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Author Topic: Problems with stress and being upset from dealing with people. How do you?  (Read 74236 times)

Robot Parade Leader

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Re: Problems with stress and being upset from dealing with people. How do you?
« Reply #225 on: January 21, 2020, 10:24:28 pm »

I guess I'm just glad its helping. Although all efforts to get T back have so far been met with cat memes.

Anyhow, supervisor has "had it up to here" with co worker, who will be getting a bad review.......... Part of that is that he was supposed to mentor me a bit but has completely not. Also, he has gone against boss behind his back with stupid comments.

Supervisor gave me a heads up that he won't involve me in writing, but if coworker asks why bad reviews, then he may have no choice but to include me..... I am far from the only reason coworker is getting bad review but yeah. Boss said he has my back cause I am watching his... Said I did the right thing telling him. Basically let me know ahead of time that he and coworker will come and butt heads.
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Iduno

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Re: Problems with stress and being upset from dealing with people. How do you?
« Reply #226 on: January 22, 2020, 09:25:05 am »

I guess I'm just glad its helping. Although all efforts to get T back have so far been met with cat memes.

Anyhow, supervisor has "had it up to here" with co worker, who will be getting a bad review.......... Part of that is that he was supposed to mentor me a bit but has completely not. Also, he has gone against boss behind his back with stupid comments.

Supervisor gave me a heads up that he won't involve me in writing, but if coworker asks why bad reviews, then he may have no choice but to include me..... I am far from the only reason coworker is getting bad review but yeah. Boss said he has my back cause I am watching his... Said I did the right thing telling him. Basically let me know ahead of time that he and coworker will come and butt heads.

So your boss has your back, unless he gets questioned, in which case he will lie and blame everything on you? That sounds far too familiar.
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Robot Parade Leader

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Re: Problems with stress and being upset from dealing with people. How do you?
« Reply #227 on: January 26, 2020, 02:10:59 pm »

I'm always afraid of that. Same shit as before with ranting customers and managers I guess. At least its better this time cause he is saying good things to me instead of yelling. He is trying to deal with coworker nicely, but boss and I talk frankly about him. Coworker has said everythjng boss and I do is a waste. That doesn't help cause what am I supposed to do with that.

No idea. No idea and trying not to let it get to me.
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Robot Parade Leader

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Re: Problems with stress and being upset from dealing with people. How do you?
« Reply #228 on: February 09, 2020, 12:58:34 pm »

You were partially right....

I did exactly what supervisor said. Higher up boss did not like. I warned supervisor of this in advance.... At least he took some of the heat voluntarily. He said he didn't know what he was doing.... It's been rough and half my team has flaked out. If push comes to shove I can prove all of it but that sounds like it would piss people off even if I'm right.

I think I'm still okish. Could've been way worse. Supervisor took charge and well.... Now its a little odd but he hasn't been as hands on since that. At least mot to the point of doing it himself.
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Stadfradt

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Re: Problems with stress and being upset from dealing with people. How do you?
« Reply #229 on: February 18, 2020, 10:26:25 pm »

That said, I just can't stand people asking me question when I clearly either a.) don't want to talk about it b.) don't have an answer and they know these things or should. It's like they feel entitled to speak/question regardless of the other person who doesn't want to be in the conversation and a favorite phrase of theirs seems to be "I'm just saying." Yup, I knew. Still wishing that wasn't the case. I ask people to stop and they just look at me like I'm nuts.

...I realize the following:
A.) This is at least partially my problem. Probably more than partially.
B.) People are going to always keep asking questions (stupid or otherwise) even and especially if you don't want them to.
C.) I need to find some way to deal with this on my end, because there is no other option.
...Ideas?

Please and thank you.

1. It IS your problem. IRL people are genuinely as stupid as the dwarves in DF are. I'm not exaggerating: About half the population have double-digit IQs. You are the person who has to learn to deal with that. It's just the way it is.

2. It's NOT always your problem. Some people are malicious. Learning to deal with them is your problem, though. You just have to be the better person, act well, and learn to be civil with people you hate.

3. What is obvious to you is not obvious to others, so...

4. Honesty is a great policy. Calmly repeating, "I am not discussing this," or, "I do not know the answer no matter how many times you ask" is about the best you can do.

5. One time I asked a guy what he does to cure boredom. When he gave a lame answer, I said that I had guaranteed solution to curing the most extreme boredom: "I ask the person talking to shut up." You can wrap the truth with humor, and it's amazingly effective.

