So, I got the file loaded in while drunk, somewhow. And I'm looking at geomatric nirvana. There's all these square rooms with furniture and square brackets and bars of random stuff.
Population: 49 dorfs. I can manage that. We need a new broker though.
Wheres this list of people what need dorfing
Went to the OP to find the list of peeps. I'm not in the list of quotes. So mad
Cant find dat last so fuck it don
't care
FUCK that apostrophe is hard to find
So I was like "okay do stuff you dwarves let's see what's up" and someone turned into a cave fish man. No really
I hit f1 for the "gate" shortcut
holy shit this world is brown
like, fuck
IS THAT NOT BROWN OR WHAT
this map is really narrow it fits on my screen width-wise
but not height-wise
cat adopted a kid, woo. go cat
hah, someone wrote durunk fortress in the drunk fortress thats amazing
i like how they pointed out their own typo
uploading images is hard i dont' think it was this hard last time. I must be more drunk now.
OH I get it they ran off the edge of the map that's why it says oop. I tried to fix it and I can't.
Wow this guy's actual title is not so lazy dorf that's amazing
LADY I don't care if you found warm stone dig through it anyway. Previous overseer must have known what he was doing.
Well maybe not he used a cross-shape staircase maybe he was an idiot
Ohey that dwarf really is a she i was worried I called a guy "she"
I think she got offended she won't dig through the molten rock anymore
hey dudeguy. last guy who was... doing what I'm doing. You forgot to pasture the goats. He died of starvation.
holy fuck that's a lot of caged animals. I should turn them into food
okay every animal that isn't a war dog or adopted ior that hyoney badger gets butchered. That honey badger scares me it's not tame.
The warm stone is still annoying, but someone butchered something, so previous dudeguy managed to build some butchery shops I guess. Good job. I think.
Aww FUCK there's nothing at the end of this warm stone. Why did we dig over here? Previous overseer you betrayed my trust. You betrayer.
I can't feel yes I can. My fingers feel tingly. I should pause the game and take a look around but I'm not sure I'd understand what I'm looking at so whatever. Go do stuff you dorfs.
fucking again with people and their burrowns. Go away. Stupid burrows. You didn't fit the whole fortress into your burrow no wonder people aren't doing things like retrieving that guy's corpse. Oh hey, there's a... a monster made out of ten cents I guess.
Wow this dime can spit you to death. Most badass coin I ever had. I wonder if it can get into the fort.
My cat is heping me play this. By which I meean I can't reach the keys. Abbey you're cute but go away.
There's a diplomat here, but the maor is asleep and there's a ghost nearby So I guess he's cursed to sleep forever? Shouldn't we just hire a new mayor? Whoa he's gone. Now he's back again... this guy is weird.
Hah this guy's title is "fuck soap" but on my screen it's just fuck. That's awesome.
There's one guy who's job is to not vamp. That sounds suspicious to me. I think he's the vampire. Uh, do we have a vampire? Wait there's another not vamp. Myabve he's legit. Also there's a nweb [sic]. Who was in charge of naming people? He needs to be replaced. We need a new job namer person.
I like how there's more writing at surface level that gets worse as it goes.
Well I have five pictures saved and the post has five pictures in it (I think) and we're not at war yet so I'm doing good right? Guess I need another shot of rum. Not gonna pause thought pausing is for pussies.
LIKE THIS FUCKING CAT THAT WON'T GET OFF MY LAP
CAME BACK whoops caps. Came back and the game was paused, wtf. TYurns out one of the "not vamps" got a fey mood and took over a craftedorfs shop. Meanwhile, enough rum and coke for me. Time for a vodka and coke. I shall call it a vodcoke. My shot glass is missing though so I kinda just poured some and was like "yeah that looks like a shot"
Cat get out of the way I can't see the screen
Also I'm having a muffin. Need food. To wash the vodka-0 down I guess
CAT DON'T HELP ME TYPE you don't know how
Naryar has begun a mysterious contstruction. I'm as surprised as you are, I didn't know there was shops on this level either
He's got rocks. Three of them. But the first one is tetrahedrite and doesn't that mean four? He should have four rocks that'd make more sense.
In other news double chockolate muffins are the bomb.
Someone was repeatedly making hatch covers. How many could we need? That makes no sense stop that. Keep making other stuff though, the other things could be useful someday.
Naryar made an earring!
It's meade of rock and menaces with spikes of other rock. So cool.
Dunno what it's worth 'cause nobody in this fort knows how to write things. Or doo accounting.
Wow the artifact screen is more drunk than me.
Naturally I misspeled the name of that file but Oh well.
Renofox is a full-size dude now! Except she's a she. She likes adamantine so I'm making her a metalfworker. Person.
