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A new drunken world is imminent. Should we try a modded world?

Yes!
No!
I am small and neutral, like Switzerland

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Author Topic: !!DRUNK FORTRESS!! [We Hath Become Death, the Destroyers of Worlds]  (Read 1139089 times)

Taupe

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Ok, let's get this party started. I woke up after 4 hours of sleep, spending most of the night listening to a giant-sized garbage truck under my window. Those things are loud man. Went to work, and immediately told my boss I was having none of this shit, and left. the half-dead robot voice convinced them to let me go. I hate exactly one Tim Horton morning sandwitch thing, then took out the booze. I'm not drunk enough yet, but every chug of fireball deals 5d6 fire damage to any hostile organism down my throat, including by sobriety.

Got the save. Gonna browse random shit while getting more drunk. Maybe get the game going before I get too wasted this time?

Naaah. 

10h11: Someone just stormed off with my bathroom door. Says he'll be back with it tomorrow. Now people are drilling the block to shreds. My room is shaking. Ugh, worst timing ever, people. That's it, everyone make a dc 17 reflex save.

10h23: Watching John Oliver do his show on wutever. Still not drunk enough. I don't want to rush it, as I plan to survive this day. somehow, i misplaced my bottle of fireball. Which is impressive when you consider I haven't left my chair and was drinking it a minute ago. Thankfully, my computer desk is filled with semi-empty bottles, because who uses CDs anymore, this is 2014.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Baratheon Booze is best booze. You can tell this is working, because I usually never smile.

10h30: As I look at bobnova's gisnature quotes, and remember that the thread used to be called ''a very weregecko hellscape'', John Oliver starts to talk about the russians losing a satelite full of fucking geckos. This is not swearing, btw. The geckos are in space to fuck in zero gravity. Why do we have weregeckos? Because russian. Thanks, Putin. You asshole.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Meanwhile, i found the fireball. It was on the right side of my chair. Strange. I usually don't interact with this side of the chair.

The bottle is half-full. Despite me losing it for half the time I was using it. I guess I suck at this whole ''taking it slowly'' thing. Time to set up the save. We will have the LNP this time. It will be glorious.

10h36: Still downloading the tÀ
3ij

Sorry felt like bashing the keyboard randomly. As I was saying, still downloading the lazy newb pack. I don't feel like a noob, but i'm definitely lazy right now. you can tell because I've been sucking on a beer cap for 5 minutes, for exactly no reasons.

Man, I should order a giant seafood pizza. They taste so good. I don't usually grab them because they are ludicrously expensive, but they feed me for two days. Bad decisions. I put a timer on my phone. When the phone beeps, i will aquire a pizza, and fail to open the door for the delivery door, possibly being black listed by the pizza place. That's how advanced I am. I make trrible drunk decisions, plan for them in advance, and still go through with them. Go, booze. fuck life, I'm a wizard.

Hey, download finished!

10h48: Still not absolutely drunk. Doing something else while getting ready. truth be said, there is no such thing as ''practicing to play the piano efficiently while drunk''. It just. it dont work man.

10h53: i think it is time to begin. I am now better at correcting my typos because I AM A WIZARD. Wizards are smart. Man I said dc 17. that mean 18 intel, yo, unless I took some feats which i don't recall doing. i guess I'm just a drunk genius. a drunk genius. I will use said genius to solve the current crysis of the fort, and get no credit for it. I'm basically Tyrion Lannister. Except I'm like 6 foot tall. Disregard.

11h00: Ok, booting the save. I decided to slow down on the fireball, because im low on spells per day I guess. this thing in my fridge is called a Lion's Winter ale. which is rdundant because all ales are winter ales in canada. BUT it has a fancy lion on it and somwhat taste grat GREAt. that's a winner in my heart.

10h03:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Well, the fort looks different than i remember. Way less pyramids, much more lava.

11h06: wow, demons and dead dwarves. everywhere. The good news is, a chicken is in hell, and perfectly alive. Good job buddy. Greater news still, lord mister Tacos is back.

Wow they carved my catacombs out. all of them
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Its like a tiny christmas miracle made of stone and dead dwarves.

11h12: Decided to brainstorm on current plans. went to pee instead. very awkward withotu a door. instead ended up having a fight in my living room against imaginary dolphin ninjas. my kung fu is strong.

10h17: Deleted the naryar the mighty mark. partly b ecause temporal erosion, partly because all my dwarves are registered as moles. I dont like moles. I hate french people and their assumption that taupe is a mole, instead of a color.

we have no metal. i know this because i spent 4 minutes browsing the stock screen andnot finding the bar section. we will dig, and aquire riches, and turn the ugly pyramid into a pithole of misery, depravation and FUCKING STATUES EVERYWHERE.

