***!!WARNING!!***
The thread below will contain a lot of swearing, not to mention silliness.
You have been warned.
The year is 2XXX. The Earthrealm has been ravaged by war, famine, and unnatural disasters. Pirates, brigands, and mutants roam the post-apocalyptic wasteland once known as Planet Earth, preying upon the weak and defenseless. There is but one sanctuary from this madness for those brave enough to seek it: The Last Cheeseburger.
Legend says that it rests atop Mount McDonalds, preserved by the power of science/eldritch abomination. Were someone to consume The Last Cheeseburger, they would gain powers beyond description. Many have tried. All have failed.
Our story begins in a small village on the edge of the Devil's Wasteland.
For most, the Wasteland brings only madness, suffering, and painful, painful death.
But for you, perhaps it may bring solace.
Will you seek The Last Cheeseburger?
All characters will be approved by me before they receive a slot. Try to make it as badass and/or eccentric as possible.
Rule #1 - You do not talk about The Last Cheeseburger.
Rule #2 - Force fields, invisibility, and anything else decreed to be "lame" by the OP are forbidden.
Rule #4 - THERE IS NO RULE #3
Rule #5 - Players may interact, work together, or try to just fuck each other over (alerting a heard of snarks to another player's presence would be an example of this), but no player may directly attack another player until they have both scaled Mount McDonalds.
Rule #6 - Rules are subject to change at any time.
Rule #7 - With the exception of the rules above, THERE ARE NO RULES.
Players/Characters
Player 1: Dampe, as
Nördstrøm is no mere Viking. He is Death incarnate, a walking apocalypse leaving only madness and human remains in his wake. And he is hungry. Hungry for blood. Hungry for souls. Hungry for cheeseburger. He stands nearly seven feet tall and has thirteen braids in his facial hair. His weapon, the dread axe Glöriøus, was forged in the deepest pits of Hell upon a zesty anvil manned only by the bare, bloody hands of Lucifer himself. An unholy fusion of electric guitar, battle axe, and twelve-gauge shotgun, Glöriøus cannot be wielded by a mere mortal. Nördstrøm's skill with the guitar makes Jimi Hendrix look like Kurt Cobain. He is the Röck 'n' Røll Viking. He is coming for you. And he is very hungry.
Player 2: Salsacookies, as
Nerd, caretaker of the Hidden Library of Destiny. Nerd, he has read every book, memorized every line, and mastered every written art. Nerd, Awesome by Analysis, he is a grand strategist and tactician, he can decipher both singular warriors and multiple soldiers, and make you a fool for even thinking about fighting him. Nerd, the Badass Bookworm, rises to the challenge to obtain the Last Cheeseburger. Nerd, smarter than everyone, including YOU.
Player 3: Cheesecake, as
As the last of the noble line of fast-food enthusiasts, Fry seeks to consume the Last Cheeseburger not for power, nor fame, but out of principal. Tracing his regal lineage to the Burger King and Wendy, Fry will destroy the heathens who seek fast-food for power, yet do not appreciate the glory of fast-food.
Even if Fry Cook must die, his duty as the last frycook must be done.
Player 4: Lalasa, as
Emerging from the most foul and hideous depths of the Devil's Wasteland, no one is quite sure if he is man, beast, or abomination. No one wants to get close enough to him to find out either, because whatever he is is foul, disgusting, and odious. His slight build was concealed years ago by several thick, crusty layers of dust, filth, and grime, solid enough to rival the exoskeleton of an insect, and his face is hidden completely by his untamed, overgrown hair. Cockroach has no family to speak of, no friends to rely upon, and his foe is the world itself. However, no matter the circumstance, Cockroach still has an innate knack to weather any challenge and to subsist on nearly anything. Despite the numerous life or death situations he's beaten, he'll never tell his stories as he never speaks. Hearing rumors on the wind about The Last Cheeseburger, this dirt gourmet has been drawn out by its enticing promise and he'll do anything he can for this chance to live.
Player 5: heydude6, as
Daughter of Chaos creature Amelia, Akrid hails from a long line of chaos creatures. The first was a creature that looked like a gorgeous human being named Eve but as the millenniums passed the heirs became more and more grotesque.
Akrid, 13th-in-line bears almost no resemblance to her B.C.E ancestors having instead become a horrifying chitinous beast with 12 legs that are more like swords than walking implements, 4 arms each ending with 9 inch claws, and 10 glowing eyes that will stare into your soul and make you want to sell it to Satan himself rather than have it face the fate of being devoured alive and trapped in the pocket dimension hell that is her stomach. Unlike Arachne, 6th-in-line terror of the Greeks, Akrid has no nubile and attractive female side. She is pure terror and will stop at nothing to achieve her goals.
And her goals are power... glorious, delicious power. The world had weathered an "apocalyspe", and still survived. With the power of the cheeseburger, the world will finally end, ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!!
And then the princess...will become the Queen.
Player 6: _DivideByZero_, as
Sir Guiden was once the owner of a church hospital that brought care to the poor and needy, earning a prestigious reputation. This in turn attracted capitalists that bought out the hospital and the turned it into a cheap motel.
Enraged, Sir Guiden entered the top secret hidden underground laboratory beneath his hospital to begin experimenting on himself. He gathered genetic samples from famous historical figures such as Sun Tzu, Napoleon, Viking raiders, and Abraham Lincoln, evolving himself into a posthuman war machine with superhuman fencing skills and lighting speed with a bow.
Player 7: Tawarochir, as
Young man with grimy purpre jacket, hand down over years from ancestors, Moon froze in cryogenic freezer in convinience store in 2002, but found by dig men in 2[pornography] year. Moon was get burger from freeze for customer on 2002 day, and now want to get one rast burger before negative effects cryogenic freeze set in and kirr. On prus side, Moon shoot cord eye rays because of freeze and is convince he is kungfu ninja master, but bad at communicate with other because cannot into Engrish ranguage.
Player 8: The Moonlit Shadow, as
Flare was a nameless orphan wandering the wasteland. Somehow, at the age of 5, she found an abandoned dragon about the same age as her. Since then, she has acquired one fire-breathing dragon, a auto loaded crossbow(with iron sights), a quiver of 20 weighted maraging steel bolts, twin graphene electrocharged energy swords, and scaled armor. She wants the cheeseburger. For her dragon to eat. By the way, the dragon can talk. And her name is Peril.
Author
Topic: The Last Cheeseburger (7/7 slots taken!) (Read 8442 times)