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Author Topic: The Forgotten Art: Approaching the Nexus  (Read 248862 times)

Harry Baldman

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Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1365 on: April 20, 2014, 04:54:27 pm »

Dave, fairly certain that people prosecute dudes who steal washing machines without asking first, decides to look for a school employee to clear the matter up. He wanders through the school a bit, but fails to find anyone at all on the ground floor, though the sounds of roaring and, he believes, clacking seem to be getting quite a bit closer. Probably nothing to worry about, he guesses.

Then he notices a rather hairy, large humanoid staring down at him from the end of the hallway. It does not appear overly aggressive, but neither would Dave characterize its manner as friendly.

* * * * *

John decides to stop talking with Peter, as he clearly doesn't meet the booze requirements to continue conversation. So he hangs up after wishing the blighter a happy birthday.

"Apparently I've got some weird ass friends, no surprises there. Oh well. By the way, Trey, what was that new spell you got?" he asks, but Trey seems a little absorbed in whatever he might be trying to do.

[Trey's affinity roll: 3-1+1]

He becomes slightly yellowish and creamy-looking after a moment of what look like intensive breathing exercises, as well as a little buffer.

"Well, I guess I shouldn't have expected too much, you know? But I gotta say, for emulating a custard warrior I feel pretty good right now," he says, looking back at Luz for a moment. Luz appears to still have her nose in the book. "Uh, Luz, baby, maybe you should take it a little easy on those spells?"

Luz, seemingly interrupted, looks back at Trey. "I would, but we won't get past the door that way, will we? And this, in case you forgot, is a pretty fucking important door to get through, Trey! Pretty fucking important indeed!" she says with a nasty edge to her voice, then turns back to the book. John, meanwhile, dials Mr. Lee's number.

"Yes, hello?" asks the friendly, audibly sleepy voice of Mr. Lee on the other end.

"Yes, this is John and I'm calling to relay some-" John begins, but is cut off by Trey, who seems to have caught some of Luz's peevishness.

"Who the fuck are you calling, anyway?" he asks all of a sudden.

* * * * *

After a bit of conversation with Lois, Eta has an idea that'll take her mind off the fact that she seems to have somehow produced some kind of hellish being that doesn't seem able to enjoy tea.

"Speaking of crazy... Come on, I think I got an idea!" she says, getting up with her tea and motioning for Lois to do the same. She then walks up to the table with the paleontologist and his suspiciously large number of distinguished, somewhat elderly friends - including the paleontologist, there seem to be five of them in total, and the table seems quite crowded.

"Hello sir. I hope I'm not disturbing you. I couldn't help but overhear you talking about those dinosaurs that fell from the sky the other day and... well, you see, me and my friend here are very interested in the subject. Dinosaurs are such fascinating creatures. We would love to hear the opinion of someone who seems to know much more about those creatures than we do. Would you mind if we were to join your table?"

They don't seem to notice her at all, though, so engrossed are they in the discussion of dinosaurs, which Eta has to admit must be a more exciting topic of conversation now that there's been a fresh crop of them.

"It was just like that movie, I tell you," a rather fat fellow says, taking a sip of tea.

"Jurassic Park?" the mousy woman next to him says.

"No, no, that other one! The one with the lawnmower!" the man rebukes her.

"Lawnmower Man?" an even fatter lady at the opposite end of the table remarks.

"No!" the man says, tapping his head. "The violent one, with the strange fellows in it!"

"The Empire Strikes Back?" a sticklike, cheery individual looking like a slightly more alive James Joyce offers.

"Nah, nah, it was... oh, Braindead! Yes, Braindead! That's exactly what it was like!" the fat man says triumphantly.

"Complete with a zombie pregnancy?" the paleontologist fellow asks.

"Well, there were some eggshells lying around. Big ones, too. And the priest did rush out looking very feisty. Had that fire in his eyes, you know?"

"Brimming with that holy ki, he must have been."

