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Author Topic: A Sea of Stars (Chapter 24: Aftermath, *finished*)  (Read 14789 times)

JanusTwoface

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Re: A Sea of Stars (Chapter 5: Confession, updated T/F)
« Reply #15 on: September 11, 2012, 09:04:12 am »

Chapter 5: Confession has been posted.

TSTwizby: Thanks again, looking over your comments now.
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My blog: Photography, Programming, Writing
Novels: A Sea of Stars, Confession

JanusTwoface

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Re: A Sea of Stars (Chapter 5: Confession, updated T/F)
« Reply #16 on: September 11, 2012, 12:21:37 pm »

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Novels: A Sea of Stars, Confession

TSTwizby

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Re: A Sea of Stars (Chapter 5: Confession, updated T/F)
« Reply #17 on: September 11, 2012, 03:22:25 pm »

My background is in computers with about a year of physics as an undergrad, so yeah. The physics may be a bit questionable. The point that Lillian wouldn't necessarily need to know about how it works (she is a mechanic but not necessarily trianed to even work on the gate itself) is a good one and from her point of view I can definitely rewrite that. Could you possible take a look at the new version? (Edit will be in the original post in about 20 minutes)

The rewrite is much better, gives the reader an idea of what's going on while keeping things vague enough that it isn't nonsensical. I'll probably take a look at chapter 3 later today or tomorrow.
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TSTwizby

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Re: A Sea of Stars (Chapter 5: Confession, updated T/F)
« Reply #18 on: September 14, 2012, 12:38:03 am »

I'm not seeing chapter 3 on your blog. It seems to be a reposting of chapter 2 instead.
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I got a female and male dragon on my embark. I got cagetraps on the exits but im struggling to find a way to make them path into it.
Live bait.
3 dwarfs out of 7 dead so far

JanusTwoface

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Re: A Sea of Stars (Chapter 5: Confession, updated T/F)
« Reply #19 on: September 14, 2012, 01:14:49 am »

Eep! When I uploaded the edits for Chapter 2 I apparently stuck them in Chapter 3 instead. It's been fixed now.
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Novels: A Sea of Stars, Confession

JanusTwoface

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Re: A Sea of Stars (Chapter 6: Greetings, updated T/F)
« Reply #20 on: September 14, 2012, 08:21:57 am »

And Chapter 6 - Greetings is up. Enjoy!

Now I really want to post chapter 7...
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JanusTwoface

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Re: A Sea of Stars (Chapter 7: Impact, updated T/F)
« Reply #21 on: September 18, 2012, 08:52:32 am »

And now I can :)

Chapter 7 - Impact
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JanusTwoface

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Re: A Sea of Stars (Chapter 8: Greetings, updated T/F)
« Reply #22 on: September 21, 2012, 09:32:45 am »

« Last Edit: September 25, 2012, 06:17:50 pm by JanusTwoface »
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JanusTwoface

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Re: A Sea of Stars (Chapter 9: Lies, updated T/F)
« Reply #23 on: September 25, 2012, 12:59:49 pm »

« Last Edit: September 25, 2012, 06:18:55 pm by JanusTwoface »
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You may think I'm crazy / And I think you may be right
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Novels: A Sea of Stars, Confession

TSTwizby

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Re: A Sea of Stars (Chapter 8: Greetings, updated T/F)
« Reply #24 on: September 27, 2012, 11:47:04 am »

Sorry for the long delay. Chapter 3 review starting now!

Overall this seemed to flow less well than the last two chapters, though there are many interesting plot threads starting to weave together. Characterizations are a little shaky, especially Jacobs', but there's nothing that stands out as an especially egregious error. On the other hand here are a couple of places which are very well done.

note- I had to split this up, as it got too long for one post.

Not sure when I'll get to the next chapter, but I also want to look back over chapters one and two at some point.

Spoiler: Chapter 3 Comments (click to show/hide)

Continued in next post.
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I got a female and male dragon on my embark. I got cagetraps on the exits but im struggling to find a way to make them path into it.
Live bait.
3 dwarfs out of 7 dead so far

TSTwizby

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Re: A Sea of Stars (Chapter 9: Lies, updated T/F)
« Reply #25 on: September 27, 2012, 11:47:53 am »

Continued from last post:

Spoiler: Chapter 3 comments (click to show/hide)
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I got a female and male dragon on my embark. I got cagetraps on the exits but im struggling to find a way to make them path into it.
Live bait.
3 dwarfs out of 7 dead so far

JanusTwoface

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Re: A Sea of Stars (Chapter 9: Lies, updated T/F)
« Reply #26 on: September 28, 2012, 02:18:39 am »

Awesome, I really do appreciate these. (It's nice to have feedback that someone's actually reading it.)

I'll hopefully get through your comments this weekend, I'm a bit swamped at the moment. Funny how life happens.
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My blog: Photography, Programming, Writing
Novels: A Sea of Stars, Confession

JanusTwoface

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Re: A Sea of Stars (Chapter 10: Memories, updated T/F)
« Reply #27 on: September 28, 2012, 08:41:02 am »

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But life is ever so much more fun / If you are the crazy one

My blog: Photography, Programming, Writing
Novels: A Sea of Stars, Confession

JanusTwoface

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Re: A Sea of Stars (Chapter 11: Surprises, updated T/F)
« Reply #28 on: October 02, 2012, 12:17:59 pm »

Chapter 11 - Surprises

@TSTwizby: I'm 80% through your comments and should have a response this evening.
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You may think I'm crazy / And I think you may be right
But life is ever so much more fun / If you are the crazy one

My blog: Photography, Programming, Writing
Novels: A Sea of Stars, Confession

JanusTwoface

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Re: A Sea of Stars (Chapter 11: Surprises, updated T/F)
« Reply #29 on: October 03, 2012, 06:54:55 pm »


Much appreciated.

Changes have been on my blog. A few of the bigger / more in depth tweaks will have to wait until I can make another full editing pass. I'm hoping to do so in the next few weeks, but I have my qualification exams and a conference coming up at the end of the month, so who knows how that will go.

There are a few chapters between where you've commented and what's been posted thus far that I think will answer a few of the questions / comments that you've made and now I'm really curious what you'll think of them. I don't want to say too much though or *spoilers*.

:)
« Last Edit: October 03, 2012, 06:56:42 pm by JanusTwoface »
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You may think I'm crazy / And I think you may be right
But life is ever so much more fun / If you are the crazy one

My blog: Photography, Programming, Writing
Novels: A Sea of Stars, Confession
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