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[Truean]

It is difficult. No questioning that.

All strife is from emotional imbalance and the consequences from it.
You must stick to your reasonable script, as they stick to their unreasonable one.
The boss is not in. He isn't; he isn't; he isn't. No matter how hard they deny the truth.
Not your fault he can't be everywhere, everytime, for everything. You can't say this, though it's true.
You are doing your job to the best of your abilities and of anyone in your situation.

This does not devalue you and your worth as a person.
The other person is desperately trying to manipulate a world they can't accept they simply don't control.
Their last ditch effort to control some part of the world around them is yelling at you. Sad really.

Consider perhaps another approach:

"Sir, I hear you saying your problem is X, Y, and Z.
The manager is the only person who can fix X, Y, and Z.
He isn't here right now, but I can give him a message to get back with you." ~ Perhaps something like this? 

It might work. It might not. It's just another tool to perhaps add to the bag.
Some will be reasonable enough to understand it. Some just won't.

[Robot Parade Leader]

What do I do with people outside of work, like family or something, who just insist on talking about something I HATE.
I am not joking when I say I have begged them to stop. They won't and they'll just keep asking but really demanding to know why.......

Someone is begging you not to talk about something.... So  keep it up and force them to hear it?

Why? Why would anyone anywhere do that ever?
They would actually force somebody to deal with that instead of talk about almost anything else.
I want to scream. Dear god. Don't. Don't interrogate, just change subject.....
The other person doesn't want this...... Why continue.....

To flip the question around.... why not change the subject?

My guess? They don't give a damn if anyone else is upset, only if they get their way....

[Truean]

Not a whole lot you can do to make them not be terrible with people. Yet another attempt by someone to "swim."

Lots of people think they understand conversation; they don't. Humans are generally self centered; conversations are group focused.

Conversations are words said between people for enjoyment or information. If for enjoyment, talk about friendly topics nicely. If for information, then state the truth, perhaps softly (necessary news people don't want to hear).

Depending upon topic, however many don't understand casual conversations should be enjoyable by all, or at least most. There is a meta structure to good conversations on any topic, and sadly many don't see or understand it. It goes something like this:

1.) Brevity: Otherwise it's a long rant, and / or nobody else gets a turn. Swing turns back and forth.... Not excluding people, usually.
2.) Relevance: Related to brevity, this means staying on or related to topic instead of wildly swinging.
3.) Tolerable: At least.... Better if it's an enjoyable subject, but at least one that doesn't piss people off, usually.
4.) Tone: This is a very tough one. You have to Goldilocks this not too much and not too little, but just right. Too negative and it's complaining. Too positive and it's obnoxious.

Learn these and other conversational skills yourself if you don't know them or improve upon them. It helps.

That stated there are some conversational maneuvers that might be carefully used to help a bit: WARNING, this can backfire, risky.

Steering: Conversations are organic. Don't let people know you're steering, trying to change the subject of conversation from one you can't stand to one you can. Sadly, some people use this against you to keep talking about what you don't want to. They'll try redirecting your redirection back to their topic (the one you hate). Really, this is them being oblivious and failing to take the hint. The real irony is their implicit assumption you don't understand the situation.... ("I'm not talking about X...." No shit, I wish we were, because Y sucks). 

This is actually incredibly hard to explain, much like riding a bike. I suppose you could outline the steps and the multiple things you need to do all at the same time: balance, forward motion, steering, etc. But without doing it, it's just very very difficult. Moreover, sticking with the metaphor, falling means scrapped knees and those suck (aka it can backfire).

[Robot Parade Leader]

I did some work for a relative. Cleaned out a bunch of cars for him. I went over all the fabric with a wet dry shop vac. I had paper towels and some cleaner in a spray bottle. He was all like "He doesn't know how to clean professionally yet but ...."

That damn car was filthy when I got to it and a million times cleaner when i was done with it. No, it wasn't perfect, but nobody else was lining up to crawl all over the place and try to get down into every little bit of it. There was a dead mouse in the trunk. It took me hours and I was not dragging ass, and he wouldn't say I was.

Some of that shit was in there for 10 years. There are stains in this thing and scratches on the plastic that just aren't going to come out ever.

Why. Why does he have to throw that first part on there at all. Damn it nobody else is going to do this for him. Why be an ass? Why not just be happy the car is way cleaner than it was before. Do you know what it costs it get a car professionally detailed? For a car that hasn't been cleaned in 10 years and is disgusting? Yeah Couple hundred bucks.

[Truean]

Breathe.

Slowly, deliberately, focus on that breathing.

