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Misty Kolnazom, the Greatest Cheesemaker Ever!

Reg Pashmad the Recruit

Gruzzlus Holt the Captain

Plumpy the Plump Helmet Man

Kulet Lokunnomel the Nun

Enir Twigappears the Overseer

Darkerdaffodil the Elf

Maynard the Mule

Other

Iron Owl the Iron Knight

[gchristopher]

"The next time you see me, every dwarf in Shielddawn will be a follower of Cowsea!"

Did anyone else notice that this will technically become true if Misty is the last survivor in Shielddawn? You know, Dwarf Fortress and all...

[RAM]

It doesn't say "every living dwarf" so it would come down to precise definitions. I mean, if it came down to every item with "dwarf" as an adjective, then that is a lot of chunks to clean up... but reasonably only worship-capable entities count, so you should be good on that count. There are still some issues of definition though. I mean, it is possible she is already the only dwarf there, assuming that vampires don't count...

Also, as fond as I am for the concept of Bessy getting a beard stuck to her face, evictedSaint asked for a dwarf, and now I am reconsidering, and thinking that maybe evictedSaint's avatar-text is more concerning than weird's... not that I can complain with the soul-crushing void of my own avatar-space.

[tapk]

Its strange that THIS thread is silent for two months. Well, while it is, i have a suggestion for the Queen herself! I'm sorry if any grammar mistakes, I'm not a native speaker.

Once a Queen came to my fortress. Usually a monarch from a Mountainhome comes with a numerous retinue, that one was alone. Sodel Zaludalath Enas Titthal (Sodel Futurebolt The Doctrine of Playing), the Vampire Queen. More then 470 years old, more then a thousand kills. I really wonder what was her path to the crown.
I have neither saves nor screenshots left from that game, only one picture from Therapist. (Therapist shows her as a mayor but that's because she became a mayor too.)

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

A Queen is a Queen. She got her royal chambers and a tomb, of course (not that she really needed any, but prestige and traditions are everything for dwarf, even for a vampire dwarf). I gave her a crossbow and five hunting dogs, she loved to hunt different local creatures. Oh, and dwarfs too sometimes. A Queen's bounty, as I called it. She wasn't the lazy one (like my duchess for example) and even designed my buildings (I considered an architect job appropriate for the Queen). It lasted for four or five years.
I decided to get rid of forgotten beasts in sealed caverns (about 15 of them with different risk levels). I was quite a noob back then and decided to use good old doortrap with upright spears. It was almost a success. I killed almost all of them, but then...
I dig the tunnel to one of remaining beasts at the bottom of third cavern, the harrier made of flames. There was nothing to do in caverns for common haulers, i forbade all refuse or spiderweb gathering for the time. But what i didn't forseen that the Queen on the surface was bored from hunting usual boars and badgers, she was searching for challenge and she found it. At the bottom of third caverns level she smelled (well, sensed wit her vampire superpowers) a jabberer. Oh yes, that was a decent prey. She decended there before i could lock that damn door.
Just imagine a picture. A third cavern layer, carbonized bloodthornes everywhere, a thick layer of smoking ashes on the floor (beast caused constant fires in there), and from a manhole in the wall appears a legendary Vampire Queen - pale skin, sharp teeth, vampire appearance, artifact adamantine crown (i had a couple in a fortress, so she really could wear them). Masterpiece steel crossbow on her shoulder, steel bolts in the quiver. It is not impenetrable darkness in the cavern - pale gleams of fire dancing on the walls. She raises her head and sees a giant fire bird seven levels above.
One! A steel bolt rips off a bird's leg!
Two! A harrier screams in pain and falls down!
Three! While falling the beast spits a fireball which strikes just in the place where the Vampiress is standing!
Four! The Queen shoots another bolt that hits falling bird in the chest and the harrier explodes into pieces!
Five! Fire splatter flies asunder over walls and terraces of the cavern!
Six! Smoke clouds the whole scene.
Then smoke clears away a bit, the Queen turned into the living (undead?) torch comes out the fire, ascends the cavern ramp towards the forgotten beast's remains, says something with a scary grin and... falls down scattered in ashes.
Really, not even a corpse remained on the ground. I drowned her five dogs and buried them in her tomb, near her empty artifact coffin and a masterpiece memorial slab with her last words. "It is good hunting."

