Bay 12 Games Forum

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  

Poll

I am stuck in a tree, should I savescum?

Yes
No

Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 5

Author Topic: I have become a dark lord  (Read 9480 times)

zubb2

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: I have become a dark lord
« Reply #15 on: October 03, 2012, 10:29:46 pm »

I apparently suck at adventure mode and should go back to it to see whats new.

Haven't played adventure since before the update just before the minecarts, I think.

Might have been the minecart one.

Great story THIS is why I still play this game.

EDIT:New page:)
Logged
(Anyone else have any stories that can compare to a man being beaten to death with his own trousers by a giant gopher?)
(when goblins showed up, I mumbled "Smithers! Release the hounds!" and had the lever pulled.)

Orange Wizard

  • Bay Watcher
  • mou ii yo
    • View Profile
    • S M U G
Re: I have become a dark lord
« Reply #16 on: October 03, 2012, 11:36:38 pm »

Brilliant story! But... shouldn't this go into the "stories" section?
And what happens next!?
Logged
Please don't shitpost, it lowers the quality of discourse
Hard science is like a sword, and soft science is like fear. You can use both to equally powerful results, but even if your opponent disbelieve your stabs, they will still die.

NRDL

  • Bay Watcher
  • I Actually Like Elves
    • View Profile
Re: I have become a dark lord
« Reply #17 on: October 03, 2012, 11:45:23 pm »

PTW
Logged
GOD DAMN IT NRDL.
NRDL will roll a die and decide how sadistic and insane he's feeling well you do.

NAV

  • Bay Watcher
  • I have an idea!
    • View Profile
Re: I have become a dark lord
« Reply #18 on: October 04, 2012, 03:04:17 pm »

Brilliant story! But... shouldn't this go into the "stories" section?
And what happens next!?
Yes it should . But I don't know how to move it there.

I have killed every great evil on this island. Vampires, necromancers, a demon pretending to be a god. And now they hate me, they think I killed their god. IT WAS A DEMON! &&&&&&&&
They have given me the name Thomo Practicefights the Gloomy Furnaces. I have no idea what it means, but I'm sure it's not nice.

I'm leaving. I'm leaving this island and never coming back. The ocean can't stop me, nothing can. I head to the same beach I woke up on, it is the closest to the mainland. I don't make it before nightfall, and I am all alone. I hear a insane laughing cackling sound, but it's probably nothing. Probably has something to do with the demon's webs.

NOPE! 5 bogeymen suddenly surround me, still cackling like idiots. Once, these would've posed a challenge for me. Not any more. I draw my stone knife instead of my sword this time. I have already mastered the sword, so might as well practise with this. I am Thomo Practicefights after all. It is a poor weapon, not even managing to cut unarmoured skin, but I wield it with such strength that it can break bones. The fight Is over before long, but I have a broken toe. There is still more to learn.

I arrive at the ocean when it is still night, and wait for dawn. It seems a lot bigger than I remembered, way bigger that even the tallest mountain. I can do this. I jump in, and sink right to the bottom. Forgot about all this armour I am wearing, 3 mailshirts and a breastplate. No wonder I can't swim! oh well, I don't need to breathe anyway, cause I am a vampire-necromancer. I can just walk across the ocean floor.

Underwater is weird. It's so empty, where are all the sea monsters and mermaids I've heard so much about? And what about the coral? I wanted a piece of that as a souvenir. Oh well, maybe I will find a titan made of the stuff.

Underwater is slow. Why is it so much slower than land? is it the currents, or the density? (it's the frame rate. took forever.)

And finally I am at the other side. It's nice to be able to breath again. I don't need to, but it still feels good. Now to look for a town.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Logged
Highmax…dead, flesh torn from him, though his skill with the sword was unmatched…military…Nearly destroyed .. Rhunorah... dead... Mastahcheese returns...dead. Gaul...alive, still locked in combat. NAV...Alive, drinking booze....
The face on the toaster does not look like one of mercy.

