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Author Topic: The Founding of a Home  (Read 10047 times)

TheZoomZoll

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Re: The Founding of a Home
« Reply #60 on: December 30, 2012, 06:01:39 am »

About making it popular...
Maybe 4chan? It at first made mlp popular for adults...

Don't say that name ever again.No.

Volfgarix

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Re: The Founding of a Home
« Reply #61 on: December 30, 2012, 08:44:16 am »

Ok. Other ideas?
« Last Edit: December 30, 2012, 08:55:26 am by Volfgarix »
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willramius

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Re: The Founding of a Home
« Reply #62 on: December 30, 2012, 11:37:46 am »

I think just keeping it near the top of the forum list should do the job.  If Stronghammer keeps posting, and we keep commenting, people will see it when ever they come to the forum and from their it should be natural curiosity that does the rest.
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TheZoomZoll

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Re: The Founding of a Home
« Reply #63 on: December 30, 2012, 12:21:38 pm »

I think just keeping it near the top of the forum list should do the job.  If Stronghammer keeps posting, and we keep commenting, people will see it when ever they come to the forum and from their it should be natural curiosity that does the rest.

I guess that would work.

Stronghammer

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Re: The Founding of a Home
« Reply #64 on: January 01, 2013, 09:22:05 pm »

And here is Chapter 2 of book two, its a little short cause I have been bedridden and reeeeeally sick. But here it is.

Chapter 2

While the dwarves toiled under the glare of Handrel and Dwdal mourned the loss of his friends, the dwarven kingdom of the Weeping Mountain was a buzz. News of the march of the goblins had reached the dwarves via a messenger from the elves. However this only confirmed the situation for the dwarves. They actually had been preparing for several weeks before the arrival of the elves because of mysterious messenger that had suddenly appeared in one of the temples. The priests had been holding the evening cleansing rituals when suddenly the solid silver statue of Barthuum their god suddenly burst with life. The statue had looked down upon the assembly and spoke in a loud and booming voice.
"Dwarves arise from your halls and arise from your mines. Stop your smithing and stop your digging. There are brethren in need far to the east. Goblins have arisen once again and have spilt dwarven blood." The statue paused and stood from its giant throne of silver and pointed down almost exactly at the king. "I command you to march at once and avenge the fall of your brethren and smash the goblin forces once more." With its message given the statue sat once more but raised its war hammer above its head in parting. "To grudge one dwarf, is to grudge us all." And just as suddenly the life in the statue was gone. It almost seemed as if it never happened, except that unlike before the arm and hammer were raised above the head of the statue. Almost as in a reminder.
Once over the shock the dwarves had all rushed from the hall and to their separate places. Many anvils began to beat on steel, hammering out weapons of war. Merchants returned to their shops to load carts full of supplies needed for the coming war. Priests filled bag after bag with vials of healing tonics and bundles of bandages. The King rushed back to his hall and began to send out missives and bags of gold to finance the war and to spread the word to the rest of the mountain.
The work and frenzy continued to build within the mountain until the elf messenger arrived. It was then that the frenzy boiled over. Many had known Kranth the brewer and many others of the expedition. Yet now they knew that the Wild Boar would never reopen. Many as they passed the place whispered prayers to their god, with the hope that Kranth would have an even better tavern awaiting him in the halls of Barthuum. Knowing who had been lost only helped to fuel the drive of the dwarves to go and avenge their people. Clans rallied from all over the mountain gathering their many warriors and weapons. Dwarven Clans from outside the mountain from other holds began to arrive to march for war. Ashbeards from the Coal mountains, Sparkleboots from the western Glittering mountains, even the strange Tangletoes from across the sea came with their druidic magic. From all over the dwarves gathered to their dieties call. All came to answer the call to war and all came to avenge the fall of their kin.
So great was the answering response from the holds, that many had to limit volunteers and prevent some from leaving. The world had never seen such a march of dwarves from the beginning of time, and would likely never see such again. It warmed Barthuum's heart to see such from his creation. He could not have asked for a more loyal and devout group of dwarves.
The elves however saw their part in the war and battle to be over. Their goddess had not reappeared to tell them to continue. Their elders also sat silent on the matter, thinking it better to sit and see what the outcome would be. Many of the elves believed that they had done all that they needed to. In their eyes they had resupplied the dwarves and sent warriors to help them. Even now they believed that they had greatly contributed when they had saved the lone survivor and nursed him back to health. The elves believed that the dark tide was held back and that there would be decades of peace once again. So they returned to their enchanted groves and beautiful gardens. The elves went back to their studies and the long comforting lives that they lived, confident in the fact that there would now be peace. Yet they could not foresee the movements of the goblin menace once more.
The Great Grey after returning to his lair from what he thought was a victory over the dwarves, realised that he was not satisfied with just that one battle. He had not had a victory in many decades, so just having the rush of a fresh victory thrilled him. After a few minutes of thinking on the subject the goblin's face split into a grin from ear to ear. He would continue his momentum, and strike out at some of the other enemies he had about him. His grin turned quickly twisted into a cruel visual as his mind alighted upon the perfect enemy to attack. That Elven village that sat further to the east from the location of his recent victory would be the perfect target. For many years the village had been a spot of great irritation for the Grey. Now he figured would be the best time for his attack and for a swift victory over them. The quickly left his throne room and scurried to one of the many goblin generals that resided in the next cave over. As he hurried through the pitch black, he knew that this would be another feather in his cap.
Yet this was not the only force of evil at work and marshalling its forces. Far away in one of the many great green wood's  of the north, sat the great tower of Tolestus. It towered above the woods many hundreds of feet high, with sun glinting from its blue marble walls. It was honeycombed with a mirage of libraries, workshops, laboratories, dungeons and summoning rooms. It was here that Tolestus dwelled and viewed the power struggle far to the south. It was here that he brought the weapons of the Silverpicks and carefully experimented on the powdery substance used to fire the weapons of the dwarves. It was also here that he had come to the conclusion that he needed more powerful weapons and enchantments of the dwarves. Tolestus had been in the highest observatory in his tower when he had by chance discovered that the dwarves still lived. He immediately came to the conclusion that he must once again march on them to gain more of their weapons, so that he might unlock their secrets.
With that in mind he had hurried to the very depths of his tower. Down to the very foundations of the mighty structure far beneath the earth. It was here that dark magic dwelled and it was here that the minions of evil lived. It was from the dark places that Tolestus would draw his army. He had not been long in the bowels of the earth when they came. From all directions they shuffled forwards. Hundreds of undead, several thousand even. Yet Tolestus desired more, so he sent forth his magical summons far into the dark and quiet. On and on he called, drawing more and more dead to him until finally he could draw no more. Yet he knew it would be enough of a force to crush the dwarven outpost, the goblins and the elves all combined. And so he brought his forces out into the forest to ready them for the march ahead.
How could the Elf elders foresee this army. How could the dwarves prepare for this force. How could the Grey know to include Tolestus in his plotting. And of course how could the small dwarven post hope to withstand the coming war. Yet prepare each side did, in their own way. The dwarves under Handrel built thicker and thicker walls, with the hope of keeping the world out.  The Great Grey called and summoned warrior after warrior  to his side. The dwarves of the Weeping mountain prepared their great siege engines and Tolestus wove numerous enchantments over his forces. Barthuum saw all this and knew that nothing would survive the coming battle. And so he bestowed two visions to two dwarves. To both Kranth and Dwdal he imparted the knowledge of the coming battle with the hope that they may be able to steer the elves and dwarves right.
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willramius

