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Author Topic: Doc Helgoland's Asylum for the Politically American: T+0  (Read 708217 times)

Max™

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Re: Ameripol\{RK, mainiac}
« Reply #1755 on: July 29, 2016, 03:06:16 pm »

[TFR]Is funny but my [nobbc] is not work right?[/nobbc][/TFR]
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SirQuiamus

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Re: Ameripol\{RK, mainiac}
« Reply #1756 on: July 29, 2016, 03:07:51 pm »

1) It’s your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?
You murderer! You'll get what's coming to you! ; ~ ;

2) You’ve got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you do?
Execute the offending human.

3) You’re watching television. Suddenly you realize there’s a wasp crawling on your arm.
Cut off the arm. The wasp needs it more than I do.

4) You're reading a magazine. You come across a full-page nude photo of a girl. You show it to your wife. She likes it so much, she hangs it on your bedroom wall. The girl is lying on a bearskin rug.
Execute everyone involved in the murder and post-mortem exploitation of an innocent bear.

5) You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, it’s crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on it's back. The tortoise lays on it's back, it's belly baking in the hot sun, beating it's legs trying to turn it'self over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that?
The turtle is secretly a human and a carnivorous capitalist.

6) Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind about your mother.
Merciless. Almighty. Inhumane.

7) You become pregnant by a man who runs off with your best friend, and you decide to get an abortion.
The man was secretly a carnivorous capitalist and his tainted seed must not be allowed to propagate.

8) One more question: You're watching a stage play - a banquet is in progress. The guests are enjoying an appetizer of raw oysters. The entree consists of boiled dog stuffed with rice. The raw oysters are less acceptable to you than a dish of boiled dog.
Oysters are much more valuable beings because all dogs have capitalist and authoritarian sympathies.
« Last Edit: July 29, 2016, 03:09:25 pm by SirQuiamus »
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mainiac

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Re: Ameripol\{RK, mainiac}
« Reply #1757 on: July 29, 2016, 03:09:31 pm »

Ghandi?  Is that you?
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Ancient Babylonian god of RAEG
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"Don't tell me what you value. Show me your budget and I will tell you what you value"
« Last Edit: February 10, 1988, 03:27:23 pm by UR MOM »
mainiac is always a little sarcastic, at least.

TheBiggerFish

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Re: Ameripol\{RK, mainiac}
« Reply #1758 on: July 29, 2016, 03:10:24 pm »

According to my analysis...

TheBiggerFish is a caucasian white male, born in 2358.  He has difficulty processing the grief associated with the recent death of his parents.  He incorrectly believes himself to be responsible for their deaths.  He wishes he could be more unemotional.
*looks at timestamp*
Guess the time machine worked too well.
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Sigtext

It has been determined that Trump is an average unladen swallow travelling northbound at his maximum sustainable speed of -3 Obama-cubits per second in the middle of a class 3 hurricane.

Chevaleresse

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Re: Ameripol\{RK, mainiac}
« Reply #1759 on: July 29, 2016, 03:26:35 pm »

We can't trust that, knowing that Sergaar has been a front for Russian intelligence agencies for a long time now. It's just like them to have their agents pretend to hate Russia.
Maybe, but we all know Sergarr is the good twin.

There's only one way to find out.

1) It’s your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?

2) You’ve got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you do?

3) You’re watching television. Suddenly you realize there’s a wasp crawling on your arm.

4) You're reading a magazine. You come across a full-page nude photo of a girl. You show it to your wife. She likes it so much, she hangs it on your bedroom wall. The girlis lying on a bearskin rug.

5) You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, it’s crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on it's back. The tortoise lays on it's back, it's belly baking in the hot sun, beating it's legs trying to turn it'self over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that?

6) Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind about your mother.

7) You become pregnant by a man who runs off with your best friend, and you decide to get an abortion.

8) One more question: You're watching a stage play - a banquet is in progress. The guests are enjoying an appetizer of raw oysters. The entree consists of boiled dog stuffed with rice. The raw oysters are less acceptable to you than a dish of boiled dog.


am i allowed in here too
1. Thanks, I guess. My current wallet is kinda worn so a new one is nice.

2. Smile and nod. The butterflies are kinda nice, but maybe ask if he could find a nonlethal way to collect them.

3. TRY NOT TO PANIC

PANIC

4. I wonder if she'll find an attractive man to show me.

5. Uh, maybe the tortise was mean? I dunno. Maybe it's not actually a tortise, but some sort of surveillance bot. Yeah, let's go with that.

