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Author Topic: Vampy the jerk Dwarf  (Read 2018 times)

local

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Vampy the jerk Dwarf
« on: August 22, 2016, 05:14:40 pm »

After about a year in my most recent fort I had just gotten everything straightened out, metal industry coming online, plenty of meat shields ready to be trained, etc. when my blacksmith decided to mood and become a legendary armorsmith, awesome just in time to start making armor!  Almost instantly he is found dead, drained of blood, crap.  So I have a vampire but which one of the 80 some odd suspects is it?  Oops no time for that the tailor has gone into a mood and needs help, success legendary achieved, and.. he's dead.  I'm guessing they are getting drained when they pass out after being awake for a few months in a mood.

So now I'm mad and need to find this guy since he has a penchant for my legendary crafters.  Too late interrupted by a snatcher, hmm haven't seen one of those in a while.  WTH it is a human?  Well this particularly brash snatcher just starts waltzing right into the middle of my fort.  Doesn't run from anyone just makes a beeline for my meeting hall.  Ok, call up the militia.  When the first two noobs show up the snatcher finally decides to run.  They chase him through all my workshops, storage rooms and farms ineffectively trying to hit him.  All of a sudden boom, he is dead, the mayor Urist McOneHit collapses his skull in a single hit.

Well that was odd, he wasn't a member of the squad.  Maybe he should be the leader of the squad!  What?  Another dwarf found drained, oh yeah forgot about the whole vampire thing.  Hey!  Maybe he is the vampire, his skills aren't much to talk about just enough to be elected mayor a few months ago.  I'm just going to go ahead and lock him up in his office for a while to see if he does anything normal like dying of thirst.  After several months and someone else being elected mayor and him still being alive I go ahead and check his description.



He likes nice stuff, cool.  Upset about not being able to pray to an ominous sounding deity, seems suspect but this is DF so such names are to be expected probably a god of squirrels or something.  Has a large-ish family but none of them here, red flag!  Wait what are there names, jeeze this guy has a way with naming kids.  Previous associations, that doesn't look good at all.  Physical description... no beard! What kind of dwarf is this!  Indefatigable, sounds made up, nope google says it's a word.  Detests oysters, agreed.  Very bad sense of empathy.  I'm certain I have my vamp but lets read a bit further.  Acquisition of power most important in life, laws abhorrent, self-control is offensive, damn this guy is messed up.  Dreams of ruling the world!  That's it, this guy is dwarf Hitler.  To top it all off he hasn't had a drink in forever and he is still alive after half a year locked in his room minding the books.

I shall name him Vampy.  Lets see about this deity now.



Nope definitely not into squirrels.  And there he is in the list, started following in 70 then was cursed 100 years later.

Holy crap, even if this guy isn't a vampire he needs to go!  Or does he, I could use an immortal bookkeeper and he can't get out of his room.  I could use his quarters as the punishment room for any uppity nobles, I'm sure he would like that.  Ok, lock the door and let's get back to building this fort!  Militia guys, start training for the inevitable siege.

A few days later, FOREST TITAN!  A huge three eyed flying pterodactyl with a long trunk for some reason.  No biggie, sorry fisherdwarves, raise the bridge.  Seriously, raise the bridge there are 40 of you with nothing to do but pull a lever.  Oh good he stopped to kill some fisherdwarves.  Well they died fast, bridge please, now!  And he is inside, ugh.  Go ill equipped militia do what you can he only has deadly spittle.  For some reason every civilian idiot that passes by jumps into the fight.  At least they distract the titan enough that my militia isn't being targeted but the militia is almost completely ineffective.  This is it, the end of my fort.  Nothing will be able to take out the titan.  If only I had worked on making armor and weapons for my militia or at least training them instead of jacking with that vampire... Vampy! 

So I create a new squad, the Vampy squad!  With only one member, the Captian of the Guard Vampy.  I unlock his door and he makes record time from the depths of the fort to the scene of the battle at the entrance.  By the time he gets there 30 dwarves are down in various pieces.  The militia captain with her silver mace, one of the few weapons available, has managed to crack the scale but thats it.  Vampy enters the fray and immediately bites one of the titans leg, really, you just bite him I mean yeah you haven't fed in a year but come on.  For a second attack Vampy decides to punch a wing, shattering the bone, go Vampy!  But that is all he does for a while.  At least the titan is grounded so everyone gets a chance to pound on him but every time it picks a new target that target gets maimed or dead.  Militia commander looses her mace arm, wrestler gets bit in half, Vampy pulps an eye, that farmer gets it's head torn off, Vampy shatters a leg, blacksmith gets thrown into a wall and dies on impact, Vampy explodes another eye, etc.  Eventually both Vampy's arms are disabled but that is no burden as he still has his legs and teeth.

As the days drag on into weeks the beatings continue.  Eventually the titan is a quivering mass rarely attacking and missing because it has no eyes and most of its bones are broken.  Dwarves are able to take breaks and come back rested to continue the beatings.  Finally the titan dies, the credit goes to some no name farmer that happened to hit it last.  But from what I saw all the damage was done by Vampy.  The battle is over, the hospital is full and Vampy is locked in his quarters waiting for the next attack.  Since Vampy cannot tire I will be creating a full set of steel armor for him.  I don't know if I can fix his arms, I am waiting for by doctor to be healed by the conscripted medics to try.  If I can though he will be getting some kind of weapon.  Only the best will do.