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Re: The Founding of a Home
« Reply #65 on: January 04, 2013, 05:23:14 pm »

Some of this sounds eerily familiar.... :D  Enjoyed reading this, as usual.  Keep up the good work.
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TheZoomZoll

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Re: The Founding of a Home
« Reply #66 on: January 08, 2013, 04:14:26 pm »

Some of this sounds eerily familiar.... :D  Enjoyed reading this, as usual.  Keep up the good work.

RabidAnubis

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Re: The Founding of a Home
« Reply #67 on: January 09, 2013, 06:01:30 pm »

Okay, as you know I write as well.  I have put this off in a tab and will give my thoughts in every chapter as I go along.  Also, as I'm doing this chapter by chapter understand that I am lagging a bit behind you.  I'm also nitpicking so don't feel offended when I offer some things.
The Founding of a Home- Chapter 1
 Interesting, and a nice set up for the story.  I have a strange sense of foreshadowing ahead.  XD 

The descriptions are great and strong, especially the ones involving powerful imagery like- "As he began to approach, the wealth of the palace began to show and like it did every time to every dwarf, it made Handrel slow down and amaze at the work. All along the walls of the King’s Hall were the stories of the Weeping Mountain, in beaten gold, silver and bronze."  -Use action to describe things, not- "He had a great black beard, with short black hair upon his head. He had bushy eyebrows that sat over wide grey eyes and a large broad nose."  Had is a bad descriptive word, try using a word a bit more actiony.  Avoid using it.

And a few stereotypical lines always help out as well- “Halt and be named friend or foe, and know that friend be welcomed and to foe be woe.” Along with several good pieces of honest dialogue.  However, the word smile is used quite a bit.  Use grin or smirk every once in a while.

