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[Harry Baldman]

"Any idea on where they would go?"

"You said you thought Luz and Trey were being...intimate right now, right? Any idea in what room they are? Because really, the faster we get you guys back, the better this will be for all of us."

"Second floor, I guess? I think they usually slink into a dark corner there someplace when they're feeling frisky. I try not to investigate these things too thoroughly," Shauna tells you, before suddenly having an idea. "Oh, by the way, can you guys give me your numbers? I'm thinking it'd be good for us wizards to keep in touch, yeah?"

[Toaster]

"You've got a real potato boner, man.  Maybe we could find you some potato porn too."

Let Halesey do his thing.

[Gamerlord]

Sorry, was afk. What's happening?

((In which I decide; "You know what? Fuck the 4th wall."))

[Harry Baldman]

Halesey thinks that a man with a haircut like that is not to be trusted, so he quickly pulls Larry aside and relays his current thoughts.

"Dude, this guy's hair is totally suspicious, man. We should show him the stapled centrefold. Or potato him. 'Cept it's a bit close for that, so maybe just blast him in the face with musical garbage to soften him up as part two of the sales pitch..." he says, reckoning wildly. Larry seems amiable toward the idea.

"You've got a real potato boner, man.  Maybe we could find you some potato porn too."

Well, he doesn't say it's not a good idea, anyhow. So Halesey just turns over to the grinning guy after finding the magazine with the stapled centerfold. The warnings on it do seem to be numerous, and the title of the thing seems to be 'Seraph Reveals All!'

"Dude, check this out. Just a sample, man."

"Color me intrigued, good sir!"

Thus having gotten the man's attention, Halesey opens up the centerfold right at him. There is a brief moment of strange cognizance in his eyes and his jaw drops, his mouth hanging open as he gapes at the mystical sight within the magazine. This gaping lasts for no more than a fraction of a second, and is immediately followed by the man suddenly combusting, pure white tongues of extremely hot flame shooting out of his body toward the skies. Within seconds, all of his flesh has burned, no, evaporated off his body, leaving but a charred skeleton behind that stands still for a moment before crumbling to dust from a small gust of wing. For some reason, Halesey feels an odd reverence flow into him from the sight, which lasts for a whole second before he notices that the magazine seems to have caught fire as well, reflexively dropping it when it starts to burn his hand. By the time he comes to his senses, the thing has become a bit too charred to be resold.

[Toaster]

Larry's jaw dropped.  "You killed him, dumbass!  Let's get the hell out of here!"


Book it with the books.

[lawastooshort]

"Shit. What a way to go. Whoops. Wonder if there's any more of them."

Follow Larry in fleeing and try to find another potential and more trust-worthy-looking customer.

[Nunzillor]

Holy shit!  That's like the Lost Ark you've got there!

[Harry Baldman]

Larry is less than pleased with the Dirty Mag of the Covenant, or with Halesey, for that matter. So he just states the obvious to make his irritation clear.

"You killed him, dumbass!  Let's get the hell out of here!"

Halesey somewhat agrees with this idea.

"Shit. What a way to go. Whoops. Wonder if there's any more of them," he ponders as Larry hefts the large bag o' smut and they both cheese it like there's no tomorrow. While Larry seems mostly concerned with getting far enough to maintain plausible deniability, Halesey is more business-minded than that, and looks for other customers. Clearly there have to be more people around, right? The two of them run through the streets right up until the moment they both run into something very unusual. Well, they almost run into it, anyway.

The first thing they both notice about it is that it appears to be humanoid. It takes a second for them to realize what's unusual about that - the fact that common pigeons aren't really known to aggregate into shapes like that, and yet they seem to have done exactly that. The two men can say with quite a bit of certainty that a three meter tall man made of pigeons was not something they expected to see on the street. It's particularly surreal when it turns to them and speaks with the voice of a thousand birds.

"Fancy meeting you here! Wonderful weather we're having, no?"

