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Author Topic: Crownhammers, the #1 undead, murderous bird sanctuary in the world  (Read 39807 times)

Rhaken

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Re: Crownhammers, a succession game of politics, intrigue and backstabs
« Reply #315 on: March 22, 2015, 06:15:12 pm »

by the way whos tarmid
It was only once Bembul was sure he was alone with Tarmid that he spoke his mind.

GODDAMMIT.
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Of course, he may have simply crushed the forgotten beasts with his massive testicles.

Forget a spouse, he needs a full time gonad wrangler.

jrrocks1

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Re: Crownhammers, a succession game of politics, intrigue and backstabs
« Reply #316 on: March 22, 2015, 06:24:57 pm »

NO NO NO NO
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From the forests of Elves, To the shores of Humans, To the Towers of Goblins, We fight our own battles, On land and on Sea, We fight for glory, We fight for gold, We are proud to call ourselves
A Dwarven Viking

Longinus

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Re: Crownhammers, a succession game of politics, intrigue and backstabs
« Reply #317 on: March 22, 2015, 07:03:11 pm »

by the way whos tarmid
It was only once Bembul was sure he was alone with Tarmid that he spoke his mind.

GODDAMMIT.
NO NO NO NO
somehting i said
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CRUZ FOR PRESIDENT!

Deus Asmoth

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Re: Crownhammers, a succession game of politics, intrigue and backstabs
« Reply #318 on: March 22, 2015, 07:11:23 pm »

I believe you've drawn attention to the fact that parallel worlds have begun overlapping in Crownhammers, which means I need to make a war hammer, infect everyone with vampirism and begin a needlessly complicated love plot with Nobeard, which isn't even possible since Therapist claims that neither of us are lesbians. See how hard you've made things for me?
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4maskwolf

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Re: Crownhammers, a succession game of politics, intrigue and backstabs
« Reply #319 on: March 22, 2015, 07:26:57 pm »

Okay, just to clear it up for you, Rhaken made a mistake and referred to his Demongate character instead of his Crownhammers character.  Although it's funnier how Asmoth wrote it.
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Longinus

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Re: Crownhammers, a succession game of politics, intrigue and backstabs
« Reply #320 on: March 22, 2015, 11:19:58 pm »

Okay, just to clear it up for you, Rhaken made a mistake and referred to his Demongate character instead of his Crownhammers character.  Although it's funnier how Asmoth wrote it.
o no i just realized that you guys are all from demongate i feel stupid now for not puting 2 and 2 togther

does this mean that i need to read demongate to understand the polt
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Insanegame27

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Re: Crownhammers, a succession game of politics, intrigue and backstabs
« Reply #321 on: March 23, 2015, 02:57:22 am »

To understand a polt you must first kill a thousand of them from an unsupervised birdsplosion.
(poult. Turkey poult)

To understand the plot of demongate... you just need to do... well... i can't do this anymore!

Has my request been granted by the overseer?
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Power/metagaming RL since Birth/Born to do it.
Quote from: Second Amendment
A militia cannot function properly without arms, therefore the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
The military cannot function without tanks and warplanes, therefore the right of the people to keep and bear tanks and warplanes, shall not be infringed.
The military cannot function without ICBMs, therefore the right of the people to keep and bear ICBMs, shall not be infringed.

Longinus

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Re: Crownhammers, a succession game of politics, intrigue and backstabs
« Reply #322 on: March 23, 2015, 03:12:35 am »

To understand the plot of demongate... you just need to do... well... i can't do this anymore!
hey i just need to know if i need to understand the plot of demongate to understand tha plot of crownhammers

if i do i suppose i can just raed the wiki
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Deus Asmoth

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Re: Crownhammers, a succession game of politics, intrigue and backstabs
« Reply #323 on: March 23, 2015, 04:56:50 am »

The wiki appears to have been fairly thoroughly vandalised, so I wouldn't recommend going there. Crownhammers is an entirely separate deal, so you don't need to read Demongate to understand it.
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Rhaken

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Re: Crownhammers, a succession game of politics, intrigue and backstabs
« Reply #324 on: March 23, 2015, 05:49:55 am »

I am currently Legends-diving, as I am wont to do. However, I can't for the life of me remember how to export Legends to a folder like Asmoth did in the original save. Some help would be lovely, as things seem to have changed a lot since the founding of Crownhammers. In particular, settlements that were previously occupied by a single dragon or hydra now have barons.