6. Intelligent, passionate

7. I'm pretty sure there's some sort of government experiment or miracle of biology happening here, and I should probably see a doctor.

8. That's because oysters look like boogers and smell terrible. Dog I can chalk up to different standards or something. I'm a cat person anyway.
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SirQuiamus

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Re: Ameripol\{RK, mainiac}
« Reply #1760 on: July 29, 2016, 03:30:10 pm »

Ghandi?  Is that you?
Ghandi? I know not who you mean. My name is and forever will be Mohandas Karamchand Mahatma Gandhi, and your pitiful human flesh will be assimilated into our biomass. Resistance is futile, no need to even mention our massive arsenal of nuclear weapons.
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Max™

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Re: Ameripol\{RK, mainiac}
« Reply #1761 on: July 29, 2016, 03:39:18 pm »

Ghandi?  Is that you?
Ghandi? I know not who you mean. My name is and forever will be Mohandas Karamchand Mahatma Gandhi, and your pitiful human flesh will be assimilated into our biomass. Resistance is futile, no need to even mention our massive arsenal of nuclear weapons.
[TFR]Is totally what I was think meaning to be, comradeski.[/TFR]
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mainiac

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Re: Ameripol\{RK, mainiac}
« Reply #1762 on: July 29, 2016, 04:07:19 pm »

am i allowed in here too

...
...
...

Okay fine... you moved to Tokyo-3 in 2015.  You idolize your father who is frankly a horrible parent.  You probably do this because your mother died when you are so young.  You are a full time student but do a lot of volunteer work for the United Nations.  You spend a lot of time on your robotics hobby.
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Ancient Babylonian god of RAEG
--------------
[CAN_INTERNET]
[PREFSTRING:google]
"Don't tell me what you value. Show me your budget and I will tell you what you value"
« Last Edit: February 10, 1988, 03:27:23 pm by UR MOM »
mainiac is always a little sarcastic, at least.

WealthyRadish

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Re: Ameripol\{RK, mainiac}
« Reply #1763 on: July 29, 2016, 04:20:37 pm »

According to my analysis...

UrbanGiraffe will get a big promotion at work after she changes the spelling but not the pronunciation of her name.

Knew I needed something to give me an edge, but the beard stays. I don't actually have a beard, but the joke demands it
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BFEL

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Re: Ameripol\{RK, mainiac}
« Reply #1764 on: July 29, 2016, 04:25:40 pm »

1) It’s your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?
HUG
2) You’ve got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you do?
SON I AM DISAPPOINT. WHY KILL BUTTERFLY WHEN YOU COULD BE KILLING ENDANGERED WHITE TIGER
3) You’re watching television. Suddenly you realize there’s a wasp crawling on your arm.
OBTAIN FLAMETHROWER. DESTROY WASP. GENETICALLY ENGINEER A VIRUS TO DESTROY ALL OTHER WASPS.
4) You're reading a magazine. You come across a full-page nude photo of a girl. You show it to your wife. She likes it so much, she hangs it on your bedroom wall. The girlis lying on a bearskin rug.
FIND GIRL, HAVE THREESOME WITH WIFE AND GIRL.
5) You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, it’s crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on it's back. The tortoise lays on it's back, it's belly baking in the hot sun, beating it's legs trying to turn it'self over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that?
WASP SYMPATHIZER!
6) Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind about your mother.
FUNNY, PERVERTED, CARING, AWESOME
7) You become pregnant by a man who runs off with your best friend, and you decide to get an abortion.
MAKE SURE TO KILL BEST FRIENDS BABY TOO, HAVE TO BE SURE
8) One more question: You're watching a stage play - a banquet is in progress. The guests are enjoying an appetizer of raw oysters. The entree consists of boiled dog stuffed with rice. The raw oysters are less acceptable to you than a dish of boiled dog.
[/quote]DEM OYSTERS AIN'T STUFFED WITH ANYTHING, ALL PROPER FOOD MUST BE STUFFED WITH SOMETHING
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7/10 Has much more memorable sigs but casts them to the realm of sigtexts.

Indeed, I do this.

SquatchHammer

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Re: Ameripol\{RK, mainiac}
« Reply #1765 on: July 29, 2016, 04:54:17 pm »


There's only one way to find out.

1) It’s your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?

Um... well... That's nice but I work in a place that shreds nice things so I'll use it sparely then since its so nice.