There sure are a lot of missing strays in the last week. I wonder if they all starve to death or what.
Korbac is a peasant now too! Good job, you're like 7 now or something. You like axolotl leather, holy gods that's a bitch to spell, so now you're a leather person. I mean a leather worker person.
Do the other peasant s not have jobs? Weird. I guess the last overseer was drunk too. I'll fix that.
Zulban, you are now me. Despite being a girl. Hey everyone, look GIRL up on tvtgrpoes it's a page.
I made mytself the broker and manager and bookeeper becakause our current people suck. Also I'm always those people in my own forts so why nhot here? I made myself an office on the bedroom level.
So glad I don't have school tomorrow I'm gonna be so hung over. Hugged my cat and she purre dthough. So I guess I'm still a good person. I don't think that's relevant.
Hey there's all these dead guys in a pile outside. I should make them graves. That's will help right?
HEY YOU
SOMEONE
MAKE ME GRAVEWS
Can't fail. Worked last time a drunk fort needed graves.
HOLY FUCK animals stop dyring. Or going missing or whatever.
Oh and puppies. Like we need those. More butcher time. Although he has a backlog, so maybe they'll grow up a bit first. Wow that's kinda depressing actually.
Meanwhile negotiations with dudeguy of th edwarves is progressing at a snail's pace. I dunno when I got this file but it's late spring now and he still doesn't know what we'll give him next year.
think my (whoops) cats think I'm sick. The other one came to visit me. Then he knocked a book off the shelf and ran away. Haha he's cut off.
Picking books up and bputting them on th shelf ifs hard so I should stop drinking right? Nope. *swig*
FUCK ambush. I suck.
'Yzynev' and Kosoth Basenablel are dead, and some purple guy is very boned. His name is... omg that name. Nonsequitorian. FUCK YOUR NAME that's hard to spell right now.
The elven caravan showed up to help! Bunch of hippies. You can be meatshields I guess. Unleess you brought some good gurads?
Wow, there's no depot. Guess we need one. But how?
Cat get out of my way I can't type
I might be wrong but I think I spelled that sentence correctly, which is odd.
a
OOHHHH I get it, the actual entrance is over there, with the traps. I thought this other entrance was the entrance. I'll put the new deopt over there instead then.
cage traps be like "snatecher? I didn't notice". Well I guess they did notice since they caught him but still.
Hmm, squard 3 has 10 guys in it so I hope they can fight. GO FORTH AND DO STUFF!
Feel a little sick
Moar ambush? Against a peasant, even. Poor guy doesn't even have ajob, he's so boned. Oh and it's marks goblins.
Holy shit we're getting raped by these gobbos. There's people running around and stuff. I think they ran out of ammo though they're running away.
That awkward moment when you zoom to something and you're like "where's the cursor". In this case, very scared dwarfs.
STOP GIVING BIRTH TO PUPPIES WE HAVE ENOUGH
Yzynev has been missing for a week. Didn't he just do something? Has it already been a week?
I found him in the stock screen. He's right outside. Apparently this amush lasted a week. Hey, they found him! He's dead. So's Nonsequit FUCK that's hard to spell. They found other guy dead too.
This guy's been missing for a week but his name is funny. "Ushat". Haha, yes you did. You shat. That's not even a player name, that's a real Dorf name. Wow.;
I keep almost puking
I need water, 1 sec.
*1.5 hours later*
So I spent 10 minutes in the bathroom, then me and my brony wqatched the MLP movie for an hour and a half and riffed the FUCK out of it, I haven't puked yet but I'm still numb, MOAR DRUNK FORTRESS TIME
(I've got a bucket and friends handy, I'm gonna be okay)
OKAIE unpause. How do I dwarf again? Uh, poorly, because the stonecrafter is apparently dead.
LULZ so I describe to my buddy hyow bad I am at drunk fortress
"dood I lost 9 out of 49 dorfs"
"DOOD THAT'S like more than 1/7"
So I went to the shortcut menu like "where do these go, I'mma zoom to this one". Then I realized I overwrote whatever shortcut 3 was supposed to be. It's labelled "INstdry" so it's probably stupid and drunk.
SHortcut 6 is a coqnballs, lol
told that to drunk friend's drunk girlfriend and she's like "well you know what you need to put under that"
"wat, legs?"
"a vagina"
told broguy she's a keeper
WAIT THERE'S AN ARENA
...this arena sucks it's just a room. It's doesn't have a perimiter or anything.
Oh and it's got all these random animals in it that I'm butchering. Were the goblins supposed to fight them or the dwarves?