MrWillsauce

  • Bay Watcher
  • Has an ass that won't quit
    • View Profile
Re: I have become a dark lord
« Reply #19 on: October 04, 2012, 03:10:47 pm »

Click the "move topic" button at the very bottom of the page.
Logged

NAV

  • Bay Watcher
  • I have an idea!
    • View Profile
Re: I have become a dark lord
« Reply #20 on: October 04, 2012, 03:20:02 pm »

I am not good at moving topics. I accidentally sent it to bay 12 announcements, and that is bad because it is not a bay 12 announcement.

But now it is here in the stories section. Thanks Mr Willsauce.
« Last Edit: October 04, 2012, 03:30:26 pm by NAV »
Logged
Highmax…dead, flesh torn from him, though his skill with the sword was unmatched…military…Nearly destroyed .. Rhunorah... dead... Mastahcheese returns...dead. Gaul...alive, still locked in combat. NAV...Alive, drinking booze....
The face on the toaster does not look like one of mercy.

Exlo

  • Bay Watcher
  • Retirement homes are for lobsters!
    • View Profile
Re: I have become a dark lord
« Reply #21 on: October 04, 2012, 04:02:00 pm »

Well I'm hooked. Good to see some of the awesome potential of this version that I can never seem to get lucky enough to witness first hand. I'll probably hold out until Toady gives us the next update to do any more 'Venturing™, mostly because I want to combat goblin towers and stuff.
Logged
Clearly, this represents six side-by-side wheelbarrows, as indicated by the right half of the icon.  The left half indicates they are carrying babies with hats in these wheelbarrows.

Presumably, they are lining up to dump them into the baby furnaces.

Sprin

  • Bay Watcher
  • I am Sprin Dragon, Master of Madness!
    • View Profile
Re: I have become a dark lord
« Reply #22 on: October 04, 2012, 07:49:13 pm »

I personaly want mountin homes the most.
Its so hard to have a dwarf adventurer and get better equipment.
Logged
Quote from: Karnewarrior
HOW DID YOU KNOW I WAS LOOKING UP RULE 34 OF D*CKS?
Sprin is certifiably insane, but there is no denying his brilliance.

NAV

  • Bay Watcher
  • I have an idea!
    • View Profile
Re: I have become a dark lord
« Reply #23 on: October 04, 2012, 10:09:54 pm »

The place where I washed ashore is called the Stable Empire. It is much nicer than the Lost Kingdom. The shops are well stocked, the people are friendly and many, the houses have all their walls intact. Best of all, they aren't even shooting at me! I'm getting thirsty though, after crossing that ocean. Gonna ask where I can find some bandits to drink.

I go into the keep, looking whoever's in charge. If they claim to be a god this time, I will not trust them. Inside the keep, there is are no gods or demons, just soldiers. I ask a lasher where their leader is, and he points me to Gabat Craftsswinds, an ancient looking, battle scarred spearwoman. I ask her "Greetings, I  am Thomo Practicefights the Oily Furnace, I heard you are having some trouble with bandits and wish to help." I haven't actually heard anything about bandits, but every respectable city has a bandit problem. She replies"We have some bandits hiding in the ruins down below. Your welcome to go searchin, but don't expect to come back up. Feel free to take some of my soldiers if you want."

"You, you and you, follow me." Ted Homelylesson: a lasher,Ido Scouredprophets: a swordsman, and Thruni Shimmerages: a axewoman. They tell me of how the city was built on to of an ancient dwarven mountainhome, and it is said that the dwarves never left, they just kept digging deeper. T'is just a legend.

We head down the staircase, and it takes us right to a four-way split. We head left, then down, then wander around at random until We find a room full of skeletons, gems, and cheap copper weapons and armour. We must be in a bandit hideout. Then I feel pain in my right lower leg, then a cold liquid running down my face. There is an arrow in my cheek, I can feel it with my toungue . Then my leg gives way. there are 2 arrows in my leg. There are 3 mean looking guys aiming crossbows at me. I didn't wan't to resort to this, but ☼Necromancy☼ time!