6. If all else fails, get cancer and survive it, it'll put things in perspective.

7. Go to your local boxing, MMA, judo, or Brazilian jiu-jitsu gym, in that order of preference. That's not a joke.

8. Read "Beyond the Picket Fence" by Marc MacYoung.

My apologies for not reading all the replies to your post. I'm sure there are many replies better than mine. ^_^
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Robot Parade Leader

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Yeah, I don't know what that's supposed to be, especially the one in number 6 "get cancer and survive it."

Its never someone else's problem that somebody can't controll themselves. It doesn't matter how horrible they are when they try to make it someone else's problem. If someone throws their issues onto somebody else, then the person doing the throwing is wrong. It doesn't matter if you are throwing a rock or a problem. It doesn't often matter what the excuse is.  That is how a lot of substance abusers treat people around them.

People are more than ok to be hurt when something or some abuse gets thrown at them. It does matter, and like much of the world, I can't just suck it up forever without some greater help. Yeah, its not the worst thing ever but it still sucks, and dealing with it is hard. In a better world the stupid customer yelling at and threatening the store clerk over something they can't controll would be rightfully seen as at fault. I and a whole lot of others have been that clerk.

Yes we're hurt by it. No, we aint wrong for it or for trying to find a way through it. there is no simple magic answer, or of there is, then somebody would've sold it already for a lot of money.

Meanwhile my boss is at least saying he is ok with me. And he seems to be convincing about it. He is still kinda lost and oddly I have to guide this guy. At least he flat out tells me he doesn't know. Saves a lot of time convincing things.

I do the best I can in a system that is down literally 10 or more times a week and when it is up, it doesn't work right. Everybody hates this new system. Boss was initially looking at me funny but I showed him and had the people who help with this email that it was not working with proof. Now he at least sees the issues are real. He seems to get it, but I can't be sure. Literally everyone in the place hates this new stuff. They bring up the issues at staff meetings and the very high level people just sent an email acknowledging it. Basically they spent a ton on this program that ... maybe works sometimes when it wants. Not stable. I have a history of doing this work well, so does everyone else. It aint us..... Just hope they consistently get that.

_________________________________________________

I'm trying to keep going forward, find things to do to improve, and keep going. It's hard, but really it's the only thing I know to do.
« Last Edit: March 15, 2020, 11:13:11 pm by Robot Parade Leader »
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bloop_bleep

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Um... I'm gonna go ahead and recommend against boxing. It causes repeated traumatic brain injury by definition. It's more unhealthy than it is healthy. Traditional martial arts is much better though.

Also, this:

5. One time I asked a guy what he does to cure boredom. When he gave a lame answer, I said that I had guaranteed solution to curing the most extreme boredom: "I ask the person talking to shut up." You can wrap the truth with humor, and it's amazingly effective.

Seems disproportionately rude for someone just telling you about their leisure activities at your request that you find uninteresting. It's ok to not always want to be engaged in conversation, but it doesn't take much effort to show respect when you turn someone down.
« Last Edit: March 24, 2020, 12:10:22 pm by bloop_bleep »
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Doomblade187

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Edit: oops, works better as PM.
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Robot Parade Leader

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Yeah, I dunno. I don't think violent things are gonna do it.

It just seems like everyone today sees something makes an assumption (usually a bad one) and then they're all upset. I don't know if it's always been like this, but I completely see it now.
This whole Covid-19 thing is just going to make things worse, because it is just going to put more stress on everyone.
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Robot Parade Leader

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Covid 19 edition:

For now, I'm lucky to be able to work from home. I do not know how long that will last, but hopefully through this whole thing.
I get that I'm lucky to have a job at all when a ton of people are probably gonna get laid off. I don't know: different bad problems.

I just seem overwhelmed, like I guess a lot of people are. Anxiety, depression, and everything about the world kind of going to hell, is a bit much. It's hard to remain productive and focused locked inside. I understand why we have to, but it's just hard.

I can't be the only one feeling this way.
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Iduno

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Covid 19 edition:

For now, I'm lucky to be able to work from home. I do not know how long that will last, but hopefully through this whole thing.
I get that I'm lucky to have a job at all when a ton of people are probably gonna get laid off. I don't know: different bad problems.

I just seem overwhelmed, like I guess a lot of people are. Anxiety, depression, and everything about the world kind of going to hell, is a bit much. It's hard to remain productive and focused locked inside. I understand why we have to, but it's just hard.

