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Author Topic: Things that made you laugh today: 10101 bits and counting  (Read 1018655 times)

Kagus

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Re: Things that made you laugh today: 9244 snickers and counting
« Reply #9015 on: August 11, 2018, 07:03:07 am »

The weather app on a friend's phone had a forecast for Sunday the 19th showing partial clouds, a high of 20 degrees Celsius, and a low of 0 Kelvin.

Well, technically it isn’t wrong.

Perhaps something terribly unpleasant will happen that day.
It just means that summer is finally coming to an end.

Yoink

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Re: Things that made you laugh today: 9244 snickers and counting
« Reply #9016 on: August 11, 2018, 07:08:07 am »

fingering the ribbed banana
Wow, awkward...
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Bumber

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Re: Things that made you laugh today: 9244 snickers and counting
« Reply #9017 on: August 11, 2018, 09:56:55 pm »

The Snow that Flurried like Talking Guppies
A Short Story
by Anonymous

Shane Smart looked at the giant map in his hands and felt stable.

He walked over to the window and reflected on his idyllic surroundings. He had always loved sleepy Truro with its talented, testy trees. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel stable.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Lauren Blunder. Lauren was a creepy volcano with vast toenails and wide feet.

Shane gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a popular, admirable, whiskey drinker with fluffy toenails and pretty feet. His friends saw him as a manky, mutated monster. Once, he had even brought a prickly old man back from the brink of death.

But not even a popular person who had once brought a prickly old man back from the brink of death, was prepared for what Lauren had in store today.

The snow flurried like talking guppies, making Shane worried.

As Shane stepped outside and Lauren came closer, he could see the scrawny glint in her eye.

"Look Shane," growled Lauren, with a spiteful glare that reminded Shane of creepy goldfish. "It's not that I don't love you, but I want justice. You owe me 2650 euros."

Shane looked back, even more worried and still fingering the giant map. "Lauren, yabba Dabba Doo," he replied.

They looked at each other with fuzzy feelings, like two anxious, attractive aardvarks laughing at a very intelligent Christening, which had trance music playing in the background and two ruthless uncles smiling to the beat.

Suddenly, Lauren lunged forward and tried to punch Shane in the face. Quickly, Shane grabbed the giant map and brought it down on Lauren's skull.

Lauren's vast toenails trembled and her wide feet wobbled. She looked relaxed, her wallet raw like a breezy, beautiful blade.

Then she let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Lauren Blunder was dead.

Shane Smart went back inside and made himself a nice glass of whiskey.

THE END


Sooooo stable! He bludgeoned a volcano to death with a map, putting Urist McMiscObjectUser to shame.
« Last Edit: August 11, 2018, 10:02:28 pm by Bumber »
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hector13

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Re: Things that made you laugh today: 9244 snickers and counting
« Reply #9019 on: August 12, 2018, 12:28:10 am »

Someone mentioned an ai which could create short stories, I imagine it’s that.
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KittyTac

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Re: Things that made you laugh today: 9244 snickers and counting
« Reply #9020 on: August 12, 2018, 12:33:02 am »

Someone mentioned an ai which could create short stories, I imagine it’s that.
No, it just inserts words in a template. Give me a link to the AI.
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KittyTac

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Re: Things that made you laugh today: 9244 snickers and counting
« Reply #9021 on: August 12, 2018, 10:35:14 am »

Russian black comedy anti-war song. The lyrics are in Russian, but the imagery sums up the song.
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bloop_bleep

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Jopax

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scourge728

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Re: Things that made you laugh today: 9244 snickers and counting
« Reply #9025 on: August 14, 2018, 02:06:01 pm »

Do najpovoljnige and ikad mean anything? I assume it's croatian or something (croatiabus) but the rest of the ad is in english

Jopax

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Re: Things that made you laugh today: 9244 snickers and counting
« Reply #9026 on: August 14, 2018, 02:17:03 pm »

Roughly translates to "Cheapest ever" or similar.
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Kagus

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Re: Things that made you laugh today: 9244 snickers and counting
« Reply #9027 on: August 14, 2018, 04:43:29 pm »

And then a... German URL extension? Alrighty then.

We don't know where we're headed, but it's the most economic option!

Frumple

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Re: Things that made you laugh today: 9244 snickers and counting
« Reply #9028 on: August 16, 2018, 08:14:51 pm »

Quote from: I Was a Sword When I Reincarnated, chapter 113
That said, seeing him act all gung ho really made me want to find him something to do.

Let’s see… he’s much pretty limited to using only his mouth and front paws. The former was much more reliable than the latter, so we’d need something that wouldn’t suffer from him holding it in his mouth all the time.

『Oh, I know. How about helping me make the butter?』

「Woof?」

『One sec.』

I grabbed a barrel out of the dimensional storage. Inside was freshly squeezed milk, obtained from none other than our friend at the Luciel Conglomerate. The plan was to use it in order to create butter which would then be used for the chicken broth we needed to flavour the spiciest variation. I was originally planning to just use of space/time magic, but this was one of the few things that Urushi could actually do, so might as well leave it up to him instead.

To begin, I had him return to his usual size.

『Hey Urushi, open wide.』

「Bark.」

『Catch.』

「Woof?」

『Make sure you don’t bite down, alright? The barrel’s made out of wood, so it’ll probably break if you do. 』

「Woof.」

『Alright, you don’t actually need to do anything super complicated. All you have to do is start shaking it as hard as you can and not stop till I tell you to.』

「W-Woof…?」

『Hey, you’re the one who said you wanted to help, so get to work already.』

「W-Woof!」

Urushi obediently started to reproduce the ever so well known phenomenon of violent headbanging in response to my commands. All he had to do was keep that up for an hour, and we’d have butter! Though, he’d also probably be a bit more than just a bit dizzy, but hey, whatever. He asked for it.
Headbanging wolf churns butter, more at eleven.

E:
Quote from: shortly after
Time flew as we concentrated our assigned tasks; the evening had almost seemed have blindsided us.

Urushi was, as one would expect, no longer able to stand on his feet. He’d been wobbling about in one of the room’s corners ever since he completed his task.
« Last Edit: August 16, 2018, 08:17:35 pm by Frumple »
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Yoink

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Re: Things that made you laugh today: 9244 snickers and counting
« Reply #9029 on: August 16, 2018, 09:00:54 pm »

The book I am reading has made me laugh on several occasions thus far, with varying levels of intensity. Considering it was just a last-minute grab at the library that I picked up more-or-less at random for the sole purpose of padding my selection of borrowed books up to an even number, I am quite pleasantly surprised.
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Booze is Life for Yoink

To deprive him of Drink is to steal divinity from God.
you need to reconsider your life
If there's any cause worth dying for, it's memes.
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