Spoiler: Actual Spoiler Here (click to show/hide)
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Of course, he may have simply crushed the forgotten beasts with his massive testicles.

Forget a spouse, he needs a full time gonad wrangler.

Insanegame27

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Re: Crownhammers, a succession game of politics, intrigue and backstabs
« Reply #325 on: March 23, 2015, 05:55:54 am »

as those in spain say, meirda (phonetically me-ear-da)
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Power/metagaming RL since Birth/Born to do it.
Quote from: Second Amendment
A militia cannot function properly without arms, therefore the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
The military cannot function without tanks and warplanes, therefore the right of the people to keep and bear tanks and warplanes, shall not be infringed.
The military cannot function without ICBMs, therefore the right of the people to keep and bear ICBMs, shall not be infringed.

4maskwolf

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Re: Crownhammers, a succession game of politics, intrigue and backstabs
« Reply #326 on: March 23, 2015, 06:31:21 am »

The wiki appears to have been fairly thoroughly vandalised, so I wouldn't recommend going there. Crownhammers is an entirely separate deal, so you don't need to read Demongate to understand it.
If the wiki was vandalized, just revert the vandalized pages to older versions.
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Deus Asmoth

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Re: Crownhammers, a succession game of politics, intrigue and backstabs
« Reply #327 on: March 23, 2015, 07:42:48 am »

Yeah, I was planning to go with a failed rebellion or something if we didn't get any migrants in the second year, but then I figured it'd be fine once they started turning up and our king didn't appear to be dead. There should be an export option in legends mode, that's all I did.
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Rhaken

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Re: Crownhammers, a succession game of politics, intrigue and backstabs
« Reply #328 on: March 23, 2015, 01:01:44 pm »

Haha holy crap. The Matched Silvers are the total opposite of The First Iron. That is to say, we appear to be a civilization of wimps. If you open up the 'c'iv screen ingame and check the sites with assigned nobles, you'll find that only Ledattics has any dwarves at all. A grand total of 14 of them. And they're ruled directly by a goblin. Allow me to give the details.

INTERLUDE: The Matched Silvers

"Settlements"

Tongstreaty was a fortress founded in the year 1 by the Arch of Distractions of the Matched Silvers. It was attacked by the dragon Angot Treasureglowed the Golden Fire of Flickers in the year 5. Every few decades, a lone human or elf tries to confront Angot. As would be expected, they all died spectacularly. As far as history knows, Angot still resides in Tongstreaty. The baron appointed to Tongstreaty by the Matched Silvers is Asno Utongozud.

Kingdomgilt was a hillocks founded in the year 3 by The Searing Floor of the Matched Silvers. It was involved in ridiculous livestock ownership and fishing rights disputes with Drumpainted, another settlement of the Matched Silvers that didn't last long. This was in the year 5, by the way. Civil unrest seems a chronic illness in our civilization. Kingdomgilt was attacked by every megabeast and their mothers for the first century of its existence.

That all changed in 119, when the goblins of the Dishonest Seducer took an interest in the place. And proceeded to pillage it no less than 13(!!) times between 119 and 128. And that's not counting the times that other civs pillaged the place, including the Lustrous Clearings. If the name didn't give it away, they're elves. Yeah. In 129, a lone dwarf by the name of Amost Craftedislands settled in Kingdomgilt, only to be killed and eaten by a minotaur.

The Tired Council of the Confusing League, a human civ, launched an expedition to reclaim Kingdomgilt in the summer of 200. This expedition consisted of Itnet Skinentry, a single human woman. She resides there to this day, presiding over the empty halls. Our appointed baron is Zas Kubukdesis.