I can't be the only one feeling this way.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lQ_MjU4QHw

Edit: I've tried a 3-4 threads trying to get people together to do stuff here in the last few weeks, but Bay12 doesn't have a lot of joiners.
« Last Edit: April 03, 2020, 12:03:06 pm by Iduno »
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Robot Parade Leader

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Hi.

I know I haven't posted on this thread for a bit, but it's a decent thread and I've gotten some helpful advice from some of the more experienced people here like "T" and Birdy, etc (there are a lot and I can't type you call but I'm grateful). Plus, honestly COVID has messed up my schedule just terribly, so if anyone is wondering about timing....

Speaking of timing, I've got some weird stress because I do not know how to tell my immediate supervisor something about a new situation that's developed with our productivity pipeline at work. Big issue, we are not adapting well to new changing metrics and a hopefully temporary road block that has come up. What we work on is divided into "units," and we need to more carefully manage these. I have no idea how to approach this with my boss to help him manage it better (for all of our sakes and I do not want to come off as out of my lane/place, etc.).

We had a massive damn backlog forever and we are finally clearing that up soon. Basically forever (years), we've had a sort of system in place where you were supposed to do a certain amount of "units" per week and you were rated at how many you did. More was better. This scale tops out at 15 units per week, and that is considered just freaking amazing.

That backlog is going away, and management is switching to a more time sensitive approach instead of productivity. So now they've added a new metric: % of units done within 60 days of assignment. The higher your percentage of units done within 60 days of assignment the better. They are allegedly going to get rid of the numbers requirement, but we'll see. Point is, the stuff is now time sensitive within 60 days of ASSIGNMENT.

Yesterday, my supervisor called me. He has completely run himself out of work for right now. We are the most productive team in the whole damn place and actually people (Including higher ups) are sort of ... low key upset at us for it. We are not getting assigned new "units" for right now. He does not know what to do with himself, because he processes those units before I/the rest of us do. Coworker and I have a personal assignment log of about 130 units each. However, they seem to have cut our team off "to balance us out with the rest of the teams." My boss has stated that we no longer have to keep up a breakneck pace, and that we have proved ourselves and should not run ourselves out of cases to "cut off our nose to spite our face." He has told me to slow down in this phone call because we can't run out of cases like this with the backlog going away and there is a temporary kink in the supply line (COVID).

OK, PROBLEM. Math.... New 60 day assignment deadline....
Division: 137/60 days = 2.28.
Division: 137/2 (months) = 68.5 per month....
68.5/4 (weeks) is about 17.125/week.

*The unit per week scale tops out at 15, but in order to get the stuff assigned currently we'd have to do over 17/week.

*This at a time when he's saying to slow down to stretch out work so we don't temporarily run out of it....

Slow down (but keep going faster)?
The management has told him we are not getting new units for a while to "balance us out" against the other teams....

Supervisor seems to be coming realizing (after he ran himself out of work) that we need to ration this a bit and spread it out to avoid burnout/runout of work (for a bit before they do it all over again). However, he is still devoted to the First in First Out, assigning it all right away.

He does not understand (or want to understand) that HE controls the assignments and he could plan this out so we stretch out the units as he is hinting at/saying on the phone (not in writing). I have no idea how to tell him this or suggest how to fix it.

If he actually wanted to smooth out these massive waves and valleys, he could assign X amount per worker per week and just sit on them for a little bit (like a week or whatever, these things have been sitting for about 4 years, and one more week isn't going to kill anything). Then he would end up with worker A assigned ... 10 per week, worker B assigned 10, etc, etc. That way we could work within the 60 day deadline and spread them out like he is saying. As of right now, I have 137 to do in the next 60 days, and as above, that is like 17/week. Co workers have about the same.

This is a fixable problem if he would just assign them to plan out a work week. He controls when they are assigned. He can set the date the assignment starts the 60 day clock. As it stands, my coworkers and I are going to have no choice but to disobey either him or the 60 day deadline, because we can't slow down and still meet the 60 day deadline at the same time. We did not create this problem. This is an administrative hiccup and we are the most productive team in the place that is being told to slow down (not given new units so we even out with the other teams). I suspect we also cannot "officially do anything" like slowing down work, even though everyone does it, because otherwise we end up with huge stop/start problems. I mean, even the management higher ups are upset and cutting us off from new units for a while to "balance us out." The unofficial nature of this policy/practice is something we can't say, but must do like everyone else. I can't go from doing 17/week for 2 months to 0 per week for ... 1 or 2 months? We need to adapt to this COVID hiccup.