[Xenir]

Bessy after getting a beard stuck to her face.

+1

+1

+1

[BadLemonsXI]

How's progress going on this?

[evictedSaint]

I've been distracted down in the lower forums -_-

TLCM isn't dead, just sleeping, I promise.

[BadLemonsXI]

I've been distracted down in the lower forums -_-

Yer I basically only ever really post down there eheh.

All good. Hope you doing well btw.

[Dunamisdeos]

The cheese will simply age in the meantime, improving its quality.

[spazyak]

mmm aged gouda

[RAM]

But it must be aged in a healthy environment. If just left to rot in a pit it shall grow gnarled and foul. Unfortunately I don't have any fanart to feed it.

[TheImmortalRyukan]

There is still so much that can happen to our dear Misty from here, Gobbo siege, HFS, FB, endless possibilities. Hell, taverns have been added since this started, she could marvel at the new invention of taverns, libraries, or even temples

[mikekchar]

Thought I'd post this here as a thank you for the series so far.  I've invented/discovered a way to make a cheese without rennet (or really any other obscure equipment, ingredients).  It's meant to be a natural rind cheese and I've been aging it for almost 2 weeks now in my fridge.  Yes, just like the series, I haven't tasted it yet, so it might be awful.  But I'm hoping it's not.  I call it Mistem cheese :-)

Recipe is in the spoiler:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Equipment:

• Pot big enough to hold the milk
• Kitchen strainer
• Thermometer
• 2 Bamboo sushi mats
• Whisk
• Various Spoons, etc
• Kithchen scale is helpful[/i]
  
  • Plasic box
  • 500 ml pet bottle with straight sides
  
  Ingredients (for 75 grams of cheese -- multiply to scale up):
  
  • 500 ml *pasturised* milk (UHT is NO GOOD).
  • Spoonful (about 30g) Yogurt (with a live culture)
  • 2 g of citric acid powder OR a few table spoons of white vinegar
  • Considerable amount of sea/kosher/non-iodised salt (see below)
  
  A quick note about the ingredients: The milk must not have gotten above above about 75 degrees C.  Ultra high temperature (UHT) milk has been taken up to 125-135 C for a few seconds and it denatures the protein.  Try to find something that has been pasturised at a low temperature (I use milk that was heated to 63 degrees C for 30 minutes).  If you don't know, you can try to make the cheese, but the curds won't clump together.  It will make a nice ricotta style cheese, though, so it's not a waste.  Of course, ideally you should use raw milk from Cowsea herself.  If you can't use it immediately, you should refrigerate it to below 4 degrees within 2 hours.
  
  The yogurt must also be from a live culture.  If you've made it yourself, it will be fine.  Or you can buy yogurt with live cultures.  So called "probiotic" yogurt will work, but basically look on the label.  One small caveat is that you can't use Caspian style yogurt or anything made with a "mesophilic" (low temperature) culture.  Look for yogurt that is firm in texture, not one that is runny and slimy.  If you don't know if the yogurt will work, heat 500 ml of milk to 42 degrees C.  Add a spoon full of yogurt.  Hold the temperature for 8 hours.  If it makes yogurt, then you are good to go :-) (easiest way to hold the temperature is just to put it in a thermos -- lots of other ways... you can get creative).
  
  Description
  
  Step 1: Making a mould
  
  Get a 500 ml pet bottle (this will be good for a cheese up to 1 liter (150 grams)).  Cut the top and bottom off with a knife.  Poke lots of holes in the side with an awl/screw/nail/whatever (a thimble is useful if you use a nail).  You should end up with a cylinder with the top and bottom open.  Try your best to keep the top and bottom flat, but don't sweat about it too much.  Put lots of holes in the sides.  It's a PITA, but do your best.  Make the holes form the inside out so that that the jagged bits are on the outside.  The holes are important, but don't fret about how many or how big.  It's just important that they are there.
  
  Step 2: Sanitation
  
  Get a big pot.  Put everything in it that won't melt/break.  Add some water. Put on the lid.  Boil the water and then let it cool down.  For anything else, rub it down with some white vinegar.  Also rub down the surface you will be working on with white vinegar (I use a cutting board, which I recommend because it's useful later).
  
  Any time you are about to work with your cheese, wash your hands first.  Air dry your hands and/or rub them with white vinegar.
  