Hope you guys put brewing and farming on automation cause i aint havint none of it.

10h23:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
It has begun. everyone mine the mine. which is both a mine, and also spells its own name. Mineception. we will make DiCaprio statues, out of DiCaprio ores. We don't need 8 traders. get to work lazy bums. everyone will be a miner unless you start doing what i ask. except the vodcoke industry because thats awesome. I alsmot purchsed vodka for this glorious endeavor, just for that, but... fireball man. It taste like cinnamon, and saved me from dying when i hate a very toxic plant on a dare during christmas. i cant turn my back on it now.

10h28: someone decided to become something other than a miner. that wont do.

wait he's a turkey. i guess turkey gobbler is an ok job for a turkey. I mean you could be a turkey miner but i guess thats fiiiine.

my reign shall be remembered as a period of inaction and passive agressiveness toward farm  animal.s

Meanwhile cruffy five withdrawns from society. Not sure where he withdraws too. it wont be much fun if he goes toward the demon-hosting part of the fortress.

10h35: that room on fire is still on fire. someone do somethign about it. lord mr tacos, please.

Meanwhile, work on THE MINE starts. we discover opals. OPALS an, just like that show that played when i was young about a genie and his son being trapped in opals somewhere in australia. you know what im talking about. They were genies. trapped in opals.

our opals dont have genies tho. tht was wishful thinking.
« Last Edit: January 14, 2015, 11:39:08 am by Taupe »
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Bobnova

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Went to work, and immediately told my boss I was having none of this shit, and left.

Quote of the day there. lol
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how do I lizard Werewolf
ther seems to be a little gecko problem somehwere.
O gawd, drank all ten beers. And 3/5 of this at dinner.  I'm dronk.

Scruffy

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Wait, turkey and old dig orders? I don't think that is the current save
Edit: I think that's Shoruke's save.
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The weredwarf Urist McUrist has come! A bearded drunkard twisted into minute form. It is crazed for booze and socks. Its unwashed beard is tangled. It needs alcohol to get through the working day and has gone without a drink for far too long. Now you will know why you fear the mines.

Et tu, Urist

Taupe

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Yes that is a valid point. I realise now your save was hidden in a spoiler, which in hindsight was  A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.  didnt everyone die on your turn tho? maybe thats better that way. i can stop if you guys want.

I mean playing obviously, not being drunk

Scruffy

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Yes that is a valid point. I realise now your save was hidden in a spoiler, which in hindsight was  A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.  didnt everyone die on your turn tho? maybe thats better that way. i can stop if you guys want.

I mean playing obviously, not being drunk
Also multiple new constructed walls, candy battle-axe, candy armor and loads of death.
Just do as you wish. Keep playing if you want
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The weredwarf Urist McUrist has come! A bearded drunkard twisted into minute form. It is crazed for booze and socks. Its unwashed beard is tangled. It needs alcohol to get through the working day and has gone without a drink for far too long. Now you will know why you fear the mines.

Et tu, Urist

Taupe

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My problem right now is mostly that im not sure i can cope with the mental activity of aquiring a new save and starting from there. Next random person who post gets to schoose wether i continue from thi wrong save or grab the new one were ev eryone is dead.

Naryar

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Not playing this week after all, no internet access and reserving my drink for going out will do that to you.

Maybe I'll play next monday evening ?

Taupe

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Ok then, the next person after this guy decides which save i use.

TD1

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The one with all the dead ones.

For the !!FUN!!.
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Life before death, strength before weakness, journey before destination
  TD1 has claimed the title of Penblessed the Endless Fountain of Epics!
Sigtext!
Poetry Thread

Taupe

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It is known

Scruffy

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It is known
Sorry about that. Shouldn't have mentioned anything so you wouldn't have lost your progress (and wasted part of your intoxication)

Anyway, which ever save you use just make the turn interesting  ;) The save with the dead dorfs is a bit dull until you get the first migrant wave
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The weredwarf Urist McUrist has come! A bearded drunkard twisted into minute form. It is crazed for booze and socks. Its unwashed beard is tangled. It needs alcohol to get through the working day and has gone without a drink for far too long. Now you will know why you fear the mines.

Et tu, Urist

Taupe

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Its not dull when lord mr tacos the second is around

altho, i am starting to feel a bit drowsy. not sure this turn will go anywhere, sorry people

EDIT: it rebegins:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
I had a very drun dream where everything was doing fine. we dug a mine, found opals, wished upoj an australian genie, everything was wonderful twice. then mistakes caught on, and we are back to square zero, which means uggi the mayor, and lord miste tacos the second to the rescue. ugg, why do all my turns start like this.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
yuuup, nothing spells drunk fortress like random ghosts, thank armok my many crypts are retroactively dug. its just a shame that im a ghost twice, which goes a long way when talking about beer goggles.

