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Author Topic: Prophets of the New God: most unfortunately dropped.  (Read 41182 times)

Xantalos

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Re: Prophets of the New God: Turn 42 - The Empty Village
« Reply #405 on: April 14, 2013, 01:21:08 pm »

((Also, I just reread everything ... why isn't real religion backstory this funny?))
((Because it was carried out and edited by people with more dignity and hopes of being taken seriously than anonymous people on the internet? Or maybe because they were trying to promote a religion, not have fun?))
((Bah.
And lo, Gronok the Bullsh*tter accidentally wandered into one of the enemy's temples for no particular reason. And he was condemned, but he escaped by the grace of Mo'kar, and he accidentally set one of his own converts on fire.
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GreatWyrmGold

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Re: Prophets of the New God: Turn 42 - The Empty Village
« Reply #406 on: April 14, 2013, 01:33:54 pm »

((Also, I just reread everything ... why isn't real religion backstory this funny?))
((Because it was carried out and edited by people with more dignity and hopes of being taken seriously than anonymous people on the internet? Or maybe because they were trying to promote a religion, not have fun?))
((Bah.
And lo, Gronok the Bullsh*tter accidentally wandered into one of the enemy's temples for no particular reason. And he was condemned, but he escaped by the grace of Mo'kar, and he accidentally set one of his own converts on fire.
((...Yeah, no way that Prophet could be taken seriously.))
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Harry Baldman

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Re: Prophets of the New God: Turn 43 - The Enemy of Progress
« Reply #407 on: April 14, 2013, 02:46:20 pm »

Turn 43 - The Enemy of Progress

Lars rather wisely decides that perhaps the woods are not the best place to look for civilized company wise in the ways of navigation. With that in mind, he heads down the road instead.

After going down the road for some time, he finds very little of interest. No people, certainly. It's gotten terribly dark already, and Lars can hardly see five feet in front of him anymore. Not to mention that he's walked for many miles already and he's getting tired. Luckily, this is hardly the unfriendliest terrain one could find themselves on. It's the plains, and very few are as familiar with plains as Lars. Though it is unusual to walk down the road for a whole day and not see a single person.

* * * * *

Shashari, having supervised the obtainment of materials, goes on to instruct the Siren to start building a fine bridge over the raging river for both of them (and the ram) to cross.

[Construction roll: 5]

With her wise supervision, the Siren performs a whole lot of labor placing the trees over the river carefully, then securing them to the ground with the aid of flexible twigs and heavy rocks found nearby. Soon enough a perfectly serviceable bridge is constructed right over the river.

Shashari, in her infinite wisdom and recognition of who did all the work here, names it after herself in a short, but touching ceremony.

That is, it would have been a touching ceremony if not for the filthy screaming man charging out of the woods right at her just as she was about to bless the new construction!

[Screaming Man vs. Shashari: 2 vs. 2]

Shashari shrinks back as the man stops in front of her and begins to yell in a shrill tone!

"WITCH! How dare you tame this mighty river! It was meant to run free by the grace of the Water Goddess!"

"By every god and their mothers, what is wrong with you, man?"

"Ah! Siding with her, are we! Well, how about this!"

[Screaming Man vs. Siren: 5 vs. 3]

The man punches the Siren right in the mouth, causing him to reel back! The ram is rather displeased at the man's noisemaking in the meantime.

[Ram vs. Screaming Man: 2+1 vs. 6]

It charges at the man, who proceeds to jump on it and ride it like one would ride a horse, except in an altogether more demented-looking, jerking and jumping fashion.

"No foul beast can be a match for a man of faith!"

* * * * *

Elizas look at the man speaking to you. He is dressed in white robes and carries a rather nasty metal blade. His expression is quite stoic.

"I am afraid I do not know what you are talking about. No Gezerim lives within this house. We did, however, track down a con artist seeking to misappropriate ill-gotten funds to this place and are apprehending the slippery son of a whore as we speak. Perhaps 'Gezerim' is the name he gave you? I'll describe him."

A few sentences later, he realizes that it is probably Gezerim the guard's talking about. Hm.