  Step 3: Ripening the milk
  
  Put the milk in a pot (500 ml weighs 512 grams if you want to measure by weight).  Add a spoonful of yogurt (about 30 grams).  If you are making more cheese than 500 ml, there is no need to scale the yogurt.  You just need enough culture to get things started.  On the lowest setting you have for your stove, heat the milk, stirring constantly and measuring the temperature.  Heat the milk/yogurt mixture to 42 degrees C.  You will probably have to turn off the heat about 0.5-1.0 degrees before you get to 42.  If you are using electric heat, or if the temperature keeps climbing after you turn off the heat, take the pot off the burner.  Put the lid on the pot and wait.
  
  You want to wait 40-50 minutes.  Check it the temperature every 10-15 minutes and heat it over the lowest possible heat until it is back up to 42 degrees.  Note: temperature for this cheese is not crucial.  Anything under 48 and over 35 will be OK, but 42 should be your goal.
  
  Step 4: Setting the Curd
  
  While the milk is ripening, either get out your bottle of white vinegar, or prepare your citric acid solution.  I prefer citric acid because it is super cheap (you can usually find the powder in the cake making section of the grocery store -- it is used for icing, I believe), it stores forever (it's a powder), and it's convenient.  It's also very neutral in flavour.  White (distilled) vinegar is good too, but it has a bit of a flavour.  In a pinch you can do as Misty did and use lemon juice, but it imparts a very strong flavour and I don't recommend it for this cheese (hey, she wasn't even Novice level yet!).  Other kinds of vinegar may not work reliably because they don't have a strong enough acid.  To prepare a citric acid solution, put 50 ml of water (it weighs 50 grams) into a cup and add about 2 grams of citric acid powder (umm.. about 1/4 of a teaspoon I guess).  Mix it until dissolved.
  
  After the milk is ripened (you have waited 40-50 minutes), make sure the milk is 42 degrees again.  It's important here that the temperature is relatively high (over 40), but it must *never* get above 50 degrees.  Again aim for 42.  Once you have the temperature, put the thermometer away -- you don't need it any more.
  
  Get your whisk and *slowly* stir the milk.  At the same time, very, very, very slowly add the acid mixture.  You want to add about 5 ml at a time, stir for about 10 seconds, add more acid, etc, etc.  Eventually you will notice curds forming on your whisk.  Then the milk will seem to get thicker (stir slowly!) and finally chunks will start to form.  Stir these chunks with your whisk -- but gently and slowly.  At some point the milk will clear and turn yellow fairly quickly.  Stop adding acid now!  It's OK if the milk (now called whey) doesn't clear completely -- we don't want to over acidify the curds.
  
  It's at this point that you will notice the difference between homogenised and unhomogenised milk.  With homogenised milk, you will need more acid and the whey will suddenly get very clear.  The curds will melt together a little bit, but will probably float around in separate chunks.  With unhomogenised milk, the whey will stay a little cloudy and some of the cream will stay in the whey.  The curds will melt together a lot better and form a nice big mass easily.  With unhomogenised milk, you will probably use just over half of the acid you need for homogenised milk.  The curds will not be acidic and they will be very creamy.  With homogenised milk, the curds will be tart and a bit grainy.  It basically makes a different cheese, but I've tried making both and both work out (I think!)
  
  Step 5. Forming the Cheese
  
  Put the kitchen strainer over another pot.  Gently pour the curds (lumpy stuff) and whey (clear, yellow liquid) into the strainer.  Working quickly (we don't want the curds to cool off very much!), put a bamboo mat on the cutting board and the mould that you made on the bamboo mat.  The bamboo should run the length of the board (i.e. in the direction that you will want the way to drain out).  Then spoon the curds into the mould, trying to pack it in as best as you can.  Homogenised milk curd is much tougher than unhomogenised milk curd, so you can squish it pretty hard.  With unhomogenised milk, be careful because it will loose a lot of cream if you press too much/too hard.
  
  Put one end of the cutting board over the sink and put a spoon under the board on the other end (so that it's kind of tilted towards the sink).  It's not totally necessary, but it will help it drain better.
  
