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Author Topic: Things that made you mildly sad today thread  (Read 232515 times)

itisnotlogical

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Re: Things that made you mildly sad today thread
« Reply #5925 on: April 11, 2019, 02:31:11 pm »

I wrote about ten lines of code today, which is the most work I've done in a month. My project is basically dead, the only thing left is to admit it. It's impossible to balance my real job and everything else I want/need to do with the kind of work it takes to program anything, let alone a video game. It's like trying to build a full-size house, with all the amenities, out of twigs and popsicle sticks.

Paying job, social life, game development: pick two. :(
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Kagus

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Re: Things that made you mildly sad today thread
« Reply #5926 on: April 11, 2019, 04:11:28 pm »

I can't leave things well enough alone, and have to carry the hurt with me for longer than should be necessary.

JoshuaFH

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Re: Things that made you mildly sad today thread
« Reply #5927 on: April 12, 2019, 12:53:33 pm »

Having a good day, say something stupid to someone, I can see her wince at my stupidity, and I try to play it off but it's all downhill from there, the anxiety spiral is started and there's no fucking stopping it. I should just learn to be more stoical and keep my fucking mouth shut.

I mentioned that I have been seriously considering the Air Force. I do genuinely think it'd be a good choice, between the education, the potential for achievement/recognition/respect, the camaraderie with other men, and getting the chance to really improve and hone the masculinity I've always wanted; it just sounds like it'd be great.

I'm just always doubting myself, and I'm not sure if I've cornered myself, because I've been talking myself up for more than a month now, showing off and bragging to my mom and coworkers that I'm going to do it, and I've done the practice test (got a near perfect on it) and I've been losing weight to get into the requirements (I'm within the limit), and I've been going out of my way to prove how healthy and qualified I am (pretty sure I'm fit and healthy)... I'm just not sure if I'm doing it for the wrong reasons, but now I can't back out or I'll be a pussy forever.

I'm just worried, that I already let my chances at happiness pass me by, that I'm just grasping at straws here, that the happiness I'm craving is something so unrealistic that when I finally get it I'll be so disappointed at the sad & anticlimactic reality of it my soul will just be crushed. And I'm worried that I might be disqualified for something and I'll never even get to find out, because the world seems so bleak as to bend backwards to deny me opportunities to have a real future and a real life, and I'll be forced to continue being fake and lifeless.

Good night everyone, tis just another offmychest post so I can finally relax and get to sleep.
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Kagus

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Re: Things that made you mildly sad today thread
« Reply #5928 on: April 12, 2019, 01:16:49 pm »

Even with Chair Force being stereotypically a much smoother ride than other branches, it's still the military. And the military will beat you down until you are broken and they will mercilessly attack any possible weakness in your mental armor. They work with systems that are specifically designed to reduce the most confident, headstrong, mentally sound and stable people into sobbing, self-doubting wrecks.

As should be apparent, these systems are not healthy for people with poor mental health. They're not even healthy for people who started out at 100%.


Listen, if you legitimately want to join the military, you will definitely be able to get in. The bureaucracy can be a bit dumb at times, but after a few attempts you can get into all sorts of things so long as you're capable of tying your own shoelaces. I would not recommend doing this though, as the experience can be extraordinarily stressful and extremely damaging for the psyche.

I mean, fuck, I heard a recruiter talking about the time a guy with Downs syndrome somehow made it into the Army. He ended up getting early discharge because, uh... Well, yeah... But still. He got in long enough to make an impression.


Seriously. You've seen Full Metal Jacket? Yeah. That's the candy-coated version of boot. Experiencing the real thing will drag your soul through rock salt and broken glass. Don't do it unless you're sure that you're okay with being reduced to the worst that you will ever be.

scourge728

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Re: Things that made you mildly sad today thread
« Reply #5929 on: April 12, 2019, 04:52:28 pm »

Even with Chair Force being stereotypically a much smoother ride than other branches, it's still the military. And the military will beat you down until you are broken and they will mercilessly attack any possible weakness in your mental armor. They work with systems that are specifically designed to reduce the most confident, headstrong, mentally sound and stable people into sobbing, self-doubting wrecks.

As should be apparent, these systems are not healthy for people with poor mental health. They're not even healthy for people who started out at 100%.


Listen, if you legitimately want to join the military, you will definitely be able to get in. The bureaucracy can be a bit dumb at times, but after a few attempts you can get into all sorts of things so long as you're capable of tying your own shoelaces. I would not recommend doing this though, as the experience can be extraordinarily stressful and extremely damaging for the psyche.

I mean, fuck, I heard a recruiter talking about the time a guy with Downs syndrome somehow made it into the Army. He ended up getting early discharge because, uh... Well, yeah... But still. He got in long enough to make an impression.


Seriously. You've seen Full Metal Jacket? Yeah. That's the candy-coated version of boot. Experiencing the real thing will drag your soul through rock salt and broken glass. Don't do it unless you're sure that you're okay with being reduced to the worst that you will ever be.
you know, the more I hear about the military, the more I feel it shouldn't exist, if only everyone would stop being so stupid so that such a thing could happen

Dunamisdeos

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Re: Things that made you mildly sad today thread
« Reply #5930 on: April 12, 2019, 06:01:43 pm »

Seriously. You've seen Full Metal Jacket? Yeah. That's the candy-coated version of boot. Experiencing the real thing will drag your soul through rock salt and broken glass. Don't do it unless you're sure that you're okay with being reduced to the worst that you will ever be.