* * * * *

Phiali, upon speaking to the gray woman and receiving a most holy quest and the bucket to perform it with, takes the coveted vessel of water carrying and heads over to the village well. Fortunately, there still is one.

Rather unfortunately, the mechanism to operate it seems quite broken. Which is to say that it doesn't work. Seems like something's jammed the mechanism. Something of that nature, anyway. Also, the rope for it is missing.

* * * * *

Gronok, upon causing a slight misunderstanding with the head priest and then resolving it, sees that his less loyal converts seem to have gotten out of the corridors mostly unharmed.

"Well, I'll let you fellows sort this out. Come, ...er, what's your name? We'd better back away from the fighting."

"My name? I do not rightly remember, have to say. But yes, let's get back."

"Was about to suggest you do that myself. Right then. Guards, fire."

[Kezilamite Guards vs. Prisoners: 5+1+1 vs. 3]

As Gronok and his good buddy backs away a bit, the thirteen guards all draw their bows and take aim at the approaching prisoners, then fire a volley of arrows, followed by another one. Each arrow seems to find a mark, and more than ten of the about thirty prisoners are mowed down immediately. The guards then quickly put the bows on their backs and draw blades in unison.

[Prisoner morale roll: 6-->2]

The prisoners, led by the strongman, decide on an all-or-nothing approach, charging right at the guards before they can take up any more defensive formation!

[Prisoners vs. Guards: 6 vs. 2+2]

They grab two of the guards, pulling them away and relying on the force of the crowd to trample them into submission.

[Guards vs. Prisoners: 3+2 vs. 5]

The guards try to pay the prisoners back for their insolence, but the mass of people draws back, then attempts to envelop them to lessen their advantage.

[Prisoners vs. Guards: 4 vs. 4+2]

This maneuver proves foolish, as there are only two prisoners per one guard now, so the numerical advantage is not quite superior enough to nullify the fact that the guards are both better armed and better trained. To prove this point, the guards stab several prisoners right in their impudent abdomens.

[Guards vs. Prisoners: 6+2 vs. 1]

"Right. Let's stop fooling around, men. Kill the rest."

"You heard the man! Kill them all!"

Suddenly, the fight takes on an entirely different character. Something loosens in the guards' mentality, and they become relentless. They bear down on the prisoners, slicing off limbs and heads, covering their robes, their blades and the floor with blood. At the end of the orgy of violence, not one of the prisoners is left standing. The strongman was the last to fall, getting no fewer than six blades stabbed through the chest at once, then summarily decapitated.

When that bit of business is done, the guards stand in line in front of the priest.

"Are the two beaten ones alive?"

"Yes, barely."

The priest nods.

"That's good. Take their swords and oversee their recovery, you two," he says, pointing out two particular guards. "When they feel better, tell them to get their shame swords and clean up this mess. The rest of you, burn the corpses and the still-living ones in the same pile outside. Hopefully they'll be accepted by Kezilam in death."

Thus instructed, the guards tend to their respective tasks. The priest turns to Gronok and the old man.

"Now, unless there is something else you want, I would advise you to leave."

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Xantalos

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Re: Prophets of the New God: Turn 43 - The Enemy of Progress
« Reply #408 on: April 14, 2013, 03:06:51 pm »

No, unless you would be wiling to give a man of God a sword so I may defend myself against the depredations of the unfaithful.

Try to get sword on the basis of self-defense. If I can't get one, leave with my convert.

((This was on the whole worth it! I lost three bandit followers trying to kill me and got a faithful dude!))
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IronyOwl

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Re: Prophets of the New God: Turn 43 - The Enemy of Progress
« Reply #409 on: April 14, 2013, 03:20:24 pm »

((It was also a tale bizarre enough to be a true part of the gospel.

And lo did Gronok wander into the Temple of the Enemy
And here he did get lost
And thus did the enemy guards find him
But thus did he evade them by clinging to a door
And then did he lock himself in a prison by accident
And spoke he to his fellow prisoners 'Let us escape this place'
But failed he to pick the lock
And so one blessed with great strength pried the door open
And so did the unfaithful follow the strong rather than Divine Gronok
All save one, who traveled with him
As he set a great sheen of oil alight, accidentally burning two prisoners alive
Then did he bullshit the high priest
As the guards stabbed all the prisoners
And he sort of walked out with his one faithful convert

Amen.
))


Shashari bolted straight up when the wildman mentioned a Water Goddess. Then she took a step back as he punched Siren and rode her ram.

