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Author Topic: Terrible Jokes  (Read 472069 times)

Descan

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Terrible Jokes
« on: November 18, 2012, 07:44:02 pm »

Thread is thread.


Terrible jokes. Any you got, anything that makes you cringe. I mean, I GUESS you can put good jokes here. But come on, is there really such a thing? They're really all terrible, in their own way. :3

Here's one I thought up two years ago:

Quote
Why are there no jokes about Jonestown?

Because the punch line is too long.


EDIT: The only rule here is if something offends you enough to want it gone, PM the person posting it and ask that they remove it. It's up to you two to sort it out, but keep it out of the thread. I don't want every few pages to turn into a dick-measuring contest of bystanders trying to one-up each other of how offended or not offended they can get, as if it were a vote or public debate and the majority decides whether it gets removed or not.
« Last Edit: November 10, 2014, 08:46:49 pm by Descan »
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Heron TSG

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Re: TERRIBLE JOKES
« Reply #1 on: November 18, 2012, 07:48:44 pm »

Man, I heard about this circus fire last night. It was intense.
(In... tents. Get it?)



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Ultimuh

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Re: TERRIBLE JOKES
« Reply #2 on: November 18, 2012, 07:51:06 pm »

Oh I got plenty of jokes which mostly fall flat.
Altough I cannot think of any right now.
So consider this a PTW.
« Last Edit: November 18, 2012, 07:52:59 pm by Ultimuh »
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Urist Imiknorris

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Re: TERRIBLE JOKES
« Reply #3 on: November 18, 2012, 07:53:20 pm »

Politics.
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Creaca

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Re: TERRIBLE JOKES
« Reply #4 on: November 18, 2012, 07:57:10 pm »

I was reading this book on anti-gravity.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

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freeformschooler

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Re: TERRIBLE JOKES
« Reply #5 on: November 18, 2012, 08:01:24 pm »

I was reading this book on anti-gravity.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

-5 points, I legitimately laughed.
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Zrk2

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Re: TERRIBLE JOKES
« Reply #6 on: November 18, 2012, 08:03:03 pm »

All my truly terrible jokes are generally racist (thanks, family!).

Here's one that's historical instead;

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?

None.

I'm so sorry...
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Flying Dice

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Re: TERRIBLE JOKES
« Reply #7 on: November 18, 2012, 08:09:36 pm »

Nope.
« Last Edit: November 18, 2012, 08:22:03 pm by Flying Dice »
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Korbac

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Re: TERRIBLE JOKES
« Reply #8 on: November 18, 2012, 08:25:00 pm »

TOO LATE, FLYING DICE

I SAW THAT
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Aklyon

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Re: TERRIBLE JOKES
« Reply #9 on: November 18, 2012, 08:26:31 pm »

DANGIT, KORBAC

I DIDN'T
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Flying Dice

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Re: TERRIBLE JOKES
« Reply #10 on: November 18, 2012, 08:38:01 pm »

That was probably one of the tamest ones I could come up with, too.
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kaijyuu

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Re: TERRIBLE JOKES
« Reply #11 on: November 18, 2012, 08:38:56 pm »

Sleep is for the week. It's currently the weekend.
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For, in order that men should resist injustice, something more is necessary than that they should think injustice unpleasant. They must think injustice absurd; above all, they must think it startling. They must retain the violence of a virgin astonishment. When the pessimist looks at any infamy, it is to him, after all, only a repetition of the infamy of existence. But the optimist sees injustice as something discordant and unexpected, and it stings him into action.

Pnx

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Re: TERRIBLE JOKES
« Reply #12 on: November 18, 2012, 08:41:51 pm »

I know a few halfway decent terrible jokes. Here's a somewhat christian viewpoint one for you:

So a young couple have died and gone to heaven, and at the gates they meet saint Peter. He says, "Welcome to heaven, we've been expecting you, now before we let you up, is there anything we can do for you?"
The couple look at each other, and one of them asks, "Well one thing we always wanted to do but didn't get a chance to before we died, was to get married, could we get married before we go in?"
Saint Peter scratches his beard and says, "Well, we can, though it'll take a while to set things up, if you really want to do it, then you can wait here while I send an angel to sort it out. Just keep in mind that there's no "'til death do you part" business up here, it's forever."
The couple says they're alright with that, and ask him to do it. So Saint Peter trumpets up an angel, and sends him through the gates with directions to find a priest willing to marry them... They wait... and wait... and wait... and finally after two weeks the angle comes back with a smiling priest in stow. Saint Peter claps his hands and says, "Right then, are you ready to get married then?"
Now the couple had actually been getting a bit nervous about all of this while they were waiting, and so one of them asks, to try to set his mind at ease, "Well... we were wondering, since you said it's forever up here, if things didn't work out, would it really be forever? Could we get a divorce?"
Saint Peter is about to respond when the angel throws a hissy fit and says, "NO! Just NO! Look, you saw how long it took me to find a priest in there, do you have any idea how long it would take me to find a lawyer?"

(sorry Truean, you knew there had to be one in here somewhere)
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misko27

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Re: TERRIBLE JOKES
« Reply #13 on: November 18, 2012, 08:50:01 pm »

I know a few halfway decent terrible jokes. Here's a somewhat christian viewpoint one for you:

So a young couple have died and gone to heaven, and at the gates they meet saint Peter. He says, "Welcome to heaven, we've been expecting you, now before we let you up, is there anything we can do for you?"
The couple look at each other, and one of them asks, "Well one thing we always wanted to do but didn't get a chance to before we died, was to get married, could we get married before we go in?"
Saint Peter scratches his beard and says, "Well, we can, though it'll take a while to set things up, if you really want to do it, then you can wait here while I send an angel to sort it out. Just keep in mind that there's no "'til death do you part" business up here, it's forever."
The couple says they're alright with that, and ask him to do it. So Saint Peter trumpets up an angel, and sends him through the gates with directions to find a priest willing to marry them... They wait... and wait... and wait... and finally after two weeks the angle comes back with a smiling priest in stow. Saint Peter claps his hands and says, "Right then, are you ready to get married then?"
Now the couple had actually been getting a bit nervous about all of this while they were waiting, and so one of them asks, to try to set his mind at ease, "Well... we were wondering, since you said it's forever up here, if things didn't work out, would it really be forever? Could we get a divorce?"
Saint Peter is about to respond when the angel throws a hissy fit and says, "NO! Just NO! Look, you saw how long it took me to find a priest in there, do you have any idea how long it would take me to find a lawyer?"

(sorry Truean, you knew there had to be one in here somewhere)
This joke is hilarious, no Points for you!
 
On that note, Old Communist Joke. In the 1970s, there was a rising and powerful Communist official, who wanted to show his aged mother how well he had done for himself. He showed her his nice modern house, but she said nothing. Then, he showed her his western car, a Ferrari, but still she said nothing. Finally, he toured her around the house, showing her his high standard of living, and STILL she said nothing. Finally, he cried out "Mother, what do you think of my house?!?" she said "It is very good Simon! But what will you do if the Communists come back?".
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Ultimuh

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Re: TERRIBLE JOKES
« Reply #14 on: November 18, 2012, 08:50:44 pm »

Sleep is for the week. It's currently the weekend.

Wait.. what? You got monday off?
Lucky son of a hamster!
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