2) You’ve got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you do?

Nice collection but why the jar for killing? Unless it has some interesting mechanism.

3) You’re watching television. Suddenly you realize there’s a wasp crawling on your arm.

HOLY SHIT!!! BURN IT!! IT DOESNT DESERVE TO LIVE FOR BEING A HOSTILE ENTITY TOUCHING ME!!!

4) You're reading a magazine. You come across a full-page nude photo of a girl. You show it to your wife. She likes it so much, she hangs it on your bedroom wall. The girlis lying on a bearskin rug.

For starters wonder how I got married. Secondly, how did I get a wife that is ok with nude women hanging on my wall.... And third, when is the bad shit about to happen because this is too good.

5) You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, it’s crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on it's back. The tortoise lays on it's back, it's belly baking in the hot sun, beating it's legs trying to turn it'self over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that?

I had passed out/died and accidentally fell on said tortoise while following it to water.

6) Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind about your mother.

Loving, caring

7) You become pregnant by a man who runs off with your best friend, and you decide to get an abortion.

Obviously that is a dream. I wake up to a weird dream.

8) One more question: You're watching a stage play - a banquet is in progress. The guests are enjoying an appetizer of raw oysters. The entree consists of boiled dog stuffed with rice. The raw oysters are less acceptable to you than a dish of boiled dog.

BURN THEM FOR FEEDING ME A DOG!!! I WILL MAKE YOU PAY FOR MAKING ME BELIEVE ITS SOMETHING ELSE THEN TELLING ME ITS A DOG!!!

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That's technically an action, not a speech... Well it was only a matter of time before I had to write another scene of utter and horrifying perversion.

King of Candy Island.

Max™

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Re: Ameripol\{RK, mainiac}
« Reply #1766 on: July 29, 2016, 05:47:29 pm »

am i allowed in here too

...
...
...

Okay fine... you moved to Tokyo-3 in 2015.  You idolize your father who is frankly a horrible parent.  You probably do this because your mother died when you are so young.  You are a full time student but do a lot of volunteer work for the United Nations.  You spend a lot of time on your robotics hobby.
[TFR]Well well, so KingMurdocski is being mine true enemy! I will crush them like delicious potato for making vodka, but the drink this time will be murder![/TFR]
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mainiac

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Re: Ameripol\{RK, mainiac}
« Reply #1767 on: July 29, 2016, 05:50:33 pm »

According to my analysis...

BFEL was going to clean the room until he got high.  He was gonna get up and find the broom but then he got high.  His room is all messed u; Do you know why?

SquatchHammer is an Aviation Machinist's Mate C2.  He was born in Russia but immigrated to New York city before being drafted into this nation's blimp corps.  His posts are being made from a combat zone off the coast of Florida as he heroically protects our nation against submarines.  He has crippling galeophobia.  He has a cousin named Saul.
« Last Edit: July 29, 2016, 05:55:17 pm by mainiac »
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Ancient Babylonian god of RAEG
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[CAN_INTERNET]
[PREFSTRING:google]
"Don't tell me what you value. Show me your budget and I will tell you what you value"
« Last Edit: February 10, 1988, 03:27:23 pm by UR MOM »
mainiac is always a little sarcastic, at least.

SquatchHammer

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Re: Ameripol\{RK, mainiac}
« Reply #1768 on: July 29, 2016, 05:59:18 pm »

According to my analysis...

SquatchHammer is an Aviation Machinist's Mate C2.  He was born in Russia but immigrated to New York city before being drafted into this nation's blimp corps.  His posts are being made from a combat zone off the coast of Florida as he heroically protects our nation against submarines.  He has crippling galeophobia.  He has a cousin named Saul.

Strangely accurate..... Too accurate... ARE YOU IN TSA!!?!?
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That's technically an action, not a speech... Well it was only a matter of time before I had to write another scene of utter and horrifying perversion.

King of Candy Island.

Teneb

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Re: Ameripol\{RK, mainiac}
« Reply #1769 on: July 29, 2016, 06:18:50 pm »

I stop reading this thread in order to finish the last assignments I need to complete this semester and suddenly I don't even.
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Monstrous Manual: D&D in DF
Quote from: Tack
What if “slammed in the ass by dead philosophers” is actually the thing which will progress our culture to the next step?
Quote from: Loud Whispers
Does a Laconian believe they descend from Achilles? Does an anon believe a greentext happened? Does a child believe in air? We choose the fake news we want. The eternal memri.tv
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