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Author Topic: Sappho's Great Big Bundle Clear-Out Giveaway  (Read 9035 times)

Sappho

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Re: Sappho's Great Big Bundle Clear-Out Giveaway
« Reply #135 on: July 19, 2014, 02:46:34 am »

Here we have the Unwanted Game in its natural habitat. On the island, free from predators and zombies, the Unwanted Games frolic, throw wild parties, and attend group therapy sessions. It is hoped that one day compassionate, understanding gamers might adopt them all, but sadly, such adoptions are rare. Most of these games are buggy, unfinished, ugly, or just plain bad, and it takes a special kind of gamer to see past their flaws to the essence of Game inside them.

Ah, here we have a rare sight indeed: the arrival of new refugees. Each of these games has been rejected by the gaming community. They step off the boat, heads hung low in shame. Fortunately, the other Unwanted Games are sympathetic. They will care for the newcomers until they accept their place on the Island of Unwanted Games.

(Sad Sarah McLachlan music begins.)

Battle Group (Desura) is a modern tactical naval combat simulator. Sadly, it can't live up to the Sid Meier's level of polish. The graphics look like they belong on a cheap flash game. One reviewer claims it gets frustrating in later levels, and feels like the game is cheating (or the programmers got lazy). However, it has an overall Desura rating of 8/10, and is probably not a bad game if you give it a chance.

Paranormal State: Poison Spring is a video game adaptation of a "reality" TV show about hunting ghosts or something. It's also a hidden object game, and apparently not one of the better ones. It gets bad reviews even from players who normally enjoy hidden object games. The characters are described as flat and emotionless, as is the voice acting. One review calls the game "beyond a joke" and claims it "sets the whole gaming industry back 30 years." This game suffers from very low self-esteem and could really use some attention. It would be perfect for a comedic Let's Play or a joke gift for a friend. I bet some kids might like it.

DIVO is a game about a hamster in a wheel in some sort of space tower thing, trying to climb it and collect shinies and not get hurt. The goal is to reach the end of each level. One reviewer says, "The controls aren't good, theres a timer(I HATE timers) and the controls are frusterating." Other users remark on the poor controls and difficulty controlling the hamster wheel. There is one positive review on the front page which we will now print in full:
Quote
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Evy: Magic Spheres (Desura) is a casual puzzle game where you shoot marbles at a long string of marbles and try to clear the marbles for points or something. It has beautiful fairy tale graphics and is probably an 8-year-old girl's dream game. Did you ever play Snood back in high school? Come on, admit it. You know you did. This is sort of like that. Surely, you must know at least one 8-year-old girl who needs a fun introduction to video games. We're all tired of the bulk of gamers being guys.

Sweezy Gunner is a 2d sci-fi shoot-em-up in an open world. Blow up monsters! Collect loot! Fight bosses! This game actually has lots of very good reviews, and is recommended for all the people who like to shoot things.

This is just a handful of the many Unwanted Games currently living on our overcrowded, underfunded island. Please, consider adopting one of these games into your gaming machine today. The therapy bills are getting very expensive.

sjm9876

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Re: Sappho's Great Big Bundle Clear-Out Giveaway
« Reply #136 on: July 19, 2014, 06:23:31 am »

I like to shoot things.
Especially Zombies.
So I'll put in for Sweezy Gunner then.
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My dreams are not unlike yours - they long for the safety, and break like a glass chandelier.
But there's laughter and oh there is love, just past the edge of our fears.
And there's chaos when push comes to shove, but it's music to my ears.

Sigtext

TripJack

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Re: Sappho's Great Big Bundle Clear-Out Giveaway
« Reply #137 on: July 19, 2014, 11:58:23 am »

Put me down for Out of the Park Baseball 14 please. Thanks for doing this :)
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Naxza

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Re: Sappho's Great Big Bundle Clear-Out Giveaway
« Reply #138 on: July 19, 2014, 12:02:36 pm »

I'll put in for Inescapable and 6180 The Moon from the isle of unwanted games.

Sappho, your generosity and capacity to weave a tale out of it know no bounds. Thank you for what you've created here.
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GiglameshDespair

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Re: Sappho's Great Big Bundle Clear-Out Giveaway
« Reply #139 on: July 19, 2014, 12:04:45 pm »

Sign me up for
Kingdom Elemental
and
Eador: Masters of a broken world
, would you kindly.
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You fool. Don't you understand?
No one wishes to go on...

Sappho

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Re: Sappho's Great Big Bundle Clear-Out Giveaway
« Reply #140 on: July 19, 2014, 12:22:07 pm »

Mmmmmm, delicious signups....