"N-now see here! There is only one God, and she is Ash'Mah the Serpent! Goddess of Water and many other things too! I believe I would know if he didn't want me making a bridge across his river!"
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GreatWyrmGold

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Re: Prophets of the New God: Turn 43 - The Enemy of Progress
« Reply #410 on: April 14, 2013, 03:28:35 pm »

Locate whatever is jamming the mechanism. Unjam the mechanism.
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Xantalos

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Re: Prophets of the New God: Turn 43 - The Enemy of Progress
« Reply #411 on: April 14, 2013, 03:34:16 pm »

((It was also a tale bizarre enough to be a true part of the gospel.

And lo did Gronok wander into the Temple of the Enemy
And here he did get lost
And thus did the enemy guards find him
But thus did he evade them by clinging to a door
And then did he lock himself in a prison by accident
And spoke he to his fellow prisoners 'Let us escape this place'
But failed he to pick the lock
And so one blessed with great strength pried the door open
And so did the unfaithful follow the strong rather than Divine Gronok
All save one, who traveled with him
As he set a great sheen of oil alight, accidentally burning two prisoners alive
Then did he bullshit the high priest
As the guards stabbed all the prisoners
And he sort of walked out with his one faithful convert

Amen.
))
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GreatWyrmGold

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Re: Prophets of the New God: Turn 43 - The Enemy of Progress
« Reply #412 on: April 14, 2013, 03:35:07 pm »

((It was also a tale bizarre enough to be a true part of the gospel.

And lo did Gronok wander into the Temple of the Enemy
And here he did get lost
And thus did the enemy guards find him
But thus did he evade them by clinging to a door
And then did he lock himself in a prison by accident
And spoke he to his fellow prisoners 'Let us escape this place'
But failed he to pick the lock
And so one blessed with great strength pried the door open
And so did the unfaithful follow the strong rather than Divine Gronok
All save one, who traveled with him
As he set a great sheen of oil alight, accidentally burning two prisoners alive
Then did he bullshit the high priest
As the guards stabbed all the prisoners
And he sort of walked out with his one faithful convert

Amen.
))
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Onyxjew944

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Re: Prophets of the New God: Turn 43 - The Enemy of Progress
« Reply #413 on: April 14, 2013, 05:46:07 pm »

Reading Shashari's action, I really thought it was one of the prophets who showed up filled with misguided religious zeal. I probably laughed way too hard at seeing the prophets from the outside.
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TCM

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Re: Prophets of the New God: Turn 43 - The Enemy of Progress
« Reply #414 on: April 14, 2013, 05:53:36 pm »

"Very well."

Elizas walks away....and when out of sight, goes around the building to look for another less guarded entrance.
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Toaster

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Re: Prophets of the New God: Turn 43 - The Enemy of Progress
« Reply #415 on: April 14, 2013, 10:58:10 pm »

Well, God could be served in the morning.  Not like this was the first time Lars had slept simply on the ground.


Find a nice quiet spot to sleep till morning.  Shepherds aren't picky.
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Harry Baldman

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Re: Prophets of the New God: Turn 43 - The Enemy of Progress
« Reply #416 on: April 15, 2013, 01:14:31 pm »

Shashari bolted straight up when the wildman mentioned a Water Goddess. Then she took a step back as he punched Siren and rode her ram.

"N-now see here! There is only one God, and she is Ash'Mah the Serpent! Goddess of Water and many other things too! I believe I would know if he didn't want me making a bridge across his river!"

The man seems to have been listening, as not a second passes before he screams a reply as the ram keeps trying to throw him off.

"YOU WILL NOT DISSUADE ME FROM MY MISSION, WITCH!"

