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Author Topic: Terrible Jokes  (Read 564257 times)

Korbac

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Re: TERRIBLE JOKES
« Reply #15 on: November 18, 2012, 08:53:24 pm »

That was probably one of the tamest ones I could come up with, too.

Eh, I personally didn't think using a nun / cheeseroll punchline was that offensive. :P
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Zrk2

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Re: TERRIBLE JOKES
« Reply #16 on: November 18, 2012, 09:01:19 pm »

On that note, Old Communist Joke. In the 1970s, there was a rising and powerful Communist official, who wanted to show his aged mother how well he had done for himself. He showed her his nice modern house, but she said nothing. Then, he showed her his western car, a Ferrari, but still she said nothing. Finally, he toured her around the house, showing her his high standard of living, and STILL she said nothing. Finally, he cried out "Mother, what do you think of my house?!?" she said "It is very good Simon! But what will you do if the Communists come back?".

That's actually a god joke. I award you no points.
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He's just keeping up with the Cardassians.

Korbac

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Re: TERRIBLE JOKES
« Reply #17 on: November 18, 2012, 09:07:35 pm »

"Captain's Log, Stardate 249638. Still won't flush, I'll try again later."
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GreatJustice

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Re: TERRIBLE JOKES
« Reply #18 on: November 18, 2012, 09:10:18 pm »

There was a young man from Peru
Who's limericks ended on line two

...

There was a woman from Verdun

...

What did the newspaper headlines say when the dinosaur crashed his car?
Tyrannosaurus Wrecks

...

A Soviet man is standing in line waiting for some bread. Tired of the incredibly slow movement of the line, he begins loudly complaining about the system and the government.

Two plainclothes KGB agents come over and take him aside. "Listen comrade," they say, "in the old days we would have killed you immediately, but under Glasnost and Perestroika we must give you a warning. Please stop disrupting the line and go home."

The man dutifully returns home to his wife. "Why don't you have any bread!?" she asks. "It's terrible!" says the man. "The country has fallen apart; not only is there no food left, they have no bullets left either!"
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The person supporting regenerating health, when asked why you can see when shot in the eye justified it as 'you put on an eyepatch'. When asked what happens when you are then shot in the other eye, he said that you put an eyepatch on that eye. When asked how you'd be able to see, he said that your first eye would have healed by then.

Professional Bridge Toll Collector?

TheBronzePickle

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Re: TERRIBLE JOKES
« Reply #19 on: November 18, 2012, 09:12:01 pm »

I've got one, I managed to get away with telling it twice in high school.

A man was driving down the highway when he noticed a billboard advertising the 'Sisters of Saint Francis Brothel'. He tried to ignore it, but he found himself curious and was soon on the exit ramp, looking for the building. He soon found himself in front of what looked like a repurposed church marked with another sign.

He walks in the front door to find himself in front of a nun. "How may I help you?" she asks.

"I'd like to try some of your services."

The nun nods and points to another down by the altar. "Sister Susan will show you the way."

The man nods and heads to the altar, where Sister Susan is holding a basket. "One hundred dollars, please."

The man puts the money in the basket and the sister leads him to a door. He opens the door and the sister pushes him outside and closes it, locking him out. On the door is a sign that says "You have been screwed by the Sisters of Saint Francis. Now go to Hell, you dirty sinner!"
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Nothing important here, move along.

Flying Dice

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Re: TERRIBLE JOKES
« Reply #20 on: November 18, 2012, 09:14:40 pm »

That was probably one of the tamest ones I could come up with, too.

Eh, I personally didn't think using a nun / cheeseroll punchline was that offensive. :P

Like I said. A lot of the stuff I could come up with would get me banned. Including a very minor variation on what I posted.  :P


A man rushes into a florist's shop, desperately cradling a bundle of dying flowers. He asks the clerk to help him. The clerk replies by explaining that nothing can be done; they aren't equipped for invasive work.
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Cake
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kaenneth

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Re: TERRIBLE JOKES
« Reply #21 on: November 18, 2012, 09:27:38 pm »

There is this great joke about the Jonestown suicides, but the punchline is too long.

edit: Left the reply window open too long, was reading the whole article on Jonestone; saw that joke on 4chan earlier today...
« Last Edit: November 18, 2012, 09:34:55 pm by kaenneth »
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Re: TERRIBLE JOKES
« Reply #22 on: November 18, 2012, 09:31:37 pm »

Kaenneth is Descan? I would be more surprised if they weren't both already Pathos.

How much do pirates pay for corn?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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kaenneth

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #23 on: November 18, 2012, 09:53:23 pm »

OK, one I thought up myself a while back.

"I tried to buy perfume from a vending machine, but it was out of odor."
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Jeeze. Any time I want to be sigged I may as well just post in this thread.
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That is an application of trigonometry that never occurred to me.
Quote from: PTTG??
I'm getting cake.
Don't tell anyone that you can see their shadows. If they hear you telling anyone, if you let them know that you know of them, they will get you.

Creaca

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #24 on: November 18, 2012, 09:53:28 pm »

It's 22 C.E. and 3 disciples are enjoying lunch with Jesus Christ.

The first man remarks "Jesus, your bread is delicious, what kind of bread is it?"

Jesus gives a sage nod, and calmly replies, "That bread is made from my flesh, for all the hungry to eat."

The second disciple, helping himself to a goblet exclaims, "Jesus, this wine is beyond description, what vineyard is it from?!"

Jesus gives a small smile, and again proclaims, "That wine is made from my blood, for all the thirsty to drink."

The third disciple, having gorged himself the most of the group chokes out a reply through a mouthful, "Guys, you think that craps is good, wait until you try these Eclairs! The filling is orgasmic!"
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Starver

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #25 on: November 18, 2012, 10:02:44 pm »

It seems I need an obCommunistJoke, so I'll give one of those first...

A woman went into a shop and saw that there was nothing for sale.  Frustrated, she started berating the shop-keeeper... "I came in here last week, and you had no meat!  I came in here four days ago and you still had no meat!  I came in here two days and, yet again, you had no meat!  I come in today and, surprise surprise, you have no meat!"

"But madam", replied the shopkeeper, "We are the shop that has no bread.  The shop with no meat is next door!"


And now one with a pun (hover over if you need it explaining)

Q: There are several cats on a sloping roof.  Which one falls off first?
A: The one with the lowest mew...
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Zrk2

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #26 on: November 18, 2012, 10:13:57 pm »

I don't know how to deal with this storm of puns. It's blowing me away.
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Starver

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #27 on: November 18, 2012, 10:15:46 pm »

Gales of laughter?
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Zrk2

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #28 on: November 18, 2012, 10:19:58 pm »

Gales of laughter?

The rest of my night has been rained out.
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He's just keeping up with the Cardassians.

SirAaronIII

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #29 on: November 18, 2012, 11:00:57 pm »

Oh man, I have a few dead baby ones. Are those appropriate? I'm not sure if they'd be appropriate.
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