And where's the fucking DOOR
We're out of water?
wait
WE'RE OUT OF BOOZE?!? THIS CAN'T HAPPEN
...you stupid dwarves we have 1,400 booze STFU
Oh someone's injured. Makes sense, what with the gobbos. Time for a well I think? I guess?
i gots a gud friend. He's like "u drunk have a sammich :3" he put too much ranch dressing on it but still
omg i foundf another coqnballs its next to the graveyard. lul
I ahd an inspiration! If coqnbalss's are tradition around here, I'mma put one OUTSIDE the fort so that traders show up like "WELP I guess I know what I'm in for at least"
why isn't there water around here? I thought there'd be some in the cavern at least.
man who embarks in a place without a river? oh right drunk people. lul... forgot...
told the expedition leaderp to stop mining and go talk to dudeguy. The uh... trader.
Wow, that sammich really took my buzz away. 'nuther shot o' iceberg vodka. Plus coke. Vodka on its own tastes terrible.
Yoink died of thirst. Oops.
HAHAHA I made a bad joke.
I'm making a coqnballs
but I'm drunk
SO ITS REALLY HARD
GET IT
I keep hitting 'a' in this post because I want to check the announcement but forget to select windows. (I have two screens you see)
someone dehydrated to death again. oops. that's 12 dorfs dead on my watch... Where the balls am I gonna find water?
Dave Lister is dead too. Fuck. Where are my immigrants? when I have more drorfs again I''ll feel like I suck less.
I, uh, found the graveyard. I set up the tombstones I've built, and I quickly checked the existing ones to see if any were availabe and unassigned. Turns out most of them are inhabited by 'Urist'. That was really creepy. Someone put some love into designing this graveyard. Oh also it's a dorf-face.
Some kid has gone batshit because his parents are dead andhe's thirsty. You have a nice bedroom though wat more do you want you needsy motherfucker go turn into batman if you're so mopey. Oh his name was baldrick btw
I need immigrants to turn into bricklayers. Progress on the fortress front coqnballs proceeds but at an aufuck. an... unacceptabley slow pac. Also, "the dead walk."
Don't know if ambush or isolated incident or wat.
JESUS MURFUCK those are elf zomibird lolwut? elf zombies
sorry my hand moved off the keys just there.
wow theres a lot of them howd they get to the gate so fast
Well we just lost 4 dorfs to elf corpses. Iw ouldnts care but theyre getting in the way of me building my outsidey coqnballs
I'll just lock this door
HOLY FUCK INVADERS CAN CLAIM DORRS?!? WE SO FUCKED
sweet ass some dumbass creaftwer drawf went outside like a dumbafuck but I can lock the door now
goblins showed up
and started fighting the elf zombies
not sure who's losing but its not me anymore cuz the door's locked haha foolproof
holy cow how many amubhshes did the goblins bring? like 6 so far? cripes the doors even locked what are u trying to ambush
waait.... this other gate is open... deos it have a door
FUCKITALL I died. So did absinthe and that librarian
btw second gate didn't have a door so i built one and unrelatedly renofox died. Well he'she's been missing so prolly dead. also stadiexel.
who the fuck is even still alive?!? down to 26 dorfs
Just relalized our military is now 3 dorfs. Haha I suck. Are they at least equipped? Well bobnova has a xbow and armor and a buckler and pants so... yeah he's got bolts, he's good. Not sending him outside though.
I like how,k that VEWRY SECOND I noticed bobnavova, he sent me an announcement about how he loves his shield. Introverted attention whore I guess.
drunk friends drunk gf is watching three stooges. "how could this get worse?!?" *fart* LOL
these goblins are the most patient, bored motherfuckers. "they went inside and locked the door" "well then we wait here" *like, three months later* "aaaaaany day now"
I think these cats like people who aren't vampires. They keep adopteing the NOT VAMPs.
HOLY SHIT this not vamp guy has 14 cats lol
he's like the protaganist of crazy cat lady the video game or something
...okay I tyhink I'm done. My buzz is wearing off but I still feel a little sick so I'm not drinking anymore. I'll upload the save, read this tomorrow, and be like "how the fuck do I write that bad"
THE SAYV
(spelt wrong on porpoise this time)
today, we learned the value of HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS EAT SOME FUCKING FOOD BEFORE YOU DRINK GODDAMN
umm... you see up there where it says "the sayv"? I'd link that to the save file but it's not uploading
it's stuck at 0% uploaded.
out of
kb uploaded. Fuck.
ugh..... I'll upload it tomorrow I guess.FUCKING CACNEL that shit right now here .it is.0
http://dffd.wimbli.com/file.php?id=8464my cat helped my type that.
EDIT: oh btw 'tis mid-autumn in that save file. Hope nobody minbds that I didnt' get through a full year.
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Topic: !!DRUNK FORTRESS!! [We Hath Become Death, the Destroyers of Worlds] (Read 1165951 times)