dwarf
« Reply #8 on: August 22, 2012, 05:32:37 pm »

CoTG is beating them because he can't throw them in prison. Make dozens of prison "cells" in a statue garden with masterfully dyed masterwork ropes, masterwork beds, thrones and tables, and prepared food (roast) and booze stockpiles occupying the 3x3 centered on the rope. Decoration of all furniture with ivory, bone, horn, shell, metal and gems is optional. They won't starve and their happy thoughts will outweight the bad ones by far. And the civilians will mill around there too, admiring the same furniture.

We had 2 Prison Cages, both empty.  No one had to be hurt.  He refused to put them in.
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You wake up in (suddenly) your room not somewhere Armok knows where. Travels in deserts and goblin forests turned up to be a dreams borned by procreation of your autistic imagination.

CaptainLambcake

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Re: The smartest stupid dwarf
« Reply #9 on: August 22, 2012, 05:35:31 pm »

So your justice system administered justice (after a fashion), your overall fortress morale wasn't high enough to withstand it, and that's the fault of the hero who just happened to also be the chief of police?

He had no reason to execute anyone but the Mayor, as I had convicted the Mayor.
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You wake up in (suddenly) your room not somewhere Armok knows where. Travels in deserts and goblin forests turned up to be a dreams borned by procreation of your autistic imagination.

Azure

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Re: The smartest stupid dwarf
« Reply #10 on: August 23, 2012, 12:27:56 am »

Use ropes instead of cages. Justice be a harsh mistress to a starving dwarf in a cage.

Pick a CoG with the lowest strength you can find. We're talking unquestionably weak to very weak here. Give the CoG a wooden xbow and no ammo to try and slightly minimize the damage done. Cotton Candy war hammer preferred.
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kenright

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Re: The smartest stupid dwarf
« Reply #11 on: August 23, 2012, 03:39:42 am »

Use ropes instead of cages. Justice be a harsh mistress to a starving dwarf in a cage.

Pick a CoG with the lowest strength you can find. We're talking unquestionably weak to very weak here. Give the CoG a wooden xbow and no ammo to try and slightly minimize the damage done. Cotton Candy war hammer preferred.

Actually, give them ammo, because there is zero chance that the CoG will use the Crossbow as a ranged weapon in administration of great justice.

Also, the only person who "executes" a dwarf is the Hammerer, and this is "unintentional" as Dwarves aren't fond of the Death Penalty. That being said, dwarves seem to have not yet figured out that Dwarf skull + hammer + high velocity = dwarf skull in dwarf brain.

The Captain of the Guard and lawdwarfs merely administer beatings to wayward dwarves. These beatings are done either with their hands, or whatever weapon they have equipped. Don't think they use the edge of edged weapons (not sure of this) but they use the crossbow as a club regardless of whether they have ammo or not. In fact, its good to make your lawdwarfs your Marksdwarf squad because being equipped with lightweight wooden crossbows (and good metal bolts) will not decrease their ability to mine goblinite.
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