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Author Topic: Terrible Jokes  (Read 481357 times)

crazysheep

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2985 on: December 29, 2015, 03:37:17 pm »

An Englishman, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Norwegian and a Swede were all on a plane together. The flight was going well, until the pilot informed everyone that due to a faulty engine the plane is overloaded. They ditched all their luggage and everything that wasn't nailed down, but the plane was still overloaded. They tore all the seats and other nonessential parts of the plane and threw them out as well, but the plane was still overloaded. It was clear someone would have to sacrifice themselves for the others to survive. The Frenchman jumped out, screaming "Long live Liberty!" The plane was still overloaded. The Englishman jumped out, screaming "Long live the Queen!" The plane was still overloaded. The Finn and the Norwegian threw the Swede out, screaming "Long live Nordic co-operation!"
Slightly different version I learned:

A Frenchman, an Englishman, a Mexican, and a Texan are in a plane and the plane gets overloaded. The pilot says that 3 of them are going to have to sacrifice themselves if the other is to survive. The Frenchman says "vive la France!" and jumps out. The Englishman says "Long live the queen!" and jumps out. The Texan says "Remember the Alamo!" and throws the Mexican out.
We have a rather different version over here:
A Malaysian, an Indonesian, a Cuban and a Japanese man are on a boat trip down a river somewhere.
Halfway through their journey, an engine problem develops and the captain advises the passengers to ditch unessential baggage to lighten the load.
The Cuban throws out a crate of cigars, stating "Plenty of this in my home country."
The Japanese throws out his collection of digital watches, also stating "Plenty of these in my home country."
The Indonesian throws a crate of clove cigarettes overboard, also saying "Plenty of these in my home country."
The boat continues sinking, and all eyes are on the Malaysian. Without batting an eyelid he throws the Indonesian overboard.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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origamiscienceguy

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2986 on: December 29, 2015, 03:42:29 pm »

I suppose the same could be said for the Mexican and the Texan  :P
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Grim Portent

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2987 on: December 29, 2015, 03:45:28 pm »

The version I heard goes like:

There's an American, an Englishman and a Mexican on a boat that begins sinking because it's overloaded.

The Englishman throws his tea overboard saying 'we have plenty of tea back home.'

The Mexican throws his beans overboard saying 'we have plenty of beans back home.'

The American throws the Mexican overboard saying 'we have plenty of Mexican's back home.'
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Orange Wizard

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2988 on: December 29, 2015, 05:25:28 pm »

The New Zealand version:

There's an Asian, an Islander (i.e. Pacific Islands), and a Maori on a plane. The pilot says, "the plane's about to crash, we need to lighten the load"
The Asian takes off his shoes and throws them off, saying "we have plenty of those where I come from"
The Islander takes off his shirt and throws it off, saying "we have plenty of those where I come from"
The Maori picks up the Asian and throws him off, saying "we have plenty of those where I come from"
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origamiscienceguy

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2989 on: December 29, 2015, 05:46:06 pm »

The New Zealand version:

There's an Asian, an Islander (i.e. Pacific Islands), and a Maori on a plane. The pilot says, "the plane's about to crash, we need to lighten the load"
The Asian takes off his shoes and throws them off, saying "we have plenty of those where I come from"
The Islander takes off his shirt and throws it off, saying "we have plenty of those where I come from"
The Maori picks up the Asian and throws him off, saying "we have plenty of those where I come from"
That's totally racist. The others were understandable, but you just took it waaay to far. [/sarcasm]
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Helgoland

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2990 on: December 29, 2015, 07:58:35 pm »

The version I heard goes like:

There's an American, an Englishman and a Mexican on a boat that begins sinking because it's overloaded.

The Englishman throws his tea overboard saying 'we have plenty of tea back home.'

The Mexican throws his beans overboard saying 'we have plenty of beans back home.'

The American throws the Mexican overboard saying 'we have plenty of Mexican's back home.'
We've got that one in Germany too, except with a Dutch guy, a Turkish guy, and a German. 'Wir haben zuhause eh zu viele davon.'

Not a joke I'd usually tell, really.
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Orange Wizard

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2991 on: December 29, 2015, 08:08:55 pm »

The New Zealand version:

There's an Asian, an Islander (i.e. Pacific Islands), and a Maori on a plane. The pilot says, "the plane's about to crash, we need to lighten the load"
The Asian takes off his shoes and throws them off, saying "we have plenty of those where I come from"
The Islander takes off his shirt and throws it off, saying "we have plenty of those where I come from"
The Maori picks up the Asian and throws him off, saying "we have plenty of those where I come from"
That's totally racist. The others were understandable, but you just took it waaay to far. [/sarcasm]
yeah there's not a single white person in sight

so much for diversity huh
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a1s

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2992 on: December 29, 2015, 08:53:38 pm »

totally racist.
Alright.

An elf, a human, a dwarf and an ork are flying on a dragon (consensualy- the dragon is being compensated in a fair manner determined by flyer's union) and the dragon is shot (for reasons other than being a dragon.) The non-gender specific people of various races look around and discover they only have 3 scrolls of featherfall.
So, the dwarf says "I have 17 children and 3 wives, I have to survive", grabs a scroll and jumps off.
Then the elf says "I'm the smartest one here, so I have to survive", grabs a scroll and jumps off.
The ork says "We orks, for reasons unrelated to racism are always ready to die, and since we're such good friends, human (or whatever- I'm raceblind) I'm going to give the last scroll to you"
"No need " says human (or the ork, it doesn't matter. Maybe it was the human who was all self-sacrificial. You don't know, because this joke isn't racist.) "the smartest person on this dragon just jumped out with my lunch menu".
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origamiscienceguy

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2993 on: December 29, 2015, 08:55:41 pm »

I bet it was a black dragon because it got shot.
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hector13

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2994 on: December 29, 2015, 08:56:44 pm »

I bet it was a black dragon because it got shot.

Oh shots fired!

... Otherwise they wouldn't be in this mess.
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Dutrius

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2995 on: December 29, 2015, 09:54:39 pm »

Why not give the scroll to the dragon, so they all survive?
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TheBiggerFish

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2996 on: December 29, 2015, 09:55:46 pm »

Why not give the scroll to the dragon, so they all survive?
...Because that ruins the joke?
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Kot

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2997 on: December 29, 2015, 10:02:10 pm »

Because that would be somewhere between 0.25-0.5 on Henderson Scale of Plot Derailment. Fucking players always trying to outwit the GM.
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TheBiggerFish

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2998 on: December 29, 2015, 10:03:50 pm »

You want the negative numbers.
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hector13

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2999 on: December 29, 2015, 10:06:08 pm »

You want the negative numbers.

You would know :P

Alternatively, that's just what you want, Mr. Railroad.
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