[lawastooshort]

"Er, yeah, pretty good. Want some porn?"

If the pigeongolem gets all aggressive then cast Wall of Pigeons in it and flee like the wind. Otherwise attempt to sell it gentleman's literature.

((we need a new plan I think))

Spoiler: Halesey the Fiendish Potato Mage (click to show/hide)

Current Name: Halesey
Inventory: Magic Binder, mobile phone, clothes (itchy trousers, hoodie, white tshirt, white trainers). Loose change. Half pack of chewing gum. Some alcoholic beans.
Stats:

• Body: 1
• Finesse: 2
• Mind: 3
• Affinity: 1

Spell List:

• Potato Vortex
• Wall of Pigeons
• Bolt of Indestructible Beans
• Stupid Desk Shield
• Musical Garbage Blast
• Hairy Mafioso Barrier

[Toaster]

"Do we even have pigeon porn?"

Watch the fireworks

[lawastooshort]

"This is universal porn, dude. You saw what it did to the suspicious-looking dude. Even broke through the barrier of looking suspicious, being a ten foot tall pigeon's nothing. Anyhow, there's probably some erotic pigeon god or something and if there is he or she is probably in some hidden centrefold somewhere here..."

[Pancaek]

"Yeah, sure, you can have my number. Also, do you happen to have a bucket or some other kind of container and running water in here? I really need to speak to the lovebirds, and I don't like waiting.

By the way, I trust that we've convinced you to return. And I'm planning on speaking to the lovebirds, but what about Raven? Think she'll follow your example?"

[Harry Baldman]

Halesey tries to play it cool and possibly be the first today to not remark upon the fact that this gentleman right here seems to be made of pigeons, oh my god!

"Er, yeah, pretty good. Want some porn?" he asks instead, and the creature laughs pigeonly, which Halesey had not recognized as an adverb until the otherwise indescribable laugh hit him just now.

"Why, yes, your pornography does indeed interest me greatly," the creature says, about a millisecond's delay between its laugh and perfectly calm subsequent speech. This raises questions in Larry's head, who isn't sure they've got what he's looking for, and questions Halesey accordingly.

"Do we even have pigeon porn?"

"This is universal porn, dude. You saw what it did to the suspicious-looking dude. Even broke through the barrier of looking suspicious, being a ten foot tall pigeon's nothing. Anyhow, there's probably some erotic pigeon god or something and if there is he or she is probably in some hidden centrefold somewhere here..." Halesey replies, assuaging an uncertain amount of Larry's concerns. He then proceeds to give some porn to the pigeon-creature, who begins to leaf through it.

"What a very interesting set of artifacts you have," the creature says after a minute of appraisal. "I shall buy them all for the generous price of two soulcoins, one for each of you for being such fine examples of mortal enterprise," it continues, producing two solid black disks from some crevice in its strange and alien body.

* * * * *

"Yeah, sure, you can have my number. Also, do you happen to have a bucket or some other kind of container and running water in here? I really need to speak to the lovebirds, and I don't like waiting.

By the way, I trust that we've convinced you to return. And I'm planning on speaking to the lovebirds, but what about Raven? Think she'll follow your example?"

"We don't have running water, sorry. We do have a bucket to do our business in, so to speak. You might not want to use that, though. As for Raven, I think she's mentally jumping for joy right now. She's only really here because of me."

"Uhm, not only because of-" Raven interjects, sounding unsure of herself.

"You hate Luz and Trey. Don't pretend like you don't. It's okay. I'm not really that into them, either. Luz has got good spells, though."

"Well, uh... yeah," the girl admits meekly.

[Toaster]

"What's a soulcoin in dollars?  We speak American here, dammit."

[Harry Baldman]

"What's a soulcoin in dollars?  We speak American here, dammit."

"It does not really have a value in your silly currency, obviously. Though very much like said currency, its value depends on what you do with it. It is redeemable for demonic favors, you see. A substitute for souls, in a way. Many people would kill for these. Literally."