Your relative seems to have impossible expectations. They will not be met; relative will bitch. You didn't cause problem, but are blamed for it (wrongly). Understand; expect, and realize it isn't your fault. You are internalizing blame you don't deserve.

Eventually, work towards limiting interaction with relative, tolerate until then and after. Storming out never helps. Be not the tidal wave; be the receding tide. Work smarter; stabilize yourself. If finances or friendship constrain you, set goal of bolstering those. This costs time, time is paid in patience. Relative's flaw is lack of patience; do not inherit that vice. Patience is a virtue.

Are you enabling relative? Is relative's behavior to you worse than any other person? If so, then you are unlikely to change relative. Your remedy is increasing foundation for independence (financial, friendship, etc) and gradual limitation of interaction. Also, increasing acceptable tolerances you can take.

Anger and complaining are signs of weakness, lack of power and flailing helplessly in the storm. Is that more effective, or is simple effort and accomplishment of goals?

Believe me; I know it is hard. It is likely you are unfairly treated badly at present. Past is past; present is present. Only the fortunate and foresighted among us may influence the future.

[Robot Parade Leader]

OK.

I've got a real problem with motivation when I know I'm going to get yelled at or at least not appreciated. Like, not appreciated is the best result I can ask for. That's not good. I don't get stuff done when I'd like to get it done. Really though, it does suck when people seem to always be asking "What are you doing?" I lose my whole train of thought. I knew what I was doing and the stuff I had to do next but the interruption threw me right off. Same deal with people who seems to backseat drive or hang over your shoulder like that will somehow make me work faster or better. Usually I get all self conscious with crap like that happening. I just feel their eyes staring into me or whatever I'm working on. God, it just sucks.

All of that, plus the other stuff adds up to me being sort of afraid to do anything, because jesus, why bother if I'm just gonna get told nothing is ever good enough? Or at best I don't get any appreciation for it. Just being nice to me for a minute would be good, or at least a lot better than nothing.

This all adds up to me having a lot of stuff to do and not having it done. Whole thing snowballs and I'm pretty sure my life would better off if I did SOMETHING instead of nothing, but I'm just stopped by a constant voice of external criticism that has moved internal. Help? 

[Truean]

Everything you do is something off a to do list. Are you better off doing it than not? If yes.... If no....

This is part of swimming in that emotional ocean. Other people are often fools. They should know looking over a shoulder doesn't make anyone work faster. It freaks people out; this is their weakness.

Are you better swimming than drowning? All those tasks are strokes for the swimmer. Give yourself credit for swimming and try to avoid negative interpretations of your actions when you accomplish something (i.e. "that's stupid," or "there's no point"). Instead consciously give yourself credit for getting X done. Do this repeatedly to yourself and say "I won't have to worry about [consequences] as much because X is done."

People are going to be stupid and sometimes they don't even mean it. The best way I've found is to expect it. I do hope this helps.

[Ghills]

OK.

I've got a real problem with motivation when I know I'm going to get yelled at or at least not appreciated. Like, not appreciated is the best result I can ask for. That's not good. I don't get stuff done when I'd like to get it done. Really though, it does suck when people seem to always be asking "What are you doing?" I lose my whole train of thought. I knew what I was doing and the stuff I had to do next but the interruption threw me right off. Same deal with people who seems to backseat drive or hang over your shoulder like that will somehow make me work faster or better. Usually I get all self conscious with crap like that happening. I just feel their eyes staring into me or whatever I'm working on. God, it just sucks.

All of that, plus the other stuff adds up to me being sort of afraid to do anything, because jesus, why bother if I'm just gonna get told nothing is ever good enough? Or at best I don't get any appreciation for it. Just being nice to me for a minute would be good, or at least a lot better than nothing.

This all adds up to me having a lot of stuff to do and not having it done. Whole thing snowballs and I'm pretty sure my life would better off if I did SOMETHING instead of nothing, but I'm just stopped by a constant voice of external criticism that has moved internal. Help?

You don't need to do things for people.  Someone wants you to clean their nasty car for free? Or anything else difficult, dirty and they really should pay someone? Screw them.

NO ONE ELSE HAS A RIGHT TO YOU.  If you don't want to do things for people, you are perfectly reasonable in refusing and ignoring their hints. 

"I'm sorry, I'm busy with {insert random X}." if they ask you
"I hope you can find someone to do it!" and exit the conversation (going to the bathroom is a great way to do this) if they start complaining about something and dropping hints.

It really does suck when people are distracting you. Is there anywhere you can go with a locked door that will let you focus?

[Truean]

Please do not quote

Agreed, however the difference between "should" and "is" is often vast.


