Bay 12 Games Forum

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  

Author Topic: To Kill the President. (pic heavy)  (Read 6313 times)

YomToxic

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
To Kill the President. (pic heavy)
« on: October 13, 2013, 03:58:25 pm »

It is in a dark age of conservative oppression, a world where all hope of peaceful resistance is crushed by death squads and the conservative crime squad.

The street music bands and tie-die shirt sellers lie dead in some mass grave in the Death Valley. The lawyers and activists who fought for their ideal lay dead as well; victims of the brutal prison system. Anyone caught speaking against the conservative ideal was immediately a criminal in the eyes of Jesus and sentenced to death.

It is in such a time that the remnants of the LCS decide to strike at the heart of conservative leadership.

After waiting for so long, the remaining LCS members regroup at an old apartment...




Jimbo Nerson (formerly known as Ron Hudson) was the last surviving adult; he had been taking care of the children of his comrades for... what, 2, 3 years? He was considered the new leader of this last-ditch revenge mission. Once the lovable idiot of the five-man good-guy group, he was now a cold, solid warrior.


Katie Falco was one of the children he had personally rescued from the industrial hell district. In the 4 short years they had been together, she had become a talented sneak, and a master thief. With no place to go, and hunted by the nonunion workers, she had returned to the call of the one man she truly loved.


Danielle Nash. The adopted daughter of the former LCS's medic. A bright young girl who was once an indentured servant in the industrial district, she had been given a new lease on life by the kind-hearted and motherly hippie who had cut her shackles - only to watch helplessly as the CCS shot her to pieces. She was here because she wanted revenge.


Adriana Beaumont, the last surviving member of the Beaumont family, a small family-owned business specializing in tie-dyed t-shirts and printing. She had been spending her days in the crackhouse, trying to forget the agonized screams of her family and the smell of gasoline that haunted her every night when she was contacted by the resourceful Jimbo to carry out this desperate mission. With nothing left to live for, she accepted.


Howard Shepard, another child worker rescued by the former LCS, escaped from the oil refinery when he was contacted by Jimbo. Eager to avenge his surrogate mother and father, he gladly accepted.


Theodore Hannemann, the only heir of famous liberal lawyer Hammm Hannemann, tracked Jimbo down himself, and offered to join the final strike against the President himself. Jimbo recognized his talent for infiltration, and gladly let him join.

-

The cache they left here was untouched, and the squad quickly got into their gear and began to test their devastatingly powerful M249 machine guns.
 
With the A-team now assembled and armed, Jimbo contacted an old friend for one last favor.



Erik Crowson, the owner of the Gray Wok Buffet - one of the last remaining LCS safehouses and home of the old Liberal Guardian newspaper. In plainspeak code, Jimbo asked Erik to run one last edition of the Liberal Guardian, declaring their deadly attack.

Everything was ready. This was their moment. The team heads to the White house...

BGM


Ahead was a metal detector. Jimbo alerts the team to this fact, and tells them to stow away their weapons and follow him.



Through a side door, that was poorly guarded, the team slips in. The stairway is somewhat glitchy, what with this game being a beta version and all, but it causes no real problems to the A-team.

Studying the extremely well-built walls, Danielle muses that this must be some sort of secret escape tunnel in case of a major terrorist attack.



Jimbo had been here before, and had memorized the location of the Oval office. They sneak in...



The team arrives at the Oval office and readies their weapons. The hated leader of the conservatives is here.



The dogs of war are set loose! Bullets fly, and even the skilled Secret Service and their fancy dodging will not help against the BulletStorm!




The wicked leader of the conservatives - the President is killed! Jimbo quickly snaps a pic of the bullet-ridden corpse, then reloads his gun. The sound of a klaxon goes off, and the team knows that the jig is up!.



The team shoots their way out, finally blasting away the metal detector and the two agents manning them!



A high-speed chase ensues, but not even cars can withstand the might of several heavy machine guns firing on them!



The team escapes, but not without suffering some injuries!

Victory. The conservatives are in total disarray as their leader is struck down. The incompetent VP takes office, but he is unable to prevent the conservative faction from breaking down into total chaos as infighting between conservatives begins in the mad power vacuum caused by the Conservative strongman's demise. Using this break in the enemy's leadership, liberal elements nationwide take the country by storm.