"I bet he was, too. Didn't have anywhere to put it, though, that giant bastard of a dinosaur practically exploded when it hit Phyllis' house. But it did take Phyllis with it, so I suppose it's all good, yeah?" the fat man laughs, and the others do as well. They promptly take a sip of tea almost synchronously. They still don't seem to acknowledge Eta or Lois in any way, even though Eta's pretty sure she should be in the field of vision of at least one of them. But you never know with these old people, do you?

* * * * *

Larry decides to pitch in despite his rather crippling distrust of holy women.

"I dunno, aren't all demons into things that are supposed to be bad for you?" he says at the intercom.

"And I think they just know, man... ma'am... They can sense the evilness?"

The Prioress does not seem overly moved.

"We'll... take your advice into consideration, at any rate," she says. "Good of you to warn us and all that. Now, will that be all?"
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lawastooshort

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Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1366 on: April 20, 2014, 05:00:37 pm »

"I am sorry, ma'am, and I mean no disrespect to your holiness, but I cannot rest until I am sure that you have destroyed that filth. You and all your flock are in mortal danger, and I have sworn to avert it. Please, destroy the filth, before my own eyes! I shall grovel and plead if need be, ma'am."
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Harry Baldman

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Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1367 on: April 20, 2014, 05:05:30 pm »

"I am sorry, ma'am, and I mean no disrespect to your holiness, but I cannot rest until I am sure that you have destroyed that filth. You and all your flock are in mortal danger, and I have sworn to avert it. Please, destroy the filth, before my own eyes! I shall grovel and plead if need be, ma'am."

"You seem to have changed your opinion rather dramatically over the past few hours. We are not yet done looking through them all. We will destroy them when we have. Agreed?"
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Pancaek

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Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1368 on: April 20, 2014, 05:07:56 pm »

"Hold on a second, please." He hold his hand over the spekaer and turn to Trey. "I'm calling around for help and good conversations. I just got off the phone wishing my friend Peter a happy birthday and now I'm calling mister Lee for advice on how to continue from here. Now would you be quiet, it's terribly rude to interrupt someone who's having a covnersation"
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Harry Baldman

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Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1369 on: April 20, 2014, 05:12:00 pm »

"Hold on a second, please." He hold his hand over the spekaer and turn to Trey. "I'm calling around for help and good conversations. I just got off the phone wishing my friend Peter a happy birthday and now I'm calling mister Lee for advice on how to continue from here. Now would you be quiet, it's terribly rude to interrupt someone who's having a covnersation"

"Don't you talk to that motherfucker!" Trey shouts. "I mean it, man! Shit is verboten, you hear me?"
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Pancaek

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Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1370 on: April 20, 2014, 05:16:04 pm »

John's left eyebrow shoots up, a skill he picked up during the many conversations with the local drunk trying to convince him the moon was made out of cheese.

"Aber wirklich? Das ist verboten? And who are you, young man, to tell me who I can talk to?  I'm trying to get us out of this mess. And you will note that Lee, however much of a pain in the ass he is to all of us, has been doing this magic business much longer than we have"
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The Froggy Ninja

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Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1371 on: April 20, 2014, 06:41:48 pm »

As long as the thing doesn't attack him Dave walks upstairs. If it does he uses Inconceivable Hogweed Bolt.
Spoiler: Dave (click to show/hide)

Parisbre56

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Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1372 on: April 20, 2014, 08:04:21 pm »

((Haha, just watched Braindead. Zombie pregnancy...))

Well, that was rather rude of them. But I guess there's no harm in staying a bit longer. After all, I haven't been listening to the news too much (not that they're very informative) so I guess this is as good a chance as any to learn about what's going on around here.

Wonder who Phyllis is (or rather was) and why a priest went in her house.


Keep listening.

Toaster

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Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1373 on: April 20, 2014, 09:52:00 pm »

((Haha, just watched Braindead. Zombie pregnancy...))

