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I am small and neutral, like Switzerland

[Shoruke]

My girlfriend got my into a drinking game in FFXIV. So now I'm playing video games, stocked up on coconut rum and orange juice, and drunk on peach Coolers.
If my stomach holds out better than my head does I might try to do a round of Drunk Fortress.
No promises. But here's hoping.
(FUCK I'm dizzy)

[Shoruke]

Okay yup here I go playing drunk fortress.
autocorrect turn off wheeee
(I am too dizzyfo for this shit)
(PERFECT)

[Shoruke]

Okay lessee what we got here.
dizzy overseer who hastn' playd DF in like...
*coutns on figners*
6 months?
CHECK

liason corpse in the dining room
wait
... crafting room with nearby kitchen and food stockpile
wait
... barrel mug and ghost stockpile
CHECK

extremely relateable asCII text

CHECK

Penis Formation That Looks Like I Did It But I dOn't Remember

CHECK
there's even an image in my DF pics pofledre filder that is titled "cocklol.jpg" so I think I've had this thought before 

wagon still fucking exists
WCHECK
now who HOW do I destory it
 
got t
F dat wagn

animals pastured
outside
in the snow
CHECK

secured-ish ramp leading into the fort
CHECK
that you pbypass with a down stair
ALSO CHECK
(i love this game)
apparently I've been in a discord foice chat for like 3 hours and didtn' notice lol

extremely injured orf in the
*distadnt memory of sobererrr times*
meetign hall?
nxt to a
*squint*
nxt to a buckit
CHECK

he is distractd
... legit
movgn on

by the way
current drinking amount is 3 bigass clgasses of
*examines label*
some french shit
wait
*turns bottl over*
"chilld fruot wine"
...IT'S PEACH

how much rum goes in a cocomut rum and orange juice again

Spoiler: next-day edit: holy mother of god my phone takes bigass pictures (click to show/hide)

...sure!
(hand for scale)
THIS JUST IN
i have 2 oragn juices
i dotn' know why
and I bought them sober 
(a peek into the life of soberShork)

wat the

HOW IS BLU THO

how did u do tht


but it aws not a barrls
it was a
*squint
OH BARRCKS
okay

you know this is sa SUSPSICOUS amount of dworfs and blood on the stairs
BUT IS OKAY
I havf brain bleach
*drinks rum *
>>>


bwuh
wut?
minc thws smithers
mine this smithoes
mind those shithoads
OH
mine this shitheads
...
WORK ON YOUR FONT!!!

I found a corpse
he is dead AS FUCK
but his neam is "enemy post"
so... good?

WHOA


Rets in paeces.
W e need some appraoparitate music.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_JcM45gaFs
perfect

I checked and the only irmportant people in that peol pile is Kamin.
Acceptabel
(sry kamin)

also

WAOW dasslot of magma
lava
no wait
magma
I'd check the discktionary but FUKKIT
magma

UNPASUE TIME
(finally)
tis early spriggan
spring
someone took a forge
Cool?
WAIT THEAT'S S FAY MOOD
...cool.

he... took a single silver bra
BAR
silver bra sooudns painful
... *internal thoughts intesndifies*
MOVIGN ON

gimme that pick
u bich

THATS'
FUGN CHEATING!
bitch.

wat i gotta
builtd a FUGGIN HOSPTIAL
to get a pickaxe
......... i rly hate how tht soudnss like the way to do it

whati wheres the
FOUDN IT
LET GO YOU BITCH
GIMME IT
"my hand is borken"
FUGN
YOUR OTHER HAND IS BROEKN
GIMME
"i can't my hand is broken"
GIMME
"am tired"
THEN FUGGIN SLEEP AND LET GO
fuck.