On this day, the God of Conservatives bled.

The end.

-

Thoughts? Constructive criticism? Mindless flaming? Bring it on.
Logged

hector13

  • Bay Watcher
  • Itís shite being Scottish
    • View Profile
Re: To Kill the President. (pic heavy)
« Reply #1 on: October 14, 2013, 09:40:47 am »

It will probably worry the RL CONSERVATIVE SCUM that there's a game in which you can kill the, albeit make-believe, president.

Not that something being pretend bad has stopped them. In every CoD player, there's a spree-killer waiting to emerge.

Heck, right now they seem quite happy to do something genuine bad (ie the collapse of the world economy) because they think allowing people affordable access to healthcare is a vicious Commie plot.

I hope you have a spare safe house lying about, Yom. The feds are coming to lay siege :p

Is it scary I only feel like I'm half-joking?
Logged
Look, we need to raise a psychopath who will murder God, we have no time to be spending on cooking.

Liberal Elitist

  • Bay Watcher
  • I'm more liberal than you are!
    • View Profile
    • The Liberal Crime Squad wiki
Re: To Kill the President. (pic heavy)
« Reply #2 on: October 14, 2013, 11:15:19 am »

Wow, talk about an epic win. You are truly an Elite Liberal, YomToxic. I especially like the complicated backstories for each character, and how you explain away the bugs in the White House maps as being secret passages developed in case of a terrorist attack. (I don't really understand the map system very well, otherwise I would have fixed the buggy White House maps back in August or September, but it makes no more sense to me than the curses movies code.)
Logged
The Liberal Crime Squad wiki is your friend.

Quote from: Lielac
Edit: Figured it out via a little bit of trial and error and oH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS MUSIC WHAT IS THIS MUSIC WHAT THE HECK IS IT SPACEBALLS MUSIC? WHATEVER IT IS IT IS MAGICAL

Darvi

  • Bay Watcher
  • <Cript> Darvi is my wifi.
    • View Profile
Re: To Kill the President. (pic heavy)
« Reply #3 on: October 14, 2013, 11:17:12 am »

I find your lack of charisma disturbing.
Logged

scrdest

  • Bay Watcher
  • Girlcat?/o_ o
    • View Profile
Re: To Kill the President. (pic heavy)
« Reply #4 on: October 14, 2013, 02:44:10 pm »

It will probably worry the RL CONSERVATIVE SCUM that there's a game in which you can kill the, albeit make-believe, president.

Not that something being pretend bad has stopped them. In every CoD player, there's a spree-killer waiting to emerge.

Heck, right now they seem quite happy to do something genuine bad (ie the collapse of the world economy) because they think allowing people affordable access to healthcare is a vicious Commie plot.

I hope you have a spare safe house lying about, Yom. The feds are coming to lay siege :p

Is it scary I only feel like I'm half-joking?

Hey, there is this guy who made a completely, unmistakably tongue-in-cheek mod for Mount & Blade set in modern-day Glasgow and he actually got questioned by police over it after someone wrote an article on it. A game where you lead a squad of left-wing terrorists and assassinate a president of the US would make the headlines, dozens of concerned parents describing how LCS taught their children to use awful, awful pickup lines.
Logged
We are doomed. It's just that whatever is going to kill us all just happens to be, from a scientific standpoint, pretty frickin' awesome.

YomToxic

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: To Kill the President. (pic heavy)
« Reply #5 on: October 14, 2013, 03:16:06 pm »

I find your lack of charisma disturbing.

The lovable idiot never has enough charisma.

Wow, talk about an epic win. You are truly an Elite Liberal, YomToxic. I especially like the complicated backstories for each character, and how you explain away the bugs in the White House maps as being secret passages developed in case of a terrorist attack. (I don't really understand the map system very well, otherwise I would have fixed the buggy White House maps back in August or September, but it makes no more sense to me than the curses movies code.)

I was pointing out the extra tunnel as the secret passage. And yeah, that stairwell makes you spawn in a wall. I thought it was game over right there. (spawning in walls is mostly lethal in a lot of games)

Also, I was doing a bit of thinking and since the President and VP are all NPCs with known stats, I was wondering if consequences would be altered for each assassination.