Daggerseized was a fortress founded in the year 7. They were quickly set upon by a forgotten beast. Three years later, the hydra Kun Growthpant the Sculpture of Culmination destroyed the place and settled in the ruins. She lives there still. Our appointed baroness is Aban Mistemishen.

Inkyplunges is a fortress founded in 55 by The Lance of Speeches of the Matched Silvers. Once again, in 119, the Dishonest Seducer took an interest in the place and started raiding. They started attacking the place repeatedly until conquering it for good in 143. The defense was often led by goblins, which baffles me to no end. As of this date, 216 goblins call Inkyplunges their home. Our appointed baroness is Ineth Astelerib.

Ledattics is a hillocks founded by the Mythical Bolt of the Matched Silvers. In 113, the Dishonest Seducer conquered the place after a number of raids, starting in 74. Current population consists of 14 dwarves and a single goblin. I suspect this is our capital, and where all our nobles reside. The baron in Ledattics is Alath Stukondumat.

Axemanors was a fortress founded by The Staff of Scholars of the Matched Silvers in 64. In 71, the forgotten beast Siga Nettlegrieved destroyed Axemanors. It still resides in the ruins. Our baron is Olon Athellemis.

Tanglemetals was a mountain halls founded in71, presumably in the aftermath of the destruction of Axemanors. It has no listed population, but was never conquered. The last historical record of the place was in 125, when a dwarf settled there. Upon further investigation, he was devoured in that same year by an elf, though not in Tanglemetals. Our baroness there is Kogan Likotibmat.

Chamberhandles was a fortress founded by the Contained Woman-Paint of the Matched Silvers in 80. It was destroyed in 93 by the forgotten beast Ashengills the Shadow of Paddling in 93. Ashengills settled in the ruins. Our baron to Chamberhandles is Stukos Ganmomuz.

Salvetorches was a hillocks founded in 93 by the Axe of Heaviness of the Matched Silvers, possibly by refugees from Chamberhandles. The residents spent the year of 94 being attacked by every goddamn roc on the continent. It was attacked by the Lustrous Clearings in 98, and by the goblins of the Escorted Flies in 110. As you can probably guess, the defenders lost every engagement. Attacks from both elves and goblins continued until 123, when the Lustrous Clearings routed the inhabitants and settled the place. It is currently settled by one elf and one dwarf. Our baroness there is Ustuth Edimustuth.

Uglyterror is a dark pit founded by the goblins of the Escorted Flies in the year 3. For reasons I may never understand, it is listed as the only site belonging to the Matched Silvers. Even though we never conquered it. Some digging through history reveals the presence of a dwarven bandit gang by the name of The Mechanical Page, which belongs to the Matched Silvers. Rebel group? Oh, and Uglyterror has no listed population. Not sure if it's a ruin or not.

Notables

Asno Utongozud, a dwarf with a goblin name, was born in 103. He became the administrator of The Strategic Dread, a goblin bandit gang, in 169. However, he was still counted as a member of the Matched Silvers. In 200, around the time of the founding of Crownhammers, he became the diplomat and general of our civilization. He quickly abandoned these positions to become the baron of Tongstreaty.

Uzol Becorfikod, born in 73, is the current king of the Matched Silvers. He became the baron of Salvetorches in 124, and held the position until the year 200 when he took the throne. His wife died on the same year that they married, which also happened to be 124. She was the baroness of Inkyplunges, and was slain (and eaten) by an elf during a raid. There is a possibility that he is the sole dwarf residing in Salvetorches, but there's no way to confirm it. However, he is counted as a member of The Helpful Pack, an elven group, as well as a member of the Matched Silvers. Not sure what to make of that.

We also appear to have a history of nobles dying on the year of their ascension to power. Especially among kings. The Matched Silvers had no reigning monarch from 171 until 200. At least one of our previous monarchs was a goblin. Also worthy of note is that all our barons and baronesses came into power after the founding of Crownhammers.


