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Author Topic: Things that made you mildly upset today thread  (Read 819713 times)

George_Chickens

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Re: Things that made you mildly sad today thread
« Reply #5670 on: April 10, 2019, 09:54:14 pm »

I know right. I was diagnosed with PTSD over 10 years ago, and when I got to get CBT to help, it just left me with very sore balls.
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Telgin

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Re: Things that made you mildly sad today thread
« Reply #5671 on: April 10, 2019, 11:27:40 pm »

I think I may have finally given up on a personal game project today.  I spent about two and a half years working on it and got most of a playable version of the first level done, but there was so much left to be done to even consider it a demo that I just don't know if I can make myself work on it anymore.  It would probably take me 10 years to finish the game at this rate, and the results would not be worth the time.  So... probably time to cut my losses.  I learned a ton about Unreal 4 and Blender, which is nice, but I don't think I could make the game I wanted like this no matter how much I learned.  It's just too much work, almost all from making assets.

Maybe I'll try again in 2D later and try to seriously cut back on the scope of the game somehow.  Godot at least looks like a good 2D engine that takes a lot of cues from Unreal 4, so it looks kind of familiar already.

But I feel kind of aimless in the interim.  I've been playing games a lot more the last few months to pass time, but I feel like I need to be working toward something.  But I feel so burnt out from that game project that it's hard to focus on doing anything productive.
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heydude6

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Re: Things that made you mildly sad today thread
« Reply #5672 on: April 11, 2019, 12:33:06 am »

I know how it feels. I’ve been working on a cyberpunk RTD for almost 2 years, and only last month am I realizing some fundamental problems with my rules and with the setting. It’s been very disheartening, so I decided to put it on hiatus.

I’m busy with studying at the moment, but when I get some free time, I think I’m going to write some vampire fiction instead. It was originally going to be a suggestion game, but I ended up investing too much of myself into the story and now I don’t want it to be ruined by player choice. Bay12ers don’t act particularly sane after all. I probably won’t finish it (and if I did, it probably wouldn’t be worth sharing with the public), but it would be a good experience to at least try to write a book.
« Last Edit: April 11, 2019, 12:36:07 am by heydude6 »
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itisnotlogical

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Re: Things that made you mildly sad today thread
« Reply #5673 on: April 11, 2019, 02:31:11 pm »

I wrote about ten lines of code today, which is the most work I've done in a month. My project is basically dead, the only thing left is to admit it. It's impossible to balance my real job and everything else I want/need to do with the kind of work it takes to program anything, let alone a video game. It's like trying to build a full-size house, with all the amenities, out of twigs and popsicle sticks.

Paying job, social life, game development: pick two. :(
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Kagus

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Re: Things that made you mildly sad today thread
« Reply #5674 on: April 11, 2019, 04:11:28 pm »

I can't leave things well enough alone, and have to carry the hurt with me for longer than should be necessary.

JoshuaFH

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Re: Things that made you mildly sad today thread
« Reply #5675 on: April 12, 2019, 12:53:33 pm »

Having a good day, say something stupid to someone, I can see her wince at my stupidity, and I try to play it off but it's all downhill from there, the anxiety spiral is started and there's no fucking stopping it. I should just learn to be more stoical and keep my fucking mouth shut.

I mentioned that I have been seriously considering the Air Force. I do genuinely think it'd be a good choice, between the education, the potential for achievement/recognition/respect, the camaraderie with other men, and getting the chance to really improve and hone the masculinity I've always wanted; it just sounds like it'd be great.

I'm just always doubting myself, and I'm not sure if I've cornered myself, because I've been talking myself up for more than a month now, showing off and bragging to my mom and coworkers that I'm going to do it, and I've done the practice test (got a near perfect on it) and I've been losing weight to get into the requirements (I'm within the limit), and I've been going out of my way to prove how healthy and qualified I am (pretty sure I'm fit and healthy)... I'm just not sure if I'm doing it for the wrong reasons, but now I can't back out or I'll be a pussy forever.

I'm just worried, that I already let my chances at happiness pass me by, that I'm just grasping at straws here, that the happiness I'm craving is something so unrealistic that when I finally get it I'll be so disappointed at the sad & anticlimactic reality of it my soul will just be crushed. And I'm worried that I might be disqualified for something and I'll never even get to find out, because the world seems so bleak as to bend backwards to deny me opportunities to have a real future and a real life, and I'll be forced to continue being fake and lifeless.

Good night everyone, tis just another offmychest post so I can finally relax and get to sleep.
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Kagus

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Re: Things that made you mildly sad today thread
« Reply #5676 on: April 12, 2019, 01:16:49 pm »

Even with Chair Force being stereotypically a much smoother ride than other branches, it's still the military. And the military will beat you down until you are broken and they will mercilessly attack any possible weakness in your mental armor. They work with systems that are specifically designed to reduce the most confident, headstrong, mentally sound and stable people into sobbing, self-doubting wrecks.

As should be apparent, these systems are not healthy for people with poor mental health. They're not even healthy for people who started out at 100%.


Listen, if you legitimately want to join the military, you will definitely be able to get in. The bureaucracy can be a bit dumb at times, but after a few attempts you can get into all sorts of things so long as you're capable of tying your own shoelaces. I would not recommend doing this though, as the experience can be extraordinarily stressful and extremely damaging for the psyche.

I mean, fuck, I heard a recruiter talking about the time a guy with Downs syndrome somehow made it into the Army. He ended up getting early discharge because, uh... Well, yeah... But still. He got in long enough to make an impression.