Anvilfolk

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Re: Sappho's Great Big Bundle Clear-Out Giveaway
« Reply #141 on: July 19, 2014, 05:17:54 pm »

:D

Iceblaster

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Re: Sappho's Great Big Bundle Clear-Out Giveaway
« Reply #142 on: July 19, 2014, 05:27:08 pm »

I suppose no one minds if I nominate KingOfStarrySkies for Joe Danger 2 whenever you giveaways the island of unwanted games giveaway :3

Sappho

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Re: Sappho's Great Big Bundle Clear-Out Giveaway
« Reply #143 on: July 20, 2014, 01:16:35 am »

I suppose no one minds if I nominate KingOfStarrySkies for Joe Danger 2 whenever you giveaways the island of unwanted games giveaway :3

Well, he misused "hast" and made several other typos on his profile info, but if you can vouch that he's a decent person who will actually give the game some love,then on the list he goes!

Today's giveaway is coming shortly.

Sappho

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Re: Sappho's Great Big Bundle Clear-Out Giveaway
« Reply #144 on: July 20, 2014, 01:59:43 am »

You are receiving this message because you have been chosen. You have survived until now. You have not given into the temptation to just join the zombies and start eating delicious, succulent brains. There are others. We are strong. We have a plan. We will emerge victorious. We will throw all the dead zombies in a big pile and we will have a dance party on top of the pile and then we will set the pile on fire and continue the dance party in a circle around the massive bonfire. And then we will carve the zombie bones into trinkets which will we trade with the elves in exchange for barrels of sunshine.

GiglameshDespair: You are hereby given a quest to discover the Kingdom Elemental. We will need it to do alchemies.

Vector: Your quest is to discover the rare Blue Rose. It is an essential ingredient of our secret weapon.

sjm9876: We will need many Volts of electricity. The power lines have been down for days. Get them working again.

gigaraptor487: You will be responsible for cleaning up the huge pile of disaster that Garry's Incident caused. It's not going to be pretty. Sorry.

In other news, the Island of Unwanted Games would like to announce a bit welcome for their newest citizens, Slip. Housewarming gifts can be delivered to the island by fighting your way through the pack of zombies on the coastline and swimming across the lake.

Good luck, everyone. Humanity and Dwarfkind depend on you. Probably the Elves, too. I guess.

sjm9876

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Re: Sappho's Great Big Bundle Clear-Out Giveaway
« Reply #145 on: July 20, 2014, 03:31:03 am »

We will throw all the dead zombies in a big pile and we will have a dance party on top of the pile and then we will set the pile on fire and continue the dance party in a circle around the massive bonfire. And then we will carve the zombie bones into trinkets which will we trade with the elves in exchange for barrels of sunshine.
This is glorious.
I second this plan.

Also, cheers. And here was I expecting my usual lack of luck to show. :)
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My dreams are not unlike yours - they long for the safety, and break like a glass chandelier.
But there's laughter and oh there is love, just past the edge of our fears.
And there's chaos when push comes to shove, but it's music to my ears.

Sigtext

Sappho

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Re: Sappho's Great Big Bundle Clear-Out Giveaway
« Reply #146 on: July 21, 2014, 01:19:16 am »

A foghorn rings out. The boat approaches. Lining the decks are five despondent games.

The residents of the Island of Unwated Games gather at the pier to welcome their new brethren. They form a gauntlet of hugs for each game to walk through before resigning themselves to their new fate.

Welcome, The Race For the White House (Desura). Perhaps the world has had enough of elections. Surely you'll be called upon again once the zombies are all set on fire.

Welcome, Zack Zero. Your beautiful graphics and good reviews weren't enough to impress back on the mainland, but we would all like your autograph.

Welcome, Subject 9. Your premise is pretty good. You're very flashy. But perhaps people just don't care about defensively-focused shooters with odd camera angles anymore.

Welcome, 8BitBoy. You wanted to be Mario. But Mario is already Mario. And he's better at it than you. Just be yourself, man.

Welcome, Inescapable. You-- wait, what was that? Did anyone else see that?

Something just got off the ship. Am I seriously the only one who saw that? It was just out of the corner of my eye, I know, but--

Inescapable! Inescapable is gone! Where did it go?

It can't have gotten far. Spread out and search the island. It must be--

The boat! The boat is pulling away! And look, there on the deck! It's Inescapable! And who's that up there holding the game over their head in triumph?

Why, it's Naxza! Naxza has taken the game! Congratulations, Inescapable! You're wanted after all!

Good luck with the zombies!

Krevsin

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Re: Sappho's Great Big Bundle Clear-Out Giveaway
« Reply #147 on: July 21, 2014, 10:37:43 am »

I have been away from the internet for the past 9 days, so I could only check my messages now.

Thanks a bunch, Sappho.  :D
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Anvilfolk

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Re: Sappho's Great Big Bundle Clear-Out Giveaway
« Reply #148 on: July 21, 2014, 01:07:01 pm »

Yeah, and this is still the best topic around!

Iceblaster

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Re: Sappho's Great Big Bundle Clear-Out Giveaway
« Reply #149 on: July 21, 2014, 05:03:24 pm »

As an addendum to my first post for things, may I put myself in for Cook, Serve, Delicious and Out and Out of the Park baseball?

EDIT: Just realized it was in, put me in for Antichamber as well?
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