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Author Topic: The friendly and polite Europe related terrible jokes thread  (Read 1001964 times)

Ukrainian Ranger

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related news thread
« Reply #1935 on: April 27, 2016, 05:01:16 pm »

Ministry of defence is not the one who leads soldiers

Minister of defence is the one who keep soldiers well fed, well supplied and well armed by modern weapons. I prefer a manager to a general on this position.
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War must be, while we defend our lives against a destroyer who would devour all; but I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend.

Loud Whispers

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related news thread
« Reply #1936 on: April 27, 2016, 05:55:24 pm »

TBH, we heard very similar things back in 30s.
Also, considering that POLAND IS UK a lot, I wouldn't be suprised if it was actually POLAND IS POLAND TOO.
Yeah but that's before Poles turned the UK into more Poland, our fates our now inseparable

cultural enrichment comes for you

The UK is sending troops to Poland... from the Future?!?!?
Next-gen soldiers couldn't come sooner so we called reinforcements from the future

Ministry of defence is not the one who leads soldiers
Minister of defence is the one who keep soldiers well fed, well supplied and well armed by modern weapons. I prefer a manager to a general on this position.
The minister of defence is the one who coordinates all three branches of the military into one cohesive strategy.
The ultimate management of logistics goes to the Chief of Defence Materiel, though some have separate Chiefs of Defence Procurement and Chiefs of Defence Logistics positions that divide the tasks between them.
The one who keeps soldiers well-fed, well-supplied and well-armed will ultimately be your equivalent to the Chief of Procurement/Logistics (or your Chief of Defence Materiel), and those in charge of delivering the acquired materiel will be the Logistics Officers. The Logistics Officers should be superb administrators and managers whilst your Ministers of Defence should be superb generals, getting the two the wrong way around grievously wastes their talents and results in a sup-bar military who fails at logistics and fails at strategy. It is the tremendous waste that has meant that if Sweden were to face an actual military threat they could not actually defend themselves anymore. It pained me to hear Sweden's Supreme Commander Sverker Göransson say Sweden couldn't defend itself in one place for more than a week, but the only saying older than Germany being defended to the last Polish, is Sweden being defended to the last Finn.

Various defence think tanks and political analysts had already released "detailed scenarios" outlining what might happen if Sweden is attacked and suggested that Sweden's army could only defend itself for a matter of days or weeks.
The difference between Ministers of Defence between countries whose Defence is outsourced or not is stark.

Also for propaganda reasons it's good to have defence ministers with the dead-eye look
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
They're not putting up with any shit
They make you die if you try
Poland seems to have won on the "can't put up with your shit" contest

Helgoland

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related news thread
« Reply #1937 on: April 27, 2016, 06:13:30 pm »

You think those guys are scary? Old grumpy men trying to stare you down is something you pretty much expect when dealing with a Minister of Defence. Von der Leyen, on the other hand... She's a mother of six, and somehow managed to stay on the job full-time whenever she was not actively pushing a kid through her vagina. She not only knows how to deal with politics, she knows how to deal with a horde of unruly kids. And she's survived many years of serving in high-profile positions under Merkel without being a wheelchair-bound cripple with no ambitions of becoming Chancellor.

She's ice cold and vicious, is what I'm saying. If any of the guys you listed go into a dark room with her, they won't come back - and you won't even see the tiniest speck of blood on her perfectly proper attire.
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martinuzz

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related news thread
« Reply #1938 on: April 27, 2016, 06:14:40 pm »

I always thought picking a woman for minister of defense was a brilliant move. Any IS fighter killed by our forces will be defeated by a woman. If I understand correctly, they believe they won't go to paradise if defeated by a woman.
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Friendly and polite reminder for optimists: Hope is a finite resource

We can ­disagree and still love each other, ­unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and right to exist - James Baldwin

http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=73719.msg1830479#msg1830479

smjjames

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related news thread
« Reply #1939 on: April 27, 2016, 06:19:20 pm »

I always thought picking a woman for minister of defense was a brilliant move. Any IS fighter killed by our forces will be defeated by a woman. If I understand correctly, they believe they won't go to paradise if defeated by a woman.

Ah, but a woman Chancellor/Prime Minister/President (depending on your governance style) would be even more powerful of a symbol in that regard, no?

Though opinions would certainly span the spectrum of 'the leader of those that killed me' to 'whoever is weilding the weapon that killed me'

editwhiletyping: You know, that is a brilliant argument for getting Hillary elected....
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Helgoland

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related news thread
« Reply #1940 on: April 27, 2016, 06:21:54 pm »

Quick, someone photoshop VdL laying waste to the Middle East with a fiery sword, with Merkel just contently looking on, her hands folded into her signature rhombus...

Actually, just gimme the VdL/Merkel combo as Vader/Palpatine, and I'll die a happy man.
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Arguably he's already a progressive, just one in the style of an enlightened Kaiser.
I'm going to do the smart thing here and disengage. This isn't a hill I paticularly care to die on.

smjjames

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related news thread
« Reply #1941 on: April 27, 2016, 06:25:30 pm »

Quick, someone photoshop VdL laying waste to the Middle East with a fiery sword, with Merkel just contently looking on, her hands folded into her signature rhombus...

Actually, just gimme the VdL/Merkel combo as Vader/Palpatine, and I'll die a happy man.

Bonus points if you put Hillary in there.

