Bay 12 Games Forum

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  

Author Topic: >Greentext joke? Greentext joke.  (Read 3091 times)


  • Bay Watcher
  • Personal Text
    • View Profile
>Greentext joke? Greentext joke.
« on: August 02, 2016, 04:21:00 pm »

So I had an idea, where you take literally any event in a dwarf's life, and write it up like a greentext narrative. To wit;

>be me, striking the earth
>me and 6 other bros, all pretty chill
>The dead walk! Hide while you still can!
>start panicking
>build wall, my own room w/ food stockpiles
>am safe, but hear other bros get ripped apart
>didn't see it so it was k
>subsist entirely on cheap wine and shrooms for months
>run out of food, so tear down wall
>mfw a ghost breaks my neck instantly
>mfw "Your fortress has crumbled to its end"
adult food like, I presume, steak and potatoes and tax forms,

My game giveaway


  • Bay Watcher
  • Legendary Military Tactician
    • View Profile
Re: >Greentext joke? Greentext joke.
« Reply #1 on: August 05, 2016, 02:21:20 am »

>be me, Dwayne "the rock" mcminer
>Embark on volcano with my bros "hammer" and "Chisel" and 4 other assholes
>"hammer" is a smith
>"chisel" is our mason and my backup miner
>Start mining into volcano, hammer and our jewel guy are having orgasms
>Hear thunder outside


>our bull dies
>bull comes back to life
>kills all of our livestock
>kills two dwarfs
>gets some stupid name
>I kill it because these other guys are pussies
>rest of livestock comes back to life
>dwarfs come back to life
>kill last asshole
>I run inside
>cow gets hammer
>hammer kills chisel
>chisel come back to life
>I am alone
>I decide to mine into the magma
>only one tile away
>hammer and chisel reach me
>Mine last tile
>the last thing I see before losing is hammer and chisel beating on the rock with magma creeping toward them

-In a time before time DF spammed me with 50 pages of useless text


  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: >Greentext joke? Greentext joke.
« Reply #2 on: August 05, 2016, 10:43:51 am »

>be us, forest embark to war with hippies!
>wood cut, no cut wood axe?
>we bring bronze ores, yeah make som
>but kea stole anvil
>on noes, kea scared everyone up trees
>no one know how to climb down evil trees
>elf is tree in disguise
>everyone dies of thirst


  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: >Greentext joke? Greentext joke.
« Reply #3 on: August 05, 2016, 06:28:18 pm »

>be fortress guard
>new to the job, sparring with my bros
>hear that the miners have breached the first cavern layer
>don't care, busy sparring
>some nobodies go to the caverns to explore and collect whatever
>they don't return
>get sent down with some of the bros to investigate
>follow a trail of discarded clothes and shredded corpses
>no dwarves, just rat men
>eventually find the nobodies in a pathetic scuffle with an unconscious rat woman
>some are dead, others are injured
>we leave; cleanup's not our job
>head back to the barracks and continue sparring
>hear the panicked screams of passersby, something about a troll
>don't care, busy sparring
>mechanic sets up traps in the hall, between the barracks and the mines
>troll busts through the door to the mines and sidesteps the traps
>runs straight into the barracks, jumps onto a nearby weapon rack and sits, watching us
>all hell breaks loose
>we all gang up on the beast and beat it into a coma, exhausting ourselves
>we do this for days on end, each of us taking turns passing out
>hardly any damage done to the troll
>when it's my turn to wake up and attack, I look to my sword
>mfw we're all still using wooden training swords
Imagine how much more exciting the dinosaur exhibits would be if we had necromancers.