I awaken all the nearby skeletons, then sneak off into the shadows and watch from a distance. They're not as strong as fresh corpses, but they will have to do. They swarm mob the bandits and my companions. Oh no I forgot about my human companions! Ido is quickly struck down, Thruni last a bit longer, but Ted gets both his arms broken, then flees off into the tunnels. He will definitely tell Gabat and then I will be driven out of the city for necromancy again.

I take out my crutch, then watch while my skeletons horde rips apart the bandits. Then I continue wandering, because I am completely lost. The dwarves who built this place never heard of road signs. Eventually, I find a staircase leading up through a temple. I lead my army of skeletons to the surface, then shout as loud as I can "GO INSIDE! THEY FOLLOW ME BUT I DON'T CONTROL THEM! IF YOU GET IN THE WAY YOU WILL JOIN THEIR RANKS." A few brave, stupid people choose to fight me. Some I drink, and all are added to my army. I guess necromancy wasn't meant to help people. or maybe I'm just not a good necromancer. Maybe I'l join a bandit gang?
Logged
Highmax…dead, flesh torn from him, though his skill with the sword was unmatched…military…Nearly destroyed .. Rhunorah... dead... Mastahcheese returns...dead. Gaul...alive, still locked in combat. NAV...Alive, drinking booze....
The face on the toaster does not look like one of mercy.

NRDL

  • Bay Watcher
  • I Actually Like Elves
    • View Profile
Re: I have become a dark lord
« Reply #24 on: October 05, 2012, 03:35:25 am »

This is awesome. 
Logged
GOD DAMN IT NRDL.
NRDL will roll a die and decide how sadistic and insane he's feeling well you do.

BFEL

  • Bay Watcher
  • Tail of a stinging scorpion scourge
    • View Profile
Re: I have become a dark lord
« Reply #25 on: October 05, 2012, 06:59:22 am »

This is hilarious
Logged
7/10 Has much more memorable sigs but casts them to the realm of sigtexts.

Indeed, I do this.

NAV

  • Bay Watcher
  • I have an idea!
    • View Profile
Re: I have become a dark lord
« Reply #26 on: October 05, 2012, 09:08:38 pm »

(Justifiably) Exiled from the Stable Empire, I explore the wilderness in search of.......something. Death or a new beginning probably.
I find a bandit camp, Good enough. I run in, sword raised, no zombies this time because they got stuck at a river. I run in, sword raised, shouting menacing things at the top of my lungs. Then the bandit says "oy there, what are ya doin here? who do ya think you are?" I reply, not entirely truthlessly "I'm on an adventure! Wanna join me?" "Okay, sure beats banditry."

I go closer to the camp when I hear someone say "MEN! KILL'IM!" Then my new friend stabs me in the back with his pike. Glad I wear this armour. I throw my sword at the bandit chief, wounding his leg and making him fall. Then I wrestle my former companion's pike from his hands, and stab him through the stomach with it. I leave it in, then take out my halberd. I proceed to slaughter the rest of the bandits with it, leaving my betrayer for last.

They have nothing of much value, except for my sword stuck in their leaders corpse, and a bone figurine of an axolotl. I take it because it reminds me of Sapi Hoodfrog the Demon. And I like the word axolotl, it sounds like axe. I also take my sword, though I will probably use this halberd for a while.

I see a tower in the distance, probably owned by a necromancer. Maybe I can Join them, learn how to control my zombies better. I am attacked my bogeymen on the way there, no big deal. One of them has a unusually long tongue, so I bit it off and kept it as a souvenir. Usually the bogeymen vanish into smoke when they are killed, but this tongue doesn't disappear. Maybe it isn't dead yet, it is still wiggling a lot.

I make it to the tower. A amphibian man necromancer greets me at the door, in an odd croaking voice "welcome, we have heard a lot about you."
Logged
Highmax…dead, flesh torn from him, though his skill with the sword was unmatched…military…Nearly destroyed .. Rhunorah... dead... Mastahcheese returns...dead. Gaul...alive, still locked in combat. NAV...Alive, drinking booze....
The face on the toaster does not look like one of mercy.