This is true by all accounts.
 
That said I have a number of people in my family who genuinely enjoyed their time in the armed forces. Many of them did have problems that the forcible application of discipline did solve for them. No matter what your life is like, you do not have a concept for the level of grueling you will encounter on your way up. Understand that it is meant to grind away all things that are not conducive to discipline. It's not malicious, but it IS utterly merciless. Finally, there is the very distinct possibility in today's world that you will be required to kill another human during your time there.
 
you know, the more I hear about the military, the more I feel it shouldn't exist, if only everyone would stop being so stupid so that such a thing could happen

Agreed completely, but It's a necessity in the society humanity has built for ourselves.
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Egan_BW

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Re: Things that made you mildly sad today thread
« Reply #5931 on: April 12, 2019, 06:09:50 pm »

Obviously military should be a branch of academia.
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Dunamisdeos

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Re: Things that made you mildly sad today thread
« Reply #5932 on: April 12, 2019, 08:15:34 pm »

Obviously military should be a branch of academia.

We have Facebook now for the militant advertising of ideas. Truly human society is a grand thing.
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JoshuaFH

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Re: Things that made you mildly sad today thread
« Reply #5933 on: April 12, 2019, 09:45:48 pm »

Even with Chair Force being stereotypically a much smoother ride than other branches, it's still the military. And the military will beat you down until you are broken and they will mercilessly attack any possible weakness in your mental armor. They work with systems that are specifically designed to reduce the most confident, headstrong, mentally sound and stable people into sobbing, self-doubting wrecks.

As should be apparent, these systems are not healthy for people with poor mental health. They're not even healthy for people who started out at 100%.


Listen, if you legitimately want to join the military, you will definitely be able to get in. The bureaucracy can be a bit dumb at times, but after a few attempts you can get into all sorts of things so long as you're capable of tying your own shoelaces. I would not recommend doing this though, as the experience can be extraordinarily stressful and extremely damaging for the psyche.

I mean, fuck, I heard a recruiter talking about the time a guy with Downs syndrome somehow made it into the Army. He ended up getting early discharge because, uh... Well, yeah... But still. He got in long enough to make an impression.


Seriously. You've seen Full Metal Jacket? Yeah. That's the candy-coated version of boot. Experiencing the real thing will drag your soul through rock salt and broken glass. Don't do it unless you're sure that you're okay with being reduced to the worst that you will ever be.

I'm aware that the experience can be grueling, and then I look at my alternatives and that torture seems comforting in comparison.
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dragdeler

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Re: Things that made you mildly sad today thread
« Reply #5934 on: April 13, 2019, 05:13:39 am »

I will not bother you with my radical views on the military josh, I just think it doesn't matter if you do it for the wrong reasons... just do it, you won't be able to stop obsessing or forgive yourself if you don't.

And should it turn out that it's not for you... you can allways quit. I mean once you get your credentials that should open a lot of doors given the prestige that is attributed to the army in your country.

Dunamisdeos

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Re: Things that made you mildly sad today thread
« Reply #5935 on: April 13, 2019, 11:08:55 am »

Yeah honestly it sounds like you've given consideration to the factors involved, now it's time to make a decision.

You can in fact quit. Does not need to be a career choice.
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NullForceOmega

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Re: Things that made you mildly sad today thread
« Reply #5936 on: April 13, 2019, 12:31:33 pm »

No, you cannot in fact "quit" the U.S. military, which is applicable because Josh lives in the U.S.  You can only serve your time (you may choose to not re-enlist after your initial service term, officers don't get that option, they're in for minimum ten years), be released from your contract for certain very specific reasons (medical, psychological, disciplinary), or go AWOL (which eventually becomes desertion).  A medical (this is how my service ended) or psych discharge won't hurt you much, but disciplinary or desertion are very much not good, hell desertion is a full-on federal crime that can land you in prison for several years, and they make you pull your duty period anyway (or more often hit you with a severe disciplinary discharge, which is as stated above, bad).

All of that said, just choose Josh.  You aren't doing yourself any favors agonizing over it, and whatever you decide will give you some momentum in live.
« Last Edit: April 13, 2019, 12:38:04 pm by NullForceOmega »
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Eric Blank

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Re: Things that made you mildly sad today thread
« Reply #5937 on: April 14, 2019, 09:48:17 pm »

Did lots of floor work today. Shovelling, sweeping, chiseling tile. So far both arms and my left leg have cramped out on me. Its all very painful. But i must open the store tomorrow.
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Re: Things that made you mildly sad today thread
« Reply #5938 on: April 15, 2019, 01:02:46 am »

I wish I could join the military. Even if I put the effort in to increase my fitness to an adequate level, my hearing impairment along with my other minor health issues would probably make me ineligible.
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itisnotlogical

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Re: Things that made you mildly sad today thread
« Reply #5939 on: April 15, 2019, 02:20:28 am »

My bone-itis is acting up again. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but the muscles above my butt tie themselves into a massive Gordian knot about once a month. I would see a doctor about it, but I already have an appointment to be shot full of The Ooze from TMNT tomorrow, and then after that I have to have a dentist pull one tooth and augment some others. Somewhere in the middle of all of that, I have to live the part of my life that doesn't take place in doctor's offices, my place of employment, or transit between those two places.
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This game is Curtain Fire Shooting Game.
Girls do their best now and are preparing. Please watch warmly until it is ready.
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