He begins to steer the ram toward you. Well... that's not quite good. He does, however, lose his grip on one of the ram's horns, slightly losing his balance as the ram veers dangerously in your direction.
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IronyOwl

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Re: Prophets of the New God: Turn 43 - The Enemy of Progress
« Reply #417 on: April 15, 2013, 01:23:22 pm »

Shashari gulped. Well, getting gored by a ram couldn't hurt that much, right...?

Use the ram's liking of me to my advantage, and attempt to dodge the ram and pull the madman to the ground (or pull myself onto the ram as well, if I'm that weak and light) as he passes.
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Harry Baldman

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Re: Prophets of the New God: Turn 43 - The Enemy of Progress
« Reply #418 on: April 17, 2013, 03:52:55 pm »

Turn will be up in 24 hours, mismanaged my time a bit.
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Harry Baldman

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Re: Prophets of the New God: Turn 44 - Riding the Ram
« Reply #419 on: April 18, 2013, 12:27:35 pm »

Turn 44 - Riding the Ram

Gronok thinks on the priest's question for a bit. What does he want, really? It's such a simple, yet such an interesting question at the same time. Luckily, he knows the answer this time.

"No, unless you would be willing to give a man of God a sword so I may defend myself against the depredations of the unfaithful."

"I really would not be willing to do that, no. Proper self-defense is a path one must begin to take on their own, and charity would cause more harm than good in this situation. Will that be all?"

Gronok shrugs and affirms that sure, that will indeed be all. He then heads out of the Temple of Amaliz Teze with his convert, walking out to the village of Kilnipom. It is just as much of a fetid example of mental decay as it was when he was here a few hours ago, fortunately. It seems like it's mostly composed of dirty hovels inhabited by dirty villagers, but there does seem to be a marketplace around as well. And a flophouse as well. Seems like a very happening place, Kilnipom.

"Just as terrible as I remember it."

* * * * *

Phiali, utilizing his immense mechanical expertise, looks at the mechanism and tries to locate what's been jamming it.

[Repair roll: 2]

He's pretty sure it's something. Something bad. He dares not venture to guess what, but it can't be good. Why, he might even venture a guess that evil things may be afoot, though this may be a bit hasty of a judgment at this point.

* * * * *

Elizas, having received the information he sought, makes a vaguely affirmative statement and looks for alternate routes into the house. Preferably unguarded ones. However, he does not manage to find any - these Kezilamites seem to have covered every entrance and every ground floor window with at least one guard.

Elizas does, however, spot Gezerim up at one of the third floor windows. He appears to be trying to sneakily climb to the storehouse roof.

* * * * *

Lars decides that there's really not a whole lot of point running around blind, so he finds some thick, soft undergrowth next to it to sleep on, drifting off into a peaceful sleep soon enough.

He dreams of Jezufim, that scumbag, selling off every single sheep that Lars ever owned, laughing at the vast profit he's making on the sale of every last one. The cackling, weasel-like laugh of Jezufim rings in his ears as Lars twists and turns in his sleep, waking up early in the morning with a good dose of righteous anger running through him. He shakes his fist in the direction he believes Jezufim to be in as he silently curses the little twerp in his mind.

What a way to start the morning.

* * * * *

Shashari, faced with a crazed individual using her own faithful ram to try and run her over, tries to execute a daring grapple maneuver against the man!

[Shashari vs. Screaming Man: 5 vs. 4]

As the ram passes, she grabs one of the dangling legs of the man and pulls!

[Screaming Man grip roll: 4]

He still manages to keep hold on the ram, forcing Shashari to get dragged along with him! Shashari, seeing that this might not have been the best idea, tries to climb onto the ram over the would-be divine servant.

[Shashari climbing roll: 4]

Luckily, the man is wearing loose enough rags to afford her sufficient climbing opportunities, so she climbs up on the ram in no time at all. She then thinks about why she did this for a second.

[Ram rage roll: 5]

The ram does his very best to throw off both his riders, jumping around and shaking vigorously!

[Shashari grip roll: 4]
[Screaming Man grip roll: 6-->5]

Shashari holds on rather admirably, and the screaming man even manages to grab onto the beast with his other hand as well!

"The fury of the wild can only be tamed with equal stubbornness!" he yells, half out of breath.

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