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Reader count!  Do you read TLCM?  If so, pick your favorite character below!

Misty Kolnazom, the Greatest Cheesemaker Ever!
Reg Pashmad the Recruit
Gruzzlus Holt the Captain
Plumpy the Plump Helmet Man
Kulet Lokunnomel the Nun
Enir Twigappears the Overseer
Darkerdaffodil the Elf
Maynard the Mule
Other
Iron Owl the Iron Knight

Pages: 1 ... 188 189 [190] 191 192 ... 338

Author Topic: The Littlest Cheesemaker - Updated 8/26  (Read 932695 times)

Ancalagon_TB

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Re: The Littlest Cheesemaker (Illustrated Interactive Story) Update 1/25
« Reply #2835 on: January 29, 2015, 11:27:52 pm »

You know, I hate to say it, but a tyromancer sounds to me like a basement-bargain type of wizard...

"Bob Mclackey, have you hired a magic user for me as I ordered you to?"
"Yes, oh great Baron Rupert the Frugal ... mostly..."
"Mostly?!"
"Well yes, your highness.  As you recall you strictly limited to a 300 copper piece budget..."
"Yes, a small fortune, but well worth it to have magic on our side!"
"So ... erm... the pyromancer didn't want to work for that kind of money.  Neither did the transmuter"
"What?!? Those greedy fools!  But surely there are more than 2 magic users in the realm?"
"Yes sire.  But the druid wouldn't work with the nobility, and the clerics consider you impious"
"Those stuffy, arrogant swines!  Go on now"
"And as your majesty must concede, it wouldn't be proper to consort with a necromancer or a witch"
"Granted"
"The abjurer left town, the diviner said it would end poorly and the alchemist accidentally blew himself up three weeks ago... so..."
"Yes? You did get someone?  Surely not a warlock"
"Oh no sire, definitely not a warlock!  And yes I did find a magic user willing to work for your price"
"And?"
"Yes sire?"
"What kind of magic does he-"
"She sire"
"She use?"
"Tyromancy sire"
"Tyromancy!?"
"Yes sire"
"And what kind of magic is that, Bob McLackey?"
"I believe it has to do with cheese sire"
"Cheese?"
"Most definitely sire"
"So we have a cheese wizard?"
"Apparently so sire"
"... it will do".

And so Baron Rupert the Frugal, who never spent a gold crown when a copper would do, hired the greatest tyromancer of the land, and his enemies quivered in fear at the thought of meeting his cheesy wrath.

(edits: typos, grammar, slight clean up)
« Last Edit: February 02, 2015, 11:53:45 pm by Ancalagon_TB »
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hamster cheese supplies are low

Aslandus

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Re: The Littlest Cheesemaker (Illustrated Interactive Story) Update 1/25
« Reply #2836 on: January 29, 2015, 11:59:40 pm »

The irony is that having nonperishing food you can magically conjure would actually be a big boon in the pre-refrigeration days. Sure you can't set things on fire, but you can send a big army that won't starve on the way to the enemy...

wierd

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Re: The Littlest Cheesemaker (Illustrated Interactive Story) Update 1/25
« Reply #2837 on: January 30, 2015, 01:31:31 am »

Unless the soldiers are lactose intolerant, or havent gotten enough fiber.

Either way, it's a painfully shitty way to go. ;)

But I can see it now--

"Quick! cast a fireball on him or something!"
"I'm not that kind of wizard!"
"It's an ice demon! Cant you do SOMETHING to it to make it melt!?"
"Well, I SUPPOSE I could conjure some hot fondue..."
"WELL DO IT THEN!"
"What nonsense! We havent got any bread!"
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Dwarf4Explosives

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Re: The Littlest Cheesemaker (Illustrated Interactive Story) Update 1/25
« Reply #2838 on: January 30, 2015, 06:41:34 am »

You could probably encase your enemies in cheese. Cryomancy has nothing on tyromancy. And you can probably cause your enemies internals to turn to cheese if you're a tyromancer.
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And yet another bit of proof that RNG is toying with us. We do 1984, it does animal farm
...why do your hydras have two more heads than mine? 
Does that mean male hydras... oh god dammit.