All hail Vampy, supreme jerk and savior of the fort!
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Silverthrone

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Re: Vampy the jerk Dwarf
« Reply #1 on: August 22, 2016, 06:39:22 pm »

All hail Vampy! A true hero of the Dwarven people.

They still keep him around, you know. That vampire fellow. Store him in a secret tomb. They get him out when they're attacked. Keep him around like a battle automaton. As the final defence of the fortress.

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"Alcohol Prime is on-line! All values: nominal! Arms: OK! Mission: the destruction of any and all ELVEN DENDRODISTS!!"
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local

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Re: Vampy the jerk Dwarf
« Reply #2 on: August 22, 2016, 07:20:03 pm »

Awesome, my first post gets a sweet drawing.
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Dunamisdeos

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Re: Vampy the jerk Dwarf
« Reply #3 on: August 22, 2016, 08:53:34 pm »

With the magic of MS paint I have brewed for you a vampy.

Spoiler:  LAY DOWN YOUR BOWS (click to show/hide)
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Fleeting Frames

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Re: Vampy the jerk Dwarf
« Reply #4 on: August 23, 2016, 01:25:24 am »

This story is cute. Not the events, but the narration.

Hello local

gunpowdertea

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Re: Vampy the jerk Dwarf
« Reply #5 on: August 23, 2016, 02:03:29 am »

Nice one! The right combination of being distracted, blodsheed, annoyance (only legendary craftsmen?!), more blodshed, invading beasts...
All hail the Vampire!

And yes, keep him somewhere and unleash him on invaders (only the most worthy of adversaries will do, naturally). Create a magnificent hallway for him to emerge when danger comes to the fort, a bit like a Rodensteiner (hm, no English Wiki... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wild_Hunt is related, sort of-ish, Rodensteiner rides between two ruins in Central Germany, one way when war comes, back when it ends) - or actually more like the legend of Barbarossa who supposedly sleeps under a mountain (with his beard growing through a stone table - is that guy Dwarvish?!) until dire need, when he arises with his army.
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Melting Sky

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Re: Vampy the jerk Dwarf
« Reply #6 on: August 24, 2016, 05:22:29 pm »

I had a vampire hammer lord in one of my old forts. She was the head of my elite melee squad right up until that point I realized she was the one munching my peasants. So she got put in charge of her own squad of one, given a couple of war dogs for company along with a full set of masterwork steel armor and matching silver hammer and then I sealed her up in her own private suite/prison with some nice masterwork gold statues to admire for eternity.

Her prison cell was located near the back entrance to my fort where I was building my dragon based defense system. Well, apparently dragon fire can melt magma safe drawbridges which I learned the hard way during a massive goblin/troll siege. All hell broke lose after the dragon burned down the only way to seal the back door to my fort and tons of trolls poured in while my military was busy at the front of the fort mopping up goblins. So I figured to hell with it, letting the vampire lose can't possibly be worse than letting two dozen burning trolls run into main stairway of my fortress, and I let her out. The battle that followed was both amazing and brutal. She dodged back and forth between blasts of dragon fire to cave in one troll's skull after another. She took out every last one of them and suffered nothing more than a broken finger in the process. She painted the charred walls with troll brain matter and then promptly went to the hospital and took the first nap she'd had in about a hundred years. She didn't even eat any peasants during her brief hiatus from her prison suite.

Anyway to make a long story short that is when I learned just how amazing a vampire can be if you are in a pinch for a good fighter.
« Last Edit: September 05, 2016, 12:39:26 am by Melting Sky »
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Henry47

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Re: Vampy the jerk Dwarf
« Reply #7 on: August 30, 2016, 04:14:50 am »

This all reminds me of some events which happened back in my first fortress. My fortress was under attack by a horde of goblins, and the goblins were actually winning. I conscripted my mayor since i saw he was had a surprisingly high lasher skill, and armed him with some no-quality iron whip that had came with a past goblin siege, then sent him to the front.

He ended up single-handy killing off all the 30-40 odd goblins who remained after they had killed off my military, saving my fortress, but he lost his legs in the process. I would find out later he was a vampire by looking at his weapon kills, which showed his real name(he's true identity would also later show up in statues and engravings, even though he was never publicly outed. Fortunately his vampirism was never an issue as he spent the next decade in the hospital, never moving again till the fun stuff finally got him at the end of the fort.
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local

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Re: Vampy the jerk Dwarf
« Reply #8 on: August 30, 2016, 01:05:17 pm »

This fort is my at work lunch break fort so it doesn't progress very fast.  In my normal forts I have ran across a few more vampires but none of them come close to the complete jerk description that Vampy does or the martial prowess that he has either.

Vampy update:

Since Vampy saved the fort I decided to do a remodel to his quarters so they now include a temple devoted to Ushmal the Gristly Ooze.  I have also divided the temple so that outside visitors can come in and give him some company.  Then since he is a jerk, and by his description I believe he will enjoy it, I lock one or two in with him every once in a while and let him kill them.  Any visitors that happen to be goblins become training fodder for my military as they have to pass through my training grounds to get to the temple.


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Pearofclubs

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Re: Vampy the jerk Dwarf
« Reply #9 on: August 30, 2016, 03:42:09 pm »

So jealous! For some reason I've yet to get a single vampire.

And I'm the kind of player that would intentionally infect the entire fort :P
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Re: Vampy the jerk Dwarf
« Reply #10 on: August 30, 2016, 04:10:56 pm »

Get a named buildingdestroyer to topple statues in your temple to make one, then :v