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Author Topic: The friendly and polite Europe related terrible jokes thread  (Read 975081 times)

Loud Whispers

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #9195 on: December 06, 2018, 05:26:56 pm »

I will never not mock Leavers. Especially because it turned out pretty much as I expected -- no plan, a complete clusterfuck, and the chief proponents of the whole swindle (Cameron, Farage and BoJo) have largely jumped ship and left it to others to clean up their mess. I'm not interested in "making friends" or "building bridges", because I have no doubt that the True Believers, if given a second referendum right now, would still vote Leave despite knowing what a clusterfuck it would turn out to be.
You may have had well-intentioned, earnestly held beliefs that caused you to vote Leave (distrust/distaste of the EU is one example), just as there were a number of people who voted Trump not because they're alt-Right Nazis, but because they couldn't stomach Hillary Clinton. I get that. I still want to smack those people upside the head EVERY DAMN DAY until they admit they were fucking idiots, but I get that.
Doesn't change the fact that the outcome was foreseeable from a mile away, amidst a chorus of well-reasoned (and otherwise) voices yelling "DON'T DO IT".
It was #YOLO at a national level, which is incredibly irresponsible.
David Cameron led the Remain campaign. Nigel Farage held no post in parliament or government, Cameron rejected proposals to work with him. Boris Johnson was sidelined from the start, Cameron saw to the failure of his leadership bid.

How can you come in here and spout your petty ignorance as gospel whilst casting judgement on a nation from that cardboard tower you call your moral highground? Because everyone you don't like is Donald Trump? You are a true infidel, you start with the intention of making enemies when you don't even know what the hell you're talking about. Your smug self-righteousness is the reason why your country deserves 40 by 40 generations of Donald Clintons and Hillary Trumps, for they are the plague of mirrors held to the face of your hypocrisy-infested high horse.

We low information voters, kowtow to your enlightened superiority.

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #9196 on: December 06, 2018, 05:38:58 pm »

The process certainly was farcical. Farage and co. lied and fabricated in such a way as to appeal to the Common Man.

And the government sent pro-remain propaganda to every person in the UK while the BBC "impartially" supported them. Projects Fantasy and Fear were healthy and strong.

And by the time of the vote, everyone knew it - after all, both sides were happy to highlight the crap the other side was doing.

Is it so hard to believe that people - heavens forbid! - could actually do that rare thing and think?

For instance - "I don't want to be trapped in an increasingly federal government which my voice has increasingly less say in. Nor do I want immigration to continue at the same rate - exponential pop. growth is bad for me and them" is a logical argument (I'd like to think, considering it is mine).

Your response being.... "ignorant, stupid, lied to, wake up sheepman" *slap slap punch bite*

I understand the political make up of this forum leans towards a certain political pole, but this is just plain asshattery.

Edit: oh, LW beat me to the Smiting of Infidels. As per the norm.
« Last Edit: December 06, 2018, 05:40:39 pm by Th4DwArfY1 »
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Cathar

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #9197 on: December 06, 2018, 05:46:40 pm »

Also, refferendums are not part of a normal democratic process in a representative democracy. Refferendums are glorified polls, and have the value people chose to give them, and especially : it was made for domestic reasons as a bargaining chip to constitute a majority.

Seriously, enough with the "power to the masses" argumentio ad lazzarum. Criticism of Europe I heard from UK at the time were absolutely nonsensical. Stuff about europe being too much uneeded regulations, stuff about controlling immigration, stuff about UK being tricked into funding poor countries, all of those were lies and people repeated them during the whole campaign.

That's not an opinion, those were factual lies and I could discuss for hours on any of them if it had still any interest for having worked into european standard commissions at the time.

I don't even blame brexiter people. Maybe they want to deregulate their market and allow mass chinese dumping into their local economy because regulations give them acnea. But they were probably more coaxed, cajoled and misinformed into it.

I hope for UK it can find the emergency brakes before it hits the wall.

Quote

Your response being.... "ignorant, stupid, lied to, wake up sheepman" *slap slap punch bite*

I understand the political make up of this forum leans towards a certain political pole, but this is just plain asshattery.

Seriously people can be smug "I told you so" at time and not wishing death to you guys.

I worked into commissions, I helped organize standards at the european level, and it is really infuriating to see everyone debate over non-issues, totally disconected from the reality you know, and being called a schill when you try to give people some facts, especially when you're just one man and you're competting against the whole might of mass medias.