Please do not quote

[Robot Parade Leader]

Anyhow, it does seem like people just have these expectations I can't meet. I try and I really do. It's a lot more than most people around here do, like get drunk and complain. Seems like the popular answer is blame me or demand to know why impossible things can't be done. It's gotten a little better with the whole mindfulness thing here but yeah. Still nuts. I notice nobody gets to ask anyone but me these questions, or if they did then it'd be weird. It doesn't go both ways.

[Truean]

Note: I'm happy to erase what you asked. Perhaps consider erasing your own reference to it, for the same reasons.

All is Zen.

Though regrettable, through any trial, turbulence, tribulation, or torment, your soul is unsinkable. During the struggle, they will pull us down. Rise.

The mind is the sanctum.

[Robot Parade Leader]

Thanks

Still not sure what to do about never seeming to meet people's expectations though. Seems like I'm being set up to fail, because they know I can't manage this crap. Especially not with all the restrictions and no resources I'm under. Or it's just not my fault, because shit happens and there's not a whole lot anybody can do about it. People seem to complain whenever things don't go perfectly. That shouldn't be a surprise, because shit happens.

It's like everyone else's job seems like it's to bitch to get what they want and mind is to somehow deliver the impossible. WTF.

[x2yzh9]

Thanks

Still not sure what to do about never seeming to meet people's expectations though. Seems like I'm being set up to fail, because they know I can't manage this crap. Especially not with all the restrictions and no resources I'm under. Or it's just not my fault, because shit happens and there's not a whole lot anybody can do about it. People seem to complain whenever things don't go perfectly. That shouldn't be a surprise, because shit happens.

It's like everyone else's job seems like it's to bitch to get what they want and mind is to somehow deliver the impossible. WTF.

Well I'm not sure how to approach that besides saying get some rest, eat good food(assuming you aren't) and just relay the message to people that one person can't do everything. Personally for me(and this is just me) I like to sit in the direct sunlight, listen to some music, smoke a cigarette(Yes, I know, I should stop smoking), and relax. Just my friendly input there. Feel free to ask for elaboration. Stress can take a toll on your body and when I went through a recent major life event(I would rather not elaborate unless through PMs) I had to go to the hospital because I was so unbelievably stressed, I just couldn't consciously or subconsciously realize it. So before you hit that point, take a break fam.
P.S. I use the term fam as a term of endearment between my close circle and I.

[Infinityforce]

Your advice is pretty good Truean. I feel much better than when I came in by just reading over your posts

[Truean]

Glad to help. The ocean ever stirs. Swim; don't splash. Be buoyant. 

We mistake expectations for absolutes. Reality is real, and rarely renegotiates. Unmet, unreasonable expectations cause unrest: with us and others:

"Why isn't...?"
"It's supposed to be ...."
"I can't believe that ...."
"Can't you just ...?"
"Everyone else ...."
"I just want ...."

Listen to what they're not saying: How. They're defaulting on thinking and demanding you figure out how....

Someone has an unfulfilled need. They want it fulfilled, but don't know how. If they did, then they'd do it. See the unmet, unbalanced cause of unrest?

They feel the imbalance, but can't face it's cause: the mirror. Recoiling from reflection, they redirect the blame. Read those little quotes, and fill anything after them. Those are demands, made of someone else. It is bitching, and complaining. They aren't fighting about what to do, but rather who to blame.... Anyone, except themselves....

The problem is authority: its practical ramifications. It is very dangerous to be right when the established authority is wrong. Though sometimes wrong, authority punishes non compliance. Correct or not, compliance is authority's goal, punishment its weapon for non compliance....

See the trap? If you buck authority, it bucks back: undesirable. If you engage, your time, energy, effort, and sanity is wasted, as is theirs. It is a vicious cycle. Break it. The primitive hind-brain falsely believes the cycle's actions will sooth its emotional discomfort. It won't; rather, it causes and magnifies the problem.  It is the problem: the wave generator, in the ocean of emotions....

That mental sting you feel from the cold waves quoted above, learn to tolerate it when you must. It is danger and distraction from the real issues: the things that may improve your situation, or at least mitigate the damage. It is the rip current, and you will exhaust yourself to drowning if you fight against it.

Tread water and know you are not the cause of the current, or here, their unreasonable demands. Stay afloat and rise. Keep your head about you and above water. Your head will save you. Realize the current for what it is, and what it wants: to pull you out to sea, exhaust you from struggle, and drown you. They want you to internalize the blame and the struggle. Don't. Tred water, swim your own mental course, out of the rip current.

You will not swim like an Olympic medalist in a riptide. You will not meet all their expectations against their current. Tred water, do the best you can. Do what you must. What else could you do? By definition, nothing.