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Author Topic: What's going on in your fort?  (Read 3745448 times)

Avis-Mergulus

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Re: What's going on in your fort?
« Reply #27825 on: February 16, 2013, 12:20:38 pm »

Basically, my fort was divided into three parts by bridges: one trap-lined entrance corridor, one floodable corridor after that, and my main fort. Well, what happened was that a goblin siege just happened to coincide with the arrival of a human caravan. I, in my infinite foolishness, decided to wait until the humies enter the fort, and then drop some siegers into the drowning pit under the first bridge. So, the humans arrived all right, but the first sieger was a War Cave Dragon. The others seemed to fall behind, so I just thought I'd let him in, and then raise the bridge.

I made a fatal mistake.

Specifically, I didn't account for dwarven stupidity.

Let me give you a description of the events. The cave dragon rushes through the bridge, but he is intercepted by a macedwarf halfway through. The macedwarf flies off his rocker and goes medieval on the poor beast, bruising its innards, breaking its legs, wings, and other appendages, but, being a macedwarf, he can't seem to actually kill the wretch, and its bruised carcass prevents the bridge from being raised. Another cave dragon arrives, crosses the bridge (completely ignoring the macedwarf currently whaling on its comrade) and then he sees him. The Mule. His dragon heart overflows with hatred. He bullrushes the creature, grabs it by the head, and starts shaking it around, spraying blood all over the place. The human caravan guards promptly surround him and pull his head through his rectum. The mule goes berserk with pain, kicks the human merchant in the lower body, and runs off into the corridor, where it is bisected by a -large bismuth bronse serrated disc-. The macedwarf continues to abuse the dragon. The merchant retches. And then...

The rest of the siege arrives. They slaughter the macedwarf and the guards, but the merchant somehow escapes them. They chase him through the killing corridor, a cage trap dispatches a Hammer Lord, and the rest of the dragons refuse to follow, for some reason. The abused dragon has crawled off somehow, so I drop the goblin stragglers into the pit. The rest of the goblins pass the trap corridor with significant losses (~65%) and engages my military. This is where I found out that my marksdwarf squad hasn't been issued ammunition, and one of my two melee squads has somehow failed to arrive to their positions. The marksdwarves are promptly slaughtered, excepting their captain, who is a badass. The other goblins are dispatched by my BSDM melee squad, The Conquerors of Whipping, but not their leader, whom I shall call Boris (Baseborn Orifice Ravaging Imbecile Sonovabitch), a goblin swordmaster. My remaining five fetishist dwarves chase him around, while the marksdwarf captain has decided to screw off to the hospital for a nap and a refreshing drink.

By now I am sure of my success, being only a Novice DF Player who hasn't encountered a goblin swordmaster in melee before. Well, Boris lops off my militia commander's hand, kills two other dwarves, receiving the title of Boris the Bastard of Eviscerating, before I even notice that something is wrong. In frustration, I decide to flood the corridor to drown him, but fail to account for the fact of the second bridge being lowered (it blocks the water flow when raised), so I only end up muddying everything and spreading merchant vomit all over the place.

In a completely unrelated (I do so swear) accident the living quarters become flooded, preventing my 68 civilian dwarves from sleeping. Everybody is damn miserable already, since we have lost some dozen soldiers plus a half-dozen idiot civilians who got caught outside. Boris finishes mutilating my hapless soldiers, of whom only the militia commander and another macedwarf escape, and decides to just camp in the trade depot with the remaining dragon, since the bridge is raised. I lower the bridge, and he walks off into the sunset, his extremely long hair billowing in the breeze. The dragon remains stationary, since he can't be bothered. The rest of the military goes and shows him his error, losing another hammerdwarf in the process.

The mayor throws a tantrum and deconstructs the second bridge, while some other bastard deconstructs the first. The remaining macedwarf goes berzerk because her husband was killed in the attack. So now she's caught between the first bridge and the second with only some children to keep her company. The fort is in a tantrum spiral.

 A Russian adage goes, "Why love, why suffer? I'll go eat and go to sleep". I think I'll follow the advice. If there is a single living being in the fort by morning, I'll make love to my goggles. Do excuse me for the wall of text, I just had to tell someone the whole story.
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“See this Payam!” cried the gods, “He deceives us! He cruelly abuses our lustful hearts!”