Also this has nothing to do with being lw. I'm not even sure I'm lw. But seing people destroy their country because their representative have an argument is infurriating an all levels.

Edit :

In other news, I talked to some gilets jaunes. That shit is all over the place. And while I want to retract what I said, those guys are not fascists for the majority of them. You can find a ... really wierd coalition of people who have all their issues, from receiving too much parking tickets to pay too much from transport or are just manifesting state hostility which are a problem in the suburbs by a huge wealth differential which has been plaguing Paris for a long, long time. But what I take from that is the movement is completely headless.

Some people, actually a lot of people are trying to coopt it and make it talk like a puppet. From far right Brigitte "muslims are barbarians" Bardot to far left Philippe "yes we trash the city, that's what we do" Poutou, everyone wants to inject political meaning into it.

So yeah in the end that's probably just a public order problem.
« Last Edit: December 06, 2018, 06:09:03 pm by Cathar »
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Loud Whispers

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #9198 on: December 06, 2018, 06:15:24 pm »

Also, refferendums are not part of a normal democratic process in a representative democracy. Refferendums are glorified polls, and have the value people chose to give them, and especially : it was made for domestic reasons as a bargaining chip to constitute a majority.
The UK and France disagree on what constitutes a constitution, let alone what consists of the governance of a country. Jupiterian elected Monarchs do not seem to function as part of the normal democratic process. You must understand how strange it is, that the Americans with their Oligarchy and Willy Wonka King, and the French whose country is on fire even as we converse, see fit to laugh at the British for not following their advice?

Seriously, enough with the "power to the masses" argumentio ad lazzarum. Criticism of Europe I heard from UK at the time were absolutely nonsensical. Stuff about europe being too much uneeded regulations, stuff about controlling immigration, stuff about UK being tricked into funding poor countries, all of those were lies and people repeated them during the whole campaign.
I am of the opinion the state has two functions; in no particular order, one function is to exist, so that others do not try to establish their own orders, thus allowing for stability and preservation of continuity. The second is to serve its people, for which the state ostensibly exists. This moral imperative has a functional benefit: desperate populations foment revolutions, which threatens the state's first function of existence. Not only is the motto "power to the masses," rather it should be recognised that "power is from the masses." Aligning with a wealthy minority over a fractured masses creates a schizophrenic farce of a democratic government. Now then, how can you speak of such lies? A citizen of a Schengen Area country, one of which has been pressuring the UK into giving up their border controls at Calais, whilst the EU reaffirms that single market membership requires no borders - it is rather alike RedKing's previous refusal to accept the EU's ambition to form an army, or to supplant the USA. If you cannot accept EU laws or EU politicians as true, why then would you believe in their project? In the UK, we were sold the lie that the EU was not a political project, it was a trade bloc. This was in spite of their open objective of the ever closer union, or their insistence that there were no ambitions for an EU army.

That's not an opinion, those were factual lies and I could discuss for hours on any of them if it had still any interest for having worked into european standard commissions at the time.
A factual lie, what an unfortunate phrase.
A factual lie, no one knows what it says!
It means no discourse,
For the rest of your daaaaaaaaaays,
It's our honest-freeeeee philosophyyyy
A factual liiiiiieee!
*EDIT
In other news, I talked to some gilets jaunes. That shit is all over the place. And while I want to retract what I said, those guys are not fascists for the majority of them. You can find a ... really wierd coalition of people who have all their issues, from receiving too much parking tickets to pay too much from transport or are just manifesting state hostility which are a problem in the suburbs by a huge wealth differential which has been plaguing Paris for a long, long time. But what I take from that is the movement is completely headless.
Some people, actually a lot of people are trying to coopt it and make it talk like a puppet. From far right Brigitte "muslims are barbarians" Bardot to far left Philippe "yes we trash the city, that's what we do" Poutou, everyone wants to inject political meaning into it.
So yeah in the end that's probably just a public order problem.
Stay safe first. Even if the majority are regular people, crowds of regular people can act violently, especially if there are etremists in the midst. That said, I wouldn't consider it a public order issue just because there is no centralized hierarchy, as it is a political reaction, rather alike the Arab spring

I understand the political make up of this forum leans towards a certain political pole, but this is just plain asshattery.
Edit: oh, LW beat me to the Smiting of Infidels. As per the norm.
swer on me nan rite
« Last Edit: December 06, 2018, 06:24:17 pm by Loud Whispers »
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Cathar

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #9199 on: December 06, 2018, 06:42:48 pm »


The Americans with their Oligarchy and Willy Wonka King, and the French whose country is on fire even as we converse, see fit to laugh at the British for not following their advice?

