From the diary of "Than402" Momuzartob
24th Limestone, 252Yet another overseer quitted early. As it usually happens, he just gave the position to the first sucker he met, which happens to be me. That means I finally have access to the fortress map, and after checking it I have one thing to say:
WHAT! THE! FUCK!This place makes no sense. Our graveyard is next to the hives, which are next to minecart tracks, which is next to the main stairway.
That means we have some deaths by minecart and it's all but impossible to descend the fortress without getting stung. There are cage traps where they have no reason to be, no traps in the places that are needed, the "bedrooms" are simple holes (and that's if you're lucky, otherwise you'll be sleeping in the dormitory), empty rooms, stockpiles and workshops in the middle of nowhere and this:
And then there are the previous overseers. Oh my Armok...
Among other things, one overseer apparently used recruits as target practice for the ballistae. Another one tried to make... something in the magma pool, but forgot to finish it and now we have left the workshops open for magma crabs.
The caverns are open, and we lost a bunch of troops to the local wildlife. Our military is pathetic, our only defense are two ballistae and some cage traps and we're under attack by giant Keas.
But not everything is bad. At least we have steel, magma and bears. And the fort does not, in fact, look like it's gonna implode any second now.
I have an idea. I'm gonna need cage traps, however. And goblins. Though in this state, I don't think the gobbos would bother paying us a visit.
But before anything, I'm gonna need to build actual defenses and a new squad. So, let's begin.
2nd Sandstone, 252After watching a fighting demonstration by the Picks Of Amusing, I've concluded that they are our best warriors. However, seeing that they're only two dwarves, I've also ordered the creation of a new squad to support them. Of course, most citizens in our fort couldn't tell which end of the spear should be put in front, but that's okay. I only need them to become Goblin Chow so that our actual warriors get things done. With that in mind, I hereby announce the creation of the Captain Of The Guard position and a new squad, the Goblin Chows!
8th Sandstone, 252
I slaughtered a perfectly good Alpacca so that fool could make this? On to the Chows with you...
19th Sandstone, 252Some migrants have arrived. Nothing to write home about, just the usual bunch of rejects from the mountainhomes. Well, the Chows could do with a few more people, and I do love me some haulers.
26th Sandstone, 252I keep getting reports of animals starving to death and about a shortage on non-economic stones. For the animals, I don't care about (whatever animal is not poisonous, carnivorous or able to kill a goblin in one strike does not interest me in the slightest), but I found the stone shortage really weird.
5th Moonstone, 252Only today I learned that someone kept going to the caverns to cut a tree, then meet a Forgotten Beast, run for his life and then go back again. Just Surprisepalace things...
10th Moonstone, 252
So the "Hivelord" has been taken by a mood. I really want to see what he'll make. With a name like that, probably an artifact hive or a statue of dwarves getting stung by bees, probably inspired by our stairway.
I also give up any hopes of attracting the goblins' attention in the near future. Nevermind, cavern creatures will do just fine...
24th Moonstone, 252
That's one nice mechanism, I'll admit it. Coincidentally, I also know exactly what to do with it...
25th Moonstone, 252
Another dwarf has been found dead, having shat his pants and with a terrified look on his face. Maybe it's all these ghosts running around... Nah, probably not.
9th Opal, 252
Damn those parrots. Well, it was only a 7200 worth scepter, hardly a notable loss...
Also, I should clean up all these ghosts before someone important (like me) dies.
27th Opal, 252
And another Forgotten Beast has come. This time it's a giant worm with pink hair. Thankfully, it most likely can't reach the fort. It would be a shame to die to a giant pink worm.
3rd Obsidian, 252
Note to self: I'll never, ever mess with Sakzul. Ever.
16th Granite, 253Finally, the elves have come! Time to plund...trade!
Actually, their caravan sucked so much it wasn't even worth stealing. I just took a wolf, an adder a raven and some fruits from them and gave them our worst crafts and some old clothes in return. Pathetic...
In other news, a Voracious Cave Crawler ate an architect and was subsequently put down by The Picks Of Amusing.
25th Slate, 253More migrants. Great. Well, I guess more haulers never hurt...
Also, a peasant made this.But no worries, the project is all but finished and I'll need "special" people like her.
15th Felsite, 253Finally! I finally made enough armor and weapons for the project to be viable, and for the Chows to be able to march to war. I, Than402, am now ready to present my gift to Surprisepalace:The arena! The most effecient way to dispose of goblins, cavern wildlife and unneeded dwarves, while simultaneously training new soldiers. The contestants shall be members of a special squad, the Shitty Artifacts, and will include:
-annoying noblemen
-cheesemakers, strand extractors, small animal dissectors, milkers, glazers and other useless migrants
-anyone who dared create an artifact worth under 10000 dwarfbucks and did not become a legendary crafter
-idiots who threaten the entire fortress
-overzealous hammerers
-and anyone with a preference for elves or goblins
The rules are simple: The contestant gets armed and armored and enters the arena. His opponent is located in a cage in the middle (naked or not). When everything's ready, the bridge is raised and the cage is opened. Should the contestant become good enough, he will become a proper soldier. Should he die, his killer gets captured by the cage traps outside and fights the next one.
