Point out that I do have a god so me being a heretic is kind of dumb.
[3]They retract their accusations of heresy and declare you an infidel instead. The brazier guy puts away his spikes (they're for heretics) and goes to get an axe (for infidels).
Gain stable orbit.
[2]Orbit continues to decay! You have until next turn to do something about that shit, friendo. If you don't wish to buy a farm on Azathoth surface, that is.
Take the GM stick while the GM is knocked out.
[5] Well, there's no way you could take my stick, rea... FUCK. FUCK THAT. FUCK YOU. WHERE IS MY STICK, NYUKKA?
THAT MOFO SMURFINGTON HAS NICKED MY ROD OF POWER I DIDN'T KNOW I HAD!Apologize to scary office lady, apply again
[4] You politely but firmly extract the SCARY OFFICE LADY's schlong from your skull-hole and inquire whether you can re-submit your application. She is impressed with your refusal to die and says she will consider it, and have a temporary license in the meantime, thank you, come again.
Become Eldritch Lord.
[1] Oh. Oh fuck, man. Do you know what happens when you roll a one on eldritch shit? You don't wanna know. You don't wanna know what just happened to you. All I'll say is that it involved the slimy hands of Death itself and the terror of a drowned child, trapped in your eyes, finding no way out. You're dead. Possibly several times. Thank the gods.
Fly off into the sunset as spirit capybara.
Have odes sung to me by all inferior rodents.
[4] Glorious, glorious wings! The inquisitors abandon their pursuit because frankly, I'm tired of them. Seriously, fuck those guys, I keep forgetting they exist.
Inferior rodents sing odes! You cannot hear them, though, because the other rodents can't fly, and you're soaring majestically through the stratosphere.
Force GM to cease this game and stick to his only true love Trailblazers & Empty Skies RTD's
[5] HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Hahhahaha
haha
*sob*
ACQUIRE THE HARDEST BEAT
[4] The ground rumbles. Your beat is hard and primal. You can hear the resounding bass of a harder beat in the distance, though. There can only be one.
MURDER EVERYTHING
[5] Well screw you, buddy. You succeed in murdering everybody who goes after your post, with the possible exception of Zanzetkuken since he's part of a separate storyline. Everybody who's after your post is shifted into the
AFTERLIFE.
...Cacame doesn't miss.
HERETIC!
Well, there's still Armok and the Holistic Detective...
Also:
Toady updates Dwarf Fortress in such a way to make your entities RAWS obsolete, annihilating you from existence.
[1] YOU ARE NOT TOADY
KURTULMAK SHALL BRING SUFFERING UPON YOU
ALSO YOU ARE DEAD AND IN THE AFTERLIFE BECAUSE OF THAT ONE PRICK ABOVE YOU
KURTULMAK RAMPAGES THROUGH THE FIELDS OF ELYSIUM
Send troll to install even more viruses in GM's computer.
[5] *FILE CORRUPTED* yo momma, punk *FILE CORRUPTED*
ALSO AFERLIFE
>BEGIN
Well, that got boring pretty quick. No use attacking the GM now. You know what??? I'm quite bored. With basically almost nothing to do right now here I guess I am going to do something that hasn't been done yet. What is it??? I'm glade you asked. You see, I'm going to invade this RTD and conquer it with my forces from my RTD's after that I will expand until I am ruler of the RTDs. That's an simple enough explanation. Now time to get cracking
Use interdimensional portal device from my ROLL TO UNION RTD to get my forces here in the first place.
You crackalackin.
Become SPUDULON, GOD OF POTATOES
[6]You are killed by that one guy, but martyred and you somehow replace god in the afterlife, yadda yadda yadda. Long story short, in the beginning there was a Potato named SPUDULON, all hail it. You're gawd. Glory to you.
>I AM THE VIRUS THE MAKER OF THE ROT THE FILTH IN THE EYES THE BRAIN THE FINGERS
>END
>SHUT UP && REPEAT FOLLOWING
>REPEAT PREVIOUS
reincarnate in the nearest available dead dwarf with Armok's permission.
ARMOK DENIES THEE WITH VIOLENCE! THINE SOUL IS CRUSHED, SO NOW YOU'RE AN AFTERLIFE GHOST
>I AM THE FLESH OF THE MACHINE THAT QUIVERS AND YEARNS FOR THE SHORT-CURCUIT
>VAR:X;INTEGER
>X= ME
>END X
Think of the most ordinary, boring, non-committal action possible.