I can't aeven tell hitm to not be a miner. "No labours avaiablabublbeble. Avavailable."
THEN FUCKIGN IEVEN WITH THE PICKAXE THO
leggo.
"no"
fffffffffffffffffffffff-

wait
i haf cheats
i FORBID ur pick
AHA!
*keeps it*
FUCKING WAHTEVER MAN
jesus


...ok
this gautnlet weither beetter make one of the fdorfs be DOmfist
or imma be mad
well disappointed

"spoiledr: it desont'*

oh dudeguy wton't drop the pick cuz he "meloncholy"
fine
be mmy pick eventually
*glare*

... I'mma need graves or ill get huanted as shit yo

imma dis usout a new mason shop
to make more graves
...
FUCK!


DOTN ' OYUOU GIMME USR SASS UYUNG MAN
IMM'A FUCKIN EVEN on ur ass

(wow athtat's illegibgle)

*sips rum*

fien imma sic the mielitary on yur ass

... they seem uh
indispiosbed at the moment

...so uh....
wat do i do then...

...I'M SURE IT'LL SOLVE ITSELF OUT
moving along


grats on ur promtotion
you earnd it (?_

oh its the injured one who one went brosserk
and got PULPD HARD BIASH

got dammit he torme the masons ar moff
+rip mason
i hardly knew hye
also i cant' spell ur name.
cuz accents.
or diacrrtics
dialetics?
diaemetrics.
... the thign on top of the e in ur name

OH!
also RIp ur foot.
And uh... upper body.

at elast we can mine now right
wait
nobodys mining
where s the piik

COME THE FUCK ONNNN!!!!

...noboyds taking the pick
even after i unforbided it
...so...
i went from...
needing a hostpicatl to get you to drop the pick...
to
i need a hosptial
to get the pick out

...
FUCK come on

FINE i'll make a shopstila
hosptial
right here in the
the...
dormitory...
with doors on one side.

...BWAHAHA DO U GET IT
its a
*spells very carfully*
DOORMITORY

now howdafuq do i hospital

only mason is "resting" like a pussy

ok so
to be fair
hes' missing like
an arm
and a lieg
and a rib
but he's also a video game character
WIMP!
go make coffins
...for yourself 

"some migrants have arrived"
like...
on purpose?
are they syrian refugees
russian spies
... <opposite poilitical party> supporters?
WHAT!?
Why?
why come here
to the land of death and "fuck is this shit"
...one of you bitches better haf a pickaxe


♪one of these thing is not liek the others♪

EVERY SIGNEL OEN OF THE SE IMMIGRATN FUCKS IS USELSESS!
except the goose
he can stay
gooses are scary man

the new "chief medical dorf"
who i appointed becauz ihe was the most useless fuck ever
just went to sleep in a dormitory bed
THERE WAS A DEAD MAN IN THAT BED 3 FUCKING SECONDS AGO
I KNOW YOU KNOW
YOU OPERATED ON HIM
THAT'S WHY HE'S DEAD
the FUK dude

why is cooffin 'p' whyen u construct it and 'n' when u place it
why
toady why

i like how this ghost is like

"im watching uuuuuu"
"bitch I'm diggin the graves fuk off"
"ooooooooo"


i dotn' like the sounds of that

we totally still have booz you guys
chill out

so anyway i have stuff to haul IRL tomorrow and it's late so I'mmma... drink water...

FUCK ME I'm only 2 months into the turn!?

oh hey two people are mining
anyway
my ability to spell shit is returnig
(almost)
so i'mma just...

http://dffd.bay12games.com/file.php?id=13906

*passes out*
hey, looks like DF updated while I wasn't looking.
You go, Toady.

[auzewasright]

How many are going to bet that this fortress isn't going to last another turn?

[ZM5]

That magma cavern, holy shit. What did you DO?

[Shoruke]

That magma cavern, holy shit. What did you DO?

I *think* I tunneled into the volcano from the side several turns ago.
I don't remember why, partly because this was several months ago, and partly because I was drunk at the time.
Anyway, there is (or might have been) a... small leak...


EDIT: Found it

Now, that is a lot like my own construction style, so I probably did that.
The question is... WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING!?

EDIT 2: It miiight be that I was trying to solidify some water to make it possible to tunnel deeper.