((Classic movie, there.))


Larry grunts and whispers to Halesey,  "Can't we just get out of here?"
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HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
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Harry Baldman

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Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1374 on: April 21, 2014, 03:45:16 am »

John's left eyebrow shoots up, a skill he picked up during the many conversations with the local drunk trying to convince him the moon was made out of cheese.

"Aber wirklich? Das ist verboten? And who are you, young man, to tell me who I can talk to?  I'm trying to get us out of this mess. And you will note that Lee, however much of a pain in the ass he is to all of us, has been doing this magic business much longer than we have"

"I'm warning you. Hang up right now, or we're gonna have a problem!"

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Pancaek

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Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1375 on: April 21, 2014, 06:45:04 am »

John speaks into the phone "Sorry, I'm going to have to call you back" And presses the end call button.

"Well then, Trey, regale me, what is your brilliant plan to get us out of here? Because, I just ended my call with a man who is very much a master of the magic arts and who was sure to tell me something helpful. But, I'm positive you know a way to get us out of this mess. You know, the one where Luz has lost her spellbook, you're made up out of fucking custard, and there's a asshole watchman after us who wants to get us munched by his teeth portals.

So, yeah, enlighten me with your genius tactics, Trey. And lost the fucking hostility, no-one likes a man who turns into a fucking coward when he feels his imminent death coming."
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Harry Baldman

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Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1376 on: April 21, 2014, 08:28:50 am »

John speaks into the phone "Sorry, I'm going to have to call you back" And presses the end call button.

"Well then, Trey, regale me, what is your brilliant plan to get us out of here? Because, I just ended my call with a man who is very much a master of the magic arts and who was sure to tell me something helpful. But, I'm positive you know a way to get us out of this mess. You know, the one where Luz has lost her spellbook, you're made up out of fucking custard, and there's a asshole watchman after us who wants to get us munched by his teeth portals.

So, yeah, enlighten me with your genius tactics, Trey. And lost the fucking hostility, no-one likes a man who turns into a fucking coward when he feels his imminent death coming."


"Easiest thing to do now is to go and fuck up that watchman guy and take his keys while Luz tries to get new spells over here. He hasn't got the height advantage no more, and we might get the drop on him. And you think that old bastard is just gonna scamper on out of his pawn shop and come to your rescue when you tell him what you've been up to? Are you gonna skip the parts where you're helping us do exactly what he doesn't want us to, and where you basically bombed a public school in the process? Besides, 'master of the magic arts'? Really? He's had his spellbook for two weeks, tops. Joanie'd fuck him up without breaking a sweat."
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Pancaek

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Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1377 on: April 21, 2014, 08:37:13 am »

"Tough words, sir bleed-a-lot. But you've got a point, we've got to silence the watchman, can't have destruction of public proprety on my criminal record. So, what spells do you have to rival mister watchman clackety-death-trap-deluxe? Because I've got jack shit unless he's allergic to tobacco. And I don't think phasing even more yeti's into existence is going to help us either."
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Harry Baldman

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Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1378 on: April 21, 2014, 08:41:19 am »

"Tough words, sir bleed-a-lot. But you've got a point, we've got to silence the watchman, can't have destruction of public proprety on my criminal record. So, what spells do you have to rival mister watchman clackety-death-trap-deluxe? Because I've got jack shit unless he's allergic to tobacco. And I don't think phasing even more yeti's into existence is going to help us either."

"Why do we need spells? Let's just beat the shit out of him, then throw him to the yetis. Or just hurl him down three floors and hope for the best. Problem solved. You distract him, I creep up on him and bam, you know?"
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Pancaek

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Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1379 on: April 21, 2014, 12:07:46 pm »

"Fine then, let's go ambush the man who can summon gaping maws of clackity death. Lead the way, the sooner we get this shit over with the better. "

Let Trey lead the way. Assist him in whataver mad plan he's going to try
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