All right!
Nail, you have been dwarfulated as a mason. The very next moment after I did that, you stepped outside and giant monkeys flung poo at you. It’s almost like they knew. And now you are carrying bruises from the impact of bloody monkey poo.
You have three children, and you’re quite overweight, which must come from your preferred diet of coral snake. You absolutely detest butterflies, but who doesn’t?
mate888, don’t be so hasty with the self-judgment. You can now claim you were hormonally imbalanced! See why below.
15th GraniteA group of giant gray langurs appeared today.
Nail called the alarm as the cretins flung their … you know … at him. He was struck three times -- what dreadful abuse! Nature sucks and I intend to put a stop to it.
Now I’m running after them with Zaneg. We’ve already killed one, and here’s another one in front of me.
Ouch! The son of a bitch bit me! Right in the chest!
Zaneg is yelling at me. She’s telling me to put down my notebook and defend myself. She looks quite angry! But my duty as historian comes first!
Ouch! It’s shaking me around by the chest now. There is really quite a lot of blood!
“Quit writing ouch!” Zaneg is saying. “Armok dammit, did you just transcribe ‘quit writing ouch’? Are you writing this too? Stop writing!”
(At this point, bloodstains make the journal illegible.)
2nd SlateI’m writing from the floor of the hospital. We still have no beds in here. Man, being wounded by giant gray langurs is the worst. The Quacks say I’m lucky to be alive, because the thing opened an artery in my chest. But there’s good news: I’m definitely cured of the happiness charm!
20th FelsiteBack on my feet again, I got into a tangle with a succubus thief. The lesson I learned: succubus brains are not a vital organ.
I landed a long series of brain-dismantling blows, including twice getting my war hammer stuck inside her head and whirling it like an egg whisk, and the damned thing still regained consciousness and tried to escape! Decapitation did the trick, though.
19th HematiteOur fortress has welcomed its first newborn dwarven infant! It’s a boy.
mate888 is the mother; the child is the spawn of her union with
Cptn Kaladin Anrizlokum. They named the child Tobul Disloyaltymazes. Might just as well have the infant fitted for prison stripes right now, with a name like that. Everyone is waiting nervously to find out what kind of dwarf it will grow into. Congratulations to the happy couple! ...we suppose.
This makes our population large enough that we need a mayor. Risen Shadoweddredges, one of our Quacks, was chosen for the honor, and then immediately started bitching about it, saying, “Where’s my office? Where’s my weapon rack?” and so on.
Nail is working on creating all the stuff he wants, but it’s a thankless job.
12th GalenaWe were unaware of the White Tigerman civilization in this area, until they showed up with their Welcome Wagon of Death. They call themselves “The Shielded Avalanche,” which is apt, given how easily they fell.
But the moment we were finished and got down to looting the corpses, a goblin ambush from The Lie of Spattering materialized. It was a squad of six goblins in rusty iron, running around whacking things with their stupid rusty morningstars. They sprung their ambush on the human trade guild representative, who promptly and compliantly died in a panicked frenzy as we watched from the fortifications.
The goblins charged the fortress as the human trade caravan scrambled to get inside ahead of them. It might have been amusing to let the human guards handle their own affairs, but the goblins were shouting things that we couldn’t understand.
Senshuken, who speaks a little bit of goblin, said, “I think they’re calling us elephant rapists.”
“What do they mean? Do they mean we rape elephants, or do they mean we’re elephants who rape things?”
“I don’t know. Hey,” he shouted. “Do you mean we rape elephants? Or do you mean we’re elephants who rape?”
They didn’t answer, so I went out to ask them. Well, one thing led to another, rhetoric got heated, things escalated, goblin parts started flying here and there, and long story short, I never got an answer.
While I was having this important discussion about elephant rape, a goblin bowman from a second squad of ambushers managed to get to the entrance, and he fired an arrow into the Trade Depot. Somehow, that single arrow cleanly removed the head of a human merchant, and then the bastards refused to trade with us. As if it was our fault. Jeez.
One final note: This battle earned me an epithet. My name used to be Astesh Armorfurnaced. Now I’m Astesh Armorfurnaced the Blighted Flute of Tusks. How badass is that?
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Topic: ☼Bellweasel☼ - Cleansed in carpling blood (Read 9437 times)