  Wait one hour (don't be tempted to go faster -- you need to let the cheese form a skin on the bottom, otherwise it will break).  Next take your other bamboo mat and put it on top of the mould.  Deftly put your hand *under* the bottom mat and the other hand *on top* of the top mat.  Press together so that the whole thing forms a sandwich and turn it all upside down.  Gently place it back on the board.  You will be scared of dropping everything on the ground.  Have courage.  You will succeed!
  
  The top mat will probably be stuck to the cheese.  Very gently start curling the mat to unstick it from the cheese.  Eventually the cheese should fall to the bottom of the mould.  Some cheese *might* stick to the mat.  Eat it :-)
  
  Wait another hour and turn it again.  It almost certainly won't stick to the mat this time.  Wait another hour and turn it again.  This time, when you are done, take the mould off of the cheese.  It's strong enough to hold it's shape now.  Wait another hour like that (4 hours total).
  
  Step 6.  Brining the Cheese
  
  While we are forming the cheese, we need to make a brine.  You should make the brine when you first put the cheese in the mould because the brine should be cold when you use it.  Warning: you need a lot of salt to make the brine.  You can use this brine indefinitely, so get a 500 ml pet bottle to and keep it in the back of your fridge until you make cheese again (you can't make a masterwork cheese your first time!!! you must practice!!!).
  
  Measure out 480 ml of water in a measuring cup.  Add 20 ml of whey that you collected from the cheese.  Add about 2 grams of citric acid or a couple of teaspoons of vinegar.  Finally add 150 grams of sea salt.  Yes, it's a staggering amount.  Yes, it will all dissolve.  You can actually dissolve 180 grams of salt in there.  Feel free to add more if you want :-).  Put the result in the pet bottle and put it in the fridge to cool down.
  
  When the cheese has finished forming, pour the brine in a suitable container.  I use a 500 ml measuring cup.  It's the perfect shape.  You needs something that will allow you to submerge the entire cheese in the liquid.  Very gently put the cheese in the brine.  Note: This is an *unpressed* cheese.  Also it's made *without rennet*.  And the curds are *not cooked*.  The cheese if very delicate.  As much as possible, handle it from the top and the bottom, where the skin has formed.
  
  The cheese should float in the brine.  The top will poke out of the brine.  Sprinkle some salt on it -- enough so that you can see a little bit of salt on the top of the cheese (i.e. it doesn't all dissolve).
  
  The brining time depends on the size and shape of the cheese.  Brine for 30 minutes for a 500 ml cheese and 1 hour for a 1 litre cheese with the mould I described.  If you want to make a bigger cheese, then consult other resources for brining times.  Brine the cheese at room temperature (but with the cold brine).
  
  Step 7.  Drying the Cheese
  
  After the cheese is brined, flip it over in the brine (the salt that was on top will go back into the brine to help restore the salt that was removed) and then gently remove it from the brine.  You will probably have to hold it from the sides to get it out.  The brined cheese is *much* stronger than the unbrined cheese, but it is still delicate right now.  Hold it as close to the bottom as possible so that it doesn't pull apart form gravity as you remove it from the brine.  Again, as much as possible handle it by holding the top and bottom where the skin is the strongest.
  
  Put the cheese back on the bamboo mat and let it dry.  You should turn it over every few hours so that the moisture in the cheese is evenly distributed and so that no bulges form.  Don't worry about it too much, though.  This is a very dense cheese (even though the curd is delicate), so it's hard to get it wrong.
  
  You should let the cheese dry at room temperature for 2-5 days, depending on temperature and humidity.  The cheese should start out being shiny and wet and later it will have a kind of matt finish and hopefully be dry(ish) to the touch.  The cheese also starts out being completely white and over time it will start to yellow.
  
  A couple of notes about drying (and I'm very much a novice, so your experience may differ).  Unhomogenised milk cheese will set a better curd and will form a nice skin, by and large.  It's nothing like the skin on a rennet formed cheese, but it's better than the skin for homogenised milk.  Also, because this is an unpressed cheese and the curds are kind of problematic, there will probably be cracks and holes, etc.  Don't worry about it.  It will be fine.  This is not a rennet formed cheese and you can't expect it to be exactly like that.
  
