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Author Topic: Devlogs from 2050  (Read 45357 times)

RenoFox

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Devlogs from 2050
« on: September 06, 2012, 05:22:08 am »

Wild speculation threads produce comedy gold, so lets have a thread about what we might see in the devlogs forty years from now:

Wax now affects beard flammability properly.
Thinking of solipsism no longer causes instant insanity.
Deviant dwarves no longer try to wear used loincloths of races smaller than themselves.
Fixed a crash bug when translating counting-based nursery rhymes to civilizations with different base number systems.
Fixed a world-gen crash from more than two protoplanets colliding at the same time.
Too short pieces of dental floss can still be used with speed penalty.
Serving boiled eggs with silver utensils causes disdain towards either the waiter or the cook depending on culinary knowledge.

misko27

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Re: Devlogs from 2050
« Reply #1 on: September 06, 2012, 06:16:57 am »

Custom gases that precipitate below room temperature now do so properly in contact with nethercap.
Demon worshippers should no longer be able to convert the entire fort before finally deciding to unleash HFS. In addition, They will no longer be able to convert nobles.
The plague should now affect tamed gremlins.
It should no longer be possible to attack ports from across the sea without a military ship, no more civilian transports for you.
In other news, a new bug has surfaced where the effects of vitamin c don't wear out if you stop consuming it regularly. It will take a while to fix, so the next release will be delayed.
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The Age of Man is over. It is the Fire's turn now

Dsarker

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Re: Devlogs from 2050
« Reply #2 on: September 06, 2012, 06:34:23 am »

As Necro091 picked up, the atmosphere does not damage via heat friction correctly. This will be fixed by 0.51.
Combustion based engines /should/ be working correctly now, except for biogas, which will be fixed in the next patch.
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[Dsarker is] a good for nothing troll.
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FearfulJesuit

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Re: Devlogs from 2050
« Reply #3 on: September 06, 2012, 06:47:46 am »

Sound changes during the evolution of Goblin languages will now affect the verbal morphology properly.
A bug has appeared in which necromancers who attempt to raise fossils will zombify all creatures descended from the extinct species.
Dwarves who drink booze from lead containers will now develop extra mental problems.
Oxygen levels during worldgen now affect the size of arthropods.
Religions will now successfully develop offshoots and react to them. The bug in which Nicene-style Councils cause mainstream religious leadership to endorse Satan worship has now been fixed.
Sufficiently narcissistic and power-hungry human monarchs will now have Versailles-style complexes constructed in an effort to cage their nobles.
A minor bug has been fixed: a misplaced bracket was causing authority figures to ban children's books and jail their authors in insane asylums, while violent erotic novels were being read in schools. These have successfully been reversed.
In other news, the buggy code that was causing legitimate shipping companies to destroy the economies of entire kingdoms has been fixed. Turns out it was calling variables from the code for pyramid schemes, he he he.
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@Footjob, you can microwave most grains I've tried pretty easily through the microwave, even if they aren't packaged for it.

GoombaGeek

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Re: Devlogs from 2050
« Reply #4 on: September 06, 2012, 06:49:08 am »

- Fixed grad student dwarves writing theses about themselves and instantly passing
- Bug in sodium cyanide density caused it to repel gravity, is fixed now
- The vacuum of space much more efficient at killing dwarves now and can't be filled up by air pump stacks anymore
- Worldgen now rejects worlds where gravity is strong enough to immediately flatten your dwarves
- Blood no longer leaches into fatty tissue when rain acidity is lower than 5.9
- Slade colossi now break walls like they're supposed to
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brainfreez

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Re: Devlogs from 2050
« Reply #5 on: September 06, 2012, 06:49:13 am »

fixed the blood pressure problem that made nervous dwarves explode in bad situations .
tweaked the liver so the humans don't die after 10cups of booze .
fixed the urinating problem when your dwarves didn't care if they have pants on while they do it and then went schizophrenic after a week in wet pants .
fixed how left lung works , it cannot replace kidneys anymore .
fixed the bug where dwarves melt their skin off in hot air .
fixed the cold air creating extreme pressure and exploding your dwarves in colder regions .
fixed the cave-in problem where supports didn't support roof .
fixed the amount of leaves on trees .
fixed the eyelashes and eyelids , creatures won't go blind because of dust anymore .
fixed vocal cords of cats , they won't sing like birds anymore .
« Last Edit: September 06, 2012, 07:00:28 am by brainfreez »
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Nyan Thousand

