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[Sergius]

Why do graveyards have fences? Because people are dying to get in.

Which kind of toast can fly? A plain toast.

[gigaraptor487]

I hear Katie Price has a new baby called Bunny.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I guess now she has some meat to go with her vegetable.

[hector13]

You are awful...ly funny.

[KingofstarrySkies]

We are a bunch of horrible human beings

[gigaraptor487]

It is a terrible joke, so I believe it deserves a place here.

[Phmcw]

What does jk Rowling says in front of literrary critics?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

They see me, Rowling. They're rating...

[Morrigi]

What does jk Rowling says in front of literrary critics?

They see me, Rowling. They're rating...

...That was just painful.

[gigaraptor487]

How does JK Rowling write books?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

She doesn't.

[Jiharo]

Geek, an extreme Tolkien fan, frees a genie who offers him three wishes.
"I want to live in Middle Earth! I want to be an elf! And... and... I want to be wise, noble and for everyone to love me!"
Genie says "Well, it's more than three but okay," makes some arcane gestures and geek loses his consciousness.
When he comes to he finds himself in a beautiful room, decorated with wonderful art. He spies a mirror and lo! he is indeed a majestic elf. He walks out of room into the hallway, and it's filled with elves who bow to him. Suddenly, a messenger rushes into hallway.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

 "Lord, we caught a mortal carrying ring of Barahir!"

[Phmcw]

Geek, an extreme Tolkien fan, frees a genie who offers him three wishes.
"I want to live in Middle Earth! I want to be an elf! And... and... I want to be wise, noble and for everyone to love me!"
Genie says "Well, it's more than three but okay," makes some arcane gestures and geek loses his consciousness.
When he comes to he finds himself in a beautiful room, decorated with wonderful art. He spies a mirror and lo! he is indeed a majestic elf. He walks out of room into the hallway, and it's filled with elves who bow to him. Suddenly, a messenger rushes into hallway.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

 "Lord, we caught a mortal carrying ring of Barahir!"

I don't get it.

[gigaraptor487]

Geek, an extreme Tolkien fan, frees a genie who offers him three wishes.
"I want to live in Middle Earth! I want to be an elf! And... and... I want to be wise, noble and for everyone to love me!"
Genie says "Well, it's more than three but okay," makes some arcane gestures and geek loses his consciousness.
When he comes to he finds himself in a beautiful room, decorated with wonderful art. He spies a mirror and lo! he is indeed a majestic elf. He walks out of room into the hallway, and it's filled with elves who bow to him. Suddenly, a messenger rushes into hallway.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

 "Lord, we caught a mortal carrying ring of Barahir!"

You know the joke is truly awful when you have to google the punchline.

[scrdest]

Geek, an extreme Tolkien fan, frees a genie who offers him three wishes.
"I want to live in Middle Earth! I want to be an elf! And... and... I want to be wise, noble and for everyone to love me!"
Genie says "Well, it's more than three but okay," makes some arcane gestures and geek loses his consciousness.
When he comes to he finds himself in a beautiful room, decorated with wonderful art. He spies a mirror and lo! he is indeed a majestic elf. He walks out of room into the hallway, and it's filled with elves who bow to him. Suddenly, a messenger rushes into hallway.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

 "Lord, we caught a mortal carrying ring of Barahir!"

I don't get it.

As far as I can tell... he got cast as the villain.

[Phmcw]

You got me to check the story instead of looking for a play of words. He get eaten by a werewolf later in the story, after losing his throne.

[Slayerhero90]

What time is it when you're locked in a house with a complete stranger?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Dinnertime.

[Akura]

Some Warhammer 40k jokes:


How many Space Marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

None. They drop it from orbit right into the socket.

How many Chaos Space Marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

None. They prefer a dark room.

How many Eldar does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Just one. I mean, it's a light bulb, how hard can it be?

How many Orks does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

They're still trying to get more dakka for the job.

How many Imperial Guardsmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

523 men died securing the objective in the Emperor's name. They did their duty.

(The Orks were still in the room.)