Seriously. You've seen Full Metal Jacket? Yeah. That's the candy-coated version of boot. Experiencing the real thing will drag your soul through rock salt and broken glass. Don't do it unless you're sure that you're okay with being reduced to the worst that you will ever be.

scourge728

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Re: Things that made you mildly sad today thread
« Reply #5677 on: April 12, 2019, 04:52:28 pm »

Even with Chair Force being stereotypically a much smoother ride than other branches, it's still the military. And the military will beat you down until you are broken and they will mercilessly attack any possible weakness in your mental armor. They work with systems that are specifically designed to reduce the most confident, headstrong, mentally sound and stable people into sobbing, self-doubting wrecks.

As should be apparent, these systems are not healthy for people with poor mental health. They're not even healthy for people who started out at 100%.


Listen, if you legitimately want to join the military, you will definitely be able to get in. The bureaucracy can be a bit dumb at times, but after a few attempts you can get into all sorts of things so long as you're capable of tying your own shoelaces. I would not recommend doing this though, as the experience can be extraordinarily stressful and extremely damaging for the psyche.

I mean, fuck, I heard a recruiter talking about the time a guy with Downs syndrome somehow made it into the Army. He ended up getting early discharge because, uh... Well, yeah... But still. He got in long enough to make an impression.


Seriously. You've seen Full Metal Jacket? Yeah. That's the candy-coated version of boot. Experiencing the real thing will drag your soul through rock salt and broken glass. Don't do it unless you're sure that you're okay with being reduced to the worst that you will ever be.
you know, the more I hear about the military, the more I feel it shouldn't exist, if only everyone would stop being so stupid so that such a thing could happen

Dunamisdeos

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Re: Things that made you mildly sad today thread
« Reply #5678 on: April 12, 2019, 06:01:43 pm »

Seriously. You've seen Full Metal Jacket? Yeah. That's the candy-coated version of boot. Experiencing the real thing will drag your soul through rock salt and broken glass. Don't do it unless you're sure that you're okay with being reduced to the worst that you will ever be.

This is true by all accounts.
 
That said I have a number of people in my family who genuinely enjoyed their time in the armed forces. Many of them did have problems that the forcible application of discipline did solve for them. No matter what your life is like, you do not have a concept for the level of grueling you will encounter on your way up. Understand that it is meant to grind away all things that are not conducive to discipline. It's not malicious, but it IS utterly merciless. Finally, there is the very distinct possibility in today's world that you will be required to kill another human during your time there.
 
you know, the more I hear about the military, the more I feel it shouldn't exist, if only everyone would stop being so stupid so that such a thing could happen

Agreed completely, but It's a necessity in the society humanity has built for ourselves.
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Egan_BW

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Re: Things that made you mildly sad today thread
« Reply #5679 on: April 12, 2019, 06:09:50 pm »

Obviously military should be a branch of academia.
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Dunamisdeos

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Re: Things that made you mildly sad today thread
« Reply #5680 on: April 12, 2019, 08:15:34 pm »

Obviously military should be a branch of academia.

We have Facebook now for the militant advertising of ideas. Truly human society is a grand thing.
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JoshuaFH

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Re: Things that made you mildly sad today thread
« Reply #5681 on: April 12, 2019, 09:45:48 pm »

Even with Chair Force being stereotypically a much smoother ride than other branches, it's still the military. And the military will beat you down until you are broken and they will mercilessly attack any possible weakness in your mental armor. They work with systems that are specifically designed to reduce the most confident, headstrong, mentally sound and stable people into sobbing, self-doubting wrecks.

As should be apparent, these systems are not healthy for people with poor mental health. They're not even healthy for people who started out at 100%.


Listen, if you legitimately want to join the military, you will definitely be able to get in. The bureaucracy can be a bit dumb at times, but after a few attempts you can get into all sorts of things so long as you're capable of tying your own shoelaces. I would not recommend doing this though, as the experience can be extraordinarily stressful and extremely damaging for the psyche.

I mean, fuck, I heard a recruiter talking about the time a guy with Downs syndrome somehow made it into the Army. He ended up getting early discharge because, uh... Well, yeah... But still. He got in long enough to make an impression.


Seriously. You've seen Full Metal Jacket? Yeah. That's the candy-coated version of boot. Experiencing the real thing will drag your soul through rock salt and broken glass. Don't do it unless you're sure that you're okay with being reduced to the worst that you will ever be.

I'm aware that the experience can be grueling, and then I look at my alternatives and that torture seems comforting in comparison.
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dragdeler

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Re: Things that made you mildly sad today thread
« Reply #5682 on: April 13, 2019, 05:13:39 am »

-
« Last Edit: November 23, 2020, 11:49:44 am by dragdeler »
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Dunamisdeos

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Re: Things that made you mildly sad today thread
« Reply #5683 on: April 13, 2019, 11:08:55 am »

Yeah honestly it sounds like you've given consideration to the factors involved, now it's time to make a decision.

You can in fact quit. Does not need to be a career choice.
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NullForceOmega

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Re: Things that made you mildly sad today thread
« Reply #5684 on: April 13, 2019, 12:31:33 pm »

No, you cannot in fact "quit" the U.S. military, which is applicable because Josh lives in the U.S.  You can only serve your time (you may choose to not re-enlist after your initial service term, officers don't get that option, they're in for minimum ten years), be released from your contract for certain very specific reasons (medical, psychological, disciplinary), or go AWOL (which eventually becomes desertion).  A medical (this is how my service ended) or psych discharge won't hurt you much, but disciplinary or desertion are very much not good, hell desertion is a full-on federal crime that can land you in prison for several years, and they make you pull your duty period anyway (or more often hit you with a severe disciplinary discharge, which is as stated above, bad).

All of that said, just choose Josh.  You aren't doing yourself any favors agonizing over it, and whatever you decide will give you some momentum in live.
« Last Edit: April 13, 2019, 12:38:04 pm by NullForceOmega »
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