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Author Topic: The friendly and polite Europe related terrible jokes thread  (Read 991342 times)

Sheb

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #7545 on: January 30, 2018, 07:15:09 am »

At least there has been agreement on a 21-month period after the UK leave to smooth the trade talks. I wonder if that temporary period will just be extended though.
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hector13

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #7546 on: January 30, 2018, 07:50:07 am »

She's in a high pressure job. She's also not as 'strong and stable' as she'd like you to think, but at least some of that arises from the difficulty of her position.

A lot of it from the fact she lost a 20 pout lead over her rivals in six weeks, losing a majority (however slight) and then allied her party with fundamentalists in order to keep her position.

She has no idea what she’s doing. It would be funny if it wasn’t so sad.
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the way your fingertips plant meaningless soliloquies makes me think you are the true evil among us.

TD1

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #7547 on: January 30, 2018, 08:21:10 am »

Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm glad the DUP has a hand in there. It stymied the Sinn Fein power play over closing Stormont, and has made sure that the views of actual people in Northern Ireland are heard in issues such as having the border with Eu across the Irish Sea.

I don't like the party, but for the most part it seems to attract those who actually stand for what they believe. It gets rather tiresome having your country regarded as a pawn to the Union, rather than an integral part of it.
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martinuzz

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #7548 on: January 30, 2018, 09:39:41 am »

The man that hit and injured 7 people, mostly tourists, with his car near Amsterdam Central Station, june last year, has been cleared of any further prosecution. Multiple lines of inquiry have confirmed his claims, and initial findings by emergency services that it was no terrorist attack, but an accident. The driver is a diabetic that fell unconscious behind the wheel.
The man will face no charges.

The initial statement by the police, who pretty shortly after the incident already declared it was a diabetes-related accident was met with a lot of scepcis on social media.
Newspaper columnist Leon de Winter lead a conspiracy theory that the government was trying to hide a terrorist attack from the public.
The conspiracy was strenghtened by the police stating that there was no camera footage of the incident, and a police source leaking the driver's name to the website of GeenStijl, showing him to be an Dutch man with Arab ethnicity.

The Public Prosecutor has now however definitively ascertained that it was, beyond any doubt, an accident.


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Friendly and polite reminder for optimists: Hope is a finite resource

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Loud Whispers

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #7549 on: January 30, 2018, 10:05:54 am »

If she were a 'remainer', wouldn't she just spike the proverbial brexit ball and cancel brexit?
She was a remainer in the campaign, but a lukewarm one, one who the remainer campaigners were certain was about as helpful as having Italy as your ally in a war. Thus I'd say she's mostly a careerist; believing in siding with whoever wins, but not being all that passionate for any public causes, except the cause of policing the public

Silverthrone

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #7550 on: January 30, 2018, 12:30:27 pm »

Meanwhile in Sweden, charges have been brought forward onto the murderer Rakhmat Akilov. He is the man that, on the 7th of April last spring, stole a delivery lorry, and ploughed down the busy Drottningholm street in Stockholm, murdering five individuals and injuring several others. Once the vehicle had crashed, he then detonated a bomb, constructed from butane gas canisters, screws, knife-blades and other improvised shrapnel.

He stands charged for terrorism, attempt to commit terrorism and, alternatively, causing grave danger for others.

"With the intention to cause severe fear in the population of Sweden, and to illegitimately force the government and parliament to abort the Swedish participation in the military training program that is being carried out by the global coalition against the Islamic State in Iraq."
In brief, the murderer has sworn allegiance to the Islamic State, he has scouted the intended area, telephone chats has been intercepted where he is discussing the matter with foreign individuals, he has built and prepared an explosive device, and he did not count on being captured alive, and had no fixed escape plan. His motivation was to pressure the West to cease bombing operations in Syria, and to cease providing funds and training in the battle against the Islamic State.
The chief prosecutor has stated thus: "My goal is that he should never again be able to move freely in our society". What goal could be nobler?

He does not, apparently, wish to be sentenced to life imprisonment, but wants a set release date. One wonders where this new and sudden will to live an ordinary life comes from. Indeed, he almost seems to imagine himself as fit to live an ordinary life amongst the people that he plotted to kill. That is while he has also expressed disappointment at the amount of casualties, which were apparently much lower than he had expected.
Devil take you, Akilov.

