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Author Topic: The Poetry Thread  (Read 26156 times)

Edmus

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Re: The Poetry Thread
« Reply #180 on: June 12, 2018, 07:09:05 pm »

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I love this! It's so sweet!
First semi-serious poetry:

Kittens are cool
Soft like wool
They're so cute
But when they grow up
They make more.

Rate this, I guess. I'm not a native English speaker, the way I pronounce "more" kinda rhymes with "cute".
I'm trying to work out how to squeeze cute to sound like more. :P
The best way to improve it is probably looking at the meter, and a simplified way to do that is to count the syllables (this will only get you so far but works well enough) and try to keep them to a pattern. In yours you have 4,3,3,5,3. Changing the 5 to a 4 might help.

Enjoyed a really moving poem this morning by Nan McDonald, 'The Bus Ride Home'. I can't find a copy online, sadly. So here are two huge photos:
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Th4DwArfY1

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Re: The Poetry Thread
« Reply #181 on: June 13, 2018, 09:14:33 pm »

And are you sleeping, Martin Peibel
With your flowers on your head,
Oh, are you sleeping my fine fellow
Beneath that faded clutch of red?
The rusted bucket on your patch
Speaks subtle words to me
How long since you first sought
Your immortality.

Your stone is unremarkable, your name
Well nigh unknown.
What reason have I to show you courtesy
In such a place as this?
I came to visit family
Who slumber down thon path.
Dear Martin, you have no such draw
On obligation nor familial awe
That would compel me to converse with you

And you are crowded Ďround with monuments
To pierce low-hanging heaven with ambition
With names engraved in Stygian iron
Proclaiming loud their living message.
You, my dear Martin,
Are entirely silent.

Perhaps I feel a shock, sharp, tremulous.
Your very unremarkable presence
Speaks of the gravity inherent in the grave,
And silence seems most natural for one
Whose mouth long since was stopped by sod.
It is as if all others put a mask on death,
A practice you yourself abhorred.

You are a stranger, one long dead
But still I feel compelled to ask.
Do you rest well with flowers on your head
Which I found scattered and abused upon your grave
And for the sake of a momentís
Tenderness or sentiment
Had gathered as one who knew you would,
Picked up and quickly placed before your stone
So as to brighten it with faded vermilion?
Or are they gaudy, and too much a mask
For you to slumber on in peace?
Forgive me my impertinence, Martin,
If I can call you that. Itís just I felt I had to ask.

---

Went to visit my granny's grave, and on the way saw a plot with a bunch of artificial flowers spilled across it. Gathered them up and placed them at the gravestone, then wondered what right I had to do something so seemingly personal for him. Not really written to show off poetic style, more to get my thoughts on paper.
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Poetry Thread

Th4DwArfY1

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Re: The Poetry Thread
« Reply #182 on: June 19, 2018, 06:06:15 pm »

Odysseus outside Calypsoís cave
Dreams of a home he lost
And mourns the love he feels Ė
He understands its cost.
Calypso, feet in the sands
Sees him asleep and sighs.
In all the tortured mortal lands
Sheís never seen one man so wise
As could resist her charms
And turn them back a net to bind.
Love is a blade which only harms.

And in the light of day
The seagull treads the line
Along the salty way
Of sea and foam and brine.
It cares not for Odysseus
Nor for his crooked grin
Cares not for man kindís kiss
Nor feeds a guilty sin.

----

A knight lies fallen on the field;
A maiden sits resplendent on his shield,
A handkerchief is tied about his spear.
His soul has left that barren field.

Beside an infantry man is laid
No shield to save the heart that bled
Nor handkerchief around his weapon wound.
The eyes are plucked from out his head.

But in his hand long clogged with dirt
A silver pendant with a golden heart
Holds one fair portrait, cunning done,
Of that man's wife and infant son.
« Last Edit: June 19, 2018, 06:12:40 pm by Th4DwArfY1 »
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Poetry Thread

Tomasque

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Re: The Poetry Thread
« Reply #183 on: June 19, 2018, 07:50:29 pm »

Great poem!
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Edmus

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Re: The Poetry Thread
« Reply #184 on: June 19, 2018, 09:15:49 pm »

Exam pressure always squeezes poetry out of me. No title for this one.
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Great poems DwArfY1!
« Last Edit: June 19, 2018, 09:19:02 pm by Edmus »
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Qassius

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Re: The Poetry Thread
« Reply #185 on: June 20, 2018, 12:06:37 am »

Not the most poetic type- but I did enjoy writing it!



Open eyes on a sultry night
Wandering around in dim candlelight
Pangs of aches and despair
Sorrows for joys to never prevail

Troubles in heart and mind
Annoyance at times left behind
Yet what could a man ever do?
But only start things anew.

As the candle was snuffed
And the pillow stuffed
Hopes of a new day prevailed
As eyes closed with hearts unailed


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Tomasque

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Re: The Poetry Thread
« Reply #186 on: June 20, 2018, 01:53:10 pm »

As the candle was snuffed
And the pillow stuffed
I like this couplet.
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Yoink

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Re: The Poetry Thread
« Reply #187 on: June 22, 2018, 01:56:19 am »

This is a song, but I don't believe we have a current thread for such things. Inspired by the raggedy-ass socks I just had to pull onto my feet after showering, as my newer and less-tattered ones are in the wash.


Quote
My hooves, cut through my socks, I go through a pack a week
And you know it's a nightmare just (tryna/trying to?)  find souls to eat
'Cause you mortals just sell them away at the drop of a hat
You don't realise that once you commit there is no turning back

You (don't even/scarcely) (know/learn) who you are before choosing to hate yourself
You waste no time deciding you'd rather be somebody else
I know, in the end, regardless, you wind up in hell
But if you ask me, these days damnation's too easy to sell.



...Crap, I wrote the last couple of lines and now I'm not sure I'm correctly remembering the slightly different melody of the first two that it started with. Urgh. I don't really have time to try and remember exactly, not like I'm about to put it to music anyway.

Basically, it was loosely based on part of an old song I used to sing as a kid, which after googling the lyrics turns out to be Sing C'est La Vie by Sonny and Cher.
This unplanned shitty songwriting sesh was worth it just to remind myself of that song, haha. Maybe I should add a chorus in to match.
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