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Author Topic: A brochure is here, lying in the dirt.  (Read 1778 times)

Whackjob

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A brochure is here, lying in the dirt.
« on: January 21, 2014, 06:20:46 pm »

You pick up the brochure. 
You read the brochure.

Greetings, lucky Dwarven emigrant!  May this brochure greet you in good health, and fleet of foot, for your destination is now known to you!

First, cleanse away the fatigue and dirt of your journey to your new home.  We have a delightful above ground communal bath, stocked with artisan soaps, and cunningly prepared beers complete with marble mugs that menace with spikes of elk bone and rings of eagle leather.  Many a Dwarf has cried into his drink, unprepared for the decadence of it all.  Will you?  We won't judge you!  And even if your journey means you come injured, or hobbled, or lame, our skilled surgeons will make things right for you again.  In fact, many of our friendly doctors while away their hours moonlighting as butchers!

Do you like to admire a fine trap?  Of course you do.  You're a Dwarf.  ¤ggalikűl beckons to you!  Our home is the trap maker center of the world.  Our traps are underfoot everywhere, and they range from the lethally efficient, to the strange, and esoteric, and incomprehensible.  We have guided tours available highlighting the more famous of our traps!  Come visit the famous Bloodsplash the irritated buckets!  Its mechanism is sublime, the sledgehammers nested within finely wrought!  Or perhaps you wish to view, at a safe distance, the infamous Armok's beckoning?  Thirty four separate Dwarves have tripped and fallen on this pleasing trap, truly an express route to Armok's embrace!  We've had it behind a safety chain for years now, but Dwarves always seem to visit it at the wrong time!  Etchings not permitted unless you're skilled enough to do it in seconds.  We don't have all day.  Take too long and your etching is fed to the trap.  Make too much noise about it and you'll follow it.

Your children will enjoy our trap themed events!  Come for the scavenger hunt, where the lucky Dwarfling has a chance to win his or her own Billion floor grate!  Pictured here is last years winner.  This lucky lass won the event in a record fifty-five days, finding an elf foot, eagle brain, hamster leg, and bear teeth!  And you don't have to be a child to enjoy this event!  Our outdoor traps are surrounded by much detritus, left in place for your own examination!  Do you like to collect goblin equipment, to take pleasure in melting down things into pure ingots?  All of this surface world trash is yours for the taking!

Our industrial floor is wholly open to you.  Our stockpiles are overflowing with all manner of materials that cry out for your attention.  Our traders are so efficient that we don't have to procure our own materials anymore.  Though if the fancy takes you, you can gather your own if you would like!  We have mining picks and axes to loan, farms to toil away at, and workshop after workshop that any member of the public may enjoy at their leisure.

Or perhaps gluttony entreats you?  Our chefs are legendary.  Our dining hall never closes, and if you wish, you can shove wonderfully prepared roasts down your fat craw, and nobody will stop you!  We have decades worth in storage. 

We'll even bury you regally when the excess eventually kills you, in our etchingsesque statue park and tombs.  Pay homage to the heroes of antiquity.  We even permit the leaving of food offerings!  Our crack team of battle-scar-trained cats will keep the vermin at bay.  We do ask that you do not bother the cats... more than one unwary Dwarf has fallen victim to the notion that he needed to rescue a cat from resting on a trap.  The cats know the traps better than you do.  Our own lack-handed Mayor was disavowed of this notion fairly early on.  Let the cats be!

Space on this elf-cursed paper grows short.  Come to fair ¤ggalikűl, the "Trapnest". 

Come revel in our callous splendor.


You drop the brochure.
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TeleDwarf

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Re: A brochure is here, lying in the dirt.
« Reply #1 on: January 21, 2014, 07:16:41 pm »

* search for the entrance
Teledwarf evaluates the landscape in search for fabled Trapnest gate.
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Urist_McGamer

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Re: A brochure is here, lying in the dirt.
« Reply #2 on: January 21, 2014, 07:53:37 pm »

Sounds like fun. Hopefully not !!FUN!!, but I guess it depends on who's having the !!FUN!!...
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But others might prefer to have the mess contained behind windows to avoid tracking blood all over the their nice, color coordinated floor patterns. Kind of the Ozzy Osborne vs. Martha Stewart debate.

Whackjob

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Re: A brochure is here, lying in the dirt.
« Reply #3 on: January 21, 2014, 08:03:17 pm »

Work continues slowly.  Got the initial main areas carved out, a simple trap perimeter, and everyone working vigorously.  Starting out with wooden trap implements... wooden spiked balls.  Almost a year in now.

Sold quite a few of those spiked balls and bought a lot of food and drink from the merchants.  Along with weapons, armor, clothing, thread, seeds, ingots, raw glass, a little of every basic component.

The outdoor bathing area is done.  I dug a pit into the ground, put a marble wall around it, floored it in marble, and am having Dwarves fill it by bucket from a fresh stream close to it.

A Kea decided it was going to steal a wheelbarrow.  It cut through my perimeter, got nailed by a trap, rocketed through the air, and landed square into my bath area.  The bath is now contaminated with Kea blood.  I feel it will enhance the bathing experience.
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