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Author Topic: Terrible Jokes  (Read 646861 times)

Iduno

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4395 on: January 17, 2020, 03:34:22 pm »

Its like they don't want them to be thrown at people.

Then don't give them to Philadelphia fans.
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Reelya

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4396 on: January 18, 2020, 01:37:13 am »

This hurts me. This hurts me deep down.

Punning on 2 words at once is pretty masterful.

That's like the one about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac, who used to lie awake at night wondering whether there really is a dog.

Yes, but also opposites. One is describing what those words mean, and one is using irony (the words not having the expected literal meaning).

That type of irony also exists in the example I gave. Dyslexia means an issue with spelling, but the example is applying that to concepts themselves.

hector13

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4397 on: January 21, 2020, 08:29:53 pm »

I listen to a podcast so which has some terrible jokes.

Here is a selection.

I went to the doctor with a lettuce up my arse.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Why do you never see elephants hiding up trees?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I’ve heard crocodiles can grow up to fifteen feet.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

My friend goes to school with two bags.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I went to the video shop and asked if I could borrow Batman forever.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I went to the shop and asked if I could buy a kettle.

Kenwood, they said.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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Look, we need to raise a psychopath who will murder God, we have no time to be spending on cooking.

the way your fingertips plant meaningless soliloquies makes me think you are the true evil among us.

Iduno

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4398 on: January 22, 2020, 09:03:44 am »

Some good'uns, hector.

You might like early Dinosaur Comics, which were a lot of puns and philosophy jokes. Today's ain't bad, either.
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hector13

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4399 on: January 22, 2020, 08:28:38 pm »

I enjoy it.
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Look, we need to raise a psychopath who will murder God, we have no time to be spending on cooking.

the way your fingertips plant meaningless soliloquies makes me think you are the true evil among us.

Reelya

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4400 on: January 23, 2020, 07:13:31 am »

Ooh I got one

What type of fruit was Eve tempted by in the garden of Eden?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Yoink

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4401 on: January 29, 2020, 05:12:10 pm »

(Shamelessly stolen from a friend's Facebook)



You know what goes well with Coronavirus?

Lymes disease
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Booze is Life for Yoink

To deprive him of Drink is to steal divinity from God.
you need to reconsider your life
If there's any cause worth dying for, it's memes.

Egan_BW

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4402 on: January 29, 2020, 09:45:56 pm »

Genuinely unsure how funny, if at all, this one will be to anyone myself, but here goes.

i like my jokes like i like my women
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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Down at the bottom of the ocean. Beneath tons of brine which would crush you down. Not into broken and splintered flesh, but into thin soup. Into just more of the sea water. Where things live that aren't so different from you, but you will never live to touch them and they will never live to touch you.

Bumber

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4403 on: January 29, 2020, 09:59:50 pm »

(Shamelessly stolen from a friend's Facebook)



You know what goes well with Coronavirus?

Lymes disease

You put the Lyme in the Coronavirus, you drink 'em bot' together
Put the Lyme in the Coronavirus and you'll feel better
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Reading his name would trigger it. Thinking of him would trigger it. No other circumstances would trigger it- it was strictly related to the concept of Bill Clinton entering the conscious mind.

THE xTROLL FUR SOCKx RUSE WAS A........... DISTACTION        the carp HAVE the wagon

A wizard has turned you into a wagon. This was inevitable (Y/y)?

Iduno

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4404 on: February 07, 2020, 03:58:39 pm »

Mephisto was talking about Townsends in the Food Thread, and long story short, I Won't Get Food Again.

Thank you and good night.
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Kagus

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4405 on: February 08, 2020, 03:30:05 pm »

Have you heard the one about the time traveler?


I haven't either, yet.

Iduno

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4406 on: February 15, 2020, 12:45:52 pm »

A new person (been there twice that I've seen) at the bar tells awful half-formed jokes. It doesn't help that I was in a lot of physical pain, but they were stuff like "What do you call a tie with scales? A boa."

I did get some laughs later when someone patted their pockets, and said he was just making sure he didn't accidentally carry in his gun. I asked if he was just making sure he was happy to see us.
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Kagus

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4407 on: February 18, 2020, 04:11:36 pm »

Do you know what the laws are regarding secret extraterrestrial holding pens in the US?

It's a kind of grey area.


Did you hear the one about the deaf guy?

Neither did he.

hector13

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4408 on: February 18, 2020, 07:26:56 pm »

What is The Clash’s best computer advice?

Lock the taskbar.

What is a Nazis lest favourite candy?

Jujus.
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Look, we need to raise a psychopath who will murder God, we have no time to be spending on cooking.

the way your fingertips plant meaningless soliloquies makes me think you are the true evil among us.

King Zultan

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4409 on: February 19, 2020, 03:16:15 am »

How did Hitler tie his shoes?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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The Lawyer opens a briefcase. It's full of lemons, the justice fruit only lawyers may touch.
Make sure not to step on any errant blood stains before we find our LIFE EXTINGUSHER.
but anyway, if you'll excuse me, I need to commit sebbaku.
Quote from: Leodanny
Can I have the sword when you’re done?
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