The murderer's legal defender has revealed that he has recieved hatred from members of the public for his role. That is, of course, simply not on. I cannot imagine a more soul-revolting, tedious and unrewarding task as has been set for the defence. One must admire a man who is prepared to do his duty and publically defend such a creature, for the good of a well-run trial.
The trial continues. Current estimates state that a verdict will likely have been reached by midsummer.

A Very Brief Description of the Murderer:

Rakhmat Akilov, of Samarkand, Uzbekhistan. 39 years of age.
He has been found mentally fit to stand trial.
He claimed asylum in Sweden on political grounds in 2014. The Immigration Authority does, however, not believe him and denies his request. He takes the matter to court, but is also denied there. He is then slated for expatriation, but this cannot be completed; a common problem in the country. He slips away, and remain in the country as an illegal alien. He works for a while in the construction business, which is notorious for its unregistered, illegal labour activities, along with the hotel and restaurant sector.
During 2016, he develops an interest for extremist movements. Conflicting sources claims that the internal security police were informed of this, but they state that it cannot be confirmed. However, nothing seems to indicate that he is commited to carrying out a terrorist attack.
That is, of course, until he is tracked down, apprehended and identified a few hours after the 7th of April attack, 2017. During the remand procedures, he admits to carrying out the attack.

As is no doubt abundantly clear, I intensively hate this creature, and I wish the prosecutors well in their pursuit to contain him for the rest of his life. That is the best result one can hope for, in legal terms. I hope that this will also become a good arguement for change, particularly in this year, when the wheel of the national election is beginning to turn again. It has happened, and nothing can make it undone. But measures can be taken so that it is less likely to happen again.

My word, it is truly trial season.
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martinuzz

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #7551 on: January 30, 2018, 03:16:22 pm »

Meanwhile in Spain, the inauguration of Puigdemont as premier of Catalonia had to be postponed by chairman of parliament Torrent, since there was no way Puigdemont could be inaugurated without being arrested first.
Last week, the Spanish Constitutional Court ordained that Puigdemont could only be legally inaugurated if he were to be physically present at the parliament. Apart from that, he has to ask permission for that with the same judge that wants to persecute him for rebellion and instigation.
Torrent has been explicitly forbidden to inaugurate Puigdemont in any other way than the way ordained, and threatened with being banned from holding office for many years if he did so anyways.

Torrent cancelled the inauguration ceremony this morning, but he did uphold Puigdemont as rightful candidate.
"Nor vice-premier Soraya Sáenz de Santamaría, nor some court 600 miles from here can determine who will be the premier of Catalonia. This is a task for the democratically elected members of parliament".

Puigdemont's parliamentary fraction has appealed the court's verdict, claiming it to be illegal. They state that a member of parliament, such as Puigdemont, has immunity from persecution, except when caught for a 'flagrant delict'. They say that cancelling the inauguration was unnescessary, and that Puigdemont should have come, and could not have been lawfully arrested.

The past few days, Spanish police has been patrolling the French border, to see if Puigdemont would try to slip into the country. The park in which the Catalonion parliament lies has been hermetically sealed and patrolled with helicopters.
In the afternoon, thousands of protestors broke through the fences sealing off the park, and gathered outside parliament. Many of them were wearing Puigdemont face masks. It seemed for a while that Puigdemont would use the rouse to sneak into parliament unnoiticed, but he wasn't part of the crowd.
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Friendly and polite reminder for optimists: Hope is a finite resource

We can ­disagree and still love each other, ­unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and right to exist - James Baldwin

http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=73719.msg1830479#msg1830479

hector13

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #7552 on: January 30, 2018, 03:33:37 pm »

The past few days, Spanish police has been patrolling the French border, to see if Puigdemont would try to slip into the country. The park in which the Catalonion parliament lies has been hermetically sealed and patrolled with helicopters.
In the afternoon, thousands of protestors broke through the fences sealing off the park, and gathered outside parliament. Many of them were wearing Puigdemont face masks. It seemed for a while that Puigdemont would use the rouse to sneak into parliament unnoiticed, but he wasn't part of the crowd.

