I have finally been able to do this post, after even the stingiest deadlines have passes. Never mind though, as too much interesting things have occurred to this fort in the past few dorfyears (that I have been shamelessly playing through without posting anything), like the epic battle of the weredeer and the giant tortoise, or the giantess vs. about 30 weapon traps in a row. FUN! This post, to somehow not invoke a case of virtual verbal diarrhoea, will be organised in neat sections filled with my clumsy, fragmented style of writing.
First up:
MINING
Generally, there is nothing special in this sector. I just dug out some more bedrooms, farm plots and a few mining layers to get dat flux. The expeditions to magma (started recently) have been postponed for now.
GENERAL
Just a basic fortress design. The steel has been pumping out from the smelters for quite a while now, so that’s a good thing. I also made some steel armour sets and weapons for the military.
MILITARY
As for the actual military, they levelled up quite fast. About half the squad of axe-dwarves are now axelords, and master dodgers at that. I set up a danger room using a minecart repeater, which resulted in the mass murders of cats and babies. Everyone was happy though, so that wasn’t really much of a problem.
Now for the best part:
INVASIONS
Funnily enough, nothing terrible happened, just annoying and funny.
The first invasion was a weredeer… an ELF weredeer! It charged at the front of my fortress where the dwarves were still delivering some coke from my external smelter and decided to attack all of them at once. She obviously didn’t expect her opponents to be these:
Chief medical dorf-Master Miner
Brewer – Proficient wood cutter
Carpenter – Skilled Wood Cutter
FUCKING WAR DOG
As you can see, I was left with a weredeer corpse just outside my fort. This caused some fear from some of the weaker-minded ones, making them drop all their coke into a pile just outside my entrance, before running off screaming.
The second invasion was even better: a giantess
A FUKEN GIANTESS
She came to the fort in a flurry of blood, slaughtering all the livestock that were pasturing outside the entrance. I quickly put the area in a lockdown, making sure all the dwarves were inside, and then I closed the main entrance. I then realised that my faithful doggie sentries that were guarding the fort with all their vigilance,
WERE STILL OUTSIDE.
FUCK
FUCK
FUCK
I couldn’t afford to lose any more puppy pumpers dogs, so I went back to looking at the giantess. She was, at the moment, busy scaring some poor herd of elephants. One actually fought back and kicked her in the head, before proceeding to run away into the horizon. After she dispersed all of the elephants in the area, she decided it was time for the dogs. I stared at her walking towards the fort entrance and calmly smiled to myself. I forgot to tell you: to get to the dogs, she had to get past a massive hallway of spiked ball traps. With masterwork balls and mechanisms. With about 3 balls in each trap. The giantess blindly charged into the midst of this, then curved around the side of them. She was about to walk around the traps! And then she stepped on the corner of the series of traps. She got hit, and then dodged into the midst of the traps. After that, my dwarves quickly cleaned up the giantess blood and returned the (unharmed!) dogs back to their positions.
The next invasion was short and simple. A weredeer came, tried breaking apart a turtle, failed and turned back into a person. That is LITERALLY all there was to it.
This concludes another chapter of Fondlewhipped, so come back next week to see more giants and werewolves and skinless spiders and stuff try to kill my fort.
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Topic: FONDLEWHIPPED, where innuendo (and other mind-f*cks) randomly occur (Read 1253 times)