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Re: Devlogs from 2050
« Reply #6 on: September 06, 2012, 07:40:20 am »

Gödelian shock input fractals have all finally been removed. Again, we're very sorry to everybody who went insane.
Chlorine now bonds properly with most transition metals without causing extreme amounts of heat.
Capitalism now working as intended. Bug wherein dwarves with large noses get all the wealth has been fixed.
Similarly, Socialism has been fixed. No  more dwarven purges and personality cults.
Retinal interactions have been updated.
Light now acts as both a particle and a wave.
Music now fixed. I misplaced a semicolon and that's why all the songs the dwarves made sounded like my favourite ditty, he he he
Light intensity now fixed. Huge flames shouldn't cause instant blindness now.
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DG

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Re: Devlogs from 2050
« Reply #7 on: September 06, 2012, 08:12:44 am »

- updated intuitivity of military/squad screens and overhauled equipment deployment for dwarves in dwarf mode
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Starver

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Re: Devlogs from 2050
« Reply #8 on: September 06, 2012, 08:20:34 am »

"Added a further 23,534 core aims to the project.  Version numbers have once again been reset accordingly.  Expect v0(f).02.010.59 by the end of the week (and this time without the inadvertent sentience and megalomania to the prototype multiplayer connectivity code, with apologies to all those still surviving in the unstable wastes of the former New Swiss Empire)."
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brainfreez

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Re: Devlogs from 2050
« Reply #9 on: September 06, 2012, 09:10:13 am »

made dwarves a little dumber , i am tired of them building computers and trying to hack out of the game and take over my computer .
fixed a bug where giant tigers were trying to get in your dining hall just to mark their territory .
fixed a bug where kittens did lethal damage while playing with other kittens .
fixed a bug where overweight dwarves would break titanium chairs when sitting on them for too long time .
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I am currently investigating what Brainfreez is on. It is the greatest drug that any man, woman, kobold or pony has ever seen, going off of that everything he posts is pure win.
Sleyerhero90 : You're battle-rapping with a guy who supported THE SAME FREAKING GUY YOU DO!
Breainfreez : wait .... really ?

dreadmullet

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Re: Devlogs from 2050
« Reply #10 on: September 06, 2012, 09:42:28 am »

Added multithreading.



ZING
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brainfreez

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Re: Devlogs from 2050
« Reply #11 on: September 06, 2012, 09:50:29 am »

removed multithreading after more than 5.000.000.000 people went insane and started the WorldWar64 because of multithreading .

dwarves will not blackmail their family without a reason anymore .
« Last Edit: September 06, 2012, 10:13:48 am by brainfreez »
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I am currently investigating what Brainfreez is on. It is the greatest drug that any man, woman, kobold or pony has ever seen, going off of that everything he posts is pure win.
Sleyerhero90 : You're battle-rapping with a guy who supported THE SAME FREAKING GUY YOU DO!
Breainfreez : wait .... really ?

Trif

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Re: Devlogs from 2050
« Reply #12 on: September 06, 2012, 10:18:30 am »

Because the existing leptons and quarks seemed too generic, I added randomized subatomic particles.
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Rtyh-C

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Re: Devlogs from 2050
« Reply #13 on: September 06, 2012, 10:28:17 am »

Fixed a bug where a certain Ununoctium isotope decayed 1.03 picoseconds later than expected.

Fixed crash when more than (2^64)^(2^64) photons were emmitted from the same source in less than 1 second. You can now finally vaporize goblin civilizations with a single ultra-strong light bulb, he he he.

World gen performance fixes. When quantum mechanical effects are enabled, it should be faster.

Dwarves will now wear socks properly.

Elven drives will no longer break the speed of light.

Maximum world size extended. Now supports world sizes up to 1000000x the observable universe's and a history lenght increased by the same factor.

In related news, I have started work on implementing quantum gravity.
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By that logic, you shouldn't be able to play dwarves because they don't show thinking ability.

Adequate Swimmer

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Re: Devlogs from 2050
« Reply #14 on: September 06, 2012, 11:06:22 am »

Fixed a bug during worldgen that enabled orcas to develop a technological singularity way before other races even existed. This led to bizarre and hardly playable game worlds, depending on whether said orcas had already left the planet or were still lingering on.

Such worlds will be re-seeded.
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