On the bright side you appear to have avoided using repetitive launguage so far, and the story is pretty immerse for the most part.  There are a few overstatements, like "mining fortress".  Well, of course it's mined, it's settled by dwarves goddamn it.  Now if it was for the purpose of being mined 'mining outpost' would have been a better description.

Also, use italics or bold for author notes.  That last paragraph somewhat ruined the immersion the first chapter had lent me- it reads as a narrative, not a journal or a dig site set up.  Despite that however, I found myself starting the second post before I realized that I'm doing this chapter by chapter and I should probably stop reading and review right then.

Additionally, linking up chapters on the first post will help people find the chapters faster.
« Last Edit: January 09, 2013, 06:05:32 pm by RabidAnubis »
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Stronghammer

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Re: The Founding of a Home
« Reply #68 on: January 09, 2013, 07:02:16 pm »

Cool thanks for the feed back, all of which is well founded. As to the writing issues, I have a problem starting a writing project, however it should show later on that I hit my stride and start having better quality writing. Again thanks for the feed back, also good idea on the linking I will get right on that.
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Stronghammer

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Re: The Founding of a Home
« Reply #69 on: January 09, 2013, 08:16:45 pm »

Chapter 3

Kranth awoke from his vision to the clamor of raised voices nearby. Listening for a moment he quickly discerned that it was coming from the entry hall made throne room. With a sigh of exhaustion, he rose from his bed of gravel, stretched and headed down the small hall. He arrived a few seconds later to the throne room, and saw the source of the commotion. Handrel sat upon his throne with the two Stronghammer dwarves standing protectively in front of him. A the foot of the dais stood the two Silverpicks along with one of the Gemchippers. To the side stood the Blessed Gunner, his face marked with sorrow because of the current events.

It was at that moment that Barthum, who was leading the group spoke. "Ye daft King of shit! How dare you command a dwarf to destroy an ancestor weapon just so that you can have a bloody crown!" The two dwarves at his side shouted their agreement and raised their weapons for emphasis. Yet it seemed that the emotion and seriousness of the situation either did not register with Handrel or he simply did not care. With a bored wave of his hand from behind his guards he spoke. "Now, now Barthum no need to act in such a way. It will not avail you any. And besides as King I may decide to do as I please. So please hand over the axe or my guards with take it."

At the mention of the guards, Kranth looked back at the Stronghammers standing in front of the King. They were clad in Stronghammer full plate, with their faces hidden behind the impassive glare of their full helms. However the Silverpicks and Gemchippers were only in their cloths, as if they had just rushed from their work. Kranth knew that despite the prowess of the Silverpicks, the battle would be a short and decisive one. Kranth knew the Silverpicks had no weapon that could penetrate the Stronghammer's armor.  Kranth was shaken from his thoughts by the sudden explosive outburst of Barthum.

His face was a deep beat red from anger, and his shout was full of force to match his face. "You worthless, gutless, cowardly hobgoblin!! How dare you say this in the very hall that Grimil died defending! By my beard I hope your reign is a short and bloody one. Your coffers will remain empty and your ale will dry for what you dare command this day! KING!" The color in Handrel's face actually drained as Barthum had bellowed his curse at the King. Among dwarves no curse was more powerful then that issued by a founding member of a hold. And non more powerful than if that founding member was a miner. Yet he was still quick to try and save face in front of the others. "Right, guards take the weapon and give it the Blessed Gunner so that he may carry out his task." One of the Stronghammers with his shoulders slumped from the dishonor, quickly took the axe from the Barthum who was still fuming and handed it to the Blessed Gunner.

The guard began to turn away but not before the other dwarf was able to whisper to him. "Why good dwarf do you dishonor yourself by serving Handrel?" The Stronghammer almost seemed to flinch at the statement before responding in kind. "I have no honor left to lose, wise one." With those parting words the Stronghammer walked back to the dais and resumed his post. Handrel turned with a beaming smile and addressed the Stronghammer dwarf oblivious to the dwarf's current feelings. "Well at least this Kingdom has two Honorable Stronghammers to protect its King. When more of you arrive, I will appoint you all as my Royal guard." The two Stronghammers cringed behind their faceplates at the suggested "honor". Yet what could they do. So they both simply nodded and turned back to face out from the throne.

Handrel seemed quite pleased with himself and sat back in his throne, a wide grin on his face. Kranth just shook his head in sorrow. He had hoped that Handrel's wisdom would improve with his rule and that he would become a better dwarf. Yet from today's display it was clear that the dwarf had no idea about what was going on around him and simply thought he could command and bully others. Kranth knew that before things got better they were going to get bloody first. When his mind drifted back to the vision's he had, it was clear that things were going to get very bloody indeed. 

