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[Urist Arrhenius]

Create a short animated film detailing the glory of the Holy Roman Empire, and use it to gain followers.

[IcyTea31]

I'll have a spot on the waitlist, please.

[Salsacookies]

Teach people how to eat proper steak

[Nunzillor]

Help Urist, or failing that any nearby player, understand the glory of footballs approaching them at dangerous speeds.  If no players can be found, head over to the church of St. Ignatius and pray for superpowers.

[Person]

Starting location: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Square

Game 1, Turn 3:

The battle continues!

Gosh darn it....

Pull my gun out and double-tap Andres to the head

Attack Peradon instead. Aim for his hands.

Peradon Speed: 9
Andres Speed: 3+2

Peradon Attack: 6
Peradon Aim: 9
Andres Dodge: 5
Andres Endurance: 3

Peradon sends two rounds through Andres' skull. They are, of course, dead.

Peradon's new article is this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dan_Walker_(politician) As such, they are now the Governor of Illinois, and have a bonus to practicing law.

Chug a wine to dull the pain then hop away and look for the nearest hospital.

4: The alcohol content of the wine isn't all that high, but it dulls the pain somewhat.

5-1: You eventually limp your way over to the Stomatologie Ječná 1 hospital. You are immediately rushed into the equivalent of an emergency room, but they confiscate your wine temporarily. Treatment should begin shortly. (for the sake of simplicity, I am going to completely ignore how health care works. I wonder how you're going to pay for your treatment without cash though.)

Create a short animated film detailing the glory of the Holy Roman Empire, and use it to gain followers.

Help Urist, or failing that any nearby player, understand the glory of footballs approaching them at dangerous speeds.  If no players can be found, head over to the church of St. Ignatius and pray for superpowers.

Urist Speed: 4
Urist Animation: 3+3
Nunzillor Speed: 8
Nunzillor Attack: 5+3
Urist Dodge: 1

Urist commandeers a public computer and begins creating their film. They make fairly good progress, but are rudely interrupted by a football slamming into their left arm at high speed. The arm is now dislocated, and it sounded like something broke.

Teach people how to eat proper steak

3+3: You find a crowd of people, and start attempting to educate people on proper steak eating. You actually attract a few English tourists who seem mildly interested, if only because of the strange topic choice.

NPC's are altogether apathetic that someone just got shot in the head. The barrier has been lifted.

Spoiler: NAV (click to show/hide)

Player Name: NAV
Articles:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Italian_IGT_wines
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wabun_code
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hard_rock
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Let_the_Children_Die
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_runestones

Status: Left leg moderately bleeding broken bones, with guitar pieces embedded into it. Moderate-Severe pain, which they can barely keep unconscious during.
Assets: 2 bottles of IGT grade italian wine.(confiscated by hospital) Portable amp.
Abilities: Can fluently communicate in Wabun Code, a form of morse. +3 to playing hard rock. Can deliberately smash guitars for massive damage, but this always destroys the guitar, miss or hit. +2 to rapping. +2 to knowledge of runestones.
Currently: Awaiting treatment.

Spoiler: Nunzillor (click to show/hide)

Player Name: Nunzillor
Articles:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Willo_Flood
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Airports_System
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jansen%27s_wrasse
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lamport%27s_bakery_algorithm
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postman_Blues

Status: Healthy
Assets:  1 football, good condition.
Abilities: +3 to association football. +3 to navigating and finding airports. +2 to swimming. +5 to delivering mail and other messages, but slightly increased chance of being mistaken for a criminal. Can force people to "wait for their turn". 3 turn cooldown.
Currently: Introducing Urist to the glory of football.

Spoiler: Urist Arrhenius (click to show/hide)

Player Name: Urist Arrhenius
Articles:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/C%C3%A9cile_Haussernot
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicholas_II_of_Werle
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anima_Mundi_%28event%29
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/South_Georgia_diving_petrel
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portal:Current_events

Status: Left Arm Broken and dislocated. Moderate Pain.
Assets: Currently the Lord of Werle-Parchim.
Abilities: +3 to playing chess. +3 to film animation. +2 to swimming. At all times, aware of interesting events that are currently happening in the world.
Currently: Creating a film about the glory of the Roman Empire.

Spoiler: Peradon (click to show/hide)

Player Name: Peradon
Articles:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fort_Allen_%28Puerto_Rico%29
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geneva_Summit_%281985%29
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/USS_O%27Hare_%28DD-889%29
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dentist_in_the_Chair
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wrongchilde
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dan_Walker_(politician)

Status: Upper Body: Mild-moderate bleeding/bruising to their upper body, mild-moderate pain.
Assets: US Military uniform. Pistol. USS O'Hare (DD/DDR-889), moored in the Vltava River. "Alternative Rock"(Just a rock they grabbed off the ground) Governor of Illinois.
Abilities: +3 to debating disarmament of nuclear weapons. +3 to dentistry. +2 to alternative rock. +2 to law.
Currently: Killing Andres.