I'll give you that ok. I'll take brexiting UK over the USA any time of the day.
I mean... to us it changes nothing. You'll still be subject to the regulation, whether you brexit or not. I'd say "you gave up your sit at the table" because that is essentially what you did but even so, since EU regulation are typically lower than national regulation it will not change a thing to you, so Europe should not destroy your industry as a result of Brexit.

The goal of those regulations were to protect us from emerging country's dumping, against which EU has the means to defend itself. But if you insist on having your regalian choice to lower your standard to the point china can invade your market... I mean sure. For what reason tho.

A citizen of a Schengen Area country, one of which has been pressuring the UK into giving up their border controls at Calais, whilst the EU reaffirms that single market membership requires no borders

I'll stop you right there.

First of all, UK is not in Shengen. You didn't had to accept the free movement of people and you chose not to. At the time, UK made a lot of fuss and was extremely rude to other european countries to have their europe à la carte.

Diplomatic position of France under De Gaulle was to say "those guys will not cooperate, we should just dump them" but he was not listened. So EU made concessions and you had your borders. Hell, we even accepted to have british border control on OUR sovereign soil so you can control your immigration.

Do you understand how incredibly snob it sounds, after all the concession you received, to just turn around and say "oh well fuck you guys, in the end I decided I'm a princess" and leave us to clean up the mess ?

Second, the Calais problem is directly caused by UK politics. We can home migrants in France. Problem : those migrants come from the UK empire, and don't speak a word of french. They want to come to UK and are stopped by british border patrol. You add some frantic gun tooting easily startled calaisians and here you go. The problem was effectively solved when we decided to home them around the country, but it is yet another british princess move we had to clean up. And it's starting to be a bit heavy on the shoulders Im not gonna lie.


Quote
their insistence that there were no ambitions for an EU army.

This is not EU policy, but I wish it was. If it was up to me, I'd just make Europe with germany, build a two state army and have the rest of the 27 come and ask for their loaf of bread, rather than insisting on pleasing everyone. Europe insists on being the nice guy and that's why it's not respected.

Quote
Stay safe first. Even if the majority are regular people, crowds of regular people can act violently, especially if there are etremists in the midst. That said, I wouldn't consider it a public order issue just because there is no centralized hierarchy, as it is a political reaction, rather alike the Arab spring

We call this a Jacquerie. It's not the first time I've been in a revolt like that. Don't worry, I'm safe.

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #9200 on: December 06, 2018, 07:02:21 pm »

For laughs, I read the previous to my father.

He swore, surprising me (he never swears).

"You'd think the French would understand not wanting the German jackboot on their land."
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Cathar

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #9201 on: December 06, 2018, 07:06:09 pm »

After that line, I will allow myself to disreguard british mounting on their high horses on the next european smirking remark on brexit.

You guys will laugh war off because you havn't had a invasion on your soil since modern warfare was a thing. We're told what war is in school, maybe that's why we value cooperation.

TD1

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #9202 on: December 06, 2018, 07:11:08 pm »

Cathar, I respect you. I've seen you go out of your way to help struggling artists.

But you're now being deeply insulting on many levels, going so far as to claim that Europe should kneel before Germany and France and eat the scraps which you deign to throw.

My father's comment shows a certain amount of snark. But you must admit that in this case it's warranted.
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ChairmanPoo

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #9203 on: December 06, 2018, 07:13:22 pm »



Nor do I want immigration to continue at the same rate - exponential pop. growth is bad for me and them" is a logical argument (I'd like to think, considering it is mine).


Yet I'm sure you want healthcare, and shorter waitimg lists, and all those vacant posts on the NHS covered. Or elsewhere in the economy for that matter.

well guess what, if you create a "hostile environment" it's not going to f*ing happen. I don't know what traumatic experience with Polish plumbers you had, but EU FoM works because it makes things easy and simple. If you make things more difficult things become far less attractive and you're going to struggle with both blue collar AND white collar workers. But particularily the latter. I'm fairly sure the whole thing was designed mostly to allow international corporations to be able to shuffle qualified personnel back and forth if necessary.

Right now as things stand I'd not say I'd never work in the UK, but in the current climate the option is certainly lagging behind others -  including learning French or German, or simply cutting my losses going back home if the going got tough abroad.  I don't think I'm alone in that feeling if the statistics are anything to go by.



