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Poll

Whose story should be told next?

The Doctor: Chief Medical Dwarf coping with the sudden influx of wounded
- 8 (61.5%)
The Guard: Captain of the Guard trying to bring order to chaos
- 5 (38.5%)

Total Members Voted: 13


Pages: 1 2 [3]

Author Topic: The Day That Brassworked Fell  (Read 12976 times)

De

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Re: The Day That Brassworked Fell
« Reply #30 on: October 04, 2015, 12:06:47 am »

These are an excellent set of vignettes that any fandom would be proud to have.

I've only spotted a few typos, the only really problematic ones are comma use.

Quote
Soon I was the most veteran warrior in the fortress miserable title.

The last two words of the sentence need a comma before them, took me a few tries to understand what you were trying to say. Commas come at natural pauses in a sentence and you can use them to convey how the speaker would sound. I'd write the sentence "Given the crunch, I'm scribbling frantically as I diagnose and running from room to room." This is on the basis that a writer should use a comma whenever putting in an aside; the subject and the predicate are the sentence and everything else should be comma'd off, but you could make the argument that the doctor talks fast and doesn't pause much in her speech.

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TheFlame52

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Re: The Day That Brassworked Fell
« Reply #31 on: December 09, 2015, 08:12:42 pm »

Don't care if necro, these stories are awesome. Are you going to write any more?

Broseph Stalin

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Re: The Day That Brassworked Fell
« Reply #32 on: December 09, 2015, 08:14:21 pm »

Don't care if necro, these stories are awesome. Are you going to write any more?
Yes, the next one is the Captain of the Guard and it's coming out very soon.

Immortal-D

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Re: The Day That Brassworked Fell
« Reply #33 on: December 09, 2015, 10:35:11 pm »

Don't care if necro, these stories are awesome. Are you going to write any more?
Yes, the next one is the Captain of the Guard and it's coming out very soon.
:D :D :D

Bearskie

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Re: The Day That Brassworked Fell
« Reply #34 on: December 09, 2015, 11:20:38 pm »

That's going to be a good one. Ahh... the quirks of the dwarven justice system.

Migrant

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Re: The Day That Brassworked Fell
« Reply #35 on: October 26, 2016, 12:34:41 pm »

Very soon indeed. In all seriousness I hope there are more stories to come and you have a hearty PTW from me.
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Dozeb˘m Lolumzalýs

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Re: The Day That Brassworked Fell
« Reply #36 on: October 26, 2016, 10:28:35 pm »

Great unholy Armok, man, what a necro. Made my heart leap for a second; almost thought Broseph had added another chapter!
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TheBiggerFish

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Re: The Day That Brassworked Fell
« Reply #37 on: October 27, 2016, 01:22:33 pm »

D'argh!
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