Tirion

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Re: The Littlest Cheesemaker (Illustrated Interactive Story) Update 1/25
« Reply #2839 on: January 30, 2015, 07:41:38 am »

Milk Guy from Misfits comes to mind.
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expwnent

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Re: The Littlest Necrocheeser (Illustrated Interactive Story) Update 1/25
« Reply #2840 on: January 30, 2015, 10:51:11 am »

If he's using cheese to see the future, then he's certainly a tyromancer, but if he's doing nefarious things with cheese or raising dead cheese or whatever then he's a necrocheeser.
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Max™

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Re: The Littlest Cheesemaker (Illustrated Interactive Story) Update 1/25
« Reply #2841 on: January 30, 2015, 11:24:16 am »

In a time before time the god of uh.... herb and munchies was like "duuuude, I didn't know earthworm fiends made milk", and after a really unfortunate interaction which required a binding ritual (since they in fact do not produce milk) he produced a slab of earthworm-fiend-cheese. As said fiend would never be able to show their uh... face... around the underworld again after what took place, it decided to thrust a spire of solid parmesan up into the overworld, that it may better sow uh... confusion and awkwardness across the world.

After the Cheese, this is a brie-bound book, the writing concerns the secrets of life and cheese, it kinda smells funny.
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Engraved here is a rendition of an image of the Dwarf Fortress learning curve. All craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality. It depicts an obsidian overhang which menaces with spikes of obsidian and tears. Carved on the overhang is an image of Toady One and the players. The players are curled up in a fetal position. Toady One is laughing. The players are burning.
The VectorCurses+1 tileset strikes the square set and the severed part sails off in an arc!

wierd

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Julien Brightside

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Re: The Littlest Cheesemaker (Illustrated Interactive Story) Update 1/25
« Reply #2843 on: February 01, 2015, 05:20:46 pm »

You know, I hate to say it, but a tyromancer to me sounds like a basement-bargain type of wizard to me...

"Bob Mclackey, have you hired a magic user for me as I ordered you to?"
"Yes, oh great Baron Rupert the Frugal ... mostly..."
"Mostly?!"
"Well yes, your highness.  As you recall you strictly limited to a 300 copper piece budget..."
"Yes, a small fortune, but well worth it to have magic on our side!"
"So ... erm... the pyromancer didn't want to work for that kind of money.  Neither did the transmuter"
"What?!? Those greedy fools!  But surely there are more than 2 magic users in the area?"
"Yes sire.  But the druid wouldn't work with the nobility, and the clerics consider you impious"
"Those stuffy, arrogant swines!  go on now"
"And as your majesty must concede, it wouldn't be proper to consort with a necromancer or a witch"
"granted"
"The abjurer left town, the diviner said it would end poorly and the alchemist accidentally blew himself up three weeks ago... so..."
"yes? You did get someone?  Surely not a warlock"
"oh no sire, definitely not a warlock!  And yes I did find a magic user willing to work for your price"
"and?"
"yes sire?"
"what kind of magic does he"
"she sire"
"she use?"
"Tyromancy sire"
"Tyromancy?"
"yes sire"
"and what kind of magic is that Bob McLackey"
"I believe it has to do with cheese sire"
"cheese?"
"most definitely sire"
"so we have a cheese wizard?"
"apparently so sire"
"... it will do".

And so Baron Rupert the Frugal, who never spent a gold crown when a copper would do, hired the greatest tyromancer of the land, and his enemies quivered in fear at the thought of meeting his cheesy wrath

This scene makes me think of Monthy Python meeting Terry pratchett.

Rexfelum

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Re: The Littlest Cheesemaker (Illustrated Interactive Story) Update 1/25
« Reply #2844 on: February 01, 2015, 09:34:06 pm »

I was away for awhile and came back to more updates than I could read in one sitting.  Wow.

