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Crushed Mermaid Scale

Elven Bone Marrow

Flaked Adamantine

Ground Unicorn Horn

[Iamblichos]

Okay, first things first, the tileset is fucked up, can someone fix that? I don't want to play a turn where Minister Smunstu is a bucket and the walls are screaming in Spanish.

Weird.  This was the first time that my tileset WASN'T broken.

Do you use LNP?  I can reset the tileset to standard ASCII and reload it if you prefer; mine was set to Phoebus, which is how I received it as well.

[TheFlame52]

I don't have LNP, and please do. I don't use tilesets.

[Iamblichos]

OK I will update it as soon as I get home from work.

[TheFlame52]

thanks m8

[Taupe]

OK I will update it as soon as I get home from work.

Not if I beat you to it.
Just hang on a sec.

There you go. Tell me if it works.

But seriously, Phoebus is love, Phoebus is life...

[Iamblichos]

Thanks Taupe... you're the best

[TheFlame52]

DOOMFOREST TIME HOPEFULLY SOON SINCE DINNER IS ALMOST READY

[TheFlame52]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand welcome back folks to Season Four of 'Clean the Fort!' This year our star, Flame, will be cleaning up a succession fortress by the name of 'Doomforests!' You'd think with a name like that it'd be in an evil forest, but names can be deceiving, haha! But despite that it's sure had is fair share of chaos, being reduced to a few dwarves multiple times. Anyway, let's get on with the show! We will now show Flame for the first time the fortress he'll be cleaning up this year!

"Well, it isn't completely unsalvageable, but it's bad. Hundreds of random forbidden corpses? Random people being found drained of blood and going missing? 90 citizens and 1600 dead? Bedrooms, tombs, and stockpiles everywhere? Hallways that go nowhere? Pits full of bones? Reservoirs full of dead dwarves? Nowhere to dump garbage? Forgotten beasts trapped behind trees? A captive minotaur? Magma drying in the hallways? SMILEY FACES MADE OUT OF COFFINS?! THIS IS ALMOST AS BAD AS MURDERMACHINES, AND THAT FORT WAS TWICE AS OLD AS DOOMFORESTS!"

"Who's talking? I don't see anyone."
"Probably ghosts again. Or demons. Or you're hallucinating again."
"Yeah, probably."

Haha, well then, looks like Flame has some serious work to do this year if he wants to live! Now let's watch him choose a dwarf!



"Well, I usually choose the weaponsmith, and we've got a legendary one here that's unclaimed, so I think I'll take him.



*crack* *yawn* Well, apparently I was asleep. And also I'm an old pregnant woman. Wonderful. Oh well, it's to late now. I've got a sweet bedroom, though.

Okay, now, let's get to work. First thing is to dump something and follow it to the dump zone. Damn, the time-response is pretty good for an old fort, 18-20. AND IMMEDIATELY VILE FORCE OF DARKNESS FELLOW SPIRITS WAT DO

[Iamblichos]

Perfect, it's like "This Old House" meets "Extreme Hoarders"... which is a pretty succinct description of this fort.

[Taupe]

And also I'm an old pregnant woman.

Every.

Single.

Time.

[TechnoXan]

New turn, new horizons, new ways to almost kill the fort! Onward! Keep in mind, the Crundles shall soon rule all. 

[mate888]

New turn, new horizons, new ways to almost kill the fort! Onward! Keep in mind, the Crundles shall soon rule all. 

Not really, the caverns have been partially flooded with magma when killing the snail and the fort reaks of burnt crundle and rotten musrhoom stew.
I hope Haven is magma-proof.

[Iamblichos]

LOL... I wish the magma event were as big as you are painting it    It was basically a 1 tile perimeter around the magma pipe in the 1st cave got de-webbed/de-fungused for half a season.  That was about it.

Crundles took a MUCH MUCH more severe beating from Ugoshuker, the dusty critter in the 2d caverns.  It is a crundle slaughtering engine, running quickly from one side to the other and meting out crundle-death everywhere.  There are probably 100 little 'c' skeletons down there by now.

[mate888]

Oh.
Well, crundles are horribly dying. I don't care how they die, but I'm happy that they do.

[TheFlame52]

It was horrible. Wave after wave of goblins and trolls stormed onto the field, then immediately left. I guess they were just passing through. Also, I made some sweet silver maces for the military.

I ordered the dumping of all the miscellaneous garbage this fort has collected over the years. We've got a ton of crundle bits. A random dwarf begged me to stop 'killing his babies', but I ignored him and continued with the order. It took a lot of time and dwarves, but we got everything dumped. I even helped out some myself!

A clothier was possessed and now he's making something from cave spider silk.



I gave birth to a girl! It was awful. Never again.



The elves came to trade. They brought some exotic animals, so I let them in. After a while, I noticed they weren't at the depot. Why? BECAUSE WE HAVE TWO DEPOTS. FUCK. So I ordered all the goods brought from one depot to the other. I traded three exotic birds and a bunch of fruits for a single shitty gold goblet. Elves have no concept of value.



Sweet.



Now let's get down to my specialty: metal. How many bars do we have?



ONLY FIVE HUNDRED?! I THOUGHT THIS FORT WAS FIFTEEN YEARS OLD?! YOU CALL YOURSELVES DWARVES?! IT'S TIME TO SMELT!
I've made everyone with no real job a furnace operator and ordered the smelting of every kind of ore. I've also ordered the melting of the shitload of goblin armor and weapons we've gathered over the years.

I ordered the creation of a minecart. I'm going to do the old 'bar stack' method I've used in the past. I also removed the old forges and a lot of our metal stockpiles. We'll only have one metal stockpile from now on, plus we haven't used the old forges since we got magma.

((Hold on, let me check Bastiongate to remember how quantum stockpiles work.))

The bar stack works! Dwarves are stacking bars as we speak. It's all a matter of crossing your eyes and doing what the overseer says. Easy.

Migrants! They are useless. They are now furnace operators. I have also reinstated the marksdwarf squad. I also discovered that a random wood burner was a spearmaster. Why was he ever taken off duty!?



OH SHEEEEIT
IT'S TOO CLOSE TO SEAL THE FORT IN TIME
IT'S RIGHT OUTSIDE THE FORT ENTRANCE AND THEREFORE BARRACKS
THE ONLY MILITIA ON HAND AREN'T EVEN WEAPONMASTERS
WE ARE SO VERY BONED



Rovod leads the charge, hammer at the ready.



Looking pretty good...



I guess I was wrong to worry.



Wow, I almost feel sorry for the werechameleon. They sent her left arm over the wall, into the barracks. Also, the militia captain became a hammerlord.

Will Flame finish cleaning up the fortress? Will something else show up and wreck his plans? Or will Doomforests be destroyed utterly because of his stupidity? Find out next time on Clean the Fort: Doomforests!

"There's that voice again! Where is it coming from!"
"Just ignore it, honey."

((Am I allowed to use DFhack? How about if I make sacrifices first? I just need some autodump action up in here.))