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Author Topic: Burdened with other people's problems  (Read 3375 times)

Urist McPenguinhead

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Burdened with other people's problems
« on: October 09, 2012, 05:17:12 am »

Hey guys, I'm in need of a bit of help.

So I seem to be the go-to person for everyone's problems. Even people I don't know all too well just come up to me and start spilling out everything. I don't know what it is about me that makes people think "Oh, why don't I go over to that person and tell them all my problems and concerns." Don't they see I have my own problems I'm trying to deal with? Hell, I'd even say my problems are worse than all theirs put together. Everyone comes to cry on my shoulder, yet no one lets me cry on their's.

Is there anything I can do? I can't just say no to them, because then I feel like a selfish jerk. Don't get me wrong, I do like to help people and it is rewarding when I see my advice has made a difference, but it's getting a bit much now, I don't need other people's problems weighing me down too.
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The Scout

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Re: Burdened with other people's problems
« Reply #1 on: October 09, 2012, 05:21:49 am »

I've got somewhat the same problem, minus having worst problems then them, and adding in their insistence on me making important life choices for them.
I don't really know what to tell you, I normally just deal with it.
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Urist McPenguinhead

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Re: Burdened with other people's problems
« Reply #2 on: October 09, 2012, 05:26:51 am »

Yeah, I guess I can't really do much about it. I don't even know why I posted it here.

I just have about a bajillion emotions having a party in my head right now and I feel weird :s
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LordBucket

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Re: Burdened with other people's problems
« Reply #3 on: October 09, 2012, 03:09:01 pm »

Your mind is much like your body. Things go in, and things come out. Eating indigestible, or unhealthy things is not usually a problem so long as they come out. Eat a penny, it comes right out.

Do the same with other people's problems. Let them go.

Korbac

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Re: Burdened with other people's problems
« Reply #4 on: October 09, 2012, 03:54:59 pm »

Hey guys, I'm in need of a bit of help.

So I seem to be the go-to person for everyone's problems. Even people I don't know all too well just come up to me and start spilling out everything. I don't know what it is about me that makes people think "Oh, why don't I go over to that person and tell them all my problems and concerns." Don't they see I have my own problems I'm trying to deal with? Hell, I'd even say my problems are worse than all theirs put together. Everyone comes to cry on my shoulder, yet no one lets me cry on their's.

Is there anything I can do? I can't just say no to them, because then I feel like a selfish jerk. Don't get me wrong, I do like to help people and it is rewarding when I see my advice has made a difference, but it's getting a bit much now, I don't need other people's problems weighing me down too.

I used to get this all the time, but then I became a bit mean.  :P  It's just a sign that you're a good guy. You should probably be glad about that. Alot of people don't actually expect help with their problems... they just want someone to listen to. As long as you listen (or at least nod occasionally and say "uh huh"), then you have done your job.

For people who actually want you to deal with their problems, I'd say give them some token advice unless they are a close friend, in which case you might want to go deeper. Prioritize.

There we go. Dealing with the problem that someone who has problems receives too many problems. Problemception Too Many Problems On The Dancefloor Glad to help. :)
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Mutagen

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Re: Burdened with other people's problems
« Reply #5 on: October 09, 2012, 04:17:39 pm »

Drop the assumption that the measure if your own worth is what you do for others. Help those you care for, if you wish to. Your life is yours alone, and you only get one. You would be right to damn whoever tries to make you feel guilty for being unwilling to exist for the sake of others. No one has any right to even one second of  your life if you're not willing to give it. There's nothing wrong with just saying no to anyone who tries to place a claim on you.
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kaijyuu

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Re: Burdened with other people's problems
« Reply #6 on: October 09, 2012, 04:20:17 pm »

Personally I like helping people, so I wouldn't call that a "burden" unless they start having unreasonable demands.
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For, in order that men should resist injustice, something more is necessary than that they should think injustice unpleasant. They must think injustice absurd; above all, they must think it startling. They must retain the violence of a virgin astonishment. When the pessimist looks at any infamy, it is to him, after all, only a repetition of the infamy of existence. But the optimist sees injustice as something discordant and unexpected, and it stings him into action.

King DZA

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Re: Burdened with other people's problems
« Reply #7 on: October 09, 2012, 04:35:58 pm »

Drop the assumption that the measure if your own worth is what you do for others.

While you certainly shouldn't let yourself be taken advantage of, it could be argued that one of the only real reasons anyone has for existing is to contribute to the existence of others.

kaijyuu

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Re: Burdened with other people's problems
« Reply #8 on: October 09, 2012, 04:38:30 pm »

Mutagen's whole post strikes me as well... monstrous, but I didn't want to derail a help thread :(
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Quote from: Chesterton
For, in order that men should resist injustice, something more is necessary than that they should think injustice unpleasant. They must think injustice absurd; above all, they must think it startling. They must retain the violence of a virgin astonishment. When the pessimist looks at any infamy, it is to him, after all, only a repetition of the infamy of existence. But the optimist sees injustice as something discordant and unexpected, and it stings him into action.

Mutagen

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Re: Burdened with other people's problems
« Reply #9 on: October 09, 2012, 04:44:28 pm »

Mutagen's whole post strikes me as well... monstrous, but I didn't want to derail a help thread :(

Help people you care about if you're able and willing to do so, and screw whoever tries to guilt you into believing that you owe it to them. I don't see anything particularly "monstrous" about it.
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Fenrir

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Re: Burdened with other people's problems
« Reply #10 on: October 09, 2012, 04:48:42 pm »

Urist McPenguinhead has made it clear that he wants to help, but it has become expected, frequent, and taxing. Trying to change his values is probably not going to work, and this budding debate has zero chance of being helpful.
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Exerosp

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Re: Burdened with other people's problems
« Reply #11 on: October 09, 2012, 11:48:57 pm »

This isn't good advice, I doubt it'll help, and it sounds corny as hell, but...


When you said "Everyone comes to cry on my shoulder, yet no one lets me cry on their's" I thought of the rain. It kinda just slips of you know... But technically it gets there. It isn't able to vent it since it surely always is crying, trying to, on something.

I guess you just need to be the person you are, letting people trust in you. I live in a place of introverts and trust me, when someone comes out talking without Shittalking and bad mouthing, you feel valued.
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Urist McPenguinhead

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Re: Burdened with other people's problems
« Reply #12 on: October 10, 2012, 01:09:19 am »

I guess 'burdened' isn't really the right word. It's more frustrating really. For example, this person was telling me about all their friend problems...now I'm in a really awkward spot because their friends know now (to the point they've started targetting me). yeah it's hard to explain, but that's high school politics for you :P

I suppose it all boils down to getting to know people well enough so I'm comfortable around them.
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