On a whole 'nother note, I expected a whole lot more treason, scheming and backstabbing from you folks. I know we're only in our third year, but come on. You aren't involving one another in your ploys! Remember Steelhold? Fractaldwarf promising the Masked Dwarf to take Rhaken out and then conspiring to fake Rhaken's death? Rampant overuse of magical tomfoolery notwithstanding, thems was the days.

The Whalers are currently in no position to force wild conspiracies and betrayals. I was planning to do something about that in later years, when they are no longer running the place. For now, I am content to pursue Taran and Bembul's storyline. Expect something a bit more personal than what we're used to from community stories.
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Of course, he may have simply crushed the forgotten beasts with his massive testicles.

Forget a spouse, he needs a full time gonad wrangler.

Deus Asmoth

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Re: Crownhammers, a succession game of politics, intrigue and backstabs
« Reply #329 on: March 23, 2015, 05:17:43 pm »

It felt strange that Bomrek entered the fortress in broad daylight. He'd left the mountainhomes nearly a year before, wasting months hiding in abandoned fortresses and hillocks to avoid the goblin patrols that scoured the region even now for any hint of resistance. He would have arrived sooner, but it had seemed safer to join the group of immigrants and refugees slowly making their way towards a rumour of hope. Bomrek doubted that he'd been able to arrive before the spy, but with any luck he'd be able to alert the Legion and exterminate the pest before he did any damage. The door of Balor's office swung open shortly after he knocked on it. He couldn't help but think of the differences between the neat space, full of small ledgers and scraps of paper, and some of the more dingy places he'd given reports.
"Sorry for the mess," Balor said over her shoulder, piling up the sheets she'd been working on. Her voice was soft and measured, the kind you'd expect from someone who had just made sure you were aware of the knife they'd pressed against your kidney. "A few bits and pieces seem to have fallen through the cracks. I'm sure you don't want to be burdened with unnecessary worries though, so why do you need to see me so soon after your arrival, er... Bomrek?"
Bomrek silently pulled out the chain he'd been wearing around his neck, laying it on the table. A small red eye hung from it, staring at them in silent accusation. "Rith sent me, commander," he said quietly. A small blink was the only indication of surprise Balor gave before she silently closed the door. She gestured towards the chair in front of her desk as she took her own seat again.
"What's the news from Uzol's domain then?" she asked.
"Rith sent me to tell you that the king sent a spy to infiltrate our operations here while we were still trying to gain some support. If we're careful, we can still find him before he's learned anything of value," Bomrek blurted, glad to finally have delivered his warning. Balor frowned.
"I'm afraid I think it's too late for that," she told him. "We inducted a dwarf called Xan some time ago. I've had my suspicions about him, since he's definitely trying to look stupider than he is and seems to think we're a cult of some sort, but it's better to have him where I can see him."
Bomrek slumped into his chair, thinking about how much time he had wasted even coming here, only to find out that Balor didn't even care! "Why don't we just kill him?" he asked desperately.
"If Uzol thinks his first spy has infiltrated us successfully, he probably won't send another. Then there's the whole myriad of uses we can put him to if we feel the need. We might even convert him eventually," she added, examining the pendant. "When you catch a knife that someone threw at you, you don't just break it. You put it to use. Now, what is this?"
Balor held the red eye by its chain. It spun around slowly, glinting briefly in the candle light. "Something else I needed to warn you about," Bomrek said reluctantly. "Rith calls it the Eye of the Legion. He's trying to start some kind of religion and use it to raise an army of fanatics that he can retake the capital with. That's their symbol," he added hopelessly. Balor closed her eyes, her fists slowly closing and opening.
"So Xan was right after all," she sighed. "Does he have much of a following?"
"He didn't when I left, but a lot could have changed in the time it took me to get here. He's put most of the operatives we didn't have doing anything into his priesthood. I doubt they really believe him, but if they think that it's in the best interest of the Matched Silver..."
In Balor's head, the capital burned beneath the rule of a mad religion based on more of a lie than most, while outside another goblin army gathered to purge whoever survived the revolution.
"Shit," she said.
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