I wonder what they're worried about.

I mean, the politicians in Madrid say it's illegal for Catalonia to secede. The Constitutional Court say it's illegal for Catalonia to secede. Let him take his seat and bumble about. They might even get an opportunity to beat up some Catalonians again.
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Look, we need to raise a psychopath who will murder God, we have no time to be spending on cooking.

the way your fingertips plant meaningless soliloquies makes me think you are the true evil among us.

ChairmanPoo

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #7553 on: January 30, 2018, 04:43:08 pm »

The past few days, Spanish police has been patrolling the French border, to see if Puigdemont would try to slip into the country. The park in which the Catalonion parliament lies has been hermetically sealed and patrolled with helicopters.
In the afternoon, thousands of protestors broke through the fences sealing off the park, and gathered outside parliament. Many of them were wearing Puigdemont face masks. It seemed for a while that Puigdemont would use the rouse to sneak into parliament unnoiticed, but he wasn't part of the crowd.

I wonder what they're worried about.
 
This is more or less what the central goverment thinks https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rgyROiDBs0
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Culise

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #7554 on: January 30, 2018, 07:07:50 pm »

The past few days, Spanish police has been patrolling the French border, to see if Puigdemont would try to slip into the country. The park in which the Catalonion parliament lies has been hermetically sealed and patrolled with helicopters.
In the afternoon, thousands of protestors broke through the fences sealing off the park, and gathered outside parliament. Many of them were wearing Puigdemont face masks. It seemed for a while that Puigdemont would use the rouse to sneak into parliament unnoiticed, but he wasn't part of the crowd.

I wonder what they're worried about.

I mean, the politicians in Madrid say it's illegal for Catalonia to secede. The Constitutional Court say it's illegal for Catalonia to secede. Let him take his seat and bumble about. They might even get an opportunity to beat up some Catalonians again.
It's possible they don't want or need to beat up some Catalonians again.  It's possible that they've decided that committing illegal acts requires punishment, rather than simply bemoaning that an illegal act was committed.  I mean, it is still Rajoy in the Prime Minister's chair, the same involved deeply in the whole Bárcenas' papers incident, so the latter in particular's rather rich in irony, but even so, it's still possible. 
« Last Edit: January 30, 2018, 07:10:30 pm by Culise »
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smjjames

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #7555 on: January 30, 2018, 07:44:35 pm »

Many of them were wearing Puigdemont face masks. It seemed for a while that Puigdemont would use the rouse to sneak into parliament unnoiticed, but he wasn't part of the crowd.

Lol this. Very much the modern equivalent of the whole crowd saying "I am Spartacus!".

Anyhow, seems like doing stuff like hermetically sealing off the park that the parliament is in would only further piss off the Catalonians.
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martinuzz

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #7556 on: January 31, 2018, 03:53:12 am »

Since waiting for a Brexit deal could take many more centuries, the Dutch decided not to wait and struck a deal with the UK.
At least for their train connections.

In a few months, the Eurostar will offer direct train connections between Amsterdam and London, and Rotterdam and London. It will take 4 hours to get to London from Amsterdam, slightly less from Rotterdam. Trains will go in both directions twice a day.

For now, passengers will still face some delays, because they have to disembark in Brussels for passport controls.
UK and the Netherlands are working on creating some UK territory on the two central stations of Amsterdam and Rotterdam, so the passport checks can be done there, getting rid of the delays.
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Friendly and polite reminder for optimists: Hope is a finite resource

We can ­disagree and still love each other, ­unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and right to exist - James Baldwin

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TD1

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #7557 on: January 31, 2018, 06:48:38 am »

Wow, that's quite smart on the part of the Netherlands. I tip my hat.
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WealthyRadish

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #7558 on: January 31, 2018, 12:48:38 pm »

Smart until the perfidious english need to protect "British interests" and build an airstrip in the train station.
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martinuzz

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #7559 on: January 31, 2018, 12:56:11 pm »

Then we'll just sink their navy again and have Willy marry Harry to become king of England. Been there, done that.
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Friendly and polite reminder for optimists: Hope is a finite resource

We can ­disagree and still love each other, ­unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and right to exist - James Baldwin

http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=73719.msg1830479#msg1830479
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