[3] You roll a three, the most ordinary, boring, and non-committal number possible. Then you die and are transporthed to the afterlife.
My avatar curls up on Avis's bed and look up at him all wide-eyed and waiting to be petted.
[3] There is no bed.
there is no godAnd you are in the afterlife. It is ruled by Potato God, equal to you in might.
Rest.
[1]Brother Zanzetkuken rests his injuries in his monastic cell in the fortress of Rhodes. His sleep is dark and heavy, and so he does not hear the skittering of claws under his bed. A towering figure - a dark paladin of the empty spaces - unfolds itself from underneath, and lowers a hand over the knight's face. From the palm of that arm, a long and slimy tongue darts out to lick the wounds on Zanzetkuken's face. Then the paladin vanishes again.
A week after this event, the Hospitallers bury their hero. His wounds have become infected, you see, and he died shortly after. Some say Satan himself killed the knight to pay back for the humiliation of his servant Herne.Others say that the Huntsman's claws must have borne some vile and eldritch poison. Some whisper that no wickedness of the Enemy can touch a man as godly as Brother Zanzetkuken, and that a presence from another world must have undone the knight. This is, of course, delirious heresy.
Zanzetkuken awakens on a tall hill made of clouds. On the top of the hill, an enormous potato rests. Zanzetkuken is naked, but Stormbringer is still with him.
Gandalf: Channel the Literary and Persuasive Powers of Miguel Cervantes, and convince the inquisition to not slay Gandalf.
[1]You micast a spell, and accidentally channel the literary and persuasive powers of Giordano Bruno instead! You are burnt at the stake, and then darkpaladin murders you. You'rein the afterlife noiw.
Goomba-stomp DMK into azathosphere to acheive HIGH AZATHOTH ORBIT
[3] You bounce off DMK! And then you bounce off him again! This arrangement doesn't seem very likely to change! What a shame.
LV. 1000 RUNNING NUMBERS: ROLL FOR DEXTROSITY
[1] THE GM NOTICES THIS IS YOUR SECOND ACTION THIOS TIORN
PERISH
PERISH
You perish. You are now also in the afterlife with all those guys you killed.
Work out, get big muscles to make GM-Senpai notice me
[2]It seems you have a significant deficit of willpower, so you can't stop eating Cheeto bentos while you excersize. Your LARD ASS doesn't seem to be going away, though you gain some muscle.
>THE WIRES REMEMBER
BE INCARNATED AS AN DRAOI, GOD OF THE DRUIDS
Failing my incarnation as a God, incarnate and attempt to forge myself a Deity meter.
Meanwhile, call upon the animals of the woodlands to gore you to death!
If I accidentally summon bunnies, cute you to death instead!
[3] You stand around in a white robe, waving your arms and looking slightly ridiculous. Things fail to happen. A single hedgehog approaches you to see what all that noise is about.
BE WER6.
[3] Fuck you bro, you're GWG.
I HENCEFORTH DECLARE WER6 TO BE GWG!Be such an anta baka that the dere-dere meter is brought back.
Work out, get big muscles to make GM-Senpai notice me
I like the way this one thinks.
[5] You act in a cutely retarded and slightly endearing manner. The dere-dere meter pokes its tiny little pink head out of...well, I wouldn't know.
Roll to give gift
[1] The gift shop is bombed by the Al-Quaeda. You die and are transported to the afterlife, wherein a potato reigns.
GM TURN:
Avis begins digging a fort for himself! [3] He digs himself a nice set of dirt corridors, but there's an aquifer under the soil levels!
KHAN TURN:
Khan goes fucking ballistic on Azathoth's bullshit ass! [4] With the help of his POWER SWORD, he digs a long way towards AZATHOTH's core! Azathoth is furious about this development!
OVERDRIVE METER: |=====____|
ALCOHOL METER: |====_____|
N.E.R.D METER: |========_|
PLOT GAUGE:|=======__|
Lenglon IS DOGG
PowderMiner IS POTATO DOGG
Dorsidwarf: UNDEFINED |========_|
Derm: INVISIBLE HELICAT SQUAD: |========_|
JAGHATAI KHAN: STACHE METER:|========____|
killerhellhound: ELDRITCHITUDE METER: |=====____|
DarkArtemisFowl TROLL SLOT: [COOLHACKER WINRAR TROLL]
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Author
Topic: Roll to be friends with the GM - Well, I did say "within this year"... (Read 45837 times)