The other dwarves filtered back to their work places in complete silence. They had come out in hopes that the King would see reason but it was clear he would not. So with dashed hopes and in anger they went back to work. Yet none were so angry as Barthum. He went back to his small mine and worked in silent abandon. He had never liked Handrel back in the Weeping mountains and had never really warmed up to the dwarf on their travels. His opinion of the other dwarf's capabilities had only diminished with every obstacle the dwarves had face and with every tragedy. The only reason he had kept quiet was that Grimil had turned out to be a great leader for the group. Barthum and many of the other dwarves had even thought that once they arrived at the mountain, Grimil would become their King. All their ideas and hopes for the future were buried that day when the entrance collapsed on their leader. Many wished now that Handrel had been caught in the collapse that day. That way a great failure would be lost alongside their hero. Barthum however viewed the situation differently however.

The idea had first appeared to him a few nights after the collapse. When the cave in had happened Handrel had told the others that he had dashed forwards to try and kill the enemy before they could slay Grimil. Everyone, since they were in shock at the sudden lose had believed Handrel. Many even decided to follow Handrel, since it appeared that he had risked his life to save Grimil. Barthum however never really agreed with Handrel's version. He knew Handrel from when they both were much younger in the Weeping mountains. Handrel had been a devious one. Always quick to point out the failure of others, but a master had hiding his own failures. Handrel had even once convinced the ruling council that it had been Barthum who had blown up one of the distilleries, not himself. Barthum had been apprenticed at the time to become a brewer for his clan. However the others had all believed Handrel, and so Barthum lost his apprenticeship.

Since then Barthum had always been careful to believe anything that was tied to Handrel in anyway. And so when Barthum had been dozing a few days after the collapse the idea had hit him. Actually his friend Urist's boot had hit him, but the idea had come despite the blunt trauma. Handrel would have never risked his life for another to benefit, he only would have charged forwards to allow himself to gain. At first Barthum had thought that maybe Handrel had hoped to gain favor with the others by slaying goblins. However as time passed and Handrel continued to make bad decisions, another possibility occurred to him. Maybe Handrel had charged out not to kill a goblin, but to eliminate a political opponent. Barthum snapped out of his thoughts and stopped mining. Where had that sudden idea come from? Yes Handrel was a horrible leader but surely he was not an evil dwarf, right? He shook his head clear of the conspiracies and let out a laugh. "I'm startin to think like Handrel!" Urist who had been mining stopped and wiped his brow of sweat. "Let's hope not or we might bring this whole mountain down atop us." The two had a good laugh and went back to mining. But Barthum despite the needed levity from his friend could not shake that thought from his mind.




Here is chapter 3, things are starting to get interesting. Armies are on the move and Handrel's hidden actions are starting to come to light. Hope you all enjoy the chapter. Feel free to tell me your thoughts opinions and any suggestions or requests as to what may happen next. also could someone inform me how i might provide links in my opening post to my chapters? My knowledge of such things is limited.
« Last Edit: January 09, 2013, 08:20:47 pm by Stronghammer »
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Stronghammer

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Re: The Founding of a Home
« Reply #70 on: January 10, 2013, 02:00:18 pm »

Well here is chapter 1 in audio book form. This one is just me doing it, just to start getting the  project done. However I have my voice actor uncle working with me to do a "nice" copy. Im also going to get together a group of guys to do the different voices for the audio book "nice version. Anyways here it is. Chapter 1
« Last Edit: January 10, 2013, 02:28:02 pm by Stronghammer »
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TheZoomZoll

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Re: The Founding of a Home
« Reply #71 on: January 12, 2013, 02:52:02 am »

Wow.Checking it out right now.

Stronghammer

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Re: The Founding of a Home
« Reply #72 on: January 17, 2013, 01:48:54 pm »

Well Semester 2 has begun and my internship has started to speed up, so it will be a little while before I write some more.
Cheers
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Stronghammer

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Re: The Founding of a Home
« Reply #73 on: January 18, 2013, 02:36:53 pm »

Hey everybody

I know I still need to work on this book. However I have an idea for an evil dwarf book. Anyways, im posting here to ask if anyone is interested in reading something like that. If so let me know, also if you just think I should focus on this book let me know. The reason I wanted to start writing the other one is that I am, really interested in the idea. As well, by writing the other one, it gives me a writing break from this one, so that when I come back to this one I am refreshed. I was thinking if I did do the other one, I would do every other week a chapter for each. So wekk one this book, week two the other book, week 3 this book....etc. Anyways post what you think.

and ps if no one posts about that then I will just go with my idea.
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TheZoomZoll

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Re: The Founding of a Home
« Reply #74 on: January 19, 2013, 01:50:54 am »

Keep up the good work.

Anything is fine.
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