"You'd think the French would understand not wanting the German jackboot on their land."
Just so that you're aware if you start to make unpleasant political comments someone is going to say someone is going to answer something unpleasant to you sooner or later. The eventual consequence will be flamewars, threas locks, and possibly bans.

I believe in self determination of threads so all of you be my guest and take part in what might come...
« Last Edit: December 06, 2018, 07:17:06 pm by ChairmanPoo »
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Cathar

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #9204 on: December 06, 2018, 07:17:03 pm »

No it's not warranted. I respect you a whole lot too and I have no ill will toward you, and I'm grown up enough to distance myself from the debate because it's not about me.

I don't see how I insulted you, except by saying the brexit vote was misinformed and led to a massive mess, which is...well just factually correct. If my facts aren't straight I'm not above rectifying them, but I'm fairly certain of what I say for having been part of the system.

Bringing wars into which I lost part of my extended family by entire siblinghoods into the mix is just plain disrespectful. I'm a grown up, I don't take that personally, but if you are going to go this route please refrain from being offended in the future.

TD1

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #9205 on: December 06, 2018, 07:28:07 pm »

Cathar, my granny's uncles died at the Somme. One couldn't be positively identified because he was blown to pieces. I warrant you've never heard of the 36th Ulster Division (filled with people from Northern Ireland) but they bled and died to protect your land in the First World War - protect it against an expansionist Germany dissimilar from the current one mainly in method.

So my dad lost his great uncles in that conflict. I suppose he's wondering how that bought no sense of sympathy from you.

We do not laugh off war. We stand in remembrance and solemnly remember the dead.
Those who fought for a Europe free to do as it willed. That includes the right to make what others think are stupid decisions.
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Loud Whispers

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #9206 on: December 06, 2018, 07:29:08 pm »

I'll give you that ok. I'll take brexiting UK over the USA any time of the day.
So many wasted opportunities!

I mean... to us it changes nothing. You'll still be subject to the regulation, whether you brexit or not. I'd say "you gave up your sit at the table" because that is essentially what you did but even so, since EU regulation are typically lower than national regulation it will not change a thing to you, so Europe should not destroy your industry as a result of Brexit.
I'm pleased by the outcome if it doesn't disrupt France, my intention is not to order the French in what to do (also fairly certain we can't in the EU anyways lol). Our seat on the table has usually been a lonely one, so I think it is also better for the EU if there isn't the UK always blossoming in waves of euroscepticism from within. If we end up remaining in the single market and customs union, then it seems the decades ahead will be fraught with Brexit II: The sequel. If on the other hand we successfully leave at the first shot, I do not see the issue of UK exports to Europe conforming to European regulations, any more than I ought to take issue with UK exports to the USA conforming to American regulations. The death of the British lobbying firms in Brussels will be of mutual benefit to European and British regulations.

The goal of those regulations were to protect us from emerging country's dumping, against which EU has the means to defend itself. But if you insist on having your regalian choice to lower your standard to the point china can invade your market... I mean sure. For what reason tho.
It's haven't observed it working. Europe's industries are still being slaughtered - or, are incorporating the products of emerging countries into their increasingly advanced supply chains, evolving - like Chinese bikes assembled in Germany. Globalisation is a difficult beast to slay, I haven't seen the EU have any success in that endeavour yet.

First of all, UK is not in Shengen.
I was referring to France

At the time, UK made a lot of fuss and was extremely rude to other european countries to have their europe à la carte.
This would be the source of the confusion - the UK does not want Europe, the UK wants Europe's money. It should be fairly apparent simply by observing that all of Cameron's protests to the EU are about EU attempts to regulate British financial services, and very little else.

Diplomatic position of France under De Gaulle was to say "those guys will not cooperate, we should just dump them" but he was not listened. So EU made concessions and you had your borders. Hell, we even accepted to have british border control on OUR sovereign soil so you can control your immigration.
How is the EU the one making concessions? The EU has never once returned sovereignty; it demands instead that you either surrender in piecemeal, or in totality, but never offers concessions. If I order you to give me 5 mars bars, and I lower my demands to 3 mars bars, it would be outrageous to say I offered any concession at all ;p

Do you understand how incredibly snob it sounds, after all the concession you received, to just turn around and say "oh well fuck you guys, in the end I decided I'm a princess" and leave us to clean up the mess?
Perhaps the EU needs to understand when no means no. Princess says no

Second, the Calais problem is directly caused by UK politics. We can home migrants in France. Problem : those migrants come from the UK empire, and don't speak a word of french. They want to come to UK and are stopped by british border patrol. You add some frantic gun tooting easily startled calaisians and here you go. The problem was effectively solved when we decided to home them around the country, but it is yet another british princess move we had to clean up. And it's starting to be a bit heavy on the shoulders Im not gonna lie.
If you don't want Commonwealth migrants in France, why don't you use your border controls? Did the British princess take away those? No, the EU did. Seems silly to blame the UK when France is the one who not only left the door open, but set the doors on fire.