Spoiler: Salsacookies (click to show/hide)

Player Name: Salsacookies
Articles:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sirloin_Stockade
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SS_Pedernales
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/British_International_School_Shanghai
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Los_Angeles_Kings_general_managers
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chicken_Soup_for_the_Parent%27s_Soul

Status: Healthy.
Assets: Owner of Sirloin Stockade, a buffet steakhouse. SS Pedernales lake tanker, moored in the Vltava River. Currently the general manager for the Los Angeles Kings.
Abilities: +3 to education. +3 to parental education.
Currently: Teaching people how to eat a proper steak. Has attracted a small group of English tourists.

Spoiler: Andres (click to show/hide)

Player Name: Andres
Articles:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Press_the_Eject_and_Give_Me_the_Tape
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stacey_Muruthi
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_South_American_Youth_Championships_records
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snowblind_Studios
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Para_Red

Status: Mild bleeding/bruising, as well as mild pain. Also, two bullet holes in head. In other words, dead. Their body is located by the metro if anyone wants their stuff.
Assets: Cricket uniform. Cricket bat. Owner of Snowblind Studios. Plastic drum full of Para Red dye.
Abilities: +3 to gothic rock. +3 to cricket. +2 to athletics. +2 to video game developement.
Currently: Dead.

Spoiler: Notes (click to show/hide)

Our first death everyone, and the barrier is down. I'm mostly keep tracking of dead bodies on the off chance that someone rolls up a method of reviving the dead, or something like that.

[Urist Arrhenius]

Go to Werle!

[Nunzillor]

Urist must wait for his turn.  Deliver the message of blunt force trauma to Urist's neck via football.

[Andres]

Waitlist

[NAV]

Try to charisma roll out of paying for my health care, by singing some genre fusion of rap, hard rock, and wabun code.
Failing that, try to barter my wine.

[Peradon]

Go to my USS O'Hare. Find the on board doctor and get him to fix me up. Also, tell the sailors to set up a guard against anyone without authorization boarding the ship.

[Person]

Go to my USS O'Hare. Find the on board doctor and get him to fix me up. Also, tell the sailors to set up a guard against anyone without authorization boarding the ship.

I should note that in past games, vehicles didn't start with crew. This was probably for balance reasons. Balance is silly, so I say screw that.  You're a captain of a ship, so you've got crew as well. That's more Fun overall. I want these crazy vehicles to actually see use for once. (Do note that excessive collateral damage to the city might turn off NPC apathy, so be careful.)

[Peradon]

Ok, good. I dont think I'll bombard the city yet...

[Salsacookies]

To the Perdenales. Teach the men on board how to more efficiently ship.

[Lukeinator]

In

[Person]

Starting location: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Square

Game 1, Turn 4:

The heated battle continues! I wonder how many pokemon stadium announcer quotes I can fit into a game if I really try.

Go to Werle!

Urist must wait for his turn.  Deliver the message of blunt force trauma to Urist's neck via football.

Nunzillor Attack: 9+3
Nunzillor Aim: 7+3
Urist Dodge: 10-1
Urist Endurance: 1

The football slams into Urists neck at high speed. The impact breaks their neck, and they're as good as dead. They've basically lost all lower body movement, and will run out of air soon. Nunzillor's newest article is this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homo_Oeconomicus As such, they are now editor in chief of said journal.

Go to my USS O'Hare. Find the on board doctor and get him to fix me up. Also, tell the sailors to set up a guard against anyone without authorization boarding the ship.

Peradon Navigation: 7 Peradon makes their way towards the Vltava River on foot, where their destroyer is moored. Its a fair distance away though, so it'll take another turn or so to get there.

To the Pedernales. Teach the men on board how to more efficiently ship.

Salsacookies Navigation: 2 On foot, Salsacookies can't make their way through the Heavy traffic that blocks their way to the Vltava River, where their ship is moored. Perhaps alternative transport will help.

Try to charisma roll out of paying for my health care, by singing some genre fusion of rap, hard rock, and wabun code.
Failing that, try to barter my wine.

NAV Charisma: 6+4 NAV's skills impress the doctors so much that they manage to get him out of paying for his care. He still needs to wait for healing though. Ah, here comes the anesthesia. NAV is now unconscious. Their injuries should be treated within two turns.

