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Author Topic: I'm going to hell - how & why my dwarfs now kill their own babies  (Read 14817 times)

Ravendarksky

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Hi all,

Firstly let me say that I'm not proud of what I've done. However the science is there and the results must be shared with the masses.

Scenario:
After never understanding why players hate dwarfen children so much I've finally had a fort live long enough to find them annoying.

List of grievances:
- FPS loss by useless dwarfs standing around all day starting parties
- Bad thoughts. Through having children the possibilities of tantrums when mass dwarf deaths occur increases significantly
- Skill pool dilution - Without new migrants chances of training hard skills are low (animal training for example). Better to have more migrants with more diverse skills than useless children
- Crafting artifacts. URGH how many donkey bone amulets do I want? 0 thats how many.
- Deconstructing things slowly. My masons are all legendary. I want THEM to do the deconstruction not some slow weedy child
- Constructing things slowly. Jobs take much longer when children decide they want to haul the items before a laborer is assigned. I setup my hauling so that where possible the person hauling the block is going to be the mason who builds using it.
- Getting in the way - I'm fairly confident that children standing on tiles prevents them from being linked to mechanisms. This is especially a problem when building mega projects. Plus children are always deconstructing stuff and crushing themselves or falling off high levels and dragging blood throughout my fortress
The list goes on.
- Bug prevents proper growth (without DFHack) and so "homegrown" dwarfs are not as good as migrants.

Anyway I decided that enough was enough and I want NO MORE children. Here is the system I designed, and how to use it:

Basically the system boils down to exploiting the fact parents drop babies when riding in minecarts. This can be used to make a parent run over their baby. The parent will repeat this behavior until the baby is dead, stopping only to replace their infant onto the tracks between minecart rides.

Diagram:


Instructions for use:
- Get a dwarf into the chamber with their baby (I make a military squad with no uniform, ammo or supplies then assign them to it and station them in the chamber)
- Lock the door
- Enable minecart pushing
- Watch as they repeatedly run over their baby until it's dead.
It's pretty grim to watch as after each attempt they carefully pick up the baby from where it ends up and place it back in the middle of the mine tracks before running it over again.

Points of interest:
- Babies are knocked in direction of travel, so the longer the track the higher the chance of killing them on the first try. This can also be used to kill them more humanely.
- Even slow minecarts are very dangerous so there is no need for rollers, a long track or anything really.

The most efficient design:
PIT - EN Corner - Track (with stop set to RIDE east) - EW Track Ramp - WALL

Fill your pit with water, magma, lots of hungry wild animals or perhaps a very long drop.

To explain better than words, here is a video I made.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dmxwAy8ZbHo
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Silfarion

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BEARDS! BEARDS FOR THE POOR!

Ravendarksky

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Re: I'm going to hell - how & why my dwarfs now kill their own babies
« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2013, 06:12:22 pm »

I am working on something similar.
I have an eternal source of fire for melting fat and a forgotten beast whos extract numbs all body parts, super soldier children who feel no pain and have no fat will not be far off... but this is a nice clean method for every time the game pauses and shows you a childbirth in my new fort/s.
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Pancakes

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Re: I'm going to hell - how & why my dwarfs now kill their own babies
« Reply #3 on: August 11, 2013, 06:34:31 pm »

How unhappy does this cause the parents to be? It would be best if you could get it to sadden them to the point where their next child miscarriages, but then I suppose you have to worry about them !Melancholy!

Shouldn't be a problem for dwarves who "Don't care about anything anymore"
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Ravendarksky

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Re: I'm going to hell - how & why my dwarfs now kill their own babies
« Reply #4 on: August 11, 2013, 07:00:09 pm »

I just have the path back to the fortress walk them through a waterfall and past some artifacts. They really don't seem to mind at all after such a pleasant stroll.
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dresdor

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Re: I'm going to hell - how & why my dwarfs now kill their own babies
« Reply #5 on: August 11, 2013, 07:45:51 pm »

I just have the path back to the fortress walk them through a waterfall and past some artifacts. They really don't seem to mind at all after such a pleasant stroll.

You are a monster....a glorious....genius...monster.

Sutremaine

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Re: I'm going to hell - how & why my dwarfs now kill their own babies
« Reply #6 on: August 11, 2013, 07:48:42 pm »

How unhappy does this cause the parents to be?
Not very, if you can get this done before the good thought for having the baby in the first place wears off. If you can't, then the mist generator and sublime buildings will take the edge off the pain.
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Honestly at the time, I didn't see what could go wrong with crowding 80 military Dwarves into a small room with a necromancer for the purpose of making bacon.

itg

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Re: I'm going to hell - how & why my dwarfs now kill their own babies
« Reply #7 on: August 11, 2013, 08:35:34 pm »

Urist McMother, Cheese Maker has given birth to a boy.
Urist McBaby has died after colliding with an obstacle.

Urist McMother: *Sobs* I'll never forget you, Uri--damn, that's a nice statue. I need a drink. Yo, clean up in aisle two!

WanderingKid

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Re: I'm going to hell - how & why my dwarfs now kill their own babies
« Reply #8 on: August 11, 2013, 08:38:57 pm »

More amusing... babies are dropped for ridden carts.  Have the mother ride the cart, drop her baby on the tracks... and you can see where this is going.

TheDarkStar

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Re: I'm going to hell - how & why my dwarfs now kill their own babies
« Reply #9 on: August 11, 2013, 08:51:32 pm »

This is simply awful. It also pleases Armok ;D.
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Tevish Szat

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Re: I'm going to hell - how & why my dwarfs now kill their own babies
« Reply #10 on: August 11, 2013, 08:53:30 pm »

You could probably use profiles to avoid the military stationing requirement that adds a "Complained about the draft" thought.

Of course, this would all be avoidable if you set a baby/child cap
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Tevish Szat likes books, computers, board games, and cats for their aloofness. When possible, he prefers to consume hamburgers and macaroni and cheese. He needs caffeine to get through the working day.

PDF urist master

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Re: I'm going to hell - how & why my dwarfs now kill their own babies
« Reply #11 on: August 11, 2013, 09:51:10 pm »

so it's a baby grinder. can this work with pets?
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kingubu

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Re: I'm going to hell - how & why my dwarfs now kill their own babies
« Reply #12 on: August 11, 2013, 11:01:41 pm »

Genius!
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Ravendarksky

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Re: I'm going to hell - how & why my dwarfs now kill their own babies
« Reply #13 on: August 12, 2013, 02:43:47 am »

More amusing... babies are dropped for ridden carts.  Have the mother ride the cart, drop her baby on the tracks... and you can see where this is going.

This is exactly what I'm doing. That's the truly horrible thing about it :-( in my first design they just repeatedly pick up their baby and ride over it... They don't all die quickly.

Design two requires only one ride and also explodes the body for faster burial.
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McDonald

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Re: I'm going to hell - how & why my dwarfs now kill their own babies
« Reply #14 on: August 12, 2013, 03:25:11 am »

That is hilarious! I was laughing the whole time I was reading it!
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