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[Stirk]

Granted. It is a PDF copy pirated from a sketchy website. All your personal details, credit card numbers, etc are now in the hands of foreign hackers.

I wish online pirates would be forced to dress as Golden Age of Pirates pirates to pirate.

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Granted! However, they are so angry that they storm your house in unison.

I wish for a glowing orange slice.

[Mathel]

Granted. You now posses a slice of onion that glows orange.

I wish for a slice of orange that glows orange.

[King Zultan]

Granted, but it glows orange with radiation!

I wish for a tiny zebra.

[Rockeater]

Granted, but it got stepped om\n by accident.

I wish for a zebra size zebra.

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Granted! However, it seems those elves misheard you. The zebra is twice as large as you are.

I wish for an Earth-sized blueberry.

[Superdorf]

Granted! As it turns out, spawning a planet-sized mass of fruit out of nowhere does some real wonky things to anything in nearby orbit. The ensuing cataclysm leave the Earth a smoldering (and juicy fresh) mass of quasi-organic rubble-- should intelligent life ever develop once more upon the world's blasted husk, its geologists will have some seriously confusing questions to answer.

I wish for a blueberry-sized Earth.

[Mathel]

Granted. Accuracy is not great and it looks like a slighty wet quartz orb.

I wish for mass to be transferred from Venus to Mars, so that Mars has the same mass as Earth and the orbital speeds of both these planets be altered to not change their orbital distance.

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Granted! Unfortunately, Venus is now a gas giant and proceeds to annihilate Earth since the two are so close together.

I wish for an "undo one action" card.

[King Zultan]

Granted, you get a small piece of paper with Ctrl+Z written on it, but soon after you get it the wind blows it away.

I wish for 5000 centavos.

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Granted! You now have five thousand scent forgeries.

I wish for a metallic nose replacement, just in case I lose my flesh nose.

[Mathel]

Granted. The replacement is made out of ²³⁶Pu. It is highly radioactive.

I wish for an arming sword as hard as tungsten, as tough as steel and as light as aluminium, which is as safe for the user, as a regular steel sword it.

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Granted! You get a tungsten sword, glowing hot. What you're going to do with it, I have no idea.

I wish for a bomb.

[Eschar]

The bomb appears on the ISS and explodes. The ISS is damaged and falls into a slowly decaying orbit, eventually landing on you. You die.

I wish the last season of Lost had been less rushed.

[King Zultan]

Granted, they take so long to complete it, it gets canceled before they complete it.

I wish for everyone to get a free can of beans.