  Furthermore, especially the homogenised milk cheese may start to crumble a bit around the edges.  Don't worry about it.  Over time, the curd on the outside will break down and it will get kind of "paste" like.  If you rub it, it will smear.  The cheese might also get a bit tacky.  This has a lot to do with temperature and humidity, so really just keep your eye on it.  If it starts to get really tacky, or smell really cheesy, it's time to put it in the fridge.  Otherwise we want to get it touch dry.
  
  The other thing that might happen is that it can get mold on it.  At the drying stage you really don't want mold on it.  If you notice mold, get a lint free cloth, dip it in the brine solution and wipe off the mold.  You need to keep your eyes open and check the cheese regularly at this stage so that mold doesn't get a foothold.  I've apparently got some brevibacterium linens in my apartment and a couple of my test cheese started to get a pink smear on the outside.  I panicked a bit, and ate the cheese fresh.  The cheese was fine.  In fact the mold infected parts had the best flavour.  Mold is not really something to fear.  Just wipe it off.
  
  Step 8. Maturing the Cheese
  
  After the cheese has dried, you can pop it into the fridge and eat it at any time.  I've eaten a few of the cheese, early and they are really delicious.  The paste is very chalky, crumbly and white.  The flavour is fairly sharp with a nice lactic acid tang to it.  It tastes *very* much like a Caerphilly or Wendsleydale (of Wallace and Grommit fame) cheese.  If you want to eat it young, I still recommend waiting a week as the flavour improves dramatically over that time.
  
  However, I imagine this cheese to be a "natural rind" cheese.  That means that we age it and *slowly* dry out the outside of the cheese to form a crust -- or "rind".  Usually this rind gets mold growing on it, but since the rind is hard, it protects the cheese and the cheese just gets a cook funky colour on the outside (just like Misty's cheese!)
  
  Normally you should age your cheese in a cheese cave at 13 degrees C and 80% humidity.  I don't have a cheese cave.  I just have my normal refrigerator in my house.  So *this* cheese will be refrigerator aged (Hey, I'm inventing the cheese.  I get to make the rules).  To do this, you need a "maturation box".
  
  A maturation box is just a plastic box with a lid.  You also need a mat inside the box.  I actually found a box at my local 100 yen store (dollar store in other currencies) which has a draining box on the inside, so I use that.  It's actually the right size for 2 1 litre cheeses.  However, you can just cut a bamboo mat to fit your plastic box.  Or you can get creative.
  
  Once the cheese has dried to the touch -- or at least is no longer shiny and maybe has a slightly tacky feel -- put it in the box.  At first close the lid and put it in the warmest place you can find in your fridge (use your thermometer to find it).  Every day, take the cheese out and inspect it.  It will get a lot harder once it is cold and it should no longer be tacky.  If it's wet, then the box is too humid.  Take off the top and lay it crosswise across the box for a while.  Or crack open the side of the lid.  Essentially adjust it so that it is humid in the box, but that there is no standing liquid and the cheese is not wet.
  
  Every second day, take a teaspoon of your brine solution and dilute it with 3 teaspoons of water and a half a teaspoon of vinegar.  Use a lint free cloth to wipe the cheese with the solution.  If there is any mold, wipe it off.  Make sure to wipe thoroughly in all the
  cracks and holes in the cheese.  When the cheese is young, you will probably find that a paste develops when you do this.  That's just due to the way the curd was formed.  The paste will fill in the holes and cracks in the cheese, though, and it will look smoother
  over time.  As the rind forms, that paste won't develop any more and you will just be basically cleaning the cheese (which is what would have been the case with a rennet formed cheese in the first place, I think).
  
  After around 2 weeks the rind should form.  My cheeses are just forming a rind now, so I can't tell you much more than that.  I'm going to eat one after 3 weeks and hopefully it will be delicious.
  
  Step 9. (Optional) Get Cowsea to bless your cheese
  
  Self explanatory really
  
  Disclaimer: I take no responsibility for you killing your self or getting sick making this cheese.  I think it's perfectly safe, but then I've been making fermented stuff for almost my whole life and I'm pretty casual about these things.  When in doubt, consult the royal cheese makers.
  

[WillowLuman]

We need some characters from some of the "if bay12 were a mountain home" RPs.

I vote either yours or Corai's

[RAM]

Unfortunately I don't have any fanart to feed it.

Recipe is in the spoiler

That... is perfect.

[Dunamisdeos]

TLC has now inspired an actual cheese. I feel like you might be good at this, ES.