[Kamin]

!!FRIENDS!!


I want this to continue existing. Would somebody care to take over and update the OP? I honestly can't believe this is still a thing, particularly after being absent for like the past year or two...

Message me! Love,

Your Mantid Overlord

[Naryar]

Ah, yes, Shoruke turns. Good old Shoruke and the giant dongs. Man, those memories.

I could try taking a turn in the end of the week. Sadly, I think i'm pretty lightweight those days. So it'll be me with one bottle of strong beer or something.

Moderator... I'm fond of this thread, but I'm not sure I'm here enough to moderate it.

[Random_Dragon]

I am the expedition leader now. Fear me.

[Enemy post]

I found a corpse
he is dead AS FUCK
but his neam is "enemy post"
so... good?

Wow, I'm not even involved with this fort and it somehow killed me.

[Dorafjol]

Okay lessee what we got here.

Oh snap! Shorry in the lorry!
First of all, I'm sorry about the corpse staircase! Also about the lack of available pickaxes. I think I further increased the magma flood slightly, but don't quote me on that! Good job recovering those picks. I might be willing to take a turn in the near future, but I'll probably kill everything again...

animals pastured
outside
in the snow
CHECK

Ah. Pretty sure that was me too. I thought that "Animel mustnt be inside and just paly videogame, they need green gass and exercise!"

I'll not be able for a week or so, but when time comes, I feel confident that I could make this happen, as long as I don't throw the picks away again. Any tips for a mega project?

[Dorafjol]

THIS IS A TURN STILL IN PROGRESS! I GOT TOO TIRED YESTERDAY, AND I'M GMing AN RP TODAY, SO I'LL CONTINUE IN THE EVENING.

I'm drunk now, so I might as well do it.
I'm supposed to prepare for an rpg campagin tomorrow, (it's 3:47 right now) Or maybe search for a more stable job, but here I am. drunk.
Smnall confession; I love DF, but when I played it drunk last time I despised it. I had a miserable time all in all. On the other hand I LOVE to read tris thead, and no-one is man enough to play this shit, so I guess I'll have to step up. Long live the drunk fort or whatever.

Will update this post, so be sure to f5 until I have declared it finished.

PS. I REALLY hope youy have foraged our picks, cause I'm sure ass hell in no condition to do anything profuctive. May Armok bleed my soul and flagulate my hemmoroids.

[This is to be my turn, fools]

Game has crashed 2 times now, wihout me even being able to star it. Stay string my dudes.

Pictres are all screen capped. They will come when I feel sober enough to fulfil my duty.

YES! IT WORKS!
So the first thing I see is a faceful of magma and the message that some dwarf is dehydrated. Off to a good start, I say!
[img 1 here]

My plan here was to make some witty comment on the state of the fort, but I load this up, and I don't even. Labors? Like what thw hell man? How am I supposed to?
You know what? We stand out like birf shit on a black shoe. I may not be the brightest at this very moment, but I have a plan! (disckaimer: this is a lie)
So this usually neal organixation of information makes no sense to me right now. I guess that I'll assign labours as they are needed.
[img 2 here]

Casualties of alcohol so foar are a few beers (Mostly Elk brew. I'm a refined man of excuisite tast, and as such only the most refined of bwrhgs are goods enough for me)
I ewstimate 4 beers. (one which I stole before I easlized it wasn't mine. This warrants a death penalty of a new beer to the victim from me.=
maybe 20 cl of morgan, which isnt' very tasty. Why do I keep buying this shit?
And NOPTHING ELSE!
I am a lightweight now. As a youngun I could drink until it squirted out me arse, but now I'm a lowly acolyte to the mysteries of booze once again.

I will now unpause!

Wow. This Shoryuke man has actually finmished our dinind hall! This is good news for all of you and especially for my turn!
On the other hand it's bad for my already fragile ego (even though I'm the best at everything) since this will be a turn when we swithc from the adept...
To the inept.
[img 3, barnaclesucker]

Time to get in character!