NPC's are okay with what is happening.

Spoiler: NAV (click to show/hide)

Player Name: NAV
Articles:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Italian_IGT_wines
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wabun_code
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hard_rock
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Let_the_Children_Die
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_runestones

Status: Left leg moderately bleeding broken bones. Moderate pain, which they can barely keep unconscious during. Under anesthesia.
Assets: 2 bottles of IGT grade italian wine.(confiscated by hospital) Portable amp.
Abilities: Can fluently communicate in Wabun Code, a form of morse. +3 to playing hard rock. Can deliberately smash guitars for massive damage, but this always destroys the guitar, miss or hit. +2 to rapping. +2 to knowledge of runestones.
Currently: Receiving treatment.

Spoiler: Nunzillor (click to show/hide)

Player Name: Nunzillor
Articles:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Willo_Flood
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Airports_System
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jansen%27s_wrasse
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lamport%27s_bakery_algorithm
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postman_Blues
 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homo_Oeconomicus

Status: Healthy
Assets:  1 football, good condition. Editor in chief of Homo Oeconomicus academic journal.
Abilities: +3 to association football. +3 to navigating and finding airports. +2 to swimming. +5 to delivering mail and other messages, but slightly increased chance of being mistaken for a criminal. Can force people to "wait for their turn". 3 turn cooldown. Currently 3 turns left until it can be used again.
Currently: Committing regicide.

Spoiler: Peradon (click to show/hide)

Player Name: Peradon
Articles:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fort_Allen_%28Puerto_Rico%29
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geneva_Summit_%281985%29
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/USS_O%27Hare_%28DD-889%29
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dentist_in_the_Chair
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wrongchilde
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dan_Walker_(politician)

Status: Upper Body: Mild-moderate bleeding/bruising to their upper body, mild-moderate pain.
Assets: US Military uniform. Pistol. USS O'Hare (DD/DDR-889), moored in the Vltava River. "Alternative Rock"(Just a rock they grabbed off the ground) Governor of Illinois.
Abilities: +3 to debating disarmament of nuclear weapons. +3 to dentistry. +2 to alternative rock. +2 to law.
Currently: Travelling towards their ship.

Spoiler: Salsacookies (click to show/hide)

Player Name: Salsacookies
Articles:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sirloin_Stockade
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SS_Pedernales
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/British_International_School_Shanghai
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Los_Angeles_Kings_general_managers
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chicken_Soup_for_the_Parent%27s_Soul

Status: Healthy.
Assets: Owner of Sirloin Stockade, a buffet steakhouse. SS Pedernales lake tanker, moored in the Vltava River. Currently the general manager for the Los Angeles Kings.
Abilities: +3 to education. +3 to parental education.
Currently: Failing to reach their ship.

Spoiler: Urist Arrhenius (click to show/hide)

Player Name: Urist Arrhenius
Articles:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/C%C3%A9cile_Haussernot
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicholas_II_of_Werle
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anima_Mundi_%28event%29
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/South_Georgia_diving_petrel
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portal:Current_events

Status: Left Arm Broken and dislocated. Moderate Pain. Neck smashed in by a football. Dead.
Assets: Currently the Lord of Werle-Parchim.
Abilities: +3 to playing chess. +3 to film animation. +2 to swimming. At all times, aware of interesting events that are currently happening in the world.
Currently: Dead.

Spoiler: Andres (click to show/hide)

Player Name: Andres
Articles:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Press_the_Eject_and_Give_Me_the_Tape
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stacey_Muruthi
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_South_American_Youth_Championships_records
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snowblind_Studios
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Para_Red

Status: Mild bleeding/bruising, as well as mild pain. Also, two bullet holes in head. In other words, dead. Their body is located by the metro if anyone wants their stuff.
Assets: Cricket uniform. Cricket bat. Owner of Snowblind Studios. Plastic drum full of Para Red dye.
Abilities: +3 to gothic rock. +3 to cricket. +2 to athletics. +2 to video game developement.
Currently: Dead.

Spoiler: Notes (click to show/hide)

I feel like I might have make the human body too fragile, but people keep getting massive attack rolls and horrible endurance rolls, so I don't really know if this is excessive. If the damage rate in this is high enough to end it fairly quickly, I suppose I'll run another one, with lowered fatality. Still, I see way too many games where people will wail on each other for upwards of 5 turns with practically no damage other than bruises and slight bleeding, and that's if every attack lands. Also, in the future I think I'll start people with a small supply of the local currency, as an experiment. The "wait for your turn" ability just might be the most broken article in this iteration, including the destroyer. Endless applications.