For example: Killing a low-charisma president and getting him replaced with a high-charisma VP will unite the conservative faction and make things a lot harder for the LCS, while killing a high-charisma president and getting him replaced with a low charisma/persuasion VP will cause infighting between conservative faction.

Whaddya think?
Logged

hector13

  • Bay Watcher
  • Itís shite being Scottish
    • View Profile
Re: To Kill the President. (pic heavy)
« Reply #6 on: October 14, 2013, 06:35:20 pm »

It's politics, man. If there's a power vacuum, any politician with half a brain is going to try and fill it. And this is *conservatives* we're talking about!

Anyway, surely if you're a VP, you have some amount of charisma? You're the president when the president isn't around! Perhaps it shouldn't be based on charisma or persuasion, but something akin to juice. Not sure how that would work, but it's hard for me to imagine a politician getting elected if they have no charisma.

At least in America...
« Last Edit: October 14, 2013, 06:42:51 pm by hector13 »
Logged
Look, we need to raise a psychopath who will murder God, we have no time to be spending on cooking.

FinetalPies

  • Bay Watcher
  • Even on the battlefield.
    • View Profile
Re: To Kill the President. (pic heavy)
« Reply #7 on: October 17, 2013, 02:13:46 am »

Good story
Logged

Angel Of Death

  • Bay Watcher
  • Karl Groucho?
    • View Profile
Re: To Kill the President. (pic heavy)
« Reply #8 on: October 17, 2013, 03:15:10 am »

Which mod did you use for this?
Logged
99 percent of internet users add useless, pulled out of arse statistics to their sig. If you are the 1%, please, for the love of Armok, don't put any useless shit like this in your sig.
Hidden signature messages are fun!

nephilimnexus

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: To Kill the President. (pic heavy)
« Reply #9 on: October 17, 2013, 07:35:04 am »

Too bad you couldn't just kidnap him and turn him into a sleeper agent.
Logged

Kagus

  • Bay Watcher
  • Olive oil. Don't you?
    • View Profile
Re: To Kill the President. (pic heavy)
« Reply #10 on: October 17, 2013, 09:31:01 am »

Hey, there is this guy who made a completely, unmistakably tongue-in-cheek mod for Mount & Blade set in modern-day Glasgow and he actually got questioned by police over it after someone wrote an article on it.

Hah, I've actually played that...  The dude seriously got in trouble for that horrific thing?  That's funny.

I remember punching satanists and using truly bizarre low-resolution weaponry.

Liberal Elitist

  • Bay Watcher
  • I'm more liberal than you are!
    • View Profile
    • The Liberal Crime Squad wiki
Re: To Kill the President. (pic heavy)
« Reply #11 on: October 17, 2013, 05:17:26 pm »

Anyway, surely if you're a VP, you have some amount of charisma?

Guys who don't have any charisma:
1) Joe Biden (he makes gaffes all the time and nobody takes him seriously)
2) Dick Cheney (people think he's eviler than the devil and call him Darth Vader)
3) Al Gore (everyone said he didn't have any emotions and was like a robot)
4) Dan Quayle (most people thought he was severely mentally retarded)
5) George H. W. Bush (if you look at his failed 1992 re-election campaign, it's obvious he was very lacking in charisma and only got elected president in 1988 by riding on Ronald Reagan's coattails and taking advantage of Michael Dukakis's even worse charisma)
6) Walter Mondale (this guy went on to lose elections after being V.P., first losing the Presidential election in 1984, then losing a Senate election in 2002)
7) Nelson Rockefeller (a flaming liberal in the Republican Party, plus a billionaire from the Rockefeller banking family, the kind of fellow who could never get elected nowadays unless he bought the election with his own money like Michael Bloomberg)
8) Gerald Ford (everyone thought he was a joke once he succeeded Nixon to the Presidency and he lost badly when he tried to keep the job in the 1976 election)
9) Spiro Agnew (an even worse crook than Nixon, with no charisma at all)
10) Hubert Humphrey (this dude lost the 1968 election really badly, talk about lack of charisma)
and so on, with very few exceptions, back to the founding of our nation... (yeah, those are the 10 most recent Vice Presidents)

