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Author Topic: Terrible Jokes  (Read 646981 times)

a1s

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4530 on: October 16, 2020, 08:30:41 am »

I recently found some money in a supermarket and thought to myself "what would Jesus do?"
So I turned it into wine.
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I tried to play chess but two of my opponents were playing competitive checkers as a third person walked in with Game of Thrones in hand confused cause they thought this was the book club.

Bumber

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4531 on: October 16, 2020, 04:45:43 pm »

A baby seal walks into a club...

*ba dum tss*

Somebody trips on a drum set...

*ba dum tss*
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Reading his name would trigger it. Thinking of him would trigger it. No other circumstances would trigger it- it was strictly related to the concept of Bill Clinton entering the conscious mind.

THE xTROLL FUR SOCKx RUSE WAS A........... DISTACTION        the carp HAVE the wagon

A wizard has turned you into a wagon. This was inevitable (Y/y)?

Iduno

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4532 on: October 17, 2020, 03:20:10 pm »

I recently found some money in a supermarket and thought to myself "what would Jesus do?"
So I turned it into wine.

Pretty good.
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wierd

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4533 on: October 17, 2020, 03:29:52 pm »

Not an actual joke per se.. 

But given that it is October, and Halloween decorations have found their way to work.. One of the items is a singing and dancing toy mummy.

It sings and dances to Micheal Jackson's Thriller.  It also appears to have no nose. (the face is completely flat.)

I made the droll statement that it is a "Post-op Micheal Jackson animated figure", and that you could tell, because it was wrapped in bandages, and had no nose.

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dragdeler

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4534 on: October 17, 2020, 08:29:44 pm »

-
« Last Edit: August 07, 2021, 04:32:53 am by dragdeler »
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let

Yoink

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4535 on: October 17, 2020, 10:15:37 pm »

Cat name idea: Diane Kitten.   
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Booze is Life for Yoink

To deprive him of Drink is to steal divinity from God.
you need to reconsider your life
If there's any cause worth dying for, it's memes.

Iduno

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4536 on: October 18, 2020, 04:58:16 pm »

Cat name idea: Diane Kitten.   

I also like "Doug."
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King Zultan

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4537 on: October 19, 2020, 05:00:25 am »

Cat name idea: Diane Kitten.   

I also like "Doug."
You could name it Paul, but that would be ridiculous.
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The Lawyer opens a briefcase. It's full of lemons, the justice fruit only lawyers may touch.
Make sure not to step on any errant blood stains before we find our LIFE EXTINGUSHER.
but anyway, if you'll excuse me, I need to commit sebbaku.
Quote from: Leodanny
Can I have the sword when you’re done?

Rolan7

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4538 on: October 19, 2020, 11:41:21 am »

(I am completely lost as to these name jokes)

Code: [Select]
// get tomorrows date
int getTomorrowsDate() {
  sleep(1000*60*60*24);
  return getCurrentDate();
}
(Not mine, though I think I slightly corrected it)
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She/they
No justice: no peace.
Quote from: Fallen London, one Unthinkable Hope
This one didn't want to be who they was. On the Surface – it was a dull, unconsidered sadness. But everything changed. Which implied everything could change.

Iduno

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4539 on: October 19, 2020, 11:48:14 am »

(I am completely lost as to these name jokes)

Code: [Select]
// get tomorrows date
int getTomorrowsDate() {
  sleep(1000*60*60*24);
  return getCurrentDate();
}
(Not mine, though I think I slightly corrected it)

Some good programming.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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King Zultan

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4540 on: October 20, 2020, 03:41:17 am »

I'm not 100% sure on this one
Its from a quote by Adam West.
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The Lawyer opens a briefcase. It's full of lemons, the justice fruit only lawyers may touch.
Make sure not to step on any errant blood stains before we find our LIFE EXTINGUSHER.
but anyway, if you'll excuse me, I need to commit sebbaku.
Quote from: Leodanny
Can I have the sword when you’re done?

Starver

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4541 on: October 21, 2020, 09:09:09 am »

(Terribly taken out of context.)

Im scared and I need my mommy
Your mommy's so fat that...
We all do.
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Egan_BW

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4542 on: October 21, 2020, 10:38:32 pm »

God hates catholics, and I can prove it logically.
  • God made man in his own image.
  • Everybody else hates catholics.
  • All catholics hate themselves.


I put this joke in this thread less because it's offensive and more because it doesn't work very well at all.
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Down at the bottom of the ocean. Beneath tons of brine which would crush you down. Not into broken and splintered flesh, but into thin soup. Into just more of the sea water. Where things live that aren't so different from you, but you will never live to touch them and they will never live to touch you.

methylatedspirit

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4543 on: October 29, 2020, 03:29:28 am »

I think I'm plagiarizing this contradiction from somewhere (or got inspired by something, same difference), but it's not here, so...

Fellas, is it gay to be straight? I mean, you're attracted to women who are attracted to men, and that's kinda gay.
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Starver

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4544 on: October 29, 2020, 12:56:19 pm »

Well, any man viewing hardcore (straight) porn has to see past the junk... For all the fancy camera angles and contrived poses, you'll probably have to consciously ignore the asshole onscreen, or somehow imagine that you're that asshole.
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