*crickets chirp*

What? we're just having a little fun here.

edit: Though I don't know where Hillary would fit in some Vader/Palpatine combo with Merkel and VdL.
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martinuzz

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related news thread
« Reply #1942 on: April 27, 2016, 06:25:42 pm »

I always thought picking a woman for minister of defense was a brilliant move. Any IS fighter killed by our forces will be defeated by a woman. If I understand correctly, they believe they won't go to paradise if defeated by a woman.

Ah, but a woman Chancellor/Prime Minister/President (depending on your governance style) would be even more powerful of a symbol in that regard, no?
Depends on your political system. Over here, our prime minister is the chairman of the cabinet of ministers, but not higher in command than other ministers. The army answers to the minister of defense. And she, like any minister, answers to parliament.

You could compare our relation government / parliament to a business. The government are managers, responsible for day to day business and the parliament is the board of directors, which tells the managers within which parameters they can operate, and what their targets are.
« Last Edit: April 27, 2016, 06:28:27 pm by martinuzz »
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Friendly and polite reminder for optimists: Hope is a finite resource

We can ­disagree and still love each other, ­unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and right to exist - James Baldwin

http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=73719.msg1830479#msg1830479

smjjames

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related news thread
« Reply #1943 on: April 27, 2016, 06:28:37 pm »

I always thought picking a woman for minister of defense was a brilliant move. Any IS fighter killed by our forces will be defeated by a woman. If I understand correctly, they believe they won't go to paradise if defeated by a woman.

Ah, but a woman Chancellor/Prime Minister/President (depending on your governance style) would be even more powerful of a symbol in that regard, no?
Depends on your political system. Over here, our prime minister is the chairman of the cabinet of ministers, but not higher in command than other ministers. The army answers to the minister of defense. And she, like any minister, answers to parliament.

I'm talking about head of state like the President is here in the US, and no, I'm not referring to your royalty.

I thought my usage of president up there would have been a good clue, but guess not.
« Last Edit: April 27, 2016, 06:30:09 pm by smjjames »
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ChairmanPoo

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related news thread
« Reply #1944 on: April 27, 2016, 07:32:48 pm »



The UK is sending troops to Poland... from the Future?!?!?
Next-gen soldiers couldn't come sooner so we called reinforcements from the future


But what will happen in 2017 if the army is stationed in current day Poland? I've read posts from people in December 2016 complaining about the UK goverment compromising their future safety for the sake of the past

Let me demonstrate. Let's say that this line represents time.

------A----------------------------B--------------------------------C-----------------
                                                                                         D:  ☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭

 A is the present 2016, B the future 2016, and C  is 2017. Obviously, somewhere in the future the timeline skewes down into D, creating an alternate 2017 where Vladimir Putin invades the UK to liberate Russian citizens over there. Alternate to you, me, and the time travelling British soldiers, but reality for everyone else.
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Kot

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related news thread
« Reply #1945 on: April 27, 2016, 09:59:34 pm »

Don't ever let Americans learn about this. They are totally going to pump oil out of spread FREEDOM to other timelines.
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Baffler

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related news thread
« Reply #1946 on: April 27, 2016, 10:37:34 pm »

Too inefficient. We'll just pump the CO2 and other industrial pollutants offset some of our externalities into the other timelines, if anything.
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Kot

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related news thread
« Reply #1947 on: April 27, 2016, 10:58:35 pm »

Pump the Co2 in, pump the oil out.
It would certainly make for suprising news if all oil wells around the Earth suddenly ceased to work because all the oil turned into Co2.
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smirk

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related news thread
« Reply #1948 on: April 27, 2016, 11:16:51 pm »

Actually, just gimme the VdL/Merkel combo as Vader/Palpatine, and I'll die a happy man.
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Loud Whispers

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related news thread
« Reply #1949 on: April 28, 2016, 05:30:53 am »

You think those guys are scary? Old grumpy men trying to stare you down is something you pretty much expect when dealing with a Minister of Defence.
It's not about being scary, otherwise you would pick someone scary; picking someone who if you tried to stare down you would see no soul inside is good for propaganda reasons because it sends the message that they are not unwilling to use military force if they have to. This is why dead-eyed grumpy old men is what you expect

Von der Leyen, on the other hand... She's a mother of six, and somehow managed to stay on the job full-time whenever she was not actively pushing a kid through her vagina. She not only knows how to deal with politics, she knows how to deal with a horde of unruly kids. And she's survived many years of serving in high-profile positions under Merkel without being a wheelchair-bound cripple with no ambitions of becoming Chancellor.
Reading up on Von Der Leyen, her line of strategic assessment is entirely in line with mine on everything but Hungary! Surprises everywhere! Germany may have an army yet, though I imagine you'll have to call it your not-army or euro-taskforce or something. I'm sure Murrica wouldn't give a shit since they're helping Japan remilitiarize

She's ice cold and vicious, is what I'm saying. If any of the guys you listed go into a dark room with her, they won't come back - and you won't even see the tiniest speck of blood on her perfectly proper attire.
Doesn't matter whether you are ice cold or vicious or whatever, most defence ministers I assume are actually rather friendly people just as most soldiers are quite friendly - looking the part is for propaganda reasons, not practical. Obviously if you found a teletubby who could do the job you wouldn't turn them down just because :P
Though she's not our Defence Secretary, she's spooky spymaster
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