Lol - I very much like this theory.
I actually had one (sort of) of my own, and when I saw this, I sort of went "oh no, BFEL came up with it and posted it first"... Fortunately, you didn't, so my theory is still safe.
So it's the trees that are evil... Lmao.
Anyways.... Here's mine. (copy-pasted from a .txt)
I hadn't really thought about it before... If you try to give your wood to elves, they'll get offended and will probably never talk to you again. Likewise, if you try to give them stuff like iron spears or spiked balls, they won't take any of it. Trying to force them to take it will make them especially angry, and after a few repeat offenses the elves will probably gang up and attack you. At the same time, however, they're not
against wood. They
love wood, in fact - they just don't like
your wood. They won't suck up and take it no matter how many dorfbucks you offer, and to even suggest it feels like an insult to them. It can't be denied that elves suck, but they definitely don't kiss ass - they'd rather sic their uni-horned animals on you to teach you a lesson. It's completely possible that they very much enjoy watching you suffer.
On that note, they very much enjoy eating people. It's debated whether or not they eat each other (I think it's entirely possible), but, as nobody has ever seen inside an elven retreat, nobody will ever know. At the same time, you can see them when they lay siege to your fortress... and they definitely don't eat your dwarves. This is just further proof that they don't like you at all. As to eating elves, dwarves won't even consider it. Perhaps it's because they feel they're too good for elves, or perhaps they simply don't find the idea attractive.
Some people theorize that elves don't like dwarves because they're short - to some people, size matters. Others think it's because dwarves only try to please themselves. Still others steadfastly believe that it's because of how often dwarves take breaks during important affairs. I personally believe it has something to do with the fact that the main thing dwarves use their wood for belongs in bedrooms - they get upset if they don't have enough wood for bedding. I doubt elves would like that.
Still... while elves don't like dwarves, they apparently don't feel the same way about animals... Instead, they love them, doting on them and playing with them. These beasts keep the elves safe in return, especially the unicorns with their long, pointy horns, which they apparently love poking into sentient creatures.
Now imagine that there's a hidden message in what I just said, and reread.
Author
Topic: The Elf, A theory (Read 30086 times)