Everything that happened in those updates caused further "wow."  This is awesome.  Yeah, I caught that puzzlebox transfer and was going to comment on it if no one else did.  Also I note that cavern 3 has been breached and contains "danger."

I guess . . . Misty: develop a traumatic aversion to apples as you haul away Darkerdaffodil.

Which is basically the third suggestion so far that has anything to do with Misty.

--Rexfelum
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Ancalagon_TB

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Re: The Littlest Cheesemaker (Illustrated Interactive Story) Update 1/25
« Reply #2845 on: February 02, 2015, 07:34:35 pm »


This scene makes me think of Monthy Python meeting Terry pratchett.

Why thank you, that's sort of what I was going for there :D
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laxori666

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Re: The Littlest Cheesemaker (Illustrated Interactive Story) Update 1/25
« Reply #2846 on: February 02, 2015, 11:11:15 pm »

"Bob Mclackey, have you hired a magic user for me as I ordered you to?"
"Yes, oh great Baron Rupert the Frugal ... mostly..."
"Mostly?!"
"Well yes, your highness.  As you recall you strictly limited to a 300 copper piece budget..."
"Yes, a small fortune, but well worth it to have magic on our side!"
"So ... erm... the pyromancer didn't want to work for that kind of money.  Neither did the transmuter"
"What?!? Those greedy fools!  But surely there are more than 2 magic users in the area?"
"Yes sire.  But the druid wouldn't work with the nobility, and the clerics consider you impious"
"Those stuffy, arrogant swines!  go on now"
"And as your majesty must concede, it wouldn't be proper to consort with a necromancer or a witch"
"granted"
"The abjurer left town, the diviner said it would end poorly and the alchemist accidentally blew himself up three weeks ago... so..."
"yes? You did get someone?  Surely not a warlock"
"oh no sire, definitely not a warlock!  And yes I did find a magic user willing to work for your price"
"and?"
"yes sire?"
"what kind of magic does he"
"she sire"
"she use?"
"Tyromancy sire"
"Tyromancy?"
"yes sire"
"and what kind of magic is that Bob McLackey"
"I believe it has to do with cheese sire"
"cheese?"
"most definitely sire"
"so we have a cheese wizard?"
"apparently so sire"
"... it will do".

And so Baron Rupert the Frugal, who never spent a gold crown when a copper would do, hired the greatest tyromancer of the land, and his enemies quivered in fear at the thought of meeting his cheesy wrath
+1 well done! I strongly encourage you to continue writing humorous things =).
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Dwarfy

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Re: The Littlest Cheesemaker (Illustrated Interactive Story) Update 1/25
« Reply #2847 on: February 03, 2015, 07:24:49 pm »


This scene makes me think of Monthy Python meeting Terry pratchett.

Why thank you, that's sort of what I was going for there :D

I recomend spinoff. Potentially novel-length. I would seriously read the hell out of a book like that.
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"Necromancy is sort of like Jaywalking. It's not illegal, just frowned upon."

Iminyourhouse

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Re: The Littlest Cheesemaker (Illustrated Interactive Story) Update 1/25
« Reply #2848 on: February 03, 2015, 11:21:59 pm »


This scene makes me think of Monthy Python meeting Terry pratchett.

Why thank you, that's sort of what I was going for there :D

I recomend spinoff. Potentially novel-length. I would seriously read the hell out of a book like that.
AODF are at work.
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evictedSaint

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Re: The Littlest Cheesemaker (Illustrated Interactive Story) Update 1/25
« Reply #2849 on: February 04, 2015, 12:54:38 am »


meanwhile...






...





thump





THUMP





BIGGER THUMP





ah, there she is





man, this comic is getting depressing





yeah, let's just sit here for a while

Okay.  Okay maybe, maybe you'll just sit here for a while. 

Just a little while.




« Last Edit: April 18, 2015, 06:27:02 pm by evictedSaint »
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