I will have the first match as soon as the cage traps are ready. First one, that moron who created that bone scepter.
9th Hematite, 253The first match has been fought: Kol Ushrirfesh versus a Reacher: on hindsight, it might have been kind of a mismatch: Kol easily blocked the Reacher's attacked, all the while punching him and landing serious blows with his iron spear. Eventually, the Reacher passed out from the blood loss. Kol delivered the killing blow and then went for a drink. Next up, I think I'll have him fight some crundles. We caught too many of the little buggers anyway.
16th Hematite, 253
Yet another Forgotten Beast. This time it's a louse with a poisonous gas. I don't believe I want to engage that one...
19th Hematite, 253A human caravan has arrived. Unfortunately, they can't land their wagons due to the cage traps. I'll build a new depot outside. Also, the Louse has attacked after all, but it was overwhelmed and cut down by the glorious "Goblin Chows". Unfortunately, a trapper has died, but there are more trappers than there are Forgotten Beasts, so it's alright.
24th Hematite, 253I pitted Kol against four crundles. He entered a trance and easily killed them one by one. Maybe I had underrestimated him after all...
Also, we receive yet another migrant wave. I won't even bother with bedrooms anymore... After all, my time has overseer is not infinite. With that being said, there is one more thing I would like to do before I go...
I've been thinking, if we want to be recognized as a proper fortress we must have at least one victory against the goblin hordes. The thing is, right now the goblins have no reason to attack us, as we are underpopulated and poor as hell. So I want to make a monument to both our prosperity and our appetite for war: An iron road (as iron is the basic ingredient for steel and the most common weapon and armor material) which will lead to a room with high quality statues and slabs detailing our victories against the goblins and the beasts from the caverns. It will also be a great place for a stroll.
13th Galena, 253A Rutherer gave birth to twins. That's excellent news, as training children is the best way to fully domesticate a species.
24th Galena, 253I only have one month left, but that's alright. The statue garden is nearing completion.
Kol keeps killing everything I send to him. He is a shitty craftsdwarf, but maybe he has potential as a soldier after all...
2nd Limestone, 253Our weaponsmith has been possesed. I can't wait to see what comes out of it...
5th Limestone, 253
At long last, the goblins, sensing our prosperity, decided to pay us a visit. They also bring with them many humans (unarmed), trolls and some dwarves, no doubt kidnapped and brainwashed to think they're goblins. This is it, people. Let's show the greenskins how it's done!
Siege log:
The goblins, trolls and whatever rushed towards the entrance. There, some trolls were caught in cage traps, but most made it. The ballistae proved completely ineffective, as the siege operators ran without firing when they saw an enemy. I rallied the troops and lowered the drawbridge: in comes a horde of human recruits, trolls and a few goblins. Kol and most of the Goblin Chows move to intercept them.
All of them died, but considering they were cannon fodder with very low combat skills they fought well, taking out or wounding most of the humans and some goblins. I quickly raised the drawbridge again and waited for the rest of the troops to arrive.
When the surviving Goblin Chows and The Picks Of Amusing came, I lowered it again and let them loose. They did much better, finishing off the rest of the goblins and whatever trolls were left. Soon the only besiegers were two dwarves which quickly panicked and fled as soon as the Picks finished the last troll. The siege was done.
Casualties on our side:
-7 dwarves dead
Enemy casualties:
-6 humans dead, 2 prisoners
-4 dwarves dead, 2 prisoners
-1 troll dead, 4 prisoners
-22 goblins dead)13th Limestone, 253With the siege finally lifted, things in the fort can finally return to normal. We lost many good dwarves, but the goblins lost many more soldiers. More importantly, we've learned some very important flaws to our defenses. Too bad that I have less than two weeks and the next overseer will not be able to check the logs until it's too late, due to this nonsensical "closed logs" rule...
We tried to talk to the captured dwarves, but to no avail. They seem to consider themselves goblins and won't listen to reason (or anything we have to say for that matter, since they speak the goblin language)... That's sad, but at least we'll have fresh meat in the arena, if the next overseer wishes to continue the fights.
18th Limestone, 253I've been getting reports that the construction of the road to the statue garden has stopped due to an abandoned glove. I've been thinking, maybe the goblins who want to destroy us are up to something after all... I ordered it to be dumped, but I'm afraid I won't be able to finish my project.
24th Limestone, 253And so my overseership ends. What a year! Goblins invaded, Forgotten Beasts attacked, beasts were domesticated, blood has been spilled in the fortress and masterworks have been built in the forges, our net worth has been doubled and our population has grown. Granted, on hindsight I could have done some things better (especially my stockpile policy), but overall I believe I've left the fortress stronger than before. Best of lucks to the next one.
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Topic: Surprisepalace, The Rebirth! (Read 37086 times)