Took a break, ate a yogurt, barfed it up. everyone saw. we dont have a bathroom door. this is wonderful.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
i dont care how bad things are now, we are getting those fucking opals wether you like it or not. dont m ess with me, mr lord mr tacos sir, i just spent 3 minuts brekdancing in my room without music. there will BE  MINE.

The ghost outnumber the living dwarves 7 to 2. The sadest part is, this is a real number, not a ratio.

better get some graves in place. Thankfully someone hollowed the hill because reasons, giving us plenty space for burial. BUT everyone is on break. ant't blame them, myself a m playing ssb on my gameboy instead of micromanaging them. they have their orders, theyll get to it whenever. place tombs, make slabs. an idiot could figure it out.

Stop drinking, lord mister tacos, look what it did to me. im a mess. you should do better. get to work you cunt.

I'm sorry, how can you have no job. the other guy is resting, that ok. but you6 Lord mr tacos the second, you have all labord enabled, how can ypu not have any jobs.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
yes, thats the spirit. single best moment ever.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
uh-oh! turns out LMT's ascension to power wasnt a feat of leadership, but rather a result of being the only dwarf in the fort alive. This isnt going well.

LMT is planting seed, or trying to. thats all hell do. Beh.

Now he's fishing. he care little about my orders. i think the fort is lost. this will be no doomforests, im afraid.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Yes, thinks mr lord mister tacos. this will save the fortress. fishing, fishing is the key fishing with 3 ghosts that is.

Oh great. it is the elves. they have come to watch lord mr tacos fish. his ability to be fishing is renowned worldwide. none ca n withstand his tremendous ability to be fishing. come watch him at work. it be marvelous. i know, ive been doing that for 20 minutes now.

LMT is now sleeping. so am i. nothing is happening.

Well, all tis not doing nything was tough, better grab a bite, right, miste lord mister tacos? he's eating now. because fuck you, thats why.

A lot of people are missing for a week. if only we had a way to unravel this mystery. like, i dunno, not fishing all day.

BUT fishing all day has advantages. lord mister tacos the second is now totally dressed liek a farmer. this will redeem the fortress for sure. good job bro, priorities.

LMT is going to entomb somebody annnnd just kidding, he stole the boots from a corpse and went back fishing.

Meanwhile the elven merchants are srta waiting , wondering hat the fuck sis going on with this pyramid. The answer is nothing, lads, nothing is going on at all. excpt fishing whichi is awesome and ever present. that what you get for being born in a stagnant, fishless pond, you stupid trouts. in your fish face, but of course, we dont tell this to the elves. We just keep them outside, staring at the pyramid. i am Ozymandrunk, yada yada.

Part of pur fort's bedrooms are in the fog of war. this is how little we have explored inside the pyramid. ''oh yes, level 3, thats where most the bedrooms are, but we cant know for sure''

Thankfully, i gave LMT the only egraved bedroom, as well as a desk and a table. Youd think he coul eat anywhere, but this makes him feel more at home. he spent the last two days robbing a corpse from its socks and pants, an stored them under his new bed.

This is very boring. i will survive until migrants show up, and wrap up the save. keep in ind, there is a loose forgotten beast arpund. i dare not deactivate the planting nd gathering on lord mister tacos, for fear that he will wander downstairs and die. his dedication to sucking could very well be our salvation. Locking down the caverns shall be our priority when someone else takes over.

It is now summer. 7 ghosts are now watching Lord Mister Tacos fish. somehow, i get the feeling that being a ghost is incredibly boring. Thankfullly none of them is violent or agressive. they are just standing there, barely coherent trying to remain awake. thats roght even our ghosts are drunk.

Lord Mister Tacos cancels fishing, because he's too horrifies. then he resumes fishing, because he is essentially a boring individual with no drive in life.

Not exactly sure why most of our drinks are being stashed outside, on the middle of the northern pyramid slope. I'm not even gonna ask.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

some dude appear after 6 months, plus 3 motnhs from the other save. im done, guys, im so done. wraping thing up, and posting the save eventually.
« Last Edit: January 14, 2015, 03:10:39 pm by Taupe »
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Kamin

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I believe in you, Color.

SanDiego

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I just did some catching up and I want one thing clear - this fort has THREE memorials to DECEASED WAGONS? HOW'S THAT EVEN POSSIBLE??
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Welcome to Murdermachines. Try the gecko sauce; it's delectable and delightful, a wonderful blend of savory and spicy that makes any dish delicious without being too overwhelming.

(Warning: Do not ask about the manufacturing process for gecko sauce)
(Warning: Gecko sauce may cause acute respiratory failure on contact)

Taupe

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