I have no idea how to approach my boss about this. I do not want to be seen as stepping on his toes or otherwise not be respectful or something. I also can't "officially" do or suggest this (even though he unofficially told me to over the phone like I'm pretty sure everyone else is doing so there's nothing in writing). We have to be smart about this, because as things stand, a.) this is unworkable, b.) everyone is upset at us even some of the higher ups (cutting us off from getting new work units given to us to do, and c.) this will bite us later on.

How in the hell do I deal with this? I've seen (if you've read the thread parts before) angry customers, "Karens" demanding impossible things, etc. I have never had to deal with trying to guide my boss into doing something that will save the damn team (or at least fend off ruin for a bit). I can't do 17/week (or more) and the scale tops out at 15 anyhow, while slowing down to spread stuff out so we don't run out and look awful. (This isn't my job anyhow, and I don't get paid for this level of stuff but I can't let it mess us up bad).

How on earth to I approach this? Thank you for your consideration.

Edit: To be clear, supervisor could click a button, to "unassign" the unit, then click another button to "reassign" the unit and restart the 60 day clock over and solve this whole thing. Or just stagger out assignments....
« Last Edit: March 11, 2021, 09:41:21 am by Robot Parade Leader »
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Maximum Spin

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"Since the timer on the metric starts at assignment, do you think we should hold off and assign the units a few at a time so we don't have a backlog ticking away the whole time?"
One of the keys to persuasion is to phrase it as if it's his idea and you're just agreeing - in this case by asking him if he "already thought that" (while really trying to make him think it).

But, frankly, this new metric doesn't sound like a deadline, either. You want to maximise the percent completed within 60 days, but that doesn't mean it has to be 100% as opposed to, say, 90%.
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Robot Parade Leader

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Fair points, and I appreciate any input from anyone. Because I'm basically desperate and no one else has said anything. I know a "T" pulled a lot of strings to get me this union job, and I'm grateful and I will do whatever it takes to avoid screwing this up. Especially over something stupid like this. I mean holy shit, I can't lose this job because I worked too hard and behaved well! I am freaking the hell out a bit because that just can't be true.

But um, it kind of really is a deadline though, but it's just sort of graded/graduated.

You get a 5 if you get 95% completion. 4 if 90% completed, and 3 if 85% completed within 60 days. If you get below a 3 (a 2 or hopefully not a 1), then you have major problems and had better get it above a 3 before HR sees it, basically. You get a 2 and you're losing your job or in danger of it, and nobody wants that. The problem is, that's my margin in case shit happens. I don't want to use that on a structural thing that is not my fault at all, especially if it just repeats. I could eventually screw up myself (just because I'm not god and nothing is). The higher your score on a 1-5 system, the better off you are. So, pretty much lowering ratings numbers sucks, particularly when it is absolutely not your fault.

We are not getting new things to work on for at least another 8 weeks or so and very probably longer. Why are we front loading this junk. It just... yeah.

I do like the idea of having it be "his idea." Always willing to listen to something constructive in the advice that any of you might have. I"ve gotten a lot better, especially in the early part of this thread from "T" and Birdy but there's still a ton I don't get. I've been sober for a few years now thanks to them getting me into AA, and I have a better job. I have about 14 or so months until I get my 5 year chip. Things aren't perfect but they're a hell of a lot better than they were, and they were bad.
« Last Edit: March 13, 2021, 11:45:16 am by Robot Parade Leader »
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Robot Parade Leader

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Also, it appears my team is "too productive."

They are going to be slowing us down and cutting us back to "even out the work." I'm sorry, WTF?

Some of our units from that large thing I posted about are going to be reassigned, but we are backdoor organizing just getting tons of them done ASAP so they are done before they take them away. We are the most productive team in the place. So, we are not slacking to create that pile of units. We're just evidently that good.

Somehow this is a "concern." I have no idea why this is the case in this instance that it is a "concern," meaning "problem." Everything "T" taught me about pulling myself out of the damn gutter was about being productive and efficient and here's the higher ups saying that's a "concern" now. They beat productivity into us FOREVER, and now it's an issue????

I'm "too productive," but also worried about having work.... So much for bootstraps and pulling yourself up by them or whatever. What the #$@% is this? Told to slow down, then speed up so it doesn't get taken away.

How am I both worried about having work but "too productive." ....
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