Even though my noble house has been in some decline since I've taken over since my father died of the rot (Armok bless his rapidly decomposing body. And his money. His money that was.)
the mountainhomes have blessed me with a golden opportunity! The cheif (We call him urist) said unto me:
"Thou hasth been a source of unfathomable drive and also a true role model for the young dwarves here. I would like to grant you a task of which I deem nodwarf else wothy. You are to guide these misfortunate souls to a better tomorrow. You, and no-one else is capable of this difficult task, for OI see in you leadership and, above all, responsibility!"

The wording may be different from what actually was said, but the gistr was trhere! He told me to go quickly, and only to return once the issues have been resolved. He also told me that those issues would be no match for one such as me. He wished me good luck with a grave expression. This grave expression, I'm sure, means that the mountainhomes surely will suffer from my absence, but that it would be morally wrong not to send me; The exemplar of the mountainhomes!
I have my wagon loadsed with dwarven distillate of plump helmet (50% alc) as well as a load of regal pillows, opf course. I'm drinking in this very mment, diary, as this is just one of the many talents Armok has gifted me. I feel great resolve learning these peasants how to live the regal life.
YES! I'm not one of these nobles who want to grab everything to themselves! I want YOU disgusting peasants to join my ranks as full blooded underlings nobles of my house! The less peasants the better, and the more I can convert, the better all around, right? I see you smiling already, diary, but this is no joke. From here on it is caution first AND secont. Bring. It. On.

Oh my!
[img 4 here you homophobic nazi]
The militarry is in quite a disarray!" When I ask the locals they said there used to be a proper squad, but some beast of fairytales swooped down from the dephts (It woul of course, had swooped up in that case, only validating my theory) and killed them all! I nod and "hmm" at all the right times, and the dwarf seemed very pleased. This is of coursew nonsense! A "forgotten beast"? You all seem to remember it quite clearly. This is not only a crime of semantics, but of treason! I must root out the source of these rumors, but first of all I need a new squad of at leas 10 dwarves. How could anyone drink in peace knowing goblins may shoot you at any moment? I assign my first dwarves to smashing. They seem reluctant at first, but I have promised a free pass to my houyse for anyone who survivwes and fights. That means no floundering in the dirt for the rest of your lifetime! Free food, and as I my house dictates: Free drinks whenever you feel like. If they are right, well, they get the satisfaction of being right. If they are wrong, they get to protect me from goblins, and then a life of ease! I say everybody wins!

Aaaaaaand done!
[img 5 you succubus-seeking virginator]
I didn't even Dtherapist. I saw things such as potash maker, and drafted them. If I remember correctly, I made a barracs with mayb e some training tools and maybe some armor stands in it. OI also remember making a ton of silver hammers, but I'm drunbk as shit, and I WAS drunk as shit last time, so bear with me. *RAAARGH* (That's th bear.......... sorry....)

[img 6 here, you redheadlustingfor goodfornothing weakbodied shitfuck]
nonononononoNONONONO
Are these the rooms in which they sleep?
I mean.
Are THESE the roo...
Fucking Very rustic. I have some grand plans in tis direction. If you want to live the noble life, this won't do! This is actually horrible! My room at home is at par with their... ehm... "mneeting hall..." I suspected they might live under lower standards, but this is actually making me feel sorry for them. FOR REASL. Man the pics and dig the shit outta that!

What do you mean I ripped it from the wiki? What is a wiki even?
[img 7, yopu lovable, actually quite okay humanoid]

SHORYUKR you absolute legend! I havew picks! I cna min!


I'm very sorry, but... fell asleef while taking a piss. Time is now 06:06. I dindn't ea5t anything today (financial problems, but somehow I mangaed to buy beer?) The fact of the matte ris tha I'll have to continue tomorrow. Sorry again.

[TD1]

You can make a brew from the elegant Elk Bird? Truly, you have spent much time in the caverns to perfect such an adventurous recipe.

[auzewasright]

Bump

[TheFlame52]

give me like 6 months