So yeah, I don't agree with you on Vice Presidents having Charisma. The last Vice President to have significant amounts of Charisma was Theodore Roosevelt, who was William McKinley's Vice President before he became President. And no, Lyndon Johnson and Harry Truman didn't have much Charisma, if you are thinking of them as possible examples of charismatic V.P.'s. Lyndon Johnson was just a ruthless politician with excellent political skills, like Nixon. And Harry Truman's approval rating was actually quite low indeed, he just barely managed to squeak by Dewey, and he was succeeded by Eisenhower, from the opposing party.

And why, you ask, do Vice Presidents have so little Charisma? Well most Presidents want to pick someone who'd be up to the job of being President just in case, but doesn't have enough Charisma or popularity to overshadow them. Ya see, Presidents have big egos and they don't want a Vice President overshadowing them. Sometimes someone runs for President and the V.P. candidate overshadows them and has way more charisma (hint: Sarah Palin in 2008, or John Edwards in 2004). That NEVER works out well for a Presidential candidate, being overshadowed by the V.P. candidate. That's why charismatic politicians almost never end up as Vice Presidents, since picking someone too charismatic as your V.P. nominee just makes the Presidential nominee look terrible by comparison and lose the election (like John Kerry in 2004 and John McCain in 2008). All the recent Presidents have had people much less charismatic than them as V.P. Obama has WAY more charisma than Biden. Dubya has WAY more charisma than Cheney. Bill Clinton has WAY more charisma than Al Gore. And so on. If you want to win a Presidential election, it's best to have a V.P. candidate who is as boring as possible. Paul Ryan is only about average in terms of charisma, but he was MUCH more charismatic than Mitt Romney in 2012, since Romney actually had a negative amount of charisma, so that ticket was doomed badly, despite all the things working to their advantage like the bad economy, the huge amounts of money they spent on political ads, and all the Tea Party activists being riled up against Obama. Picking someone charismatic to be your running mate USED to work... back in the 1800s. Times have changed, a lot.
Logged
The Liberal Crime Squad wiki is your friend.

Quote from: Lielac
Edit: Figured it out via a little bit of trial and error and oH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS MUSIC WHAT IS THIS MUSIC WHAT THE HECK IS IT SPACEBALLS MUSIC? WHATEVER IT IS IT IS MAGICAL

nephilimnexus

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: To Kill the President. (pic heavy)
« Reply #12 on: October 17, 2013, 07:02:49 pm »

It is common knowledge that the primary duty of the Vice President is to be such a mind-boggling reject that their mere existance dissuades anyone from even considering trying to kill the actual President.

Consider the mind of any lone gunman/sniper on a rooftop, looking down their scope and thinking...

"President Mondale"
"President Quayle"
"President Cheney"
"President Biden"

... their eyes widen, their finger jerks away from the trigger and they say to themselves "What the heck was I thinking?!"
Logged

Liberal Elitist

  • Bay Watcher
  • I'm more liberal than you are!
    • View Profile
    • The Liberal Crime Squad wiki
Re: To Kill the President. (pic heavy)
« Reply #13 on: October 18, 2013, 03:02:16 pm »

It is common knowledge that the primary duty of the Vice President is to be such a mind-boggling reject that their mere existance dissuades anyone from even considering trying to kill the actual President.

Consider the mind of any lone gunman/sniper on a rooftop, looking down their scope and thinking...

"President Mondale"
"President Quayle"
"President Cheney"
"President Biden"

... their eyes widen, their finger jerks away from the trigger and they say to themselves "What the heck was I thinking?!"

^--- THIS. Much better explanation than mine. Hats off to you for your brilliant explanation of the role of modern Vice Presidents, I wish I could say it so concisely! ;D
Logged
The Liberal Crime Squad wiki is your friend.

Quote from: Lielac
Edit: Figured it out via a little bit of trial and error and oH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS MUSIC WHAT IS THIS MUSIC WHAT THE HECK IS IT SPACEBALLS MUSIC? WHATEVER IT IS IT IS MAGICAL