VATAV

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Re: What's going on in your fort?
« Reply #27826 on: February 16, 2013, 12:48:11 pm »

Hello all! I'm a new user learning how to play.
Just got my first siege, fortress is only in its first winter and no military. :o


71 undead corpses, on the bright side they wiped out all my useless migrants. :P


I'm so lucky I walled off my fortress to keep the migrants out. 8)





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Liber celi

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Re: What's going on in your fort?
« Reply #27827 on: February 16, 2013, 01:08:47 pm »

I made a fatal mistake.
[...]
 A Russian adage goes, "Why love, why suffer? I'll go eat and go to sleep". I think I'll follow the advice. If there is a single living being in the fort by morning, I'll make love to my goggles. Do excuse me for the wall of text, I just had to tell someone the whole story.
FUN, classic flavour. Thanks for sharing.
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VATAV

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Re: What's going on in your fort?
« Reply #27828 on: February 16, 2013, 01:18:36 pm »

Another wave of undead just showed up, 99 undead are now here.

Why do the undead keep coming? What did I do to piss off so many undead. :-[
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Eric Blank

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Re: What's going on in your fort?
« Reply #27829 on: February 16, 2013, 01:40:03 pm »

Nothing. The necromancers who raised them to undeath want your population to join the ranks, and they hoped to use the zombie army to kill your dwarves.
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VATAV

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Re: What's going on in your fort?
« Reply #27830 on: February 16, 2013, 01:45:22 pm »

Nothing. The necromancers who raised them to undeath want your population to join the ranks, and they hoped to use the zombie army to kill your dwarves.

That all? They going  to be disappointed.
For a second I thought this was some impromptu undead woodstock or something.
Up to 135 undead on the map now...
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Avis-Mergulus

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Re: What's going on in your fort?
« Reply #27831 on: February 16, 2013, 02:24:05 pm »

Wham! Another siege. Population down to 28, the whole fort is miasma, vomit, and ghosts. A child apparently threw itself into the chasm at the second bridge. Fell 23 z-levels down, straight into my mining installation. Child bits everywhere, the mother went berzerk and was put down by my vampire speardwarf via a *steel spear* to the heart.

God, I love this game.
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VATAV

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Re: What's going on in your fort?
« Reply #27832 on: February 16, 2013, 02:59:03 pm »

The undead just keep coming, they are murdering my FPS.  :'(

331 undead, they have killed 623 things so far.
How do I make them stop?
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Avis-Mergulus

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Re: What's going on in your fort?
« Reply #27833 on: February 16, 2013, 03:36:52 pm »

How do I make them stop?

You know, I've never had to deal with three hundred zombies, but I think that flooding the map with magma generally helps in cases like this.
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“See this Payam!” cried the gods, “He deceives us! He cruelly abuses our lustful hearts!”

VATAV

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Re: What's going on in your fort?
« Reply #27834 on: February 16, 2013, 03:46:39 pm »

How do I make them stop?

You know, I've never had to deal with three hundred zombies, but I think that flooding the map with magma generally helps in cases like this.

It up to 576 undead now...

Also some poor deluded Goblin Snatchers decided to show up.
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Avis-Mergulus

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Re: What's going on in your fort?
« Reply #27835 on: February 16, 2013, 04:01:35 pm »

The children will probably be better off in a goblin tower, where they will eventually rise to a respectable position, then in your undead-infested hellhole fort where they will grow up to become cannon fodder soldiers, get torn apart and spend the rest of their miserable existence shambling around moaning for braaaaaains.
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“See this Payam!” cried the gods, “He deceives us! He cruelly abuses our lustful hearts!”

VATAV

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Re: What's going on in your fort?
« Reply #27836 on: February 16, 2013, 04:09:04 pm »

Funny thing is that there are no children here.
Trying to get my dwarf to like each other enough to marry and have children because 7 dwarfs is far to few.
I also have no anvil, no wood, and no axe.
Undead up to 624 now.
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flabort

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Re: What's going on in your fort?
« Reply #27837 on: February 16, 2013, 04:23:06 pm »

It's an exponential flood of bodies!  :P
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Loud Whispers

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Re: What's going on in your fort?
« Reply #27838 on: February 16, 2013, 04:39:06 pm »

Funny thing is that there are no children here.
Trying to get my dwarf to like each other enough to marry and have children because 7 dwarfs is far to few.
I also have no anvil, no wood, and no axe.
Undead up to 624 now.
Reaching critical mass: Unleash the yeast

VATAV

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Re: What's going on in your fort?
« Reply #27839 on: February 16, 2013, 05:04:37 pm »

Reaching critical mass: Unleash the yeast

The undead now outnumber the killed.
656 undead too 633 things that died at my fort.
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