This is not EU policy, but I wish it was. If it was up to me, I'd just make Europe with germany, build a two state army and have the rest of the 27 come and ask for their loaf of bread, rather than insisting on pleasing everyone. Europe insists on being the nice guy and that's why it's not respected.
There is a Voltaire joke to be made about how the EU is not European, nice or respected

We call this a Jacquerie. It's not the first time I've been in a revolt like that. Don't worry, I'm safe.
I still remember the London riots were particularly fascinating. You had people stealing water, bricks and rice, flexing it on social media so the police could arrest them lmao. Still caution never hurts, but carelessness kills. Even if the rioters do nothing getting caught up in police actions can be a pain, I still remember one instance in London with a protest that turned violent, loads of innocent bystanders who gawked at the conflict with their smartphones instead of going home got stuck in the police kettle afterwards

After that line, I will allow myself to disreguard british mounting on their high horses on the next european smirking remark on brexit.
You guys will laugh war off because you havn't had a invasion on your soil since modern warfare was a thing. We're told what war is in school, maybe that's why we value cooperation.
My grandparents lived under Japanese occupations or flew in the Battle of Britain, so I will have to disagree. Cooperation and centralization are also two distinct concepts, just as there is a clear distinction between European nations cooperating and a singular European state. No one in the UK laughs war off; God knows, hundreds of thousands were lost to free France. I know you mean no antagonism, just making it clear the UK holds no dim view of French sacrifice

Cathar, my granny's uncles died at the Somme. One couldn't be positively identified because he was blown to pieces. I warrant you've never heard of the 36th Ulster Division (filled with people from Northern Ireland) but they bled and died to protect your land in the First World War - protect it against an expansionist Germany dissimilar from the current one mainly in method.
So my dad lost his great uncles in that conflict. I suppose he's wondering how that bought no sense of sympathy from you.
We do not laugh off war. We stand in remembrance and solemnly remember the dead.
Hear hear.

Those who fought for a Europe free to do as it willed. That includes the right to make what others think are stupid decisions.
You made the first mistake of British-European relations. DON'T MENTION THE WAR
« Last Edit: December 06, 2018, 07:31:10 pm by Loud Whispers »
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Cathar

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #9207 on: December 06, 2018, 07:34:31 pm »

Alright I see the problem clearly now


the UK wants Europe's money.

If I order you to give me 5 mars bars, and I lower my demands to 3 mars bars, it would be outrageous to say I offered any concession at all ;p

Princess says no

See that is the problem. UK wants Europe's money and won't pay the 5 mars bars. EU says "okay, you can have my money for only 3 mars bars". UK says OK, takes the money and won't pay the godamn mars bars.

Pay your mars bars UK

Quote
My grandparents lived under Japanese occupations or flew in the Battle of Britain, so I will have to disagree. Cooperation and centralization are also two distinct concepts, just as there is a clear distinction between European nations cooperating and a singular European state. No one in the UK laughs war off; God knows, hundreds of thousands were lost to free France. I know you mean no antagonism, just making it clear the UK holds no dim view of French sacrifice

Thanks for understanding.

Loud Whispers

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #9208 on: December 06, 2018, 07:37:05 pm »

See that is the problem. UK wants Europe's money and won't pay the 5 mars bars. EU says "okay, you can have my money for only 3 mars bars". UK says OK, takes the money and won't pay the godamn mars bars.

Pay your mars bars UK
I need all the damn mars bars, I got a rat colony to feed

Thanks for understanding.
No worries, whatever our disagreements or backgrounds we are all from bay12

Cathar

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #9209 on: December 06, 2018, 07:40:32 pm »

I approach all of those debates with the understanding that we don't really matter. It's not like you will change UK's fate, and I won't change France's, so in the end we better be friends because no matter our disagreements, things will follow their course in the end.

We're just monkeys yelling on a rock drifting through space, shit doesn't really matter
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