Eric Blank

  • Bay Watcher
  • Never stabs friends, promise!
    • View Profile
Re: I have become a dark lord
« Reply #27 on: October 05, 2012, 09:48:26 pm »

I can just imagine the tongue writhing in horror, in tune with it's bogeyman owner who was returned to their plane of... torment, I guess. That guy is gonna be having some real torment what with his tongue being in the filthy hands of an adventurer, forced to taste anything you want to toss it at...
Logged
"THEN CAME TOBNOM, ASS-GOD".
I have no idea where anything is. I have no idea what anything does. This is not merely a madhouse designed by a madman, but a madhouse designed by many madmen, each with an intense hatred for the previous madman's unique flavour of madness.

Exlo

  • Bay Watcher
  • Retirement homes are for lobsters!
    • View Profile
Re: I have become a dark lord
« Reply #28 on: October 06, 2012, 12:30:09 am »

I can just imagine the tongue writhing in horror, in tune with it's bogeyman owner who was returned to their plane of... torment, I guess. That guy is gonna be having some real torment what with his tongue being in the filthy hands of an adventurer, forced to taste anything you want to toss it at...

Better off with an adventurer than with some random dwarf in a mountain hall. Imagining what you'd taste there is enough to make any man curl into the fetal position.
Logged
Clearly, this represents six side-by-side wheelbarrows, as indicated by the right half of the icon.  The left half indicates they are carrying babies with hats in these wheelbarrows.

Presumably, they are lining up to dump them into the baby furnaces.

NAV

  • Bay Watcher
  • I have an idea!
    • View Profile
Re: I have become a dark lord
« Reply #29 on: October 06, 2012, 05:39:25 pm »

The necromancers invite me in, and offer me some food. No thanks, I am a vampire. They don't have any spare blood for me to drink, oh well. I tell the necromancers my story, and recruit them to my cause. Only one, their chief, refuses to join me, claiming "Sorry, I cannot join you, My duty is here. Someone needs to keep the undead company." The chief necromancer gives me a quest to kill a night troll that has been terrorizing a nearby village.

I look over my new companions. There are 7 of them: 5 humans, a dwarf, and an amphibian man. They are all unarmed, except the amphibian man, who has another stone knife.

On the way to the night creatures lair, we are ambushed by a huge group of over 20 kobolds. The necromancers do not perform well in combat,  and most are dead or incapacitated during the first few seconds of combat. The surviving necromancers raise the dead ones, and continue to fight. Any kobolds who fall are added to our army. They quickly lose their advantage, and before long they are completely wiped out. I killed more than half of them myself. I also take the opportunity to feed on an unconscious kobolds blood.

Apparently, my necromancer companions don't know how to make their zombies follow them, so they just keep wandering the battlefield, probably until rot away or are killed by the local wildlife. The 3 survivors set off for the night troll lair.

We arrive at dusk. My 2 surviving companions are the amphibian man, missing an eye but otherwise unharmed, and a human missing both hands. We enter the cave and find 3 night trolls, not just one. 3 vs 3, an even match. My companions are the first to die, not even getting a chance to strike back. I raise my friends, so they can continue fighting. I chop the head off a night troll, and raise both parts. Then the ugliest one, the one I was sent to slay, tackles me to the ground, then stomps on my chest. I feel my ribs breaking, even through my breastplate and 3 mail shirts. From the ground, I stab him through the heart with my halberd. The last one goes down easily, after having all its limbs slashed off.

I return to the tower, and tell the chief that I slayed the night trolls. I also tell him what happened to his apprentices. Then I retire from adventuring.

I am now living in Nobleclobbers, an amusingly named hamlet miles away from any major city. It is part of the book of boulders, the last human civilization that I am not a mortal enemy of.

I am done with this guy for now. I will upload the save soon, in case anyone else wants to play as Thomo Practicefights.

Just to let people know, I started as a demigod, and I did not savescum, nor did I spend any time grinding.
Logged
Highmax…dead, flesh torn from him, though his skill with the sword was unmatched…military…Nearly destroyed .. Rhunorah... dead... Mastahcheese returns...dead. Gaul...alive, still locked in combat. NAV...Alive, drinking booze....
The face on the toaster does not look like one of mercy.
Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 5