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[Rolan7]

I can't quite parse that, but parts of it feel really relatable.  I wonder if that's how my drunk posts are to people?

Various factors keep postponing my drinking recently, in a good way.  Games like SS13 or Crypt of the NecroDancer require too much concentration (I may have a little wine poured, but later I realize I didn't touch it).  Tabletop gaming last night was similar.  I got a 40 thinking I'd want to relax a bit, but ended up drinking 2 liters of diet ginger ale instead.

Ironically, our characters *constantly* drank for some reason, and I think the other players had quite a bit.  Perhaps my DD instinct took over   The session was basically a series of vampire parties where we gathered information by partaking in the festivities.  My character totally scored with two goth feminist wiccan vampires, while the other PCs ran around screaming with drug overdoses.  Good session.

I did have a bit of wine while playing Massive Chalice, and that worked pretty well.  After playing so much XCOM, I could do this game's tactical gameplay stumbledrunk, much less pleasantly buzzed.  The wine mostly just made me sentimental, which jived real well with the game's soundtrack and somber themes.  Like, I really felt bad whenever an important character died.  (The silly-clever humor worked well that way too).

[dragdeler]

-snip-

[Rolan7]

So about an hour ago I started the 40 I meant to drink last night.  I had a productive day, including a good walk, I make my own hours so "starting early" is my privilege in return for the many insecurities.

It's done and I'm swaying to "retrowave" I got recommended, only clicked it because the thumbnail is Joshua Ingram, the Policenauts guy.  And the stream's video is him... chilling in his office, foot-tapping.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6AJdYtxHCY

I'm still feeling the giddy but I'm starting to feel the sentimentality, as I type this.  Melancholy on the horizon.
I like the *idea* of staying giddy-drunk while, say, visiting family.  But it just doesn't work that way in practice.  I just can't stay buzzed that long, it wears off after a few hours, leaving only the temptation of drinking into a comfortable melancholy or hyper madness.

I think- heh, this is probably the sentimentality speaking - I like the melancholy more than the giddy.  It's one thing to feel that everything's fun.  It's another to be resigned; to, for a moment, be okay that everything is falling apart, and I'm not doing enough to stop it.
The reprieve is addictive, and it's selfish, but I am at this moment feeling very okay with that.

And that's what is addictive to me about alcohol.

Edit:  Like, last session, my character was partying with the two vampire goth feminist wiccans, and they asked what he wanted to feel.  They listed a few things, but the first two options were "happy" or "sad".
And I sorta wanted to joke "Why would anyone choose sad?"
But I felt like I would get called on it.  I know why, and my friends know I know.

Fortunately the GM switched to another character before I could speak, and when it came back to me my character was simply offered a very complicated water bong, which we did discuss at length

Edit2: "But why would someone choose sad, if they're desperate to be resigned to sad?"
Because once you punch through melancholy, it's a sadistic masochistic revel where sadness is wisdom, pain is maturity.  Every negative emotion isn't just numbed, it feels good, including continuing to drink past the pre-determined limit you set for yourself.

Not that I'm there... fully.  I'm just trying to catalogue, relatively lucidly.
Oddly, it suddenly feels like I'm not "there" at all.  I feel sober.  I think this is a trick by subconscious to make me drink more.  Fascinating.

[ggamer]

I think I'll steal the phrase "hyper madness" for future use. Such an expressive pair of words; after all, everyone's been there.

Three friends are missing, presumed bitches. One on coke, and currently trying to she if she can clean someone else's mouth with her own tongue. Two others stand on our table, doing their best impression of square dancers without falling off or slipping. One more stands outside in his solitary watch, smoking his cigarettes and making small talk with the bouncer. Me and the remaining two give in to the song in the company of somewhere in the ballpark of a dozen and a half shots, in an attempt to see if it's possible to replace our blood with tequila. The HYPER MADNESS has taken us and the song, the song continues endlessly on and on and on and on and on and on fuck fuck shut up i love this part listen listen SHEEEEEEE CAN SEND ME INTO OVERDRIIIIIIVE, WE DO THIS ALL THE TIIIIIIIME~~~

Yeah, see? Hyper madness is a fucking great term.

[Rolan7]

-

[DakkaDakka]

on: Today at 03:33:43 am

Fantastic.

I bought a load of cheap wine from France and they all have these shit plastic corks. I spent ten minutes stabbing it with a serrated knife and prising it out before the bastard sunk into the bottleneck.

"Easy" I thought. "Just push this through with the knife and I have sweet, three-euro wine. Can plastic corks cork?"

Push the knife down. Immediate jet of shit wine spurts up at 1 in the morning all over the work laptop and floor.

I have half a pint of wine at home with a coaster over it. It's not going to taste good after two days now, is it?

[Dunamisdeos]

That is a very sad story.

[Rolan7]

Housemate's $12 [bottle of] spiced rum shots and religion talk.
We recorded a segment toward the end.  He didn't mind, I was desperate to remember.  No way of knowing how drunk I am.

And then near midnight we walked the dog barefoot through the pooled oil-water of the two-day thunderstorm.  Speaking of the spirits and the unconditional love.

His... his claim was based on one *version* of Faust, that if we have any experience of true love...  If we have even a shred of true love *despite* lusting after knowledge or power our whole lives, then we can be absolved and enter God's court, clean.

edit: I wasn't really on board with that, but it was a fun talk and walk

[Dunamisdeos]

I'm on more pharmaceuticals than I have ever been on in my life is this a good place to post about any shenanigans that might occur?

[Hanslanda]

... Yes, probably.

[dragdeler]

-snip-

[Rolan7]

Heh yeah, it can be... rough, seeing oneself emotionally exposed and uninhibited like that.  But that's what makes it so interesting, a learning experience even!  And really, if I were too ashamed to face it later, then I shouldn't drink to that point in the first place.

Still gotta be careful about oversharing, though... sigh.  Personal logs just aren't as much fun, and don't get peer reviewed ):

[Kagus]

I am ashamed of everything I do or have ever done. Being drunk while I'm doing it just means that I at least get to feel kinda good the one time through.

[dragdeler]

